The Innocent Heart of Darkness
by lislar
Summary: Edward is a normal teenager who moves to Forks, WA with his family and is instantly and intensely drawn to the mysterious Bella. Their connection becomes even more complicated when Edward realizes he can read Bella's mind, and only hers.
1. Chapter 1

The Innocent Heart of Darkness

I don't think that many seventeen year olds think much about death. Just a few months ago I never once gave it a thought – thinking incorrectly, that it was a subject best pushed to the recesses of my mind. Ironically, I now find myself bloody and bruised huddled against a cold, unforgiving wall breathing my last few labored breaths. In these last few minutes of life I wonder how to prepare to face what I can easily imagine will be a violent and brutal death.

Instead of worrying about the pain of death or how my parents will suffer, how my brother will grieve, or how my sister will spend the next few years crying herself to sleep – I think only of _her - Bella. _I think of how I have lost the chance to live my life loving her, taking care of her, and reminding her of her humanity.

I know the end is close. I can sense that my time is up. I have never been more afraid – I can feel the fear in every inch of my body, in every shaky breath I take. My only hope is that Bella will live on, to find love again. No matter how badly she thinks of herself, she is an angel, and she deserves happiness. I will think of her when my blood is drained from my body. And when the venom begins to kill me, her face will haunt my last breath.

*

When my father gathered the family together to tell us that we were moving again I was less than happy. Even though I never really embraced our life in Alaska, I couldn't imagine that living in Forks, Washington would be any better. I was tired of remote living in the cold and wet and longed for a warmer climate and preferably one in a big city with music and restaurants and culture.

Despite the fact that my sister, Alice and I preferred the advantages of city life, our mother, Esme, continued to encourage our father, who was a doctor, to keep us safely ensconced in the smallest, most remote towns of the country. My father and my older brother, Emmett, were content for our fate to be decided by our mother's whims but I was getting tired of her wanderlust. This was our third move in two years.

I was now in the middle of my junior year of high school and Alice, Emmett and I were going to be starting at Forks High School on Monday. I had gotten good at being the new kid – I never upset the balance of power. In each new school, I quickly developed a reputation for being brooding and mysterious – it kept the guys away and intrigued the girls. I can't say that I ever was wanting for attention from the opposite sex but I never met a girl who captured my interest for long. In a way, moving on to a new city helped out in this respect.

I was hoping that maybe Forks would be a place that we could stay for a while. Even though I was tired of small town life, I was more tired of constantly being in motion and longed for some stability. Maybe Forks would finally be the place we'd call home – the signs were good. The small medical center seemed more than excited to welcome a doctor of my father's caliber to their staff. Carlise Cullen's reputation preceded him – guaranteeing that we could live wherever Esme desired.

So Esme found us a beautiful house in the woods to live in and she'd already begun renovating it from the inside out. I was beginning to feel optimistic – at least maybe we'd stay long enough for me to graduate from high school.

Because we never stayed in one place too long, it was hard for Alice, Emmett and I to make many friends. But that just made us closer to each other. We were a pretty tight-knit trio and often kept to ourselves. I was aware that we sometimes developed a reputation for being pretentious and unapproachable but really we were just protecting ourselves from the inevitable goodbyes. Even though this scenario suited my introverted nature, I know Alice often longed for a best friend who she could shop with – someone with whom she could do typical girl bonding activities.

Emmett was the only one of us that was able to adapt easily no matter where we ended up. He was taller than most high school aged boys and built like a linebacker – predictably, he was immediately accepted into the jock crowd of all our former schools. He dated a lot too – but never seriously. I always felt like maybe he was holding out for someone special.

Maybe we would all find what we needed here. At least that is what I kept telling myself. But I couldn't help but wonder if it was possible for me to get attached to anything.

The piano had been the only constant in my life. Esme loved piano as much as I did and she always made sure to find me lessons when we moved to a new place - until a year ago when she decided that I was more advanced than any teacher she could find. Now I just practiced my own compositions. I just couldn't seem to finish my latest work – I'd been working on it for over a year now. It lacked something that I couldn't put my finger on – maybe _inspiration._

The first thing I always did whenever we moved was to sit down at the piano and test the acoustics of the house. I pulled a battered folder from one of the boxes in my room and sat down on the piano bench in front of Esme's grand. Inside was tucked several sheets of music hastily scribbled by my hand – scarred with eraser marks, with entire sections crossed out, and endless corrections.

I should have been unpacking and organizing my room - we only had one day to unpack before our first day at Forks High. But instead I glided my fingers across the keys, and I was transported by the sound of the music echoing through the wide open spaces of the new house. When I had finished I looked up to see my mother and father watching me from the doorway to the kitchen, love and pride on their faces. I turned away, ashamed to be caught in such an emotional state and overwhelmed with a sense that something incredible was going to happen to me here in Forks, Washington. Strangely, already it felt like home.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a grey and gloomy morning when I got up for my first day at Forks High. I got into the shower and was toweling off when I heard Alice yelling at me through the bathroom door. "Edward, hurry up, we can't be late our first day!" Alice was flitting around the house nervously, picking out outfits for me and Emmett and organizing all our school supplies. I prayed she would make some friends this time so that she could focus all her attention on them instead of us.

Forks High School didn't look much different than the other schools we had been to – its remarkable how one hallway full of lockers looked the same whether you were in Alaska, Vermont, Montana or Washington. As the realization struck that we were in for the same monotony as always, my spirits fell. Why was I expecting something more this time? I put on the veneer of disinterest as soon as we pulled into the lot – I could almost predict how the day would go.

Sure enough, as soon as I'd pulled into the parking lot I saw many heads turn in our direction. Obviously in such a small town, our arrival was news. Alice and Emmett eagerly got out of the car at once. But I hesitated - sitting in the driver's seat steeling myself for the inevitable disappointment of another mediocre school. When I finally closed the door behind me, I saw someone approach from the side.

I turned to see a rather ordinary looking girl walking up to me with what she probably thought was a seductive walk but in actuality was a pantomime of what a sexier girl would have done. I didn't want to judge her before she spoke but I knew what she wanted by the way she looked at me – I'd seen the look on other girls' faces many times before – and I wasn't interested. But this was a small town and anyway, I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Hey, you're new here, right? One of the Cullens? I'm Jessica Stanley. Wow, it's so nice to meet you. We hardly ever get new students here. I think they are going to do a front page article on you and your brother and sister for the school newspaper, isn't that cool?" She finally stopped her babbling and took a breath and I realized she was waiting for me to reply.

"Yeah, I'm Edward Cullen, it's nice to meet you," I said as nicely as I could muster. "But, really, I don't want any article in the paper about us – there's nothing to write about." "Oh, well…um…okay," she responded, flustered and blushing. I smiled at her before turning away but as she followed at my heels, I quickly realized my mistake in trying to be nice to this girl. I'd found that sometimes without even trying that some girls – _well_ most girls, were drawn to me. I really wasn't sure why this happened but it was terribly annoying when it did. I hated to be unkind or cold but sometimes it was necessary just to be left alone.

I didn't have any illusions about my appearance. I knew that I wasn't bad looking but I really didn't think I was anything special. I was tall and had some muscles but I definitely wasn't as brawny as Emmett. And no matter how hard I tried to keep my hair in check, it was always messed up. After living in a cold climate for so long my skin retained a fairly pale pallor. Esme always told me that my pale skin was the reason why people are always taken aback by my sharp green eyes – they were disconcerting – they belonged to someone with a brighter complexion, someone blonder.

I proceeded to walk toward the entrance to school. Jessica had claimed her spot by my side and seemed like she wasn't budging. She kept an incessant chatter going that I mostly drowned out, too anxious to find out more about Forks High and what life held for me here. Jessica directed me to the front office and peeled away mentioning other girls' names that she claimed, "I just had to meet."

I nodded at her and gave her a thin smile as I pushed open the door to the office. The secretary had been waiting for me – Alice and Emmett had already collected their schedules and mine was sitting on the counter in front of her. She was very welcoming and said something complimentary about my father and how much the town was grateful to have him before handing me my schedule, a map of the school, and a brief run-down of the school rules.

The hall was eerily silent. Most of the students were already in their classes, the first bell having gone off several minutes earlier. A few stragglers scurried down the slick tiled floor, their footfalls echoing off the metal lockers. I ignored them and followed the map easily. My first class, Biology, was just around the corner from the office.

I noticed the number on the door of the room and took a deep breath, squaring myself to walk confidently into a classroom full of curious faces. But then I heard someone speak – a soft, melodious female voice that came in waves, both distinct and then indistinct. I couldn't tell where the voice was coming from or to whom the enchanting words and phrases were directed. Just as I was trying to make out the individual words, she began to hum a beautiful song and I recognized it as Pachelbel Canon.

I was more than intrigued by her sweet, lovely voice. I looked over my shoulder and walked back around the corner from where I had come but whereas the halls were quiet before, they were now completely empty. But still, the voice was there – it was otherworldly and I was struck with the frightening notion that only I could hear this voice - that it was actually in my head as though I was hearing someone else's thoughts.

The more I pondered this, the more my mind stretched to understand what was happening. The ideas that popped into my head most definitely were not coming from my muddled brain. And then I was not just hearing words and sounds and singing but I saw images in my head that had no meaning for me – a deer running in the woods, a meadow filled with flowers, the pulsing vein in someone's neck.

I stood with my feet rooted to the spot, completely shocked at the realization that I was hearing and seeing a person's thoughts – and they were fast, intense, and complex. I couldn't keep up with how quickly they changed. I kept twisting from side to side, my eyes searching in vain to find the person who was speaking in my mind, and humming so hauntingly, and now thinking of the rhythm of the heartbeat of someone who was sitting nearby. I was utterly entranced and didn't know what to do. I was thinking of running far away until I couldn't hear the voice anymore. But the sensation was too enticing and I didn't want the beautiful words to stop.

And then I saw a vision that made my heart skip a beat – a classroom, a man's back, an angular hand writing on a whiteboard with blue pen, a microscope sitting on a desk and then streams of words as if recited from a textbook – Biology. And then all of a sudden, I knew where the voice was coming from and I took a step forward, reached out and opened the door to my Biology class.


	3. Chapter 3

As I walked into the room, I had the sense that I had already been there before – I had seen it in my mind. I automatically approached the teacher who was looking at me questioningly with my schedule in my hand, but my mind was somewhere else entirely.

The singing, the imagery, the complex thoughts were all gone, replaced by an intense sensation of burning agony. My eyes searched the room frantically to find the source of the screaming in my brain and just as a black wave of darkness closed over my mind, they locked on the most beautiful, piercing liquid gold eyes I had ever seen. By the ire and hostility they projected at me, I knew at that instant that I was inside her mind.

In the far regions of my consciousness I heard the teacher tell me to sit down. I noted with some shock that the only empty spot in the room belonged next to the girl who locked her gaze with mine in a way that made me feel that I could never look away. My legs moved forward and I lowered myself in the chair.

Using all my will, I tore my eyes away from her venomous look, and her thoughts assaulted me anew. With a fraction of my mind, I knew that most of the other students were still scrutinizing me and I struggled to compose myself. I cringed inwardly with the onslaught of the painful emotions that came in a torrential wave to crash upon me.

"The scent, the blood, the scent, the boy, he's mine, he's mine, I can't, I can't, it's agony, red, blood, his vein, he's mine, he's mine, I must have him, he's mine, he's mine, I can't…" Over and over these words filled my brain. The time went slowly then quickly, then slowly. I had no sense of it or of anything else in the room – the teachers, the students – I was only aware of one thing – the girl who sat next to me and the tortuous web of dark thoughts she unknowingly shared with me.

I was strangled by the war that raged in my brain and yet I was deeply aware of the girl's physical presence at my side. Even though I felt battered down, ravaged, and distracted to an unbearable level, I couldn't ignore that the creature who was only inches away from me was the most unbelievable looking girl I'd ever laid eyes on. She had luminous, creamy, pale skin that almost glowed against the black of her shirt. Her lips were full, deep pink perfect half-moons that were luscious and sensuous and entirely irresistible. But her eyes were by far her most striking feature – they were a unique amber color and slightly angled, giving her the impression of being feline – they were nearly animalistic.

I feared her thoughts, which were also somewhat animalistic in nature but I was inextricably attracted to her like I'd never before experienced. It was as though every thing about her, though threatening, was also drawing me in, seducing me so completely that I could think of nothing but her. Touching her. Kissing her. Undressing her and caressing every inch of her body.

When I felt like I could no longer stand the agony of sitting next to this girl who consumed my every thought and feeling for the entire hour of class, the bell rang and she flew from the room blindingly fast. And as soon as she was out of my near proximity, the voices, the thoughts in my head were finally silenced. I stood as though to leave the class and nearly fell from weakness as though all the energy had been sucked from my body and I summoned all my strength to keep from toppling over.

I walked through the hall as though in a daze, feeling as though perhaps it was all a dream. No girl like that could be real. And why could I hear her thoughts and sense her feelings and emotions? I had never experienced anything like that before and I couldn't believe that it was real. But what _had_ happened?

Just as I had convinced myself that I seriously needed some psychological help I turned the corner and saw her. She was standing toward the exit at the end of the hallway and was about to walk through the door. But she had stopped and turned around and was looking directly at me. And then I heard it – her thoughts – _I need to escape from here before I hurt him. But I want him so…_ And then she turned, her long mahogany hair swinging against her shoulders, and walked through the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Emmett was already a senior so we didn't have any classes together but thankfully, I had English with Alice just before lunch. I needed to see a friendly face to pull me back down to earth and reality. I wanted to tell her about the mysterious and beautiful girl in my Biology class but I was at a total loss of how to explain my strange reaction to her. If I could tell anyone it was Alice – she had a very open mind to these kinds of things.

She was already seated when I walked in to class but didn't even notice me when I walked in as she was clearly flirting with the blond guy who was sitting in the chair to one side of her. I sat down at the empty chair next to hers and leaned over and flicked her on the shoulder.

"Hey," she whined at me, "what'd you do that for?"

"Just trying to get your attention," I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, well…I was just talking to Jasper," she replied. "Isn't he gorgeous?" she added, leaning closer, whispering.

"Uh, oh yeah, gorgeous," I mimicked, rolling my eyes for effect. She ignored my sarcasm and turned back to Jasper, effectively tuning me out.

"Hey, Alice, I have to tell you something!" I implored, trying to infuse my voice with enough seriousness that she would turn away from the guy she was fawning over.

"What Edward?" she said, irritated, looking me square in the face.

"I met a girl, well, kind of, well…" I could tell by her look that she wasn't going to have the patience to wait for me to figure out how to articulate the details of my experience with the girl in Biology. I would have to tell her when we got home.

"Never mind Alice, I'll tell you later."

"Okay," she responded, already shifting her body back toward the blond guy, Jasper, and immediately picking up where I had interrupted.

Even when the teacher walked in and approached our tables, asking for our schedules to sign, Alice never looked away from Jasper. I had never seen her so infatuated with anyone before and I was a little worried for her. As the teacher pulled a battered copy of George Orwell's Animal Farm out of his bag and began to lecture in monotone voice, I craned my neck to look over at this guy. I was reassured as this "Jasper" guy seemed as entranced by Alice as she was with him – he had a dopey smile on his face and kept nervously running a hand through his blond hair.

They kept up a steady whispered conversation through the teacher's entire lecture on Animal Farm's relevance as a work of political satire. Instead of allowing myself to be bored to tears like the rest of the class, I vacillated back and forth between watching Alice and Jasper's interchange and in trying to clearly visualize the features of the exquisite dark angel from Biology. Her face, her thoughts, and even her intense hostility haunted my mind. She had bewitched me.

After English, we had lunch. Jasper had invited Alice and I to sit at his table and I agreed only because I wanted to keep an eye on him – and _her_. Alice was practically drooling over this guy and I was going to make sure that she didn't get too close too fast. It was only our first day and we didn't really know the social dynamics of this school yet and I wasn't about to let Alice become a victim of the school stud.

As we entered the cafeteria, I couldn't keep from hoping that I would see _her_ again. I scanned the room, trying to look as casual as I could, avoiding the stares from various girls who I could sense were trying to garner my attention. I noticed Jasper getting a few stares as well and I chuckled under my breath to see that like me, he didn't seem at all interested in being eye candy for the female population of Forks High. Maybe he was a good guy after all.

Jasper led us through the lunch line, making suggestions of the least offensive food choices and steering us away from a few entrees that he claimed would "camp out in our stomach for a few weeks afterward." I actually found myself liking him and his easygoing manner. And the way that he was fawning over Alice and drinking up her every move, every word – I know it should have bothered me – but it didn't. I don't know why, but I trusted him – I got a sense from him that he really liked her – maybe even worshipped her. It made me happy for her.

We followed Jasper to a table near a window on the edge of the large room where a blond girl was already sitting on the far side. As we got closer I saw that the girl was incredibly beautiful – statuesque, like a model. I couldn't help think she looked a little artificial, like someone you would see on television but not real life. Her eyebrows rose infinitesimally at me as I put my tray down on the table. She openly scrutinized Alice as she sidled down next to Jasper and I felt an instinctual surge of protection. I slid down onto the bench between the blond goddess and Alice and looked directly at her too-perfect face. I was about to challenge her steely gaze when I felt a huge paw of a hand come down on my shoulder – Emmett.

"Eddie, who is this gorgeous goddess you're sitting next to?" Emmett said with a smile, turning on the charm, eyes twinkling, and dimples bursting.

"Oh, hey, sorry…Alice, Edward, this is my sister, Rosalie," Jasper gestured toward the blond.

"And I'm Emmett. Alice and Edward are my sibs," Emmett explained as he reached out a hand to Rosalie. She surprised me by grasping Emmett's hand and shaking his firmly, locking eyes with him the entire time.

"I know who you are. Everyone knows who you are. This is a small town, after all," Rosalie said, pretentiousness and snobbery clear in every syllable of her words. But Emmett, being the confident beast that he was, was entirely unaffected by her superficiality.

"You are going out with me tonight and tomorrow and the next day," Emmett told her with perfect conviction. Rosalie just looked on him in complete consternation. She was clearly a girl who wasn't used to being surprised.

"Uh…um, okay," she answered robotically.

"Yeah! I'm going out with the prettiest girl in the world!" Emmett exclaimed a little too loudly, attracting the attention of the students at the near tables, and hustled off to where a group of jock types were hanging out. I turned to see the smallest hint of a smile bending the corner of Rosalie's full lips before her face became totally impassive.

With Emmett's departure, the rest of the lunch hour became uneventful and dull. After I ate a piece of pizza that tasted like cardboard, I spent several minutes sitting silently while Alice and Jasper were wrapped up in their own cocoon of hushed talking and flirting. I tried to talk with Rosalie but she was just as shallow as she first appeared and I found it more interesting to watch her twirl her hair in her pretty fingers than to try to strike up a conversation with her.

At the end of the day, on the car ride home both of my siblings were soaring with happiness, both having already found someone to occupy their most intimate thoughts. I had also discovered someone at Forks High that I couldn't get out of my head but our first encounter was less _friendly_. In fact, I had no reason to believe that my gorgeous lab partner didn't hate me.

I couldn't wait until tomorrow to see her again. I had never been so excited to go to school before. And yet, I was a little afraid. Would I be able to hear her thoughts again? Would I be able to clear my head enough that I could talk to her? At least long enough to ask her name?

I just had to see her again, to speak with her, and to find out why her thoughts were so disturbing. I was resolved to fight the confusion and stupor that was caused by being near her so that I could make some sense out of the mysterious bits of her mind that she had inadvertently shared with me. I was drawn to her and would pursue her - even if she hurt me. My worst fear was that the dark images she shot at my brain were somehow in reaction to my presence. I couldn't help but suspect that I was "the boy" she mentioned and that it was from me that she wanted to escape.


	5. Chapter 5

As I made my way toward Biology class, I tried to focus my mind on any thoughts that might be floating in the air around me. And sure enough, as the door to my class came into view I was hit by a steady humming – another classical piece, this time Debussy's _Clair de Lune_, one of my favorites. Again, I was struck with the loveliness of her voice, the otherworldly perfection in her tone. I steeled myself for the onslaught of her thoughts as I opened the door. I tried to close my mind, mask her thoughts as much as possible so that my perceptions were clearer.

I sucked in a deep, almost painful breath, as my eyes came to rest on the beautiful vision at my table. She sat still as a statue and I marveled that her alabaster skin resembled marble – as if she truly were a work of art and not a flesh and blood girl. I don't remember the walk to the table, just that I found myself standing in front of her and managed to smile before sitting in the seat next to her.

I wasn't hit with the same kind of imagery and words as the day before, but faint portions of _Clair de Lune _kept running through my mind like a mantra. I began to wonder if I was thinking of the song, or if it was coming from her. Yet, she showed no outward sign that she was making an attempt to block me. I kept sneaking covert glances in her direction and found that she was perfectly composed.

I couldn't stop myself from looking – she was too amazing and my eyes were drawn to her like a magnet. Each time they came to rest on her long mahogany locks or her deep red lips fire coursed through my body. I felt ablaze. I needed to hear her voice. I needed to see if I could rouse some sort of reaction out of her. I desperately wanted to interact with her.

"I'm Edward. Edward Cullen." I said to her. She looked at me in silence for several long seconds while I tried to imagine what she was thinking. And then I heard it in my mind. _Bella control yourself. Don't breathe. _"Bella?" I said before I realized that she hadn't spoken yet. I saw a brief glimmer of shock in her expression before her features reworked themselves.

"Hello, Edward." She purred at me, her voice affecting me like no other had before. "Yes, I'm Bella. Bella Swan." If she still felt any animosity toward me, her eyes did not betray her feelings. If anything, she appeared to be fascinated by me, as if I were a biological specimen to be studied. I hoped that I gave the impression that I was calm, though her scrutiny filled me with anxiety – her behavior was so unpredictable and so unlike her thoughts the day before.

Just as I turned myself toward her more directly to attempt to keep her talking, our teacher walked through the door and class began. Knowing that that this gorgeous creature was sitting next to me made it extremely difficult for me to concentrate on the lesson. However, I found that I didn't need to concentrate.

A short girl with curly hair and braces was passing out worksheets, smiling shyly at me as she approached our table. Her trembling hand held out the paper for me to grasp but Bella reached over across my chest, whipping the sheet out of the poor girl's hand. The girl's eyes opened wide in shock, perhaps even fear, and she stumbled away hurriedly. I couldn't help inhaling deeply as Bella's scent invaded my senses. I couldn't define her smell but it was intoxicating, like a drug and I felt even more attracted to her.

I couldn't seem to peel my eyes from Bella as she scribbled hastily but effortlessly on the paper. But as her eyes flitted to my face, I forced myself to drop mine and I leaned toward her to look at the words on the sheet. She slid it across the table without speaking and I wrote my name next to hers. I scanned to paper to see that she had filled out some of the information already, leaving a few blanks, I assumed to allow me to do some of the work.

Yet, just as soon as I read a question, the answer appeared in my head. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella was sending me the information. I didn't know if she was testing me or if she was simply thinking of the answer for her own benefit. Regardless, I wrote the answers down exactly as they came to me. None of the words came from any conscious effort on my part - they were just sitting there ready for me to pluck them out of my brain. Not until the sheet was entirely filled, did I turn and look up at Bella.

I could see the confusion clearly written in her expression – her eyes were narrowed and suspicious and I could tell that she was trying to understand. My face didn't answer any of her questions. I was just as confused as she was and as she looked deeply into my eyes with her dark, mysterious gaze, I think she saw that this was true. It seemed like we sat like that for minutes, having a silent conversation that was more profound than any conversation with words. To my consternation she broke our connection, looking away, towards the window. And then…

"You can hear my thoughts?" I heard her silent words in my head and I sought her eyes. When she turned her head back toward me I nodded at her. "Why? How?" she thought. I shrugged my shoulders at her, and I was filled with worry that my ability to read her mind might scare her or at the very least, drive her away from me.

Just then the bell rang signaling the end of class and she rose from her seat. I reached down to grab my bags and saw to my dismay that she was already at the door, headed out to the hall. At the last second she turned around and found me staring at her – her long beautiful legs in black jeans, her tight gray t-shirt clinging to her womanly body. Anyone else would look plain in her outfit, but she was anything but plain – she was stunning…perfect and left me yearning – for her touch, her scent, and her thoughts.

She stood at the door for a moment, and I couldn't help but feel as though she was looking at me in the same way that I had been looking at her – or _devouring_ her is more like it. I certainly didn't detect any fear on her face – if anything, she looked _intrigued. _ She turned to walk away and slipped out into the hall. I placed our paper on the teacher's desk in the front of the room and headed out of the class to follow her. I scanned the crowd but couldn't find her in the sea of faces and bodies. I began to walk toward my next class when I distinctly heard in my mind, "_Bye Cullen, see you tomorrow_."


	6. Chapter 6

I spent the rest of the morning searching the halls for a sign of Bella. When I couldn't find her physically, I tried to find her thoughts but she was absent from my mind. I was stuck with my own reflections – primarily, my growing obsession with this girl. I was amazed how in a matter of days the entire focus of my life had changed. I had a new addiction: Bella. My mind hardly ever wavered from her – fantasizing about my hands caressing her body, my lips hungered for her kiss, I even craved her thoughts. My mind seemed woefully dull and empty without her presence.

I was beginning to realize how meaningless life had seemed before I encountered Bella. Now it was exciting, new, and fresh as if the future was entirely open to me. I couldn't wait to see Bella again, to read her thoughts, just to sit next to her and feel the steady flow of energy that surged between us. I felt alive – more alive than I had ever felt before.

I still hadn't stopped searching for a sign of Bella when I entered the cafeteria for lunch. But, like the day before, she didn't make an appearance. I sat down with Alice and Jasper, facing away from a nearby table of girls who were giggling. I was vaguely aware that they seemed like they were trying to elicit my attention.

"Edward don't you like any of those girls? They're practically drooling over you," Alice remarked, peering over my shoulder.

"Yeah man, your definitely causing quite a stir in the female population here," Jasper added. He turned toward Alice and whispered something unintelligible in her ear and she blushed before hitting him lightly on the shoulder. "Jasper! I can't believe you," she said playfully and I couldn't help smile at their infectious happiness.

"I'm not interested in any of these girls," I said. "But there is a girl in my Biology class…I wanted to ask if maybe you knew her."

"Who…who is it, Edward?" Alice squeaked in anticipation, sliding to the edge of her seat to lean in closer.

"Her name's Bella. Bella Swan." I looked at Jasper to gauge his reaction but he scrunched up his face as if he was trying to decide what to tell me. Before he could say anything though Alice piped up with enthusiasm, "Oh Edward, I know her. She is in my English class. She is so beautiful! I instantly liked her…almost like I was drawn to her. And she is so smart…I think she's read every book on the face of the planet. If the teacher can't find anyone to answer her questions, she asks Bella. And she always knows the answer."

"Watch out for that girl, Edward," Jasper piped in, "She is an ice queen. I mean, she's untouchable. A lot of guys have tried to melt that ice but she's impenetrable, man. She's beautiful and smart but…don't bother. Anyway, she hangs out with that guy from the Quileute Res. And those Quileute guys are huge!"

Jasper ended his speech and then sat back in his chair, taking a bite of a wilted looking french fry. I was pondering the new information about Bella when Emmett walked up, his arm wrapped possessively around Rosalie's shoulders. _Wow! That's fast even for him._

"Hey, me and Rosie are gonna go down to La Push beach on Friday for a bonfire. You guys wanna come? Eddie, you should invite one of these girls," he said as he gestured toward the table behind me and I instinctually turned to see several eager faces turned in my direction. I instantly regretted the look – I recognized the girl from yesterday among the group and I could tell it was going to be hard to get her off my tail.

"Yeah, maybe Emmett," I answered noncommittally as Jasper and Alice turned down his invitation – they had already made plans to go to a movie. I spent the rest of lunch period watching my two siblings flirting with their new partners, continually reminded of my loneliness and feeling distinctly out of place. I wondered about my beautiful Bella and where she spent her lunches. I imagined her "huge" Quileute friend and hoped that with more fervor than I would like to admit that he was not her boyfriend. I actually couldn't imagine Bella with anyone – no one was good enough for her – maybe even me.

Biology in the morning was definitely my favorite class. All the others seemed unbearably mundane without Bella. School had always been mostly effortless for me and I'd already determined that I didn't need to concentrate very hard in my classes to succeed at Forks High. The annoying stares from the girls in my classes bothered me more than they usually did – I only wanted one girl to be looking at me. The day stretched on, my eyes fixing on the clock more often than normal.

Finally, the final bell rang for the day and I jumped up from my seat, and headed for my car. When I reached the parking lot, I leaned against the car waiting for Alice and Emmett. Again, I couldn't stop myself from looking for Bella in the school crowd. I had grown pessimistic that I would see her. I almost felt like I'd made her up, created her in my mind – she was too perfect to be real. I decided to give up looking, turned away from the mass of students, and that's when I spotted her.

She was standing on the edge of the retaining wall at the far end of the school. The wall was probably about four feet high but she stood on the edge without any uncertainty. She hovered on the edge and then gracefully jumped to the sidewalk below. Her movements were effortless, and exquisite. I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed her elegant leap off of the wall. But I couldn't keep my eyes away from her and I arched back in her direction.

The loud whirr of a motorcycle caught my attention and I watched as it skillfully swerved through the parking lot, weaving around pedestrians and cars in its way, to come to a screeching halt directly in front of Bella. The front tire was only inches from where she stood with her hands on her hips, completely unfazed by the close call with the motorcycle. The driver put the kick stand down and swung his long leg over the bike and pulled his helmet off. He reached over to pick her up – hugging her against his body and I gasped at his massive build – he was extremely tall and muscular. He had long black hair and even from my distance I could discern his tan reddish skin. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the Quileute friend that Jasper had mentioned at lunch.

I don't remember ever feeling jealous before but as Bella wrapped her hands around the waist of this tall, dark man, I was seething with anguish and desire. I felt the blood rush to my face and my hands were clenched at my sides so tightly that I could feel my nails digging into my palms. I looked down in shame of these feelings. I had no claim over this girl who I'd only just talked to for the first time this morning.

I looked down at the dust on the toe of my shoe and had a moment of self doubt. I thought that if I wanted her, I was going to have to fight for this girl. And there was no doubt in my mind that she was worth it. I wasn't used to feeling insecure. I had more than my share of girls throw themselves at me. But they weren't Bella and even though she was clearly attached to her giant boyfriend, I was still resolved to make her mine.

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate my mind on Bella, hoping that if I directed all my energy in her direction that I might be able to pick up a fragment of her thoughts. I tried to quiet my mind and steady my uneven breaths. I pinched my eyebrows together forcefully but all that came to me was my own tormented longing, my excruciating desire to reforge the powerful and intimate connection with this beautiful and intriguing girl.

The wind whooshed by me as the motorcycle passed and I heard in my head a voice that mirrored my longing, "_Edward._" Feeling encouraged, I raised my head to see Bella's piercing eyes looking back at me, her hair whipping around her exquisite face like a lion's mane. "_Bella,"_ I thought back, wishing that she too, could read my mind so she could know how intensely I ached for her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**A/N:**

**Thank you to everyone who is reading my story. This is my first fan fic and though I know it's a little different I hope you are all enjoying it. If so, please leave me a review. It certainly is good motivation!**

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Bella and Edward and all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended by my little twist on the story.ers

The next few days were torture. Though the weather was beyond perfect with sunny, hot skies that stretched on forever, my mood was grey. Bella hadn't been at school for two days and I found it near impossible to keep thoughts of her from invading my mind. I was impatient to see her again. I worried that I had made it all up – that her beauty, her mystery, the glimpse into her irresistibly complex mind was all a figment of my overactive imagination.

I kept thinking of the huge guy that she rode off with – how she'd wrapped her arms around his body familiarly, possessively. I wondered if she was in love with him. I worried that I had no hope of stealing Bella away from him. I couldn't possibly compete with him – he was undoubtedly physically my superior in every way. Besides his mammoth build, he had a dark, exotic look that seemed to compliment Bella. I knew that I paled in comparison. It was not in my nature to break up a couple. Esme raised me better than that. But this was Bella and I just couldn't stop myself from wanting her.

I was only physically present in my classes, barely conscious of the people around me. However, I couldn't entirely avoid everyone. Jessica Stanley, had apparently decided that she was going to "accidentally" bump into me between all my classes. I tried to resist showing my irritation at her obvious attempts to flirt with me. She was annoying, but harmless and I had nothing in particular against her.

Emmett had noticed Jessica's interest in me, among the few other girls who sent leering gazes my way. He always liked to tease me about how easily I attracted the attention of the girls in the many schools we had attended. I usually found it a nuisance and just tried to ignore the giggles, the notes, and the ogling. Sometimes I dated just to keep all the other girls away. But I wouldn't do that anymore.

For some reason, this time all the unwanted attention actually made me angry and I painted a permanent scowl on my face. Emmett even noticed that I was impervious to his taunting and gave up trying to embarrass me in the hallways.

Alice was normally very observant and though I know she sensed that I was moodier than normal for me, she was preoccupied with Jasper. They were almost instantly, completely devoted to one another. They were joined at the hip and despite the newness of their relationship, it just seemed natural.

Even though she wasn't there for me like always, I had to admit that I liked Jasper immensely. He was very smart but thoroughly laid back and easy to be around. What I liked most about him though, was his attentiveness to Alice and his easy acceptance of her quirkiness. He quickly became a fixture at our house, easily charming his way into our lives.

By the time school was over on Friday, I reconciled myself to the idea that I may never see Bella Swan again. And if I did, she might be with her huge handsome beast of a boyfriend. It was the second beautiful, sunny day in a row, a rarity in Forks, and I spent the better part of the afternoon sitting out on our back porch, trying to absorb as much sun as I could before it disappeared behind the omnipresent rainclouds.

I had been stretched out on the wooden deck for fifteen minutes or so when I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. I propped myself up on my elbows and peered into the tree line that edged the yard but even as my eyes adjusted to the shadows, I only saw green – trees, branches, leaves, and the varied foliage of the forest.

I slid back down, closing my eyes and relaxing my body as much as I could on the hard wood surface beneath me. I began to hum lightly, a mixture of melodies – some classical phrases, weaving a song that I'd heard on radio into the nameless tune, and back to a familiar piece that I knew on the piano.

And then I snapped up to a sitting position. I had been humming, but the melody was already in my head – the music was not from my mind, but had been placed there. I couldn't explain it. Except – _could it be Bella_? I searched the trees again, squinting into where the forest stretched into the darkness, but again there was nothing.

Had I fallen asleep? Did I imagine it? No, I was certain, that the music in my mind was not _from _my mind, but it was someone else's thoughts. I sat looking out into the trees for several more minutes before Emmett interrupted my stupor.

"Hey man, you're coming to the bonfire tonight, right? I mean you seem kinda…I don't know seem unhappy, man. You need to get out."

"Yeah, sure, I'll go. It sounds cool." I said, thinking that I really did need a distraction. I felt like I might go crazy sitting around by myself with only my mind to keep me company. I didn't really trust myself.

*

The fog had rolled back in by nighttime and it was a chilly night. I put on a turtleneck sweater and my black canvas coat and grabbed a wool blanket before heading out to Emmett's Jeep. Rosalie was sitting in the passenger seat and so I climbed into the backseat to find that I was not alone. A girl who I recognized from one of my classes – Calculus – smiled hungrily at me, batting her eyelashes for effect.

Rosalie rotated in her seat. "Edward, do you know Lauren?"

"Um, no, hi Lauren," I extended my hand to shake hers and found my hand her prisoner – she shook way too long, squeezing my hand in an uncomfortably familiar way. I nearly yanked it back, Lauren seemingly oblivious that she filled me with repulsion. Emmett swiveled in his seat, smiling widely. "Are we all ready to go?" he asked as he looked over at me. I shot daggers at him but he only shrugged and turned back around, revving the engine and peeling out of the driveway.

The drive to the beach was one of the longest of my life. It was more than awkward. I was surprised at how painful it was to witness the not so subtle interaction between Rosalie and my brother as she leaned in seductively to whisper directions in his ear, touching his arm, draping her long, blond hair over his shoulder. I couldn't deny that I was jealous of their relationship, their easy rapport, their obvious physical connection with one another.

I was aware that Lauren too sensed the sexual energy that filled the car and took every opportunity to look wantonly in my direction. She took advantage of every bump and jolt of the Jeep to squirrel closer to me, so that by the time we finally arrived at the beach her arm was mashed up next to mine. I had shifted myself to the very edge of the seat to avoid her and yet as I peeled myself out of the car and away from her, her artificial, cheap perfumed scent lingered on my jacket.

I followed Emmett who was trailing Rosalie down the dark beach, stumbling on the drifts of lumpy sand. My senses were immediately awakened by the onslaught of the moist, salty air. I marveled that there was no scent more recognizable and even though my eyes couldn't see the ocean before me, I was certain of its existence.

My peaceful reflections didn't last long as I was rudely interrupted by a squeaking voice behind me. Lauren came huffing up to my side, she clearly had been struggling to catch up and as I reluctantly turned to her I was mildly sobered by the fear in her expression.

"Hey, wait for me Edward. It's really dark and I hurt my foot."

I examined her more closely and noticed that she did seem to be limping. Despite my innate desire to flee as far from her as possible, I couldn't see any way out of helping her. My conscience wouldn't allow it. I slowed my pace and reached over, grabbing her gently by the elbow so that I could assist her down the beach.

I could see the light of the bonfire ahead and the voices of others were carried to us on the wind. I moved us forward in the darkness and though it irritated me that I was stuck with Lauren, I thought she genuinely was scared and needed my help. We were almost at the circle of fire when I stopped abruptly – there was a sound piercing the quiet of my mind – a feral growl. It was angry and animalistic and I yanked my arm away from Lauren, dropped to my knees and covered my ears with my hands.

With this brusque action I unintentionally knocked Lauren forward to the ground. I could sense her floundering in the sand next to me but I was so consumed with battling the hostile voice in my head that I was forced to ignore her.

"What is the matter with you?" I distantly heard Lauren's angry voice as she found her way to a standing position and wiped the sand from her clothes. "Whatever, Edward," she snarled as she padded off toward the others.

The growl began to fade to a steady low grumble that was low enough that I felt I could rise to my feet. I approached the bonfire cautiously, not knowing what to expect. I could see Emmett's large silhouette on one edge of the circle and made my way to his side. I stepped into the light and assessed the group assembled. There were several people that I recognized from school – all with beers in their hands and huddled around the warmth from the blazing fire which crackled and snapped in the wind.

Lauren was whispering to Rosalie, and glared at me as I walked up. I had no energy to care about whether I had hurt her feelings or not. I refused to subject myself to any kind of manipulation from her type. Yet when I stole a glance back in her direction she looked over at me with such a wounded expression on her face that I felt compelled to apologize.

I meandered over to her side but before I could speak to her the growl pushed its way into my head again and I stood fixed, paralyzed by the depth of feeling it evoked within me. I winced and my eyes searched the darkness for Bella – she is the only one who had ever invaded my thoughts and I sensed she was near. My body was in chaos – struggling to mire through the attack on my mind while simultaneously I was excited by the thought of seeing the beautiful dark angel of my dreams once again.

Just as I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the relentless growl in my head, a group of large figures seemed to float into the circle of light to distract me from my torment. My heart beat began to accelerate in my chest so it seemed it was thundering. Though their bodies were massive, some of them nearing seven feet tall, they did not present themselves as a threat. In fact, the three boys were clearly known by several of the other kids from school and had jovial, friendly expressions on their faces.

I had only seen one of these guys before – he was even more impressive by the shadowy glint of the firelight than he was that day after school when he drove off on his motorcycle with the girl who had been haunting my every waking moment. He was by far the most commanding of the three boys and despite his friendly demeanor I was more than intimidated by him.

I found that if I concentrated I could push the growling to the back of my mind so that I could listen on the conversations around me. Emmett was entirely unaware of my internal distress, his complete attention was devoted to Rosalie, who clutched onto him possessively. Nevertheless he noticed I was there and handed me a beer. I clasped the cold object in my hand as he reached out and introduced himself to the newcomers who offered their names as Embry, Quil and Jacob.

Emmett pointed to me and I heard my name flow off his lips. Jacob twisted his body to look in my direction and I recognized the curiosity in his eyes. There was no animosity in his gaze and I wondered what it was he was questioning as his eyes searched over me. _ Jacob_ – the name of my new enemy? I wasn't sure yet.

I found myself appraising him in the cloak of the darkness as he appraised me. I wondered at his interest in me – I certainly was no threat or competition for that matter. Perhaps Bella had mentioned me to him. Just as this thought crossed my mind, the ceaseless rumbling in my head stopped just as quickly as it began and Bella appeared out of the darkness to stand next to Jacob's side.

I didn't miss the look he shot in her direction. He seemed as surprised by her presence as I. She took a step forward and my breath caught in my throat. I hadn't imagined her. And I hadn't glorified her beauty in my mind – she was even more breathtaking than in my fantasies. Her pale skin was beyond luminous in the glowing embers of the blazing fire making her appear lit up from within, a magnificent goddess.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Bella and Edward and all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended by my little twist on the story.ers

"Hello Edward," she said as she moved closer.

"Be..lla," I stuttered aloud, only realizing after I said the words that her greeting had been only in my thoughts. Emmett, Rosalie, and Lauren who had been looking at Bella snapped their head in my direction. Jacob too was watching our interaction with interest but I saw nothing more than curiosity in his expression.

Bella slowly walked out of the immediate bonfire circle and my eyes followed her. "Follow me Edward," she beckoned, but only for me to hear. I didn't care how it appeared to any of the others as I strode off toward her. She could have told me to jump in the ocean naked and I would do anything she asked.

She waited just outside of hearing distance from the others. She didn't speak or make any sign that she noticed I was there. I felt such a surge of energy from her – more like a swell of electricity – that was nearly intoxicating. I had to break the silence or I would reach out and touch her and I wasn't sure how she would react.

"You weren't at school."

"No…I had some things I needed to do. I had to clear my mind. _Edward," _she answered in her beautiful voice but the last word, my name, she only thought.

"Can you hear other people's thoughts or just mine?" she asked, the glow of the fire reflecting off the dark pools of her eyes and I felt lost, swimming in them, hypnotized. I shook off the trance and answered, "Just you. I can only hear your thoughts."

"Well, I'm going to have to be careful what I think around you, aren't I?" she said. And then, surprisingly, she laughed. It was so unexpected that I didn't respond at first. But her laugh and smile were infectious and I found myself smiling back at her.

"Walk with me, down by the water?" I asked her. She nodded and then I heard, "_okay_" in my head. She began to hum a random tune in her mind and I was suddenly struck by the familiar melody. This was the same song I'd imagined as I was relaxing on the back patio earlier. She had been there.

"Were you at my house this afternoon…in my backyard?" I asked, trying not to sound too accusatory, but unable to hide my deep interest. Even by the light of the moon I could tell that she didn't appear shocked by my question. But she didn't answer. Instead, she asked one of her own

"Did you come here with Lauren Mallory?" She asked quietly but her malice was clear. Before I could answer a barrage of images attacked my brain. Flashes of Lauren and other girls walking down the hallways of school. And then there was blood and sunlight and a blur of trees and bare feet rapidly hitting the forest floor. Then I saw myself stretched out on my back patio as though seeing out of someone else's eyes.

I searched her face for a sign of recognition that she was revealing this vision to me. But her eyes were full of mystery and I found myself easily getting lost in the depth of her unwavering gaze. I was pulled in by an undeniable attraction and without any realization of movement I found myself within a breaths' distance from her deep red lips.

I didn't want to resist the overwhelming allure that she held over me and I leaned in, searching for her lips in the darkness. With a jolt of disappointment and mortification I sensed her recoil. Faster than I would have thought possible on the mushy sand underfoot she had moved a stealthy step backward out of my reach.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I thought…It's just this connection that I have with you is so intense. I just thought you might be thinking the same thing as I was."

Rather than answer she just stood stoically still as though carved in the sand. I had the eerie sense that if I blinked she might drift away in the salty wind. "Bella?" I pleaded with her. I wanted, no, I _needed _to hear her speak – to hear whatever it was that she would say.

We stood there fixed in our stances, neither one of us speaking nor moving. The wind shifted, carrying in our direction smells of smoke and snippets of conversation from the bonfire. I distinctly heard Emmett's loud laughter reverberate down the entire stretch of beach. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. As I did, I saw a change in Bella's expression as she tilted her head toward the sound.

A broad smile stretched across her face and I smiled in return at the amazing beauty of her face as it was animated in a way I had never before experienced. The wind shifted again, blowing from behind me and I saw Bella breathe deeply as though she were inhaling my scent. I felt a surge of desire fill me at the thought and fought the desperate urge to touch her again.

But as soon as this thought filled my head, Bella's hand reached out and grasped mine with a whisper of a touch. Before I was aware of my body's own reaction, I flinched and snatched my hand away. She was so cold, like ice, and somehow her skin felt unnatural though I couldn't have explained how or why.

I looked up at her in horror that I had reacted so abruptly, but she didn't seem at all surprised or even concerned by my reaction. "Your hands are so cold," I blurted. She just furrowed her lovely brow and turned her head away so I couldn't read her expression further. But my head was filled with a myriad of images and feelings – Bella terrified and running from someone, tripping and clawing in the dirt to escape her evil pursuer. The feeling of terror was devastating and I felt it acutely as though it were my own.

I collapsed on the sand and covered my head with my arms, trying to stop the fear from invading my psyche. I began to shudder and convulse with the power of the emotion. Then I saw Bella in my mind again – her body being thrown by some invincible force, blood trickling slowly down a deep wound on her forehead.

And then I was accosted with the most excruciating image of all – a dark shadowy evil enfolding her struggling, weak body. When I thought that I couldn't take one more second of this horrific scene I felt her pain – a searing, burning agony as a dark beast ripped a ragged gash on her fragile, pale neck. Then there was blood, lots and lots of blood.

I shook off the vision and immediately felt the loss of Bella's presence. My eyes searched for her and I saw her silhouette in the near distance down by the water and a tall figure that I assumed was Jacob was leaning over her. I took a step in her direction but froze as Jacob transformed before my eyes. One minute he was a man, the next, some kind of massive beast. His loud feral howl sliced through the sound of the waves. I felt the urge to run to Bella, to help her but her head snapped in my direction warningly and again I stopped. I frantically wiped the salt and moisture from my eyes but it did not change the horrifying vision – the large beast circled Bella, craned its beefy neck back, howled and ran away.

I was only vaguely aware of a loud moaning that began to grow and grow in volume. It wasn't until I felt hands grasping me roughly and I found myself looking up at Emmett from the sand that I realized that I was the source of the wailing sounds. Large hands yanked me to a standing position. I searched the darkness for Bella but I knew that she was gone – my mind had gone silent.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here is the next installment of my story. This chapter was particularly hard for me to write and I rewrote it and edited it several times. **

**Warning: this is the first chapter where this story begins to earn its M rating. There is some self-loving sexual imagery in this chapter. This was my first attempt at lemony stuff so please review and let me know how you think I did. It was harder than I thought – but totally important for the story because this is a tale about both a mental and **_**physical **_**connection between these two.**

I woke up the next morning to Emmett slamming down on the edge of the bed, startling my body from deep slumber to an instant state of awareness. "Guh, Em, what the hell?" I grumbled.

"What was up with you last night, man? I half expected you to be sick or something this morning. Dude, you were a mess, all doubled over in the sand. And you treated Lauren like crap. Who was that girl you went off with? I mean Lauren was really pissed."

The fog was starting to lift from my head, Emmett's words pulling me back to my anger from the night before. I rolled my heavy body over to face the wall and slung my arm over my head. "Look Emmett, I have no interest in that girl. Why did you bring her? She's horrible."

"Yeah, I know," he admitted and I turned back toward him, even pulling my body up to a sitting position. "It was Rosie's idea. Lauren is her friend and Rose thought you'd like her." He put up his hand to stop my impending outburst and continued talking. "I know, I know. She's not at all your type. But Edward, you got to admit that most guys would go for the easy conquest. She pretty much had her hands all over you." He cast down his gaze to the floor before surprising me with his perceptiveness, "and Edward you kind of, you know, seem lonely. I'm gettin' kinda tired of the brooding thing."

"Sorry Emmett, I know you had good intentions," I said and I really meant it. I knew I wasn't always fun to be around. I stood and pushed my hand through my unruly hair and scratched my scalp. All in one quick moment, my dreams came flooding back into my mind. Bella. I dreamed of Bella. Bella running, Bella screaming, Bella falling down, Bella with blood dripping down her forehead. Emmett's voice ripped me from the glimpse into my nightmare and I was instantly in the present again.

"Edwarrrd, are you there, buddy? So, come on…who was the girl?"

"Bella," I blurted without thinking. "Here name is Bella. She goes to our school," I added by way of explanation.

He nodded, a big goofy grin taking shape on his face. "Awesome. But dude, you were acting so weird. Did she take off or something? I didn't see her later on. Man…you couldn't have made a very good impression." He shook his head and looked down at the floor, clearly feeling bad for me.

But Emmett's moment of levity was short lived. He shrugged off whatever negative feelings he was experiencing and changed the subject, "Hey, it's already like noon. I had to get you up cause we're goin' out tonight. Jasper's band is playing in Port Angeles and we're all going. No excuses, Edward. Alice has been bouncing around the house all morning and she's driving everyone crazy; she's so excited. We're leaving at seven, so be ready."

I dragged myself to the bathroom and took a long shower. I couldn't seem to remember my dream any longer no matter how hard I tried to focus my mind. But Bella still plagued my thoughts. My dream left me with a residual feeling of foreboding but I felt the darkness wash away as the first streams of water hit my dull skin.

The shower eased all the tension from my body and I found my mind reverting to baser thoughts. Here in the quiet safety of my shower I could allow myself to surrender to all my fantasies, all my body's aching needs. I was a teenage boy after all.

In my real life I would never objectify Bella – I would love her, worship her, but never reduce my feelings to lust. But as I ran the soapy bar across my chest, down my hard stomach and around the length of my cock, I couldn't resist thinking of her beautiful mouth and the deep red color of her lips. The scalding hot water streamed down my shoulders and I felt every bit of me awaken.

My soapy hands unconsciously lingered on my throbbing erection. I palmed the length of it while my mind drifted to the other parts of Bella's anatomy: her perfectly shaped breasts, her thin hips, and her insanely long sexy legs. Just recalling the way her hair lay in loose curls around her lovely face almost drove me to release.

I imagined pressing my lips to hers and the ecstasy it would be to run my hands over every square inch of her body. She was sexier and more alluring to me than any girl I'd ever seen or known. She was smart, fascinating, and unbelievably gorgeous. I felt as though I was addicted to her beauty, her voice, and her electrifying touch like a drug and I needed a fix. My hands were rhythmically stroking, tugging, willing my release to come. I imagined that it was her hands that were wrapped tightly around me, caressing me, urging me on.

A few short minutes later I brought myself to climax, groaning involuntarily as my stomach muscles contracted. My heartbeat was hammering in my chest and I sucked down a deep breath of air, trying to calm my agitated body.

Leaning forward in relief, I pressed my head against the cold tiles. The cold, hard surface instantly reminded me of the otherworldly coldness of Bella's beautiful, petite hand. Why was she so cold? What was it that made her so different? Why did I have such an intense connection with her? I just couldn't explain any of it and thinking about the mystery that surrounded her was not only terribly frustrating but it made my head physically hurt again.

As I stepped out of the shower and dried off I was trying to make sense of it all. Bella was different but the answers seemed just out of reach, just beyond my comprehension. It was as if the truth lingered right in front of me but I couldn't see it clearly. What did I know about her? She was more beautiful than any other creature I'd ever laid eyes on; she was physically agile and moved with a sexy confidence entirely abnormal for a teenage girl. Her skin was smooth and intensely cold and she was noticeably pale.

Most significantly, every glimpse I've had into her mind revealed to me that her thoughts were often dark and violent. And even though all this should send me running in the opposite direction, I was inextricably drawn to her. I was connected to her. We were both physically and mentally bonded in such a profound way that when I wasn't near her I felt as though a part of me were missing, like I couldn't fully breathe. And when I was with her I knew without a doubt, that she felt the connection just as intensely as I did.

I wasn't frightened of Bella but I was a bit frightened by the intensity of my feelings for her. I didn't even know her but I was fairly certain that I would willingly give up everything to drown myself in her mind and her body. I had a deep rooted need to understand her, to reveal the mystery that surrounded her, to know all her secrets. Despite all my curiosity, I knew with every fiber of my being that no matter what I discovered, it wouldn't change how I felt about her. I was hers. Completely.

Having resolved my feelings about Bella, I felt surprisingly unburdened. I spent the rest of my day catching up on schoolwork and working over a new composition on the piano. It was more passionate and haunting than my other pieces. I felt the emotion flow from my heart to my fingers like I never had before. When my mother put her hand on my shoulder hours later I realized that I hadn't noticed that night had fallen and that I had been playing in the faint glow of twilight for some time.

"Edward that was just lovely," my mother said with obvious pride. "I haven't heard that one before. Is it new?"

"Yes. I felt …inspired." I looked up into my mother's eyes and realized how lucky I was to have such supportive and loving parents. I stood up, stretched and kissed my mother on the cheek before heading out to the living room where Alice, Emmett and Rosalie were sitting with my father.

"Oh there you are, Edward." He clapped me on the shoulder and as he walked toward the kitchen he called over his shoulder, "Have a good time kids. Don't stay out too late." He turned to glance pointedly at me before he disappeared around the corner. "Edward, have some fun. You're too serious lately."

**End notes:**

**Please review – you can't imagine how happy it makes me and how much it motivates me to write more and more! And I promise to respond!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

We arrived at the club a little after Jasper's band began to play and Alice instantly positioned herself at the edge of the stage in front. She was right next to the amp and directly below where Jasper stood, confident and relaxed as he worked his fingers over the strings of his electric guitar. His concentration was focused on the music but somehow he sensed our presence as we entered and looked up, acknowledging our group with a nod.

I noticed his eyes lighting on Alice and as he spied her in front. I was happy to witness the genuine smile beaming on his face as he strummed the guitar as though just for her. I felt a surge of happiness for my sister in her choice. Jasper was definitely a good guy and he obviously liked her as much as she liked him.

Emmett grabbed an empty table and Rosalie and I followed him and sat down. I scanned the crowd and realized that I recognized quite a few faces from school. Before I could sit back in my chair and enjoy the music I heard familiar giggling over my left shoulder. My name was whispered on someone's lips and then there was more murmuring and giggles. My curiosity got the best of me and with a deep breath I turned and looked.

I only caught the hopeful expression on Jessica Stanley's face before I quickly rotated forward to find Emmett snickering at me. I scowled at him, wishing that I had resisted the temptation to discover the source of the unwanted attention. Emmett was endlessly entertained by my discomfort and he broke into a massive grin as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

Rosalie, at least, seemed to be as irritated as I. She glared at the cluster of anxious girls who slowly moved in toward us and rolled her eyes at me. "It looks like your fan club is here Edward," she snarled.

Before I could come up with a plan to avoid what was inevitably going to be an awkward scene, Jessica approached our table with two other girls I recognized from school tagging along behind her. I felt trapped in my seat and tried to look anywhere but meet her gaze. I could sense her trepidation but I wasn't about to do anything to make her feel like her advances were welcome. It was irrational but anger surged within me and I almost cringed, hunching my shoulders forward and clenching my jaw.

"Hi Edward," she said with a confidence that surprised me. I heard Emmett's smirk as he kicked me in the ankle.

"Hi Jessica," I replied in as friendly a tone as I could muster with my jaw still clenched tightly.

"Um, it's so great to see you here. Are you here to see Jasper's band?" My eyes flitted up to her at the mention of Jasper's name.

"Yes," I answered sharply, my irritation sneaking through.

The hurt look in her eyes showed that she got the message. "Oh, well…see you later," she muttered dejectedly and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks.

As the girls shuffled away toward the stage Emmett punched me in shoulder. "You didn't have to be an asshole, Edward."

"Ow, damn Emmett." I rubbed my arm where I knew a big bruise would form later. "I'm gonna get some air." I slid off the seat and walked out toward the entrance where a few groups stood around talking.

It felt unbelievably cool outside in contrast with the sweaty club. Smoke from a cigarette drifted in my direction and the smell clouded around me.

"Edward Cuullllen," Lauren slurred as she dropped her cigarette and smashed it into the sidewalk with her high heeled shoe. She slithered in my direction and again I braced myself to be accosted.

She draped her arm over my shoulder and I recoiled from the contact. She smelled like stale smoke and beer which made her even less desirable. But I was feeling a little guilty for being rude to Jessica earlier and I didn't want to be a jerk. I tried not to appear as repulsed by Lauren as I actually felt. She had obviously had way too much to drink already and was teetering, leaning into me for balance. She pawed her hands over my chest and I was having a difficult time trying to keep myself from just stepping back and allowing her to fall.

While I brainstormed on how to get away from her, a continual dialogue of nonsense flowed out of her mouth. "Edward you are so gorgeous and I'm really popular. You should like me. I like me. You should like me. Look at my new shoes. I like my shoes. Do you like my shoes? You are so hot."

Her hands started to stray south and as her fingers squeezed my butt cheek I jumped and pushed her roughly away. She stumbled but before she hit the sidewalk I grabbed her arm and steadied her.

I had my hand wrapped around her forearm this way when I heard _her_ voice in my head, "_You are mine, Edward Cullen_" and I dropped Lauren's arm as though I'd get burned by the contact.

I pivoted in place to see Bella Swan at the end of the block walking toward us and I was instantly aware of my overwhelming physical reaction to her presence. My heart beat accelerated in my chest, my face was flushed and desire flooded through my body so completely I couldn't breathe. I stepped around Lauren and instinctually turned to face Bella. She was the sexiest creature on earth. The way she sauntered forward but with purpose was hypnotic. I couldn't tear my eyes away.

She was wearing a skin tight black lacy dress that came to the middle of her thighs and hugged her hips deliciously. I would have worried that anyone else would have toppled on the stiletto black boots she wore but she was so sure on her feet that they seemed an extension of her long legs. Her dark hair swirled around her shoulders seductively and I saw myself running my fingers through it, grabbing fistfuls, pulling her head back, and devouring her neck with my lips and tongue.

I wasn't paying attention to Lauren, but Bella was. I hadn't even realized that Lauren had moved and was standing next to me with her arm on my back until I followed Bella's angry glare. I peeled my eyes away from Bella reluctantly to glance at Lauren whose eyes were now wide and sober with panic and fear.

"_He's mine,_" Bella hissed in her mind and faster than I could see she batted Lauren's hand away from me and grabbed my hand, lacing her fingers painfully tight in mine. I resisted the urge to flinch from the coldness and allowed my hand to be encased in the solidity of her grip.

She looked in my eyes and a small victorious smile formed on her delicious lips. Turning her face away, she began to walk back down the long city block the way she had come, pulling me along with her. I walked automatically. I was overcome by the surge of electricity that flowed from Bella's hand into mine and through my entire body. I felt like I was floating forward, my feet not touching the ground.

I was only vaguely aware that my feet were moving at all as I marveled in how the feminine softness of her features was absent from her profile. The angle of her forehead and the sharpness of her cheeks were sculpted as of stone. The proportions of her features were so near perfect that I couldn't tear my eyes away. I yearned to hear her voice; to know that she was real.

I was so entranced by Bella and the feeling of her hand entangled with mine that I was thoroughly startled when she stopped abruptly, turned her gaze toward me and seethed jealously, "Why do I always find you with a girl hanging all over you, Edward Cullen?"

I was too stunned by her question to come up with a reply. I opened and closed my mouth a few times to answer but I was too flustered to speak. I was concerned the anger in her words but more than that I was actually thrilled by her jealousy. It meant that she felt some ownership over me.

Bella looked at me curiously as though trying to understand my uneasiness. She raised her hand and gently rubbed my forehead, smoothing the furrow from my brow, and smiled.

Her touch lifted the fog lift from my brain. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding and blurted, "Bella, I wasn't here with Lauren. I just came outside to get some fresh air and she just started hanging all over me. I swear I didn't instigate it."

She giggled mischievously, "Shhh Edward…I know. Just wait, we'll talk."

I followed her. I would have followed her anywhere. We turned the corner and I recognized the motorcycle parked along the curb as the same one as Jacob was riding when he picked her up from school. An image flashed in my brain of a large wolf-like beast and I felt a spasm of fear, only partially realizing that Bella was asking me a question in my mind. "_Can you drive?" _

I nodded in response and swung my leg over the bike. She was on behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist faster than I would have thought was possible. I was beginning to understand that Bella was extraordinary in more ways than I could imagine.

Even though I could barely think straight with her arms encircling my torso and her breasts pushed softly up against my back she gave me silent directions in my mind and somehow I found that I was able to follow them. She had me driving back toward Forks and when we had been on the highway for a while she asked me to turn off the main road and we cruised for a while in the darkness down a forested side road.

I was curious as to where she was taking me but I didn't dare break the silence or her trust. I wanted her to know that I was willing to follow her lead, to risk knowing her, to take whatever it was that she would give me.

"_Pull over here, Edward," _she released her hold around my waist as I followed her final directions and came to a stop in a turnout by the side of the road. "Come," she gestured for me to follow her and as my eyes adjusted to the moonlit night I saw her disappear down a path head at the edge of a clearing in the trees.

"Bella?" I called down the pathway and into the darkness. I instantly felt her hand grasp mine and pull me forward, stumbling behind her. After just a few minutes of walking blindly this way the trail turned and I found myself in front of a small tidy cabin. Bella walked up the steps, opened the door and turned on the lights inside.

I followed her up the steps, surprised to find that the cabin was very nicely furnished with oriental throw rugs and a plush overstuffed couch in front of the fireplace. Bella immediately grabbed a few logs from the pile near the fireplace and began to construct a fire. When I realized her intent I jumped forward to help, earning a look of irritation from Bella which quickly changed to one of acquiescence.

She easily thrust the log she held loosely in her right hand to me and I buckled under the weight. She repressed a chuckle at my reaction and I flushed in embarrassment. I wasn't usually insecure but my manhood was a little wounded. As I finished up constructing the fire I thought of how the more time I spent with Bella, the mystery surrounding her grew exponentially.

When the fire was sufficiently blazing I finally rotated my body back toward the rest of the room to see that Bella was sitting on one side of the couch, her feet tucked under her, making her appear small and vulnerable like I had never seen her before. My nervousness at being alone with her immediately vanished as I became consumed with the desire to wrap my arms around her and take away the suffering and pain that I saw in her face. I wanted to protect her and love her and make her mine, always. But I shook off that compulsion and instead sat down next to her, waiting for her to make the first move.

I searched my mind for her thoughts, my head throbbing in my concentrated attempt to quiet my internal ramblings. But though I listened deeply for any fragment or scrap of thought from her, there was nothing. Just as I felt a wave of disappointment crash down upon me at the loss of the mental connection between us, I heard a faint hum in the far recess of my mind. I knew in that instant that I could _sense _her mind as though it was inside of mine. And I also knew without a doubt that she was purposely, and skillfully, cloaking her thoughts from me.

As we both sat in silence, I forced myself not to stare at Bella and instead kept my focus on the flickering flames in the fireplace. I listened to the wind pick up outside, slapping against the side of the cabin, and rattling the thin windows. I tried to calm my nerves but my heart beat raged inside my chest, thrumming wildly in response to the closeness of Bella. I had never felt so young, so inexperienced, so at the mercy of someone else and I inwardly cringed at my weakness. I was summoning the courage to speak when Bella spoke.

"You should call your friends, Edward. They'll worry about you," she said nonchalantly as though it were perfectly normal for us to be alone in a cabin out in the woods together.

I nodded and pulled out my cell phone, dialing Emmett's number clumsily. He picked up on the first ring.

"Edward, where are you, dude? You disappeared; we thought maybe one of those chicks kidnapped you or something."

"No, Emmett. I'm…uh fine. Um…I'm getting a ride home later, okay. I mean…I'm not coming back to the show."

"What? Dude…what's up?" Emmett was yelling into the phone, the noise in the background making our conversation difficult. "Did you finally hook up with someone?" he bellowed into the phone and my eyes flitted up to see if Bella heard. She was looking at the fire but had a definite smirk on her face.

I knew that I was going to have to give him an explanation or he wouldn't leave me alone. So I told him the truth. "I'm with Bella."

"Whoa. No way…Bella? Cool, Eddie boy." I could sense that he wanted to say more and was hesitating. I was about to say goodbye when he yelled in the phone, "Edward…be safe man."

"Bye Emmett," I said and closed the phone, slipping it into my pocket. I slid further back onto the couch and looked into Bella's eyes. This time I wasn't going to wait for her to send me a vision or speak in my mind. I was going to take charge.

"Bella, I need some answers. I need to know who you are. I feel like we keep getting close and then you push me away." I don't know if I remembered to breathe because after speaking I felt the urge to suck in a deep gulp of air. I exhaled loudly and Bella visibly recoiled and arched her body away from me.

I couldn't help feeling hurt by her movements and I hunched over, scowled, and ran my fingers through my hair in exasperation. "You seem like you hate me sometimes, Bella." I said in a hurt voice I didn't recognize as my own.

"No, Edward. Never think that. I could never hate you," she said with such feeling, so much emotion that I did believe her. Whole heartedly.

"Edward there is so much you don't know about me. I keep trying to stay away from you so that I don't hurt you. But I just can't. I feel so connected to you. I don't understand it." Her tortured expression pulled at my heart and I leaned in to touch her.

"No, Edward. You must not come any closer," she said firmly and with conviction. "You don't know what you're getting into. You need to know, to understand…because I don't think I can stay away from you anymore."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:**

**We are beginning to get a few answers in this chapter. Obviously, this is a little different than the original. I hope you guys like it.**

**Disclaimer:**** Stephanie Meyer owns Bella and Edward and all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended by my little twist on the story.**

I kept forgetting to breathe as we sat there in the cozy cabin, the fire slowly warming a small radius of space around our two bodies. "I don't think I can stay away from you anymore," she said in a low, husky voice that was so sexy and enticing that the words took several seconds to register in my addled brain.

"Then don't…don't stay away, Bella," I replied as soon as I made sense of her words. My reply came out as a plea, my needs a little too obvious. I lurched forward and grasped her hand, this time preparing myself for the cold, otherworldly feel of her skin. I hoped that the depth of emotion in my voice didn't scare her but she seemed changed, resigned, as though she had come to a decision. I could tell by the determination in her look that she meant to stand by it.

"So tell me, Bella…tell me." I wasn't sure just what I was asking and I had to admit to myself that I wasn't sure if I would like what she had to say. I wondered why I was the one who was sitting here with her. Why did she seem as fixated with me as I was with her? What kind of secrets could she be hiding? Did she understand the connection between us better than I? What was the mystery of Bella Swan? Was I prepared to hear it all? I shuddered a little at the thought that I couldn't turn back now.

She didn't speak. But her mind opened to me. I was startled at the clarity of the imagery and I physically leapt from the couch. For the first time I felt the true extent of my power to read Bella's mind as she laid her memories out for my scrutiny. The intensity of the emotion in the scene that played out in my head was laced with pain and I tucked my arms around myself as the feeling began to consume me.

However, I wasn't completely immobilized by this pain like I had been before. Either I was learning to control my ability or Bella was somehow making it easier for me.

What had only been bits and pieces of imagery before was now as clear as day in my mind. The feeling was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was so clear that it was as if I was reliving one of my own memories. I was running through the woods, stumbling. I gasped at the realization that I was seeing through Bella's eyes and if possible I felt our mental connection forge even stronger.

I felt her overwhelming fear and an inability to take in a deep breath. She was struggling to escape but to no avail. Whatever was chasing her was already there, circling in the trees, moving too fast for her eyes to catch. And then he was there, standing before her. He was pale and blond and had red eyes that were cold and devoid of any human feeling, except perhaps lust. I felt the adrenaline course through Bella's veins, and in an instinctual attempt at survival she turned and ran.

Again she stumbled and I actually felt warm liquid, probably blood, seep from a wound in her forehead. Bella began to crawl through the dirt, desperate now for escape but her vision was obscured by the blood now flowing freely into her eyes. Her hand found a rock and feeling another wave of adrenaline hit, she wrapped her muddy, bleeding fingers tightly around it. Her ankle…it was yanked forcefully; she was being dragged through the dirt. Her weak body was flung around to face her pursuer's vicious, wild face – the face of a monster.

With all her strength Bella lashed out at his head with the rock. I could easily hear the crack as it came down against the side of his head. His name was James…James' head. Blood dripped from the wound but instead of wincing, James tilted his head slowly and methodically, cracked a demented smile and grabbed Bella's wrist and wrenched it in his fingers so tightly that I knew that the bones inside were crushed. I could feel the panic began to build inside her and I understood with certainty and acceptance that Bella was going to die.

*

My eyes shot up to look at the beautiful girl on the couch opposite me, with her body coiled protectively into a compact little ball, and I looked on her with consternation and genuine fear. What did this vision mean? What horror was she about to show me? I couldn't complete my thoughts before Bella shot me a look of complete determination and my mind was filled again with an image as clear as day.

I saw Bella again in my mind, her body collapsed and defeated, her limbs tangled up on the forest floor. She craned her neck to look up into the face of the man who towered above her limp form. His expression was vacant now, almost as if he lamented that the hunt was over. Perhaps the triumph was too easy. His empty look was terrifying and I felt Bella's surrender as if it really were my own.

Seconds went by as her body convulsed in spasms of fear. It seemed like slow motion as James reached down and clamped his vice like grip on the back of her neck and lifted her from the ground. I felt her legs dangling but I wasn't given a moment to wonder at his strength before he opened his mouth lustfully, hungrily and ripped into the soft flesh of Bella's neck. And then everything in my head, thankfully, went blank.

I had been hunched forward with my head in my hands. Like at the bonfire, I was aware of a repetitive moaning or growling and as I became more lucid, I understood that the sounds were again coming from me. I opened my eyes which had been firmly clenched shut to find that Bella was sitting right next to me and reached out tentatively, unsure.

Surprising myself, I reacted instinctively and closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her rigid form as close as I possibly could, feeling an almost violent need to hold her, to comfort her. We stayed this way, entangled in each other's arms for a long while – long enough that the fire began to fade and a chill began to encroach on our space. I shivered involuntarily against the cold and Bella immediately released her hold on me and jumped up to stoke the fire and add a few hefty logs to the smoldering embers.

She began to speak and the spell of the moment was broken. "You must be cold. I forget sometimes…how it feels to be cold." Her words were like poetry to me, their meaning somewhat lost in my muddled mind, though I was riveted to her every expression, her every word. Her sadness filled the air of the room and I had never wanted so badly to help her, to take away any pain she was feeling.

She returned to her corner of the couch and mirrored my earlier position, folding herself forward with her head in her hands. "Now you know. Now you know…you should stay away from me." There was so much anguish in her expression and her words but I was still utterly confused by what she had revealed to me.

"Bella…I don't understand. Please tell me…who was that who attacked you? How did you survive? I'm so confused, Bella." With more conviction, I continued, "And I'm not going anywhere!"

"Edward, don't you understand? I…I didn't survive."

"What?" Her words made no sense.

"I didn't survive. James killed me. You saw it. You know what he was. You know what…I am." Her face was so sad, so full of raw emotion that he words did not at first sink in.

I replayed much of what she had shown me through my mind again and though I know what she showed me was real; I still struggled to accept it. I kept seeing Bella's feet dangling from the ground and feeling the agony of James' teeth tearing through her skin but I couldn't voice what I knew to be the truth. My eyes fell on her bare long neck and found the remnant of a smooth scar just at the base that I hadn't noticed until now. How hadn't I noticed the compact arc shape that disfigured her marble skin? It was a perfect shadow of a human bite mark.

"How do you explain it, Edward? My skin is cold and pale. I am extremely fast and strong. I don't go out in the bright sunlight. And maybe Edward, you should be wondering what I eat. All the answers are there, Edward. You know what I am. Say it…just say it…aloud."

She was going to force me to admit my worse fear. Could Bella really be the monster she was implying she was? Before I could edit myself I whispered, "Vampire."

She didn't flinch. She didn't gasp. She didn't turn away. I knew that I was right. But strangely, I did not fear her. I sensed no danger from her, only sadness. And I also knew that somehow the knowledge of what she was didn't at all change the way I felt for her or the way that I was drawn to her. I was still attached to her as before; I could no longer live without her in my life. I was hers.

**End Notes:**

**I see that I am getting lots of readers but not so many reviews. I absolutely love sharing this story with you but it's even more fun and motivating when I get responses from the readers. Please leave me a little note if you are enjoying the story. And even if you're not enjoying the story – let me know what don't like. I love to hear your thoughts. And I really promise to write back. **


	12. Chapter 12

A/N:

Thanks for reading and please leave me a review if you are enjoying the story. I am really enjoying writing it and imagining the Twilight world from the perspective of my weird plot twist.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns…

"Yes, Edward. I am a vampire," Bella whispered, pain transforming her beautiful face. My heart lurched in my chest. I reached out instinctively to comfort her, running my trembling fingertips down her arm and enfolding her cold hand in mine. Her eyes searched mine, and I hoped she could see my acceptance…my love for her radiating from them.

"I think I knew. But Bella, I can hear your thoughts…I know you aren't the monster you think you are."

"Everything about me is designed to make you believe that. I am a killing machine, everything about me draws you to me, entices you so that I can feed from you and then kill you. When I first went through the change, that is the first thing I learned…the first thing _he_ taught me."

A series of memories quickly fluttered across her mind, briefly wrenching me inside myself. I saw her crouching in a corner, while the thin blond man who I recognized as her attacker walked slowly toward her with his arms outstretched as though trying to trying to calm a wild tiger. And then I could clearly see a crazed looking red headed woman walk confidently forward out of the shadows, roughly pushing the blond man aside. Her twisted smile as she looked down on my frightened Bella sent a warning pulse of shivers down my spine. Bella's distress was my distress.

My physical reaction to her memory seemed to pull her back to the moment. She began to speak with more passion, hatred lacing her words.

"For some sadistic reason James pulled away before he had completely drained me of my blood. Three excruciating days later I woke up in an abandoned ballet studio in Phoenix and I was like I am today. James was there with two other vampires, Victoria and Laurent. They tried to make me like them. But as it turns out…I'm kind of a failure as a vampire."

She lightly squeezed my hand. She paused and I wasn't sure if she was going to continue. Sensing her hesitancy, I squeezed back. _Are you sure you want to hear more?_

"Tell me everything, Bella."

Her voice as was just barely louder than a whisper. I found myself leaning in toward her until I was so close I could feel the cool pillow of her breath against the warm skin of my neck.

"James made Victoria take me out for my first kill. It was…horrible. We waited outside of a bar and I watched from across the street as she approached a man who had come outside by himself to smoke a cigarette. She walked up to him at a human speed, and his attraction to her beauty was immediately obvious. She only flirted with him for a couple of minutes and he…he…was so _eager_ to go with her. She led him into the alleyway and even though I was hiding in the darkness way down the street, I could clearly see her signal for me to follow."

"I was disgusted both with her easy conquest and with myself for the overwhelming need that welled up inside of me. I couldn't stop myself from moving in closer…my body moved without me even thinking of it. I could smell the blood flowing in his veins; his heartbeat was irresistible, drawing me forward. I was aching, desperate, and hungry. I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself if Victoria had allowed me to move in but she kept her body between me and her victim."

_I wanted to kill her…to claim the blood for myself. I am a horrifying, repulsive monster. _These thoughts were fleeting and she shoved them to the back of her mind before they consumed her. I longed to convince Bella that her view of herself was entirely wrong, but she put up her hand to prevent the interruption, returning to her story unperturbed.

"Victoria didn't waste time. Before I gave into my instincts, she had already broken the man's neck and had her mouth clamped down on his vein. I will never forget how the smell of life began to leave his body. He was drained of all his blood within minutes. I growled at her in anguish – for not sharing with me and also for showing me just what kind of horrible monster I'd become."

* * *

I moved my hand to caress Bella's face, to comfort her, to show her that I trusted her. She mimicked my gesture, moving her hand to my face and caressing lightly but pulled quickly away as though afraid she might harm me.

Her brow furrowed as she asked incredulously, "Don't you fear me, Edward?" She dropped her hand to her lap and I reached out and held it between my hands, rubbing circles on the top with my thumbs.

I audibly moaned at the overwhelming sensation of touching Bella. The flow of energy between our hands was so intense my entire body was affected by the erotic feeling.

"You won't hurt me, Bella. I know you won't," I said with as much certainty as I could.

"I could crush all the bones in your hand if I wasn't paying attention."

"But you won't Bella. I trust you," I whispered.

We stared into each other eyes, neither one of us able to break the other's gaze. I had to force myself not to give in to the very powerful need to kiss her, to press my body against hers.

I was struggling to reign in all my feelings and emotions when Bella leaned in toward me and placed her cool, full lips on mine. I expected them to be firm and rigid, but they were surprisingly soft and were instantly warmed by mine as I returned the kiss. I grasped her shoulders and drove my lips harder into hers, lightly sucking her bottom lip. I could feel her hands sneak around my back and run along my neck into my hair. She tugged gently on the short strands at the nape of my neck causing heat to surge down my limbs and desire to coil in my stomach. My heart was beating wildly against my ribs when she pulled back, pushing me away with her strong, tiny hand.

"Edward, please…I don't deserve this. You are my own personal torment. I want you so badly but you need to know…I might lose control and…and…I can never lose control." She dropped her eyes turning away from me. I grasped her chin in my hand and she allowed me to turn her face back toward mine. When she lifted her gaze, looking up at me from under her long dark eyelashes, her fear was palpable.

"You need to know, Edward…a part of me wants to kill you even now."

"Bella…," she held up her hand, cutting off my words, her need to reveal more to me written on her face.

"No Edward, I want you to know everything. I really want you to see how hard I've tried. I don't want to be a monster. Even from the beginning, I hated what James made me. I've hated myself for a long time now…ever since Victoria showed me."

"That night I ran off into the wildness, utterly horrified at what I had seen, what I had become. I ran and ran and I tried not to think, to give into the burning in my throat…in my entire body. When I finally slowed down and looked around I was surprised to find that I was very far away, in a place I'd never been. And thankfully, there didn't seem to be any humans around."

"By the time daylight came, I realized that I was in a desert. The sun was intense and hot but it didn't seem to touch me. I was alone and so so thirsty. But I just kept moving, ignoring the burning needs of my body. After several days of this I realized that nothing was going to change. I couldn't run forever. I was in agony and I had to accept what I had become."

"I finally succumbed to my instinct and hunted. First, I drained several jackrabbits of their blood. And then there were more, prairie dogs, coyotes, I was so desperate at one point I even tried a turkey vulture…yuck, that was a low point." She scowled and almost looked embarrassed. I imagined that she would blush if she could.

"As I travelled the barren expanse I left a trail of animal carcasses behind me. But still I thirsted for more. I could never get enough. It wasn't until I had been wandering in the desert for days that I smelled something larger, something much more enticing. I ran toward the scent as fast and as my legs would move and before long, I found myself wrestling on the desert hillside with an angry mountain lion. I feasted on the cat's blood, and instantly felt stronger, more alive, and remarkably, more human."

_You must be frightened of me now…or repulsed. You should be. _I shook my head vehemently.

"No," I answered her thoughts.

"Edward, I've never killed a person…ever. I have only taken the blood of animals. But that doesn't mean that I don't perpetually thirst for human blood. It is my torture…my curse. But…I don't want to be a monster." I nodded so that she could see that I understood and that I believed in her.

"I eventually found my way back to Forks. I was lonely and I had no where else to go. I went to the only person that I thought might help me – Jacob. He had been my best friend when I was still human and I thought that maybe he could see that even though I was changed, I was still me." She said this last statement in such a small, wounded voice that my heart reached out to her and instead of fighting it, I enfolded my arms around her petite frame.

She froze for a moment but then relented, allowing her body to go limp and mold itself into mine. She sighed heavily and then she continued.

"But nothing could have prepared me for his reaction to me. I was at the edge of the reservation when I smelled something unusual, a bit like the coyotes I came across in the desert, but different. I wasn't worried, I had hunted deer and wrestled mountain lions; I had gotten confident in my new abilities and thought that I could handle just about anything. But as I walked silently into a large meadow I was tackled by a large russet colored wolf."

"He was surprisingly strong and fast and I almost felt relief when I thought that he would probably end my existence. But just as I closed my eyes, waiting for his fangs to tear into my body, he yelped and stumbled backwards off of me. If I hadn't already been initiated into a world where nightmares were real, I probably would have more terrified by what I saw next. The massive wolf that stood in front of me morphed into the form of my best friend right before my eyes. I scrambled backward like an animal in shock and smashed loudly against a tree, never breaking my glazed stare. Jacob held his hands out in front of him in surrender, a look of both fear and pity warring on his face."

"While I clung to the tree, Jacob went through a series of emotions all very quickly. He obviously knew that I was a vampire, but the fact that he was now a werewolf seemed to make the situation both easier to handle and more complicated for him. I could see in his face that he was relieved I was back and at the same time, he was saddened by my new condition."

"Though I hadn't spent any time looking in a mirror, I knew that my physical characteristics had transformed. My clothes were torn, and dirty and stale animal blood encrusted the fabric of my shirt and jeans. I wondered how I looked to him. _Like a crazed animal, a monster._ A few minutes of our mutual stare-down had passed when I saw a decision form in Jacob's features and he reached down to touch my face."

"I tried not to flinch at his touch but he also seemed changed. He wasn't human anymore either. He smelled different and no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I felt the urge to attack him."

"But then he murmured my name and when he caressed my cheek I felt a rush of memories flood over me, reminding me how important he'd been to me and how much I'd loved him. He kept repeating my name again and again but he couldn't seem to form a complete sentence. He fell to his knees before me with his head in his hands and released a strangled sob, his body heaving with the effort."

"My hands fell from their iron grip on the tree and I collapsed on the ground next to him, begging him to forgive me. When his tears were all dried up we talked and I told him everything. He updated me on what had been going on since I had disappeared. Everyone thought that I had been kidnapped. My father, who was the police chief in town, had the entire force on constant alert, and he had been looking for me as far as Seattle."

* * *

I couldn't listen to Bella's story any further. I imagined how Jacob had taken care of her and how important he had become in her life. But I hated him – his strength, his physical superiority. I hated that he was there to take care of Bella when she needed help, instead of me. I knew my thoughts were irrational; I should have been thankful that Bella wasn't alone. But I couldn't deny that the idea of Jacob comforting my Bella roused dark thoughts within me that I didn't know I was capable of feeling.

"And you've been with Jacob all this time?" I asked, seething, wary of her answer, and afraid of how much power she wielded over my heart.

"No, Edward. You didn't let me finish. Jacob helped me, yes. But all the while he was physically repulsed by me."

I growled at the thought that anyone could feel repulsed by my exquisite Bella and felt overcome with unbridled fury. Bella shifted in my arms and gently caressed my knee, amazingly mollifying my burst of emotion. "Edward, you must listen. I will explain."

"Jacob, against all the wishes of the tribe, helped me. The Quileute tribe has a very long history with vampires. In the past, vampires hunted this area of the coast and brutally ravaged the tribe. Hundreds of years ago, an ancient magic was awakened and younger Quileutes began to transform, taking the shape of huge wolves. The wolves were more evenly matched with the vampires and the Quileutes were finally able to protect themselves."

"It had been over a century since a Quileute transformed but when James and his coven kept returning to the area, several young Quileutes began to go through the transformation. Jacob is one of them – actually, he is the leader of the pack. Don't you see, Edward? He went against everything - his family, his tribe, his very nature to help me. I am supposed to be his sworn enemy, but he protected me. He convinced the others in his pack that I'm different from the other vampires and that I am not their enemy. Most of them don't like it, but they cannot go against his wishes because he is the Alpha."

"It was extremely difficult for us to be around each other at first. We both had to constantly fight the instinct to attack one another. Just his smell sometimes could send me into a frenzy and I was forced to run far away to reign in my control. And even now, years later, the impulse to attack Jacob is still very much there under the surface."

"But he was an incredible friend to me. He built this cabin for me, we hunted together, he protected me, was my sole companion and helped me to find a way to re-enter society. But, no, Edward, it would be impossible to ever find comfort in his arms. He has never been able to ease my loneliness. But he has been the best friend that it is possible to be and I will always love him and be thankful for his friendship."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N:

I'm very sorry that it's taken me a while to update. I plead Christmas mania. Thank you to all of you for reading. I see that I am getting a lot of new readers – so many story alerts – but you guys don't leave reviews! Please, if you are enjoying the story, leave a review! It gets others to read too. And it lets me know how I'm doing. I am ever faithful at writing back – so if you want to exchange ideas – leave me a review!

And please check out my all human story: Second Chances. It's very different; but hopefully, equally passionate. I love the passion…

Chapter 13

The dull throbbing pain in my head was so persistent that it woke me from the deepest night of sleep that I'd had since we moved to Forks. I swung my legs off the edge of the bed sending a new wave of sharp daggers to attack the sensitive spot behind my eyes. I recognized this sensation as a residual effect of the intense mind reading session from the previous night.

I stumbled into my bathroom and turned on the light, squinting against the new assault to my senses. I opened the medicine cabinet and after a few minutes of scanning the shelves, all the while cursing the continual throbbing, I found the pain killers. I ripped open the plastic bottle and shook more than the required dosage into my palm. In one swift motion I threw back my head and swallowed the pills all at once. I turned on the faucet, cupping my hand to gather some water and slurped it sloppily, dribbling on my chin.

It was as I hovered over the sink, wiping the line of water from my chin, that I heard a soft but persistent knock at my bedroom door. I shuffled over, my head still hanging and opened the door a crack. As Alice's head shot through the door, my languid body was forced to react, and I somehow managed to jump backward a foot or two to let her enter.

"Oh my god, Edward. You look…um…"

"I know Alice. What do you want?" I interrupted her. I didn't need to know that I looked as bad as I felt.

"Looks like you partied a little too hard last night. I didn't really expect that of you, Edward. Emmett said you left with Bella. I just knew that something was going to happen between you two but I never could have imagined that you two would go off drinking."

Alice didn't really ever wait for any one to respond, happily rambling to fill in the empty spaces of conversation. And this morning I was content to let her come to her own conclusions while I tried to pull myself together enough to think through all that had happened the night before.

Bella. _Bella. _I couldn't explain it, but she was my life now. I knew _what_ she was but somehow it didn't change how I felt about her. I went over all things she had told me the night before as I flopped back down on the edge of my bed. I looked up at my impatient sister with her hands on her hips, her foot tapping restlessly and wondered what I should or _could_ tell her.

"Ed-ward," she whined. "Are you going to talk to me or not?"

"Yes, Alice, I'm going to talk to you. Yes, I was with Bella last night and…and well, we weren't drinking. We just talked."

Well, why do you look like that?" she gestured toward my face and I remembered my gaunt, worn reflection in the mirror.

"I don't know. I just have a headache," I explained. Alice sat her tiny body down on the bed next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry for being so nosy, Edward. But you know you can tell me anything. Tell me about Bella. Are you guys together now?"

"I don't know what to tell you. We just kind of got to know each other better last night. And well, I…" I was saved from saying anything more by Emmett's booming voice coming from the living room announcing the arrival of Rosalie and Jasper. Alice bounded from my bed and out to the door, her interrogation about my love life completely forgotten. I heard her squeal, "Jasper!" and thought, not for the first time, that I was infinitely thankful for Jasper's presence in my sister's life.

As my siblings paired off with our visitors, I pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt and headed out for the kitchen. I downed a cold cup of coffee, wincing at its bitterness and sat down on the edge of the piano bench. Images from Bella's memories flooded my mind and I felt drawn to my piano, my fingers fluttering lightly over the keys. Each emotion, each moment of passion and horror became notes that wove themselves together in a melody that flowed from my heart to my fingers.

I played for hours, working out the pattern of the haunting, lilting song. I obsessively worked and reworked the phrasing so that it conveyed all that I was feeling, all that she shared with me. I interwove parts of the songs that I had only heard in my mind – tunes that Bella had been thinking or humming. When I had been at it for hours, my energy finally spent, I pulled out my composition paper and scribbled down all the music that I had played – inspired by Bella and all of my feelings for her. Before closing the folder I wrote the words, "for Bella," on the top of the sheet.

I spent the rest of the evening wondering where Bella was and what she was doing. I shut myself in my room for the night, trying without success to read and do homework. Alice attempted to pull me out of my melancholy and lure me out of the bedroom with the promise of chocolate brownies she and Esme had made for dessert. But even chocolate had no appeal. I knew I wouldn't feel complete until I saw Bella again. I felt like time was simply wasted without her.

*

I woke up on Monday morning to the sunlight coming in through my bedroom window. I felt my chest expand with each breath in my eagerness to see Bella's beautiful face again, to touch her exquisite skin, and to hear her melodious voice as my name fell from her sweet lips. But as I neared Biology class I could already sense that she wasn't there. There were no thoughts, no images, no lovely humming drifting my way to fill my empty mind. The world was painfully silent.

Rather than spend an excruciating day at school, in constant speculation about Bella and her whereabouts, I decided to try and find her. After suffering through a very dull Biology class without her, I sprinted out to the parking lot. I had been so anxious to see Bella again this morning that I was ready to leave for school before Alice had even gotten out of the shower. Thankfully, Emmett had volunteered to wait around for Alice to finish her lengthy morning routine and give her a ride to school.

Even in my anxiousness to flee the school, I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of Emmett's mud-splattered Jeep parked at ridiculously crooked angle next to my Volvo, effectively taking up two parking spaces. So absolved of my responsibility to drive my siblings home, it was a perfect day to ditch school.

I didn't hesitate for a second, but slipped into the driver's seat of my Volvo and headed toward Bella's cabin. After driving down a couple of wrong insanely bumpy dirt roads, I finally found the quaint little wooden structure in the woods.

I knew as soon as I got out of the car that she wasn't inside. I sensed its emptiness. And moreover, I didn't hear her thoughts. Still, to be certain, I peeked in the windows and walked the circumference of the little house. When I had exhausted any possibility that she was near, I slumped down onto the porch and dropped my head in my hands. Like I did when I was anxious or nervous, I ran my hands through my hair, thoughtlessly messing it and spiking it in all directions.

After some time, I settled back on the doorframe and took in the beauty of the surrounding woods. Even though it felt remote and solitary here, the wilderness was surprisingly noisy. I listened to birds fluttering around in the branches high above me, and the wind whooshing aggressively above as it filtered through endless clusters of prickly pine needles. I inhaled deeply, breathing in the raw scent of the wet, mossy forest floor.

Everything seemed so intrinsically in sync here – the trees, the earth, and the moisture in the air. It was fresh and teeming with life. I aimlessly watched a fat slug slither its slow but determined path across a fallen bruised leaf. I closed my eyes and pondered my next move. Without Bella's presence here it felt foreign. I was an outsider here, witness to an organic world that I could never completely fathom. I felt small and unnecessary and with that realization, I became all at once eager to leave.

I drove home to find Esme in the kitchen baking chocolate chip cookies. I could already smell them from outside of the kitchen door and my mouth watered involuntarily as I was enveloped in the comforting aroma of baked sugar and vanilla. I clomped into the house thoughtlessly and startled Esme when the screen door banged on its hinges.

"Edward! What are you doing home?" She asked, her face rigid in surprise. "I'm sorry, Mom, I just couldn't stay at school." I felt a twinge of guilt as I played the card I knew would buy me my freedom for the day. "The song I've been working on keeps coming into my head, distracting me and I just couldn't focus on school. I had to come home and work on it."

I was fairly certain that Esme could read the real desperation on my face. She was silent for a moment and I could tell she was deciding what course of action to take. When she narrowed her eyebrows and her eyes softened sympathetically I knew I had succeeded.

She sighed and then nodded in understanding. "Okay, Edward. I will call the school." I instantly made my way to the piano, my fingers actually aching in anticipation of touching the keys. I longed to hear the notes to the song that kept lingering in the back of my mind. I wasn't discontent to spend the remainder of the morning sitting at the piano, relishing in the creation of my love song for Bella.

By the time that Alice and Emmett bounded through the front door, I had begun to feel the cramping in my arms and back. Rather than face all their questions, I retreated to my room and hid out until I had to make an appearance for dinner. Carlise had specifically worked out his shift at the hospital so that we could eat dinner together as a family. Sitting down to eat our final meal of the day together was one of the only consistent demands he made on our schedules as we got older. This nightly ritual was not negotiable, it was mandatory.

Now that I had a secret to hide that I wasn't prepared to share, I was worried that they would be able to see that I had changed, that I was different. But no matter how much I wanted to avoid their scrutiny, I had to face my family. The dinner table was like the interrogation room at a police station. I was screwed.

Emmett thankfully seemed impervious to my foul mood and dominated the conversation at dinner. Alice kept shooting questioning glances in my direction and I bided my time before she brought up my absence at school. Unlike Emmett, Alice was perceptive and I could tell that she knew something was up and wanted to know what it was. Before she could corner me and ask discreetly like I was expecting, Emmett forced me to address the very issue that I had been avoiding sharing with my family. There was a lull in the conversation and Emmett looked at me with sharp eyes as though just noticing that something was wrong.

"So what's up with Bella, dude? You skip to hang out with her or something?"

All eyes flashed to me. Both my father and mother seemed awakened by his question and looked at me imploringly. I didn't answer. Esme did.

"Edward came home early…he was here," she said to Emmett and then turned back to me. "Who is Bella, Edward?" I didn't answer. Alice did.

"Bella is a girl at our school. She is so beautiful and incredibly smart," Alice stated bluntly, placing the green bean dangling on the end of her fork into her mouth.

Everyone reverted their gaze back to me. I could especially feel the eyes of my mother of me. I knew that she was concerned and I couldn't help feeling guilty for constantly adding to her worries. But I waited. I felt as though I should say something but instead I dropped my eyes to the pool of buttery sauce on my plate and pushed a wilted bean from side to side with the tines of my fork. The heat of my family's focused attention blazed across my face but I steadfastly focused my eyes downward, denying them satisfaction.

Alice huffed, shifting in her seat dramatically. I could sense that she had reached the limit of her patience.

"Bella was absent too. I was sure that you guys ditched together. What were you doing here all day? I am so disappointed. I thought…well I thought. Edward, are you going to look at me?"

"Alice, leave Edward alone. It's clear that he doesn't want to talk about this…Bella," Esme said pointedly, ending the conversation.

She pushed her chair back determinedly and stood, beginning to gather dishes. I shrugged off her irritation. I hated to keep things from my mother, from my family – I just wasn't prepared to talk about Bella yet. As soon as I could, I took the opportunity to escape back to my room, marveling that I had survived the awkward dinner. For the moment, it appeared that I was safe.

*

I was stretched out on my bed in a tee shirt and cotton boxers, listening to music and trying to relax my body enough that sleep would come. But I just couldn't stop thinking of Bella and why she hadn't gone to school. I didn't even know how to get in contact with her. Did she have a cell phone? Did she even live at the little cabin where we had spent the most intimate night of my life? When would I see her again?

I closed my eyes and finally felt my body sink heavily into the mattress. "_Edward?_"

My eyes flashed open. "Bella?" I sat bolt upright and looked into the darkness. "Bella?" In my haze of sleepiness it was too easy to believe that I'd imagined it. I flopped limply back down on the bed. "_Bella"_ – I called to her again with no words, yearning for her presence.

And then I heard it again – but like my plea there were no words spoken. "_I'm coming Edward_." This time I was completely awake and sat upright in my bed, positive that Bella was near.

I flicked on my bedside lamp, casting a dim amber glow in a small area around my bed. I heard a scratching at the window and snapped my head in that direction. I could just make out the silhouette of flowing mahogany hair and the moon's reflection on a triangle of luminous pale skin hovering outside of my window. Bella.

_I'm here Edward. I couldn't stay away._

End Notes:

Sorry to leave it here. Bet you can't wait to see what Bella and Edward are going to do in his bedroom!?! Leave a review!


	14. Chapter 14

A/N:

Here we are again. Thanks to everyone who is reading! I think you will like this chapter – there is a lot of Edward/Bella interaction. Please leave a review if you are enjoying the story and even if you aren't! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! PLEASE! Come on, I'm craving the interaction with you! I will write back – honestly!

And please go check out "Blossom" by ms-ambrosia. She is the greatest beta ever and a really excellent writer too!

Disclaimer: I don't own or profit in any way from my use of these fabulous characters who I've twisted in every which way.

* * *

Chapter 14

I jumped up instantly and was unlocking the window before I had even decided to move.

I shifted the window up and Bella appeared inside rocketing across the space of my room much faster than my eyes could see. As I searched for her in the darkness my heart began to pound so rapidly in my chest that for a moment I thought I might lose consciousness. I realized that I needed to sit or else my legs would give way beneath me.

I fell awkwardly onto the edge of the bed and within half a breath Bella was on her knees before me. Her face was illuminated by the glow of the incandescent lamp and I was struck anew by her otherworldly beauty. She lightly placed her ice cold hands on the skin on my bare thighs, paradoxically setting them ablaze with her touch.

"Are you hurt, Edward?" she asked sincerely, with real fear in her voice.

"Bella," I reached my hand out to touch her upturned face, "are you real?"

"Yes. I wanted to see you. And I'm selfish. I…can't stay away." I flinched at the anguish in her words and was filled with the desire to erase it, to make it go away. But I also yearned to know where she had been and why she wasn't at school.

"Why weren't you at school? I looked for you. I went to your cabin."

"You did?"

"Yes. School isn't the same without you." I was completely aware of how lovesick and pathetic I sounded but I couldn't stop myself from telling her the truth.

"Edward you shouldn't miss school because of me. I just couldn't go today. It was too sunny. I can't go out in the full sun."

"Why…Does it harm you?" I was consumed with concern again.

"No. It's just…I sparkle. My skin sparkles. It would be too obvious that I am different. I can only go out when it's overcast. Luckily, there aren't too many sunny days in Forks." She chuckled at her statement and I sighed in relief, feeling all my anxiety slip away in her presence.

All day long I had bottled up the worry that I had said or done something to drive Bella away – that our intimacy on Saturday night had overwhelmed or frightened her. But now she was here kneeling expectantly in front of me, alone with me in my room and making me feel instantly alive. I gazed down at her face and was swept away by her look of adoration. I wasn't used to feeling self-doubt but I couldn't deny I felt unworthy of her love – anyone would feel unworthy of this gorgeous creature's love.

But if I was insecure of her feelings, I was instantly reassured by the devotion and love that emanated from her – both from her body and her thoughts. Her mind was laid open to me and it was simply coursing with emotions. They wavered between her intrinsic need to be completely understood by me and her nearly uncontrollable physical desire for me.

I was intoxicated by the sensuality of her thoughts and my mental link to her seemed heightened by the passion of the moment. My brain involuntarily sought after more information, narrowing its focus to delve deeper into her mind. Underlying all her most palpable feelings and thoughts, I detected a steady stream of words that kept repeating in some deeper part of her consciousness, "_I must maintain control. I must maintain control." _

Bella was afraid. She thought she might hurt me. And she was trying to reign in her intense need to be closer to me but her hands betrayed her. They began to move infinitesimally on my thighs. Her touch was just a feathery whisper, her passion restrained only by her strong will. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be overcome by the thrill of contact. I couldn't stop the shudder that ripped through my body as a vibration of electricity pulsed across the tips of her tiny fingers and into my legs.

I inhaled deeply and reached out for her, opening my eyes but she was no longer in front of me. My hands automatically grasped my thighs where her hands had been. I was instantly mourning the loss of her gentle touch. A wave of disappointment crashed upon me. Moments before I was in ecstasy, every molecule of my body was alert, ready and aroused by the mere closeness to Bella Swan. Where had she gone? Even as my eyes told me that she was no longer in my room, I heard her again and my heart soared.

"_I'm here, Edward_," she thought and I looked to the wall behind me and there she was, her arms spread out behind her as if holding onto the flat plane was a matter of life and death. "I can never lose control with you, Edward," she said, radiating fear and frustration. "I can never lose control."

I lifted myself to a standing position and moved toward her hesitantly, slowly. For a brief moment as I squinted at her in the darkness, I was flooded with her overwhelming feelings of fear and apprehension. Her emotions were nearly unbearable. With the strength of my will alone, I shunned her dark thoughts and recovered control of my mind.

"I trust you, Bella," I uttered breathily.

She was struggling. I could sense it. But more than that I sensed her need for me and I heard it in her mind. "_I need him. Must have him. Must touch him. I need him. Control…control. It's been so long since I've touched anyone. I don't want to resist. I must be in control. I want to touch him…touch Edward. Hold me. Hold me Edward!"_

She practically screamed this last thought and a sharp pain shot through my temples, temporarily paralyzing me. I brought my hands to my head and began to crumble forward, my eyes clenched shut.

"Edward!" Bella whispered, concern lacing her thoughts. I couldn't let her know how much I was hurting. I concentrated all my effort to mask the physical pain I was feeling to ease her distress. My eyes flit up to catch hers and as I lost myself in her liquid gaze I almost convinced myself that whatever pain I was feeling was gone.

My resolve to touch her instantly returned to me, consuming me, and I stepped forward. I began to close the distance between us, all the while cautiously gauging her reaction. Her eyes were narrow and fierce. I knew that there was a part of her that wanted to attack me, that hungered for my blood. If I were less confident in the depth of her feelings for me I would have been terribly frightened of her in this moment.

With each excruciatingly slow step forward I noticed the increasing level of worry in Bella's expression. I stood near enough to reach out and touch her and I could clearly see her eyes turn from those of the hunter, the predator, to those of the prey. She was frightened. But not for herself – for me.

I had to reassure her. "I'm not scared of you, Bella. I'm only afraid that you'll disappear."

She tentatively dropped one hand from the wall behind her and lifted it to my face. She ran her cool hand along the length of my jaw and buried it in the hair at the nape of my neck. I had the most acute reaction when her hands came in contact with my skin, her caress leaving me literally trembling with desire.

Even though a layer of clothes separated us, this was undoubtedly the most erotic experience of my life. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding, and tried to control my aching need to lean in and instantly satisfy my deep longing for her. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on the only sounds in the room: my deep labored breaths and the audible thumping of my overwrought heart.

I opened my eyes to find Bella looking at me intently as if memorizing the planes of my face. My blood rushed to the surface of my skin and my heart was pumping so maniacally I thought it might burst. As if reading my mind, Bella closed her eyes, her long dark lashes fluttering against the pale tissue-like skin below her eyes and placed her hand on my chest. She applied a small bit of pressure and then sent me her thoughts, "_Your heart, Edward…it's so alive. I can feel the blood surging through your veins. Its…exquisite._"

Perhaps her words should have frightened me but I was too deeply entranced to be fully aware of how conceivably precarious my situation was. Without a notion of fear in my mind, I raised my hand and laid it gently on top of hers. Her fingers interlaced with mine and she moved our joined hands down the front plane of my body.

I couldn't help that my body reacted on its own to her touch and as she pushed away from the wall and leaned her hard, taut body against me I knew that she could feel my arousal. But I restrained myself. I knew that I couldn't give in to my desires. We had to move slowly.

I carefully lifted my hand and ran my fingers down the length of her thin arm, marveling in its smooth, cool feel. Our eyes never lost contact as we gradually continued to explore the exposed parts of our bodies. Bella moved both hands so they were around the nape of my neck, their icy touch calming the heat my body was generating. I looked in her eyes for permission and finding no resistance, I leaned down to touch her lips with mine.

I lightly stroked my lower lip across the length of hers, the tip of my tongue easing out and sliding slowly down the edge of her top lip. "Bella," I moaned into her mouth before I placed my lips more firmly against hers. I was so lost in the moment that I didn't at first notice that her posture had changed. Her body became rigid and she took a step backwards. All her softness, her whispery touches were instantly gone.

"Edward…I'm not sure I can do this. You smell too good. I need more time." Just as I was about to protest, Bella's head snapped to the direction of my bedroom door and she crouched defensively. I followed her gaze and then heard a clomping noise in the hallway outside my door.

"Damn," Emmett drowsily yelled, probably headed down the hallway to the bathroom and stumbling on something in the darkness.

My already rapid heartbeat accelerated even more as I froze in place, momentarily stunned by the interruption. I turned back to face Bella, my mind only beginning to grasp what had happened but Bella was no longer there. I caught an instantaneous flash of pale white skin on the tree branch outside my window when I heard Bella's thoughts.

"_Edward…goodnight_."

________________________________________________________________________End Notes:

You know what to do: keep reading and always always leave a review! Come on guys, it only takes a sec. Just say, "Good," or "Nice" or leave me a novel. I'm not picky!


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Notes:

Sorry it's been a while. I'm a compulsive writer but I am continually rewriting and editing my chapters before I post them. I have lots of really great ideas for this story and I think that they will surprise you! It's so much fun to warp this story for my own (and hopefully your) pleasure. For those of you who love Jacob, there's more of him coming up soon – but not like you think.

So this is the next day at school after the intimate interlude in Edward's bedroom. Too bad they were interrupted!

Disclaimer: Oh, I so wish that I was Stephanie Meyer but I'm not and these are not my characters, they are hers. But I do own my unique twist on the plot. At least that's something…

Chapter 15

The next day, I had never been so happy to see the churning, ominous storm clouds that littered the morning sky. I rushed to get ready for school, too anxious to eat or linger longer than necessary. As soon as Emmett stepped out of his door I told him I was leaving. Before he could protest, I was out the door and headed for my car.

I got to school ridiculously early and sat down on the concrete stairwell at the entrance to wait for Bella. I was a little nervous, shivering from more than just the cold air. Though we had definitely shared an intimate night, it wasn't without its difficulties. We had explored kissing and touching one another, and even though Bella had pulled away, it still was the most amazing night of my life. I hoped that she wouldn't let her fear keep us apart. I still trusted her and in our deep connection to one another. I had no doubts that we belonged together.

I wanted to let the whole world know how I felt about Bella but I wasn't entirely certain if Bella felt that way. I wondered if she would allow me to hold her hand or if she would even stay to eat lunch with me.

While I was lost in my lovelorn ponderings, the clouds began to move in more aggressively. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, huddling against the bitter wind. Students, bundled up for the cold weather, were beginning to straggle in to school. I squinted into the howling wind, my eyes searching for the only thing that could make my day worthwhile, a glimpse of Bella.

Just as I was losing feeling in the tips of my fingers I heard her thoughts. "_I'm coming, Edward." _I twisted my head from side to side, extending my vision as far as possible out in the distance. Without warning, heavy wet raindrops began to pelt my shoulders and I retreated backward under the concrete façade to wait for Bella.

When my back came in contact with something solid I spun around to find myself face to face with my angel. She smiled smugly at me as she lifted her hand and ran her fingers through my rain spattered hair. Her hand travelled across the edge of my jaw line. I closed my eyes, thoroughly overcome by the feeling of her gentle hands on my skin. Would I ever get used to the effect her touch had on my body?

I understood the risk she was taking in touching me. Without words she was telling me that she wasn't giving up on me. I was elated that she was showing her affection for me so openly here at school. The implied meaning behind her tender gestures was more significant to me than any words she could have spoken or any thoughts she might have sent to me. I felt cloaked in a bubble of euphoria. I placed my hand in hers and laced my fingers with her (outwardly) delicate ones. For once our fingers were the same temperature. As we walked down the hallway together I'd never felt more complete.

I was only remotely aware that we were receiving stares from all directions. Not until Alice skipped up and tapped me on the shoulder did the bubble pop and I floated back down to earth.

"Edward…Bella. Wow, so you guys are really together. Wow. Bella we're going to be such good friends. I just know it. You have to come over to our house for dinner on Friday night. Jasper and Rosalie are coming. You should come too. Shouldn't she, Edward?" She turned toward me, a wide smile stretched across her face, her excitement only marginally contained. While she waited for my response, she literally started jumping up and down in place.

"Um, you should come, Bella." I turned and looked her in the eye so she could see that I was sincere. "My parents would love to meet you."

Bella's eyes flashed at mine and only I heard her unspoken words. "_No Edward. I can't. It's too dangerous." _But she answered Alice aloud with complete composure.

"I will have to let you know later, Alice. Thank you for the invitation."

I was so enchanted by her melodious voice that it took a moment before I comprehended her words. _She didn't say no._ As soon as Alice had invited Bella I decided that I really wanted her to say yes. I yearned to share every aspect of my life with her, to have her meet my parents, and to see where I lived. Just as much as she wanted me to know all about her, I wanted her to know me, as I had never shown anyone before. And I trusted her implicitly, even if she didn't yet trust herself. I had surfed the edges of her mind and I knew her will was strong; her conscience wouldn't allow her to hurt anyone. I would have to persuade her to come.

Alice seemed placated by Bella's answer and skipped off down the hallway. Bella and I continued our path to Biology, enduring the stares, giggles, and whispers of the students we encountered on the way. Bella's thoughts were benign. She seemed as content as I to hold hands, to bask in the glow of our emotions. As she did when she was either trying to block me, or to calm and clear her mind, she hummed a song in her head.

We entered our class and slid into our seats next to each other. I resisted taking my eyes off of her even for the short time it took me to pull out my notebook and a pen. She also seemed wary of losing the close contact we had established. Whenever possible she looked in my direction and squeezed my hand. Every few minutes or so, I heard her sigh softly, _Edward. _After several times of this happening I figured out that my name was unconsciously slipping from her mind as she thought of me. With every slip, I felt a shudder of utter joy.

I looked down at our entwined fingers, Bella's pale flesh smooth and shimmering even under the shadow of the desk top. Our teacher cleared his throat, slightly drawing my attention away from Bella. I reluctantly lifted my eyes toward him.

I only remotely followed Mr. Banner's explanation on how to dissect flatworms because I had already done the same experiment in seventh grade at my middle school in Montana. Besides, I was finding it extremely difficult to focus on anything but Bella. When my eyes weren't caressing her arms or skimming along her long, elegant neck, Bella was sending images of me back into my mind. It was an odd sensation to see elements of myself through her eyes. She seemed particularly fixated on the fresh layer of stubble that peppered the edge of my jaw line and in listening to the beating of my heart.

I was still learning how to control my mind reading abilities. When I was so close to Bella I easily became lost in the maze of our entangled thoughts. Bella's mind could take in so much more than mine. Her thoughts flitted effortlessly and seamlessly from one thing to the next. She skipped from thinking of my scent, to the doomed flatworms, then to the sound of the raindrops echoing off the tin roof of the storage shed outside, which led her to recall the fragment of an unrecognizable song, while always in the back of her mind she listened the rhythm of my heartbeat. I was drowning in her train of liquid thoughts, struggling to keep up and hold onto the lingering imprint of sounds and images as they rapidly flashed through my mind.

I distantly heard the bell ring and Bella stood next to me, tugging gently on my arm. Her face was filled with compassion. She must have realized what she'd done to me.

"Edward, it's time to go to next class," she purred, my mind instantly awakened by the sensuality of her voice and in her touch. "Let's eat lunch together today. I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

I wondered if I would ever be able to function normally around Bella. My legs felt like jelly and my mind was as exhausted as if I'd just composed a complex piano piece or finished a grueling final exam. Bella's hand was still on my arm as I walked out into the hall and I actually worried that when she dropped it I might collapse. I took a deep breath and dragged my hand through my hair.

"I feel weak," I admitted.

"I'm sorry Edward. I feel so comfortable around you now that I forget that you're listening. I know my mind must seem confusing to you," she whispered so low that I could scarcely hear her words.

_Edward, I'm sorry. Will you be okay?_ She removed her hand slowly and I nodded.

"Are you sure you're up for lunch in the cafeteria? We could go to the library or something," I suggested. I would give up anything just to be with her.

"No. I don't want to take you away from your friends. I know what that's like. Let's eat with them. It will be okay," she smiled reassuringly and I felt an instant jolt of happiness.

_Until lunch, _she thought as she walked off down the hall. I scanned the faces in the hall and was surprised to see that no one else seemed to notice my beauty's retreat down the corridor. How could they not see her superiority in every way, the cat-like agility of her movement, and the unreal grace in each step she made?

*

I tried to hide my eagerness as I waited for Bella in the hallway outside of the cafeteria doors. I leaned against the wall, crossing my legs at the ankles, and ran my hand nervously through my disheveled mop of hair. I tried to look disinterested as a group of girls walked by, whispering, giggling and looking in my direction. Jessica separated herself from them and shuffled over to me.

"Hi Edward, are you waiting for someone?" she asked boldly.

"Yep," I said, trying not to make eye contact, hoping she'd get the hint.

"Really, who?" she asked as though she thought she was catching me in a lie. I rolled my eyes at her. She was making it impossible for me to mask how much I disliked her.

"It's really none of your business," I answered tetchily, not caring that my tone was harsh. I turned away, ending the conversation. I closed my eyes for a moment, and heard Jessica's huff before her feet pattered away. I took a few deep breathes, trying to ease my irritation. I thought of Bella and my heart started rapidly thrumming in my chest. When I opened my eyes a second later, Bella was standing close in front of me, a smug smile on her gorgeous face.

I went rigid in surprise, my feet slipping underneath me. I nearly fell backwards against the wall when Bella's hand jutted out faster than my eyes could see and effortlessly shifted me upright. I couldn't hide my embarrassment at being caught so unaware and especially for needing her help; but a quick scan of the hallway showed me that luckily, the entire episode had gone unobserved.

I quickly recovered, shaking off any feelings of weirdness and placed Bella's strong hand in mine. "Thank you," I said sheepishly, shrugging.

_My pleasure,_ Bella said only for me to hear. I tugged on her hand and pulled her through the swinging doors. The cafeteria always smelled of ammonia and mold, a combination that made my appetite immediately evaporate. I turned to look at her expression and saw her eyes sweeping the room, assessing the scene, stopping only briefly on the table of girls who were gossiping noisily and looking pointedly in our direction.

"Don't pay them any attention, Bella," I pulled lightly on her arm but she didn't budge.

I heard her emit a low growl in their direction, and in that instant I worried that this situation might be too much for her to manage. _Mangy sluts! He's mine. Mine!_ At first, I felt an inherent sense of delight in her possessive thoughts but then I immediately realized the implication behind her words. This could end badly if I didn't do something. I panicked and did the only thing that I thought might distract her. I grasped her chin, positioning myself in front of her, and kissed her.

The incessant chatter in the room only got louder but I didn't care and to my relief, neither did Bella. The electricity flowed from my lips to hers and from her lips to mine. It was only her and me and everything else was outside our bubble of happiness.

"Edward," she moaned, pulling our entwined hands to her lips and lightly kissed the outside of my hand, "you're perfect."

"No Bella. You're perfect. No one else matters. No one."

I couldn't believe how easily I drowned in her eyes and completely lost my sense of time and place when I was with Bella. She also seemed entirely engrossed in the feel of our touching skin, the mingling of our breath, and the exhilarating waves of energy pulsing between us. We were both unwilling to break our unwavering gaze, to end the seductive conversation we were having with only our eyes. We were standing just outside the food line in our own world, thoroughly oblivious to the scene we were causing when Alice bounded up and interrupted.

"Are you guys gonna eat some food or just each other?"

Bella instantly snapped her head toward Alice and for an instant I worried that she might lash out at her for the disruption. But my Bella was always surprising me and when she answered Alice she was perfectly composed.

"Of course Alice, I'm sorry. Edward was just telling me about what he was going to get for lunch today," she swiveled around, facing the end of the line, her hair swishing tantalizingly from her shoulders and down across her upper back. Her movement was a little too graceful, too smooth.

She pulled an orange tray from the top of a large stack, grabbed a carton of milk from the cooler and resolutely placed it on the tray. I chuckled at the dramatic flair of her movements. I wriggled the tray out of her stony grip and copied her exaggerated movement, placing another carton of milk next to hers.

"I'll carry the tray. We'll share," I smiled, raising my eyebrows playfully and kissing her on the cheek.

I nudged her shoulder teasingly with the edge of the tray and she turned excruciatingly slowly, raising her hand to my face. She swiped the edge of my jaw, running her hand tenderly from my ear down to my chin. Her expression was hungry and I wondered at that moment if she was seeing me as a lover or as a meal.

I took a step backward and murmured, "Bella…everyone is watching." Not that I cared, I was just stating a fact.

"Edward, if I'm already going to hell…"

She smiled coyly, her long eyelashes fluttering. My stomach fluttered in response. I smirked back at her and she looked down sheepishly. I was more than happy to discover that even though Bella was a vampire, she wasn't immune to my charms. It was a relief that we were able to interact with a little less intensity in front of the cafeteria audience. We almost appeared like a normal couple, maintaining an easy teasing banter. I realized that I kept expecting for her to blush, a telltale sign that she was enjoying the overt flirting. Her unchanging porcelain skin was a blunt reminder me that such a human response was not possible for her.

We floated down the lunch line, so thoroughly absorbed with one another that I didn't pay any attention to what was placed on the tray. I pulled out my wallet to pay for our lunches and was completely surprised by the random assortment of lunch items that somehow had made their way to our tray, an overcooked corndog, grey looking pudding, a tragically bruised banana, and a sweaty looking slice of pizza – all equally inedible in appearance. Bella, at least, wasn't going to eat them.

It wasn't until we sat down at the table that several possible tragic outcomes to our lunch experiment rushed back to the forefront of my consciousness. Though I couldn't avoid feeling a little protective of Bella, I was prepared to face the over-interested and blatantly eager expressions on the faces of my siblings and friends. But the malicious stares and acidic chatter streaming out from everyone else outside our inner circle was nearly impossible to ignore. We had definitely made ourselves the leading school news of the day.

I scooted close to Bella, wrapping my arm around her thin shoulders. I forced myself not to recoil from the cold, inflexibility of her body; it was so different from the warm flesh of a human. Though it was much like embracing architecture, her frame like a solid creation in artist's marble, I molded myself to her like a vine around a column.

Bella softly tilted her head toward me in response to my touch, her auburn hair draping alluringly over my collarbone. Would I ever get used to this power she had over me? She smiled, looking up through her dark eyelashes, her face impervious to the waves of curiosity and hostility flowing in our direction.

She squeezed my hand and then her words filled my mind. _It's just me and you. Just me and you. Just me and you._

I wasn't sure if Bella intended on me hearing her thoughts or if I was eavesdropping on her own private mantra. Regardless, the effect of her mental chant was reassuring and calming. I was beginning to feel myself slip back into the world of Bella's mind, a place just for us. Thankfully, Emmett leaned forward, halting my descent and breaking the thick silence. As he stretched across the table, extending his massive hand in welcome, I breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"Hey Bella," he offered her his biggest dimpled smile. "I'm Emmett, Edward's brother. It's nice to meet the girl who finally got Edward to stop moping around. I was getting worried. Before you, he was really starting to act like a loser and sometimes I had to really prod him in the ass, you know what I mean? Once I took a whole jar of..."

"Emmett, shut the fuck up. Don't you see you're embarrassing Edward," Rosalie attacked, hitting Emmett playfully in the arm, causing him to drop his extended hand. I wasn't the only one at our table who turned to gawk at Rosalie; I hadn't known her long but I knew her well enough to know that her outburst was uncharacteristic. I was not only shocked that she defended _me_ but even that she was paying attention at all. I was beginning to think that maybe I'd judged her too quickly, that maybe all her condescension was simply an act.

Bella and Rosalie were eyeing each other speculatively in a way that both intrigued and surprised me. Bella turned back to Emmett and waved her delicate hand, saying in her sweet voice, "It's nice to meet you Emmett."

Her eyes flitted up once to Rosalie and then she looked down self-consciously at her hands. All her mannerisms led me to expect her to blush but again I was reminded that she was incapable of such a common symptom of emotion. My heart lurched at the thought that she was uncomfortable here among my friends and I longed to make her feel as though she belonged here, with me.

"You already know Alice." I pointed in her direction. "And this is Jasper," I put my hand on his shoulder. "Rosalie is his sister," I jutted my chin toward her and Rosalie raised her hand.

"It's nice to meet you all," she said, her amber eyes taking in their faces. It was hard for me to see her as a lethal vampire most of the time but now she couldn't be farther than the predator she was designed to be. On the outside she was sexy and aggressive but I had seen her fragility, her vulnerability. Her hands may have been able to snap my neck in two, but she was just as insecure, just as uncertain as any teenage girl. More than ever before, I felt the burning need to enclose her in my arms and to never let her go.

*

After school I waited in the hallway for Bella, hoping to catch her before she scattered in the wind. I leaned against a row of battered lockers near the entrance to school and gave into my worries. Would she leave without saying goodbye? Would I catch one more glimpse of her before tomorrow? Was she going to have the werewolf pick her up again on his motorcycle? All these doubts weighed heavily on me. My happiness was now thoroughly dependant on Bella and I couldn't deny that this alarmed me. I could only hope that she didn't tire of me. I couldn't think of the future yet; it was all too unclear. As I banished these grave thoughts from my mind, all at once I heard her lilting voice calling to me as no one else could.

_Edward. Edward, come to me. I am waiting for you. Come outside, Edward. Edward…_

Without hesitation, I followed her instructions and hastened to the front of the school where I was immediately attacked by a wild gust of unforgiving wind. I felt my hair whip madly around my head, my eyes watering while searching the crowd of students for a sign of Bella. The hair on the back of my neck prickled in anticipation and I knew she was near. A whisper of cool wind ghosted my hand and before I knew what was happening I turned to find her standing next to me, her fingers already laced with mine.

"Cullen, are you giving me a ride home today?" Teasing, confident Bella was back.

"Um, of course," I stammered, happy that Jacob wasn't coming after all.

We walked to my car side by side, attached not just by our hands, but by an incomprehensible bond that drew us to one another. I caught sight of Emmett's Jeep peeling out of the parking lot and felt a pang of gratitude that he had begun to drive his car to school in anticipation of this moment. I opened the door for Bella and she slipped gracefully into the passenger seat. I got in, revved the engine and smiled at her, overjoyed to see her in my car.

She looked so right tucked into the seat next to me, her knees kissing, her dainty hands folded quietly on her lap. I reached over and put my hand on hers, feeling overwhelmed with my emotions. I wanted to burn this moment in my memory for all time as though there were no tomorrow. Even though I knew she wasn't capable of crying, when she looked in my eyes I thought I saw tears.

_Edward I feel it too…the emotion. It's overwhelming. I can tell you things in my mind that I can't say in person. There's so much I still need to share with you…soon._

The image of a white house instantly filled my mind. My thoughts became muddled with scenes involving the house, fragments of Bella's life. I was running up a flight of stairs, jumping on a bed, opening the top of a beer can and handing it to someone I couldn't quite make out, stirring tomato sauce on the stove, and picking lemons from a huge tree. These were bits and pieces of Bella's life and knowing that she was sharing this part of her with me, my heart swelled even more.

"It's Charlie's house…my memories…Charlie's house," she whispered, her voice breaking uncharacteristically.

"Who's Charlie, Bella?" I asked carefully.

"My father," she said emotionlessly, her voice flat.

"You live with your father? In your father's house?" I asked incredulously. I was trying to imagine what that could mean and all the possible scenarios when Bella's thoughts interrupted me.

_Just drive, Edward. I will lead you._

I felt the excitement build within me. She was going to show me where she lived. I would always know where to find her. One of the mysteries will be solved. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, anxiously awaiting her instructions.

"So, where to, Bella? Show me where you live."

A/N:

Okay, so I'm not going to beg for reviews here. Leave one if you want. If you don't have time, no worries. I post this story for everyone to enjoy with no strings attached. Reviews do have the power to make me happy though. So if you want that power, then take it! More of Bella's past is revealed next chapter! Keep reading!


	16. Chapter 16

A/N:

Sorry this chapter took a while. I've been sick as a dog and my mind has been too muddled and foggy to complete a thought, let alone write. I'm finally feeling a little better today and posting this was the first thing I thought of doing. Yay, I can finally breathe through my nose again!

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the characters; I own my twist on the plot.

Chapter 16

As I looked over at Bella sitting stiffly in the passenger seat of my car I worried if I would ever completely know her. She was humming an innocent tune in her head which seemed entirely inconsistent with the enigmatic and slightly dangerous vibe she radiated on the exterior. Perhaps I was the only one who had penetrated her protective wall. I was the only one who could clearly see the girl inside the dark shell.

Even though I had spent the most agonizingly emotional, intimate night of my life with her with her there was still much I didn't know. I was beginning to learn how to control my mind reading ability, but I resisted probing her for information she was not ready to share. Even when I sometimes slipped and rooted around her brain for a glimpse of her thoughts, I sensed an invisible shield cocooned around her mind and heart. Perhaps she was learning to control our mental link as well, and though I know she deserved some privacy, it pained me to be unwelcome.

I sighed heavily, the wind slapping relentlessly against the protective frame of my car, and linked my fingers with hers. Each time we touched I was amazed anew at the tingling rush of electricity that captivated my entire body. Was this some sort of vampire magic? Or was this just the magic of Bella? I looked down at our two hands, hoping that through my flesh, she could comprehend the full extent of my feelings for her. That with my touch, I could erase the outside world so that it was just us, two souls combined as one.

I brought our entangled hands to my mouth and brushed a kiss along the tips of her sharp knuckles, wishing that more than just the flesh of our hands were touching. I reluctantly pulled my hand away to start the engine of the car and looked into her amber eyes. She still had secrets to tell. I didn't even know where she lived. I only knew of her tiny cabin in the woods and when I had found it empty before, I had to assume that she had somewhere else where she primarily lived. I realized that I didn't even have her phone number. There were so many things that I still wanted to know about her. There were so many unanswered questions clouding my mind.

"So, where do you live?" I asked her, anxiously awaiting one of Bella's small mysteries to be solved.

"Turn right at the light," she offered, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

I wanted so desperately to bombard her with questions, but I forced my mind to calm and accept that she would eventually let me in. I was concentrating on hiding my anxiousness from Bella when her voice pulled me to the surface.

"What are your parents like?" she asked, and a forlorn whisper of a name popped into my head. _Charlie._ The longing in her tone tugged at my heart and again I found it difficult to switch gears and answer her.

"Um…my parents, they're great, I guess. My dad's a doctor and he's really good at his job. But no matter how busy he is, he still makes time for us. I really admire him. I know that sounds stupid, but he's really a great guy. Oh, and he loves baseball and opera, not exactly always in that order."

_Charlie loved baseball too_, Bella thought clearly but before I could ask who Charlie was, she asked another question.

"What about your mom? What is she like?"

I smiled automatically when I thought of my mom. Bella noticed and I watched the amusement register on her face. I knew it was weird for a teenager to be so close to his mom, but we'd always had a good relationship. She respected me and gave me enough freedom that I'd never felt any inclination to rebel against her. I guess I'd always acted older than my actual years – so much of typical adolescent behavior didn't appeal to me. Plus we'd moved so often that it was hard to forge meaningful relationships with other kids my age. I felt more comfortable hanging out with Esme than most girls my age until I met Bella. I tried to imagine what Bella might want to know about my mother and answered with some trepidation.

"Well, she is an incredible mother. She loves to bake. And she gets bored easily. We move a lot and it's always because my mom wants to move somewhere new. She always says that it's good to see things from a new perspective. But really there's not that much difference between places. Life wasn't that different in Alaska than it is here. I mean, except for you, of course." I tilted my head in her direction, feeling the familiar pull in my stomach.

"Esme is also a brilliant musician in her own right. She was my first teacher. She could have been great but she gave it all up for us. I think that our mutual love for the piano is one of the reasons why we're so close and probably why she is so fiercely protective of me. I've actually never brought a girl home that she liked. But I've never been serious about any of them either."

Bella growled as streaming images of random girls and women passed from her mind to mine in a too fast a progression for my brain to siphon. I realized that she was trying to put a face on the relationships of my past. I only wished that I could somehow make her understand that none of them meant anything, that I couldn't even remember half their names. They were nearly as faceless to me as they were to her. I squeezed her hand lightly and as it seemed as though she didn't feel it, I squeezed again much harder.

"But she is very loving, and very generous. She will love you. Please say you'll come on Friday. They want to meet you."

"They know about me?"

"Yeah, well Alice let it slip that I've become kind of…attached to you."

"Oh," she said flatly, her eyes fixed on the road, her body frozen in position as she often was when not overtly making an effort to appear human. "Make the next left at the big tree," she added in a monotone while her thoughts were swirling with images of a woman who looked much like Bella but older. Bella saw her as she was standing in an airport a distance away. She was smiling through her tears as she waved and blew kisses.

"Is that your mother…that you were seeing at the airport?" I asked in a gentle voice, not wanting to push her into an area that she wasn't yet ready to go with me.

"Yes. It was the last time I saw her. Pull up to the white house on the corner," she said, pointing at the homey structure and sufficiently changing the subject. I wanted to ask more about her mother, but my focus now turned to the house where my Bella lived. I don't really know what I was expecting, but I didn't even remotely imagine that she was living so close to town in such a run of the mill suburban neighborhood. It was the kind of neighborhood where working class families lived, with older homes that were once rather nice, but were now in various levels of disrepair. The white ramshackle structure with broken terracotta pots on the front porch and sagging, broken shutters on the windows hardly seemed the appropriate house for a vampire.

I followed Bella up the well-worn staircase to the front door and through the threshold into the vacant entryway. My eyes travelled from one room to another trying to find some part of my beautiful vampire girlfriend in the shabby interior. I thought that seeing Bella where she lived might give me more insight into her mysterious past but there was nothing of her in this very ordinary dwelling. In fact, I was more baffled than ever. Bella sat down in a chair at the round oak table in the kitchen and I sat down across from her, hoping for some illumination.

"This isn't really what I expected," I said, reaching over to grasp her hand.

"What, did you think I lived in a cave or something? Maybe a dark castle with moats and a dungeon?"

"Well, not the moats," I answered and we both chuckled.

"Last time I looked there weren't too many castles in Forks."

"No, I guess not," I conceded.

We sat in silence for several minutes, our hands intertwined on the table while my eyes wandered. I found myself investigating the contents of the kitchen like a detective searching for clues. There was a rusted metal pot rack hanging over the stove, the pots dusty with disuse. A varied assortment of spice containers sat on the back of the stove as reminders of meals consumed long ago. There was a dehydrated yellow sponge sitting abandoned on the edge of the sink, curled and shriveled. I was surprised to see an open can of beer sitting on the countertop near the refrigerator and even more startled to see the several school photographs of a much younger Bella attached to the refrigerator by magnets in various shapes of vegetables. I began to understand that this house was a shrine to a different time, a life that ended for Bella when that monster sunk his fangs into her neck and made her like him.

"This was Charlie's house…my father, Charlie. He lived here. I came to visit him in the summers when I was a kid. I'd only lived here for a few months when I was attacked by James and then I had to leave. Leaving Charlie was really hard. It was the hardest part of what happened to me. Because we'd just started to get to know each other again. And he was a really great man," she gulped back a tearless sob and collapsed forward, resting her head on the table in her grief. _Charlie_. _Charlie. Charlie. _She kept moaning his name in her head.

I reached out to her and put my hand on her shoulder, moving it slowly upward through the strands of her hair. I caressed her scalp, rubbing small circles with my fingertips. She was thinking of him in his police uniform standing by the doorway, skillfully wrapping his gun holster around his waist, an action that was plainly second nature to him.

"It's okay Bella, we don't have to talk about this," I whispered, willing her to understand that I would wait for her to share everything with me.

"Thank you for not pressuring me Edward, but I want to talk about them. Sometimes, they don't even seem real, like they ever existed. Sometimes I feel like I never existed, like my human life was an illusion. That's why I continue to live here in Charlie's house. It proves that it was real." She stood and walked to the refrigerator and gingerly brushed her fingertips over her school pictures as if a firmer touch would cause them to disintegrate.

"I guess my mother sent all my school pictures to Charlie. When I moved here I was surprised to see them. I didn't know. I wish that I'd had more time with him." She turned toward me resolutely and shrugged as if closing a door on her emotions.

"I moved here because of my mom, Renee. I wanted her to be happy. It had been just the two of us for so long and I knew she was lonely. And then she met Phil and he made her so happy. He was a minor league baseball player and was on the road a lot. I knew that my mom really wanted to go with him on the road but she stayed at home for me. So I decided to try living with my dad for a while so that Renee and Phil could be together."

The image of Renee in the airport popped into Bella's head again. She waved and blew kisses and smiled through her tears.

"My mom had a cell phone but she never could figure out how to use it. She was hopeless with technology. It was funny really. She would call me from gas stations, truck stops, diners. The last time she called me from truck stop somewhere between Florida and Alabama. I could tell from her voice that she was really happy. Phil had been playing well the last few games. He'd hit a couple home runs or something. They were talking about moving him up to a Triple-A team for a while. All she talked about was Phil. She was so proud of him."

_The next part is the hardest to say. Edward, hold me._

Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me from the kitchen to the lumpy couch in the living room, aptly positioned in front of the only relatively new item in the house, the large flat-screen television. She urged me down next to her. I put my arm around her, tucking her in close. It was oddly like embracing the trunk of a tree, all stiff and hard angles. But as she curled into me I could have cared less. I loved her.

Bella sucked in a deep breath, and as I had noticed she could go for extended periods without breathing, I wondered if it was simply out of habit.

"Soon after the call, the bus that Phil's team was travelling on was in an accident. The driver swerved to miss a deer on the road and drove into a steep ditch. The bus was top-heavy and flipped over, tumbling a ways down the hill. My mom…"

_Mom and Phil and the driver of the bus were all killed._

"Everyone else walked away with minor injuries," Bella said, her melodious voice full of pain.

"Charlie helped to get Renee and Phil's bodies back to Forks. They both were buried in the graveyard here next to where my grandparents were buried."

_And now Charlie is there too._

"I was at the graveyard visiting my mom when James came after me." There was so much venom in her voice in the last part of this statement that I hardly recognized it and I flinched. Bella recovered quickly and caught my gaze. Her amber eyes seduced me, placating me.

_I'm sorry, Edward. I will never hurt you. I could never be angry with you. _Faster than I could see, she had lifted her hand to my cheek and began to caress it gently. I couldn't resist leaning into her palm, her touch stirring the blood in my veins.

When Bella's hand returned to her lap, my senses returned to me and I asked her the question that remained, "But what happened to Charlie?"

Her face when she raised her eyes to mine was filled with a pain so deep and inexplicable that I immediately wished I hadn't asked the question. Her eyes dropped again, her soft, anguished voice breaking into my mind.

_Can we leave that for another time, Edward? Won't Esme be wondering where her beloved son is?_

She stood and walked me to the entryway. I noticed Charlie's gun holster on the coat rack near the door. I swallowed my desire to ask her more questions. I had an irrational need to reach out and touch the holster as if to verify that it was real and not simply a ghostly remnant of Bella's memories. But Bella was an expert at distraction. She elegantly stretched to her tiptoes and lightly brushed her ruby lips across mine.

_Edward, I'll miss you tonight. It's so hard to stay away._

"Then don't Bella," I said aloud, her lips only inches away. "I want to be with you too. All the time."

She took a step backwards and shook her head from side to side, sadly. "You would tire of me."

"Never," I said with passion – a passion only Bella could arouse in me. "Please come to my house on Friday. I promise it will all be okay."

"So many things could go wrong. I don't eat. Won't they notice? Sometimes I forget to act human. What if they don't like me?"

"Bella, they will adore you. Don't worry about any of those things. I will help you – remind you to breathe and move and everything. Please?" I tried to plead with my eyes, a trick that always worked on my mother.

Images began to flash through my mind – James with blood dripping down his chin, a frightened deer running frantically through the forest. I could hear its galloping foot falls and then tinkling laughter, like bells, as the face of Bella's mother attacked my consciousness like a ghostly apparition. Her face faded just as quickly as it appeared when I heard the familiar hiss of a beer can being opened. I automatically turned my head to the side, my ears searching for the source of the sound when Bella's thoughts again became mine and I saw her father, his head cocked back, taking a long gulp from the can in his hand.

"Okay, I'll go," she said, bringing me slowly back to her.

I eased my mind from its stupor, shaking the lingering fog from my brain, and gradually came to understand the meaning of her words. When the realization set in, enthusiasm and a sense of relief bubbled deep inside of me. Her acceptance meant more than it seemed on the surface – her agreeing to meet my family meant she was willing to give us a chance, willing to face her fear so that we could be together.

I dipped my head to kiss her, pulling her to me in an embrace. Her arms wound themselves around my waist, her hands travelling upward over the muscles in my back. I released a heavy sigh of contentment. There was no where I would rather be than in her arms. It felt so right. As if we were made for each other, two halves of a whole, two puzzle pieces perfectly melded together.

As I descended the stairway and reluctantly made my way to my car I heard Bella's parting thoughts ring clearly in my mind.

_I love you, Edward Cullen. Thank you. Thank you for making me feel alive again._

End Notes:

Please review! I have lots of readers out there but not so many reviews. I would love to hear from you! Don't be shy!!! I will write back!


	17. Chapter 17

A/N:

Okay, so this is my favorite chapter so far. You are either going to love it or hate it!

Thank you always to my beta, ms_ambrosia, who is getting lots of interest in her story, Blossom – have you checked it out yet?

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything, including my envy. I own my little twist on the story. It just gets twistier and twistier.

Chapter 17

I paced my room; the waiting was killing me. Bella was coming.

Not only could I sense her getting closer, but images kept hitting me, filling all the corners of my consciousness. I saw the backs of houses at the fringe of my neighborhood streaming through my mind - Mr. Carlson's dilapidated fence with tall weeds strangling the weathered boards, an abandoned set of moss covered lawn furniture, and a frightened calico cat – its body arched and hair on edge. I felt the moist air cling to my skin – Bella's skin – as a hedge of wild calla lilies came into sharp focus. They were a sea of white soldiers, standing tall and proud, their caterpillar stamens yellow like the yolk of an egg. A hand reached out and severed one from the bunch. It was breathtaking in its perfection; the white hand grasping it like an offering of peace, a talisman to purge the evil that she feared lurked inside her.

And then she was here. I looked out my bedroom window to see her on my lawn, the flower in her hand.

_Edward, I am here. _

Now that she had finally arrived, I couldn't move. She was a vision of loveliness in the ethereal glow of the twilight sky. She painted an image of pure innocence in her white diaphanous dress that seemed plucked from another era and was uniquely fitting. I had never seen her dressed this way. It was as if the dark and dank cloud that followed her had been lifted and I could see her clearly for the first time. She radiated light. Her innate and pure goodness was never more evident than at this moment. She was the epitome of beauty, a goddess to rival Aphrodite, and she was mine.

_Edward, are you going to let me in, or should I go?_

She noticeably shifted on her feet, evidence of her willingness to turn and flee. I leaned out the window, suddenly anxious and spoke to her, knowing that it wasn't necessary for me to raise my voice in order for her to hear me.

"No, Bella. Please don't go. I'm coming down now."

I scrambled clumsily down the staircase and clambered towards the front door.

"What _are_ you doing?" Alice asked from the living room couch.

"Be right back," I mumbled as I threw myself through the front door.

Bella was still standing on the lawn, frozen as a statue, as though still trying to decide whether or not she was going to come in. I wriggled my toes in the wet, dew-covered grass.

"I promise you, it will be fine. Please, Bella, come," I held my hand out to her imploringly.

She hesitated only for a moment before she visibly relaxed, dropping her shoulders and placing her hand in mine. I reveled in her touch. It amazed me that every time our bodies connected I felt it deep in my core, as though only fully alive when we were united. Her fingers jolted me with energy; I literally surged with Bella-laced adrenaline.

She may have been nervous, but as we ascended the front staircase, she glided gracefully forward.

"Hey Bella!" Emmett boomed as we stepped into the entryway. Emmett had a naturally effusive nature and as I anticipated, he leaned in to hug Bella. Before his muscled arms could connect with her hard body she stepped to the side so fast that his arm flopped awkwardly through the air, sending his hulking form reeling forward.

Just at that moment, Rose emerged from the kitchen to see Emmett stumbling.

"You big oaf, you're gonna scare Bella away before she even comes in," she said harshly while stepping forward to offer a steadying arm to Emmett. The sweet smile and loving embrace she gave him belied the coldness of her words. Emmett wiped his hand down his face sheepishly, but Rosalie didn't notice.

She was captivated by Bella, studying her face curiously as if entranced. She reached her hand out tentatively, a vacant expression on her face. Bella stiffened infinitesimally, but I seemed to be the only one aware of her discomfort. Rosalie's outstretched hand trembled as though her body instinctually knew it should recoil. I cleared my throat, trying to break the quiet tension, to awaken her from her daze.

Rosalie's eyes widened as she spoke, her voice raspy and forced, and lacking its usual tinge of conceit, "Um, I'll go find a vase for that," she offered, her eyes flicking nervously from mine to Bella's. Though she was more perceptive than Emmett, I could see in her eyes that her innate apprehension of Bella was only slightly overpowered by the lure of Bella's vampire charms.

"Oh," Bella said, carefully handing over the proud calla lily. Rose stiffly grasped the flower in her hand, but didn't move. She continued to stare at Bella, transfixed.

I was always so thoroughly intoxicated by Bella's presence that I'd barely noticed how most people reacted to her. I was fairly certain that until she met me, she would have done anything to avoid any situation like this where she'd be so closely scrutinized. It amazed me that most of the other kids at school couldn't fully see her like I could. It was as though she existed in a blinding mist that shrouded everything that was extraordinary about her.

Rosalie's reaction to Bella worried me. Somehow she had seen through the mist. My mind sought a diversion, as did Bella's, but it wasn't necessary. Emmett ran his large hands down Rosalie's arms soothingly, pushing his chest against her back and pecking her lightly on the cheek. She leaned into his touch, turning her head toward him, and closed her eyes. Quicker than I would have thought possible, Emmett's ministrations thawed her, and her posture relaxed.

She hung limply against him, the flower loosely clutched in her hand.

"Hey babe, weren't you gonna put that in some water?" Emmett asked, his dimples flashing. Rosalie nodded, and as she retreated to the kitchen, we waited in the entryway. She returned moments later with the flower in an elegant vase. Bella's face lit up with genuine pleasure. It surprised me that such an otherworldly creature could be so enchanted by a simple flower.

_Beautiful_, she thought, looking intently at Rosalie, and I wondered if she meant the flower or the girl. I couldn't imagine that it was possible she was intimidated by Rosalie, but I sensed her anxiety spike.

_I'm worried Edward, _she thought, her gaze falling to the floor, her hand squeezing mine with increasing force.

Nuzzling her neck, I leaned in to her ear and whispered, "Bella - my hand, please don't crush my bones."

She softened her grasp, only the tension around her eyes revealing her worry and slight panic as they scrutinized my face.

_Please Edward, you'll tell me if I hurt you, won't you? I'm just so nervous._

"Don't worry," I chuckled, "I'm not permanently damaged."

We followed Emmett and Rose into the living room where Alice and Jasper were curled up snugly on the couch as though they couldn't tolerate for there to be any space between them. When Alice saw Bella she jumped up and I could tell that she, like Emmett, intended to hug Bella. For once in my life I wished my family wasn't so openly affectionate. I acted instinctually and shoved my body in front of Alice. I dropped Bella's hand and picked up Alice's by her shoulders, and spun her around in a circle like I used to when we were kids.

"Edward, put me down!" she yelled as she pummeled my back with her tiny fists, her weak, girly punches such a contrast to the power in Bella's every touch.

My parents filtered into the room, no doubt wondering why Alice was yelling, while Jasper laughed at our childish antics. With a flourish, I carefully dropped Alice into a heap on the floor. She squirmed up to a sitting position, huffing indignantly at the audience of smiling, curious faces.

"Alice, what do you have planned for tonight?" I threw the question at her as I offered her a hand and yanked her back on her feet.

"Edward, grrr, what did you do that for?" she mock hit me, feigning anger but smiling, drinking in the attention. Alice was always forgiving and easy to appease. Growing up with two brothers she had pretty thick skin and had learned how to deal with our often over-zealous physical expression of our feelings.

Luckily, I had achieved the desired effect – Alice forgot that she was on the path to accost Bella with a boisterous show of affection. I took advantage of the distraction, entwining my fingers with Bella's again and tugging her forward to meet my parents. Their immediate impression of her was clear, their open expressions blatantly easy to read. I squeezed her hand encouragingly and tried not to cringe in pain when she squeezed back more firmly. My father was gawking at Bella as though she were a Heath Bar on legs. My mother, on the other hand, looked as though Bella was some sort of criminal; her eyes were filled with apprehension, her fingers wringing the dishtowel in her hands with vehement worry.

_Edward…_ was Bella's silent plea.

"Mom, Dad, this is Bella." We took a step forward together.

Without warning, I was assaulted by the image of a woman who I instantly recognized as Bella's mother. Like mine, she held a dishrag in her hands in this errant memory, using it to dry a dinner plate, sunlight streaming in through the kitchen window behind her. I tried to shake the image from my mind and return to the present.

"Bella, it's so nice to meet you," my dad said as he reached out for her hand. "Please call me Carlisle." Rather than take his hand Bella raised her arm, tucking it close to her body and fluttered her elegant fingers in a small wave. My father adjusted quickly, dropping his hand, probably attributing her guarded greeting to nervousness and timidity. If only he knew her true reason for avoiding his touch.

My mother cleared her throat and I worried at the tension in her posture as she addressed Bella. "And you must call me Esme," she said formally. "Welcome to our house. We've heard much about you," she added with her jaw uncharacteristically clenched. I couldn't help but notice the lack of warmth in her words and how it differed from her easy acceptance of Jasper and Rose when they first entered our house.

I felt my mother's cold rejection intensely, filling me with a profound need to comfort Bella and shower some tenderness her direction. I lifted her hand to my lips, not caring about our audience, and before linking her fingers with mine, I kissed it.

I heard my mother gasp in shock and I darted my eyes in her direction. She had never seen me show so much attention or open affection to a girl before and I knew that her reaction was partially due to the novelty of it. But I sensed that it was more than surprise; her protectiveness of me made her naturally wary and suspicious. And as I looked on her tortured expression, I couldn't fault her for her worries. Her fear was not misplaced. I had brought a dangerous predator in the house, and though I loved and trusted Bella, if things went wrong she could destroy us all.

*

The rest of the evening was surprisingly unremarkable. Bella and I worked as a team to hide her lack of eating. No one, except perhaps my mother, noticed her silently shifting the uneaten food around her plate. I purposely took very small helpings of food so that I could reach over and grab a few bites from her plate, leaning in and pretending to share, while disguising my true purpose.

Emmett dominated the dinner discussion, mostly talking about his friend from the football team, Tyler Crowley, who was coming over later in the night to play video games with him. Bella was largely quiet during dinner, only speaking when absolutely necessary, politely answering everyone's questions as well as possible in her sweet voice. Unfortunately, Alice was absolutely intrigued with Bella and kept digging for details about her life.

I actually learned a few things about her through Alice's relentless prodding. I was ashamed that there were so many things that we hadn't talked about, that we still didn't know about each other. But everything I learned about her only made me like her more. We shared many interests – in music, books, and art. I didn't even know that she was interested in Classical music until Alice grilled her about her tastes, and it made me even more anxious to play my composition for her.

When Emmett asked her if she played any sports, Bella's gaze fell to her hands and she chose her words carefully.

"I used to be kind of clumsy and didn't really like to do anything athletic, but now I kind of like to run," she said.

Unwittingly, she was in my mind again and I was overtaken by a scene of dense forest foliage. The giant redwoods were ominous sentinels in the shadowy darkness, appearing like an impenetrable wall around me. I felt an inexplicable need to lurch forward and in one brisk movement, the trees began to part. It felt like flight, my bones hollowing, my feet barely needing to touch the earth to achieve the dizzying rush of motion. The leaves and pine needles were a soft caress against my hard skin as my soul escaped my body, and the forest was no longer surrounding me but had become an unrecognizable, mind-bending sensory blur.

I inhaled deeply as I emerged out of the other side of the vision. My mother's brow was furrowed as she looked on me sharply. I was suddenly hot, perspiration beading and running down my sideburns.

"Edward, are you okay?" my mother said as she jumped from her seat. She lurched forward but stopped herself midstride as Bella placed her palm on my cheek, her icy hand soothing me, offering immediate relief. I just caught Esme's wounded expression before she grabbed the empty plate in front of Emmett and stalked off to the kitchen.

Rosalie stood and began stacking plates, following after my mother. I raised my eyes to see that all the faces at the table were turned to me, their expressions ranging from fascination and wonder from Alice to my Father's hard look of concern and consternation. I smirked and stood, grasping Bella's hand in mine. Slowly chairs were pushed back, arms were stretched, plates were cleared, and we all found ourselves making our way into the living room where Alice had at some point earlier pulled out a selection of various board games.

When I saw the stack I immediately turned on her. "Alice really, do we have to play a board game? Let's do something else," I nearly whined.

"No way, we are playing a board game! We haven't played in way too long. Jasper and Rose haven't even had a chance to participate in game night. And Bella wants to play, don't you?" she asked in her most persuasive voice.

Bella had followed me into the room, trepidation clear in her wide, amber eyes. She was imagining someone's hand touching hers and then random faces gaping at her in fear and outrage. I felt a burning in my throat and a stinging acidic sensation in my mouth. Was this _venom_ I felt pooling under my tongue? I swallowed involuntarily, but my mouth was dry. I searched Bella's face but she had again transformed her features into a calm passivity. She had fought a brief internal battle and had conquered the malevolent force that tugged at her instincts. I smiled at her, somewhat overcome with my feelings of pride and relief.

"I would love to play a game, Alice," Bella replied, a genuine smile pulling up the corners of her ruby red lips. "Can we play Scrabble?" she asked. And then just for me, she added, _I used to play it with my dad._

"Yay! Of course we can!" Alice jumped up, hustling over to the large coffee table and beginning to set up the game.

"This is perfect! Since there are eight of us, we'll play teams. Should we mix things up a little, or just play as couples?"

I answered quickly before anyone else voiced their opinion. "Let's stay as couples," I said, tucking Bella's hand in mine and pulling us to the floor by the far end of the table.

"Okay," Alice agreed happily.

My mother and Rosalie appeared in the room a few minutes later as Alice was finishing up passing out all the Scrabble tiles. Jasper quickly explained the game plan to them, while grabbing a dining room chair for my mother to sit on so that she would be more comfortable. Rosalie wiggled into her space next to Emmett on the couch and we all began to look through our first set of tiles.

We were all silent while we configured the best possible words out of the random letters we had been given. Alice broke the calm, grabbing the bag of tiles and standing. She held the bag open in front of Bella.

"Go ahead Bella, choose one tile. The person who gets the closest to the beginning of the alphabet gets to go first," she said. And then to everyone, "I've got to warn you guys, Mom always wins Scrabble. It's hardly even fair. I think Edward won once – but wasn't Mom sick that day, Edward?" she asked facetiously with a wicked grin.

"Yeah, but her fever was only like one hundred and two degrees, not too high," I answered, casting a glance in my Mom's direction to see her smiling impishly while she shifted the little wooden squares around on the holder in front of her and my father. My father sat back in his chair, his hand rubbing wide circles on my mother's back.

I tried to focus my mind on the game, but Bella was humming a familiar tune in her head and I was distracted with trying to figure out what it was.

My gaze fell to the tiles in our holder, Bella having arranged them in groups, creating a pattern with them that made sense to her. Rosalie and Emmett were arguing from their spot on the couch, both of them with their fingers on the tiles, their hands clashing as they waged a subtle war of dominance. Alice had finally made her way around the table and sat down, pulling a tile out of the bag as she plopped down on the carpet next to me.

"Okay, we got 'I,' what'd you get, Dad?" she said, slipping her tile back in the felt bag.

"B," he answered, raising his eyebrows as he did when dealt a winning poker hand.

"We got 'I' too," Bella said.

"We got a 'P,'" Rosalie said, thrusting out her bottom lip, eliciting a chuckle from almost everyone. My mother and Bella continued to concentrate their attention on the tiles as though their lives depended on it.

When mom finally raised her eyes, Alice said to her, "Well it's up to you guys to start us off and then we'll go clockwise, okay?"

"Hmm," she responded as she gathered the tiles and arranged them on the center star. We all looked at her word – "Topaz."

"Great word, Mom!" Alice said with enthusiasm.

We all moved our attention to Rosalie and Emmett who were now more frantic in their battle of wills. It was several minutes of fruitless bantering before Rosalie huffed dejectedly, her mouth set in a straight line, and acquiesced to Emmett. He sat up straighter, leaning over the board, a smile of victory on his face and placed the word, "Pop," on the board, overlapping "Topaz."

"There's our brilliant two-point word," Rosalie spat sarcastically, playfully nudging Emmett's broad bicep.

"Hey baby, every little point counts," he retorted merrily.

It was our turn and I hadn't even glanced at the tiles, freely allowing Bella to take control. I watched her fingers hover over our letters, her mind obviously working in overdrive to figure out our strategy. She rotated the letters a few times and I just barely made out some of the words she was considering. Her humming continued persistently and I wondered if she was shielding me from her thoughts. This worried me. Why would she do that? A few words slipped into my mind and they were good ones – high scoring ones. Her fingers finally palmed the tiles and placed them carefully on the board, framing the tiles that were already there. Our word was "Azure," using the high scoring "Z" from "Topaz."

The rest of the game was like a fluid intellectual dance between Bella and my mother. No one else could come close to their expertise in the game. Even when we only had all vowels or some weird combination of consonants, Bella made high-scoring words out of them. My Mother was equally in command of the game, and it seemed as though she was actually enjoying facing a challenge in her opponent. I caught my mom staring at Bella a few times throughout the game and I detected a change in her opinion of her; there was an intimation of respect in her look that hadn't been there earlier.

After a while of sitting back as an observer, I noticed a pattern emerging. Bella kept forming exceptional words in our tray but reworked them at the last minute to be less extraordinary. She kept our score consistently under my parents' total. Her melodious humming, which I eventually worked out was the Flower Duet by Delibes, was slowly deteriorating throughout the night and bits of her strategy began to surface for my scrutiny. It didn't take long to realize that she was throwing the game, allowing my parents to win.

When we were finally out of tiles, my parents were named the winners. My mother glowed in her victory and Bella looked happier and more at ease than she had been all night. I could barely contain my feelings for her. I was in awe of her selflessness. It was clear to me that Bella could have easily won the game. She probably would have even won as a human, but with her vampire abilities – her quick mind and supernaturally sharp intellect - she was unbeatable. But with a kindness that was deeply rooted within her, she had allowed my mother to win simply to make her happy. My Bella was no monster.

*

After the Scrabble game was put away and everyone had scattered to different areas of the house, I drew Bella to my piano. I sat down on the bench, pulling her down to sit next to me. I lifted my arm and caressed her back, gently running my fingers through the strands of her long hair. Her head tilted to the side, her eyes closing and her lips slightly parting. I ran my fingers up her neck, and under her hair, eliciting a moan so seductive, I almost forgot myself and why I had lured her to the piano.

"Bella," I whispered and her eyes fluttered open. "Bella, can I play for you?"

"Yes, Edward, yes," she whispered back, running her hand down my forearm to my fingers that rested on the keys. I hit the first note and her hands slid back into her lap.

As my fingers began to recall the song, they lightly and slowly danced over the keys. The melody consumed my mind and as my eyes closed I fell into a hypnotic trance, allowing my body to become a vessel for the music. The notes flooded out of me, surging through the air, filling the room and encircling us. My senses were focused but I was intensely aware of Bella's body next to mine as she fueled my passion. She was my muse, my inspiration; I couldn't play, I couldn't create, I couldn't breathe without her now.

I played the last few notes, hesitantly opening my eyes, searching for Bella's reaction. She was unmoving, her head was still tilted, her eyes were closed but her mind was alive and active. My melody was haunting her thoughts, which were embellished with soft colors and profound emotions that I couldn't even comprehend.

Slowly she opened her eyes and looked directly at me. "Edward…that was…that was incredible, beautiful…so beautiful! There aren't words to describe how your music made me feel."

"Bella, but I do know…I know how you feel. I can hear it. I can see it. I can feel it," I whispered mischievously, smirking, palming her cheek lovingly.

She ignored my playful tone, regarding me with the same level of awe as I almost always felt for her. "Did you write that?" she asked incredulously.

"For you Bella," I breathed into her neck.

When she lifted her gaze to mine her eyes were full of lust and desire. My heart was bursting with my feelings for her and I leaned in to kiss her. My lips just grazed hers as Emmett stomped into the room, announcing that his friend Tyler had just called and that he was almost to our house.

"Em, you have the worst timing ever!" I grumbled angrily, my jaw clenched.

"It's okay, Edward," Bella said, trying to calm me, and placing her hand on my arm. "I should go."

"No, stay," I pleaded. She shook her head. _I can visit you later…in your room._

"Well, I'll walk you out," I said loudly, so everyone would know she was leaving.

"I'm coming out too," Emmett declared as he headed for the front door, "Tyler just texted, he's just coming down the road," he added as he hurtled down the front steps.

We followed him through the door to see him scanning the driveway. "Bella, where's your car?" he asked curiously. I turned to Bella to see a brief glimmer of panic, her catlike eyes widening, before she returned to a façade of complete composure.

"Um, she got dropped off and I'm, um, taking her home," I blurted, thinking quickly, not knowing if Bella was going to be okay with my plan.

"Oh," Emmett replied, nodding, accepting my explanation.

Bella and I walked out to the driveway and the wind picked up sending a chill in our direction. I noticed for the first time tonight that the temperature had dropped dramatically and it had gotten much colder outside. I heard the dew crunch under my feet as the moisture in the grass had hardened to ice. I walked to the passenger side of my car and opened the door for Bella. I was walking around the back of the car when a loud squealing pierced the silence of the night.

I looked up to see a white van barreling much too quickly toward our driveway. It had hit a patch of ice, its bald tires screeching as the van spun sideways out of control. My mouth dropped open in shock and my body stiffened as though paralyzed. I had the odd sensation of existing outside of time like I was watching an action scene in a movie unfold in front of me. But as soon as I realized that the van was headed in my direction, my heart jump-started to life. My primary instinct was to protect Bella, but I knew that I couldn't react in time to save myself or her. Fear and a crushing wave of regret seized me as I turned to look at her one last time.

Two things happened simultaneously. I looked to where I expected Bella to be standing to see that she wasn't there at the exact same time that I heard the splintering explosion of the van crashing. I slammed my eyes shut and flinched against the impact. With a surge of adrenaline coursing through my veins, I dropped to my knees on the hard concrete and flung myself backward into the driver's side door of my car. A second passed, my heart thundered in my chest, and my back throbbed dully. I was afraid to move, wondering if I how badly I was hurt and worrying that I might be numb to the full intensity of the pain I was bound to feel.

My labored breaths reverberated in the deafening silence. I shifted my weight carefully, turning to face the white van, folded in half like an envelope, a thoroughly unrecognizable mountain of white metal. There was a little pocket of space around me. I was unharmed, virtually untouched. I rubbed my hand over the wide bruise on my back, realizing with awe that it was my sole injury. Besides the body-shaped buckle in the door of my car, there wasn't a scratch on it. I was alive. I survived. But how?

I stood up in place, trapped by the wreckage. Where was Bella? Emmett? Tyler? I stretched my neck to survey the damage when all of a sudden, the metal in front of me shifted and groaned, like a great robotic beast waking from slumber. The wall of white parted, pale dainty hands slipping through a crevice in the side of the van. Thin fingers wrapped around the twisted metal, pushing the solid frame apart as though wrenching open a set of heavy double doors. Bella emerged from the twisted, broken vehicle completely unscathed, her white dress lightly soiled.

I lunged at her, overcome with relief, a flow of jumbled thoughts and questions pouring from my mouth, "Bella, oh god, oh Bella, what happened? Are you okay? Why were you over here, when you were over there? Oh god, did you save me? Jeez, Bella, you could have died!" I pulled her tightly to my chest, wrapping my arm around her, holding her head in my hand. I never wanted to let her go. Never again.

I only held her for a brief moment – a too brief moment – when I heard scuffling behind us and I pulled away from her quickly.

"Jesus Fucking Christ," bellowed Emmett, his face full of rage and disbelief. "What the fuck, Bella? How the…what the…how did that shit happen? Did she push the fucking van away with her bare hands? How the fuck did she stop the van from hitting you? What the fuck?!?"

Bella's body whipped around so fast that I didn't even notice that she was out of my arms until I saw her on the other side of my car. She glanced at me, and even though she lingered only for a second, I saw the hurt and confusion in her expression. Her head snapped to the door of my house where my family started to spill out into the darkness to see what had happened. Emmett was behind me and by his loud gasp I knew he was watching as Bella fled the scene, running at her inhumanly fast pace, a white blur against the black backdrop of night.

End Notes:

What did you think about the surprise in this chapter? I'm anxious to know what you think!!! Please leave a review and let me know!!

I don't often leave recommendations, but I'm so engrossed in Psyche001's Set in Stone. It's totally unique, dark and so so passionate.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N:

Thanks as always to my wonderful beta and friend, ms_ambrosia. If you haven't started reading her story, Blossom, than you better go do it now!

I hate disclaimers, because really we are all adults (or should be if you're reading this fic) but if you are uncomfortable with gratuitous drug use than skip this chapter. This is a fiction and these are my characters and they have flaws, as do all teenagers.

The official disclaimer:

Stephanie Meyer owns all things twilight. I just play twister with her characters and see what kinds of weird positions I can stretch them.

*

The rumble of concerned voices drew our attention back to the twisted heap of metal that moments before had been wrapped around me. Emmett and I exchanged a meaningful glance and I could see the confusion and panic in his eyes. Without words, I pleaded with him to remain silent about what he saw.

The voices were approaching, getting louder, more distinct when Emmett stepped forward and reached a hand out to me.

"We'll talk later," he whispered, pulling me close so that only I could hear. My sister was on me a second later, her eyes full of terror, her hands running up and down my arms, my torso.

"Oh god, Edward, are you hurt?" she asked, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

"No…no, I'm okay…Tyler?"

"Dad's checking him out," she answered as my mother came running toward me, relief on her face.

"Edward, thank god," she moaned, her hand coming up to rest on her heart before her knees buckled and she collapsed onto the driveway.

"Mom!" I yelled, Alice and I sprinting over to her to help. We each grasped one of her limp arms, adjusting her to a sitting position. She was in shock, her breathing labored, her face flustered with emotion.

"I thought…I thought I'd lost you," she sputtered through heavy breaths.

"I'm okay, Mom, really," I reassured her while my eyes scanned the darkness for a sign of Bella. Was she out there?

My mother was beginning to regain her senses and noticed my actions. Alice too stopped her ministrations and had turned her attention to me.

"Edward, where's Bella?" she asked, noticing for the first time in all the chaos that she was missing.

"She drove away on her motorcycle a few minutes before the crash," I said hollowly, fabricating the lie as the words fell from my lips. Alice shot a look at me, her eyes narrowed as though she doubted my answer. Jasper approached, placing a comforting hand on my mother's back while Alice continued to scrutinize me.

I ignored her look, kissing my mother's hand before leaving her with Alice and Jasper. I walked around to the other side of the van where my father had Tyler prone, stretched out on the concrete. My father was kneeled over, blocking Tyler from my sight, his hand rifling through his open surgical bag. I hesitantly took a step toward them, my father's attention shifting to me. Taking a deep breath, his hand reached up to squeeze my calf, a thankful smile on his face.

Tyler had a small trail of blood running down his temple, his left arm clenched tightly and awkwardly to his side, but otherwise he looked unharmed. His eyes were glazed in shock but fixed on my father. Emmett stood off to the side with his arm around Rosalie, his brow deeply furrowed as he looked first at me and then down again at Tyler whose lips were stumbling over a stream of apologies in a voice both fearful and genuinely repentant. When Tyler noticed me he broke into a new string of apologies, lifting his shoulders to reach out to me. My father frowned at him and pushed him gently back down.

"No one blames you, Tyler. It's icy tonight," my father said kindly, trying to console him. "I still don't quite understand what happened though. It looks like your van hit something on the side. It's nearly folded in half. I'm just glad it stopped where it did or else this could have been a much bigger tragedy," he added, a serious tone to his voice that sent shivers down my spine. My eyes again were drawn to the darkness. _Bella, where are you?_ This wasn't the first time that I wished that she could hear my thoughts, hear me calling for her, rather than the other way around.

I felt Emmett's eyes on me continually over the next half hour while phone calls were made and my Father eventually determined that it was safe to move Tyler to the hospital. I knew that a conversation was unavoidable and I could feel that he was as anxious for it to happen as I was. I trusted Emmett but he held my happiness - my future - in his hands and it made me more than a little worried. The frightened look on Bella's face as she jolted off into the night was vivid in my mind and I longed to ensure that she never again felt so vulnerable.

It was decided that my Father and Emmett would take Tyler to the hospital. While they were getting my Dad's car ready to transport him, the police came and took a report, and called a tow truck to remove the wreckage from our driveway. The two officers walked around the van several times, gesturing broadly and taking photographs. They questioned both me and Emmett about what happened, writing our statements down on a lined pad.

They both seemed to think that we were leaving something out of our statements as they asked the same questions over and over. They looked at me suspiciously, knowing by my own description of the crash that I should have been killed, my car destroyed. And yet there wasn't a scratch on me or on my car. Anyone who looked at the van could see that the damage didn't make sense. But there was no explanation. Even if I told them the truth they wouldn't have believed me.

When they finally left, nothing felt resolved. Emmett and my father left with Tyler to go to the hospital, leaving the rest of us to head into the house and try to wind down from the anxiety of the evening.

As soon as I stepped through the threshold my mother had me in her arms. "Oh Edward, I don't what I would do if anything happened to you." Her arms were almost painfully tight.

"It's okay, Mom, nothing happened. I'm okay," I reassured her, returning her embrace. "I'm just a little shaken up though. I'm gonna go lay down, okay?"

"Oh…oh okay…you let me know if you need anything," she implored sternly.

"Of course, Mom," I replied, already heading up to my room. I was hoping that Bella would be back. I longed to thank her, to hold her in my arms, to feel her body pressed against mine. Until I saw her, until I touched her, I would feel unsettled.

My room was dark when I entered. I reached down to turn the switch on the bedside lamp, casting a warm glow over the empty space. A cold, unforgiving wind was blowing outside, billowing through the open window, the navy blue curtains fluttering. I walked across the room to pull it closed, searching the darkness outside before sliding it shut. I could just barely make out the broken skid marks arced across the driveway like a hastily sketched broken heart.

I put some music on and collapsed onto my bed, stretching out, and feeling the weight of the events of the night wash over me. Before long my heavy eyelids closed and I drifted into a light, restless sleep. I awoke with a jolt to the sound of clumsy footsteps and the wobbly sensation of the bed shifting underneath me. I opened my eyes, propping myself up on my elbows to find Emmett sitting uneasily on the end of the bed.

His brow was furrowed, his eyes narrowed. "You awake?"

"I am now," I grumbled, pushing myself up to a sitting position.

"I'll be right back. Wait here for me," he said, standing and rushing from the room.

He returned a few minutes later, a bottle of vodka in one hand and his bong in the other. "There's no way in hell I'm having this conversation sober," he said, plopping back down on my bed. He handed me the vodka so that he could pull a baggie of weed and a red plastic lighter out of the front pocket on his jeans. He opened the baggie, pinching a small wad with his fingers and packing it into the bowl of the bong. He lit the hit, inhaled deeply, holding it in his lungs until his face started to turn red, and then expelled it. The smoke filled the space around us, hanging heavy in the air.

He passed the bong to me, reaching out for the vodka bottle. I passed it to him, watching with fascination as he unscrewed the cap and swallowed a generous gulp. He winced at the taste, his face contorting comically. I chuckled but he cut me off. "Smoke some of that shit," he demanded.

I lit the weed in the bowl and sucked until it was all ash. I held the smoke in my lungs until I couldn't take it anymore. I was exhaling when Emmett shoved me in the shoulder. "So now tell me what the fuck is up!" he bellowed. "What is with that girl? I know I'm not going crazy dude. You better clar.." He emphasized the last word, enunciating each syllable slowly, poking me in the shoulder with his meaty index finger.

"Uh, let me have some of that," I pointed to the vodka. I tilted my head back, feeling the burn the instant the viscous liquid hit my throat. "Well…um, Bella is different."

"Yeah, no shit," he spat sarcastically. "She's like a superhero or something. Wondergirl, Spiderwoman, Superbella, some shit like that."

"Um, well, not exactly," I said, hedging. I grabbed the baggie and packed another bowl. I took a deep hit off the bong, exhaling forcefully, gagging on the smoke and coughing. "She's not a superhero, Em."

"Well, what the fuck Edward, give me some answers here," he said, taking another swig from the bottle of clear liquid.

"Em, even if I tell you, you won't believe me," I said with certainty.

"Give me a fucking chance Edward. I'm trying to be understanding here. But that shit I saw earlier was just fucking unbelievable, dude. I need to know what the fuck happened."

"Okay, okay. I know. But you need to understand that she's a good person, Em. No matter what I tell you, you have to believe that, okay? And you have to promise not to tell anyone else. I…I'd do anything to protect her."

"Yeah, yeah okay. What, is she like a monster or something – a werewolf or vampire or some shit like that?" he asked flippantly. My eyes opened wide with shock. I swallowed, hesitating. He took an anxious drink from the bottle and I could tell he was losing patience.

"Well, actually, yes." I said plainly. Emmett choked on the vodka, spewing it across my bed.

"Now that's not something I expected you to say," he said, shaking his head from side to side. He picked up the bong, and despite his artificial calm, induced by alcohol and weed, I noticed his hands trembling. He packed another bowl, lighting it and taking a deep drag. While he held his breath, his bloodshot eyes locked on mine. His face was beginning to turn red, his cheeks puffing out like a blow fish. He exhaled, blowing the heavily fragrant smoke into my face. "Spill, Edward," he demanded authoritatively.

"She is the most amazing girl I've ever met. She's beautiful, kind, sexy, smart, and and…she's a vampire," I whispered.

"Uh huh," Emmett said, slapping me on the back and chuckling in disbelief. I shrugged his languid arm off my back and looked him square in the face.

"I'm not joking, Em, she really is."

"Yeah, well, there has to be some other explanation," he reasoned, his head lolling to the side. I shook my head but said nothing, the effects of the pot and the vodka beginning to take effect on my body.

"I'm not joking, Em," I repeated, but I only vaguely remembered what we were talking about. _Bella_, I remembered as I grabbed a lose thread on the bottom of my t-shirt and tugged, slowly unraveling the hem, twisting the thread back and forth between my fingers. I began to wind the thread into a tiny ball which I slipped into my pocket. I took another swig from the vodka, handing it over to Emmett afterward. My thoughts were becoming sluggish. I longed to touch Bella, wind my fingers through her hair. I held my fingers up and waved them about as I imagined the movement.

"You're fucked up, dude," Emmett chuckled at me, putting the bong and the vodka down on the bedside table. He stretched his massive form so that his head was at the foot of my bed and his feet were on my pillow.

"Your feet stink," I said, and for some reason, my outburst seemed outrageously funny. Emmett and I both laughed until I realized that I had to go the bathroom and scooted to the edge of my bed. I stood slowly, my room spinning around me, my feet stumbling forward.

"Ed-_ward_," Emmett slurred. "Dude, so what's the deal with Bella?" he asked, and we both began laughing again.

"Vampire," I said between shuddering breathes, moving forward toward the bathroom door. "Vampire," I repeated, my hand on the doorknob.

"Oh yeah, right," Emmett said tiredly, when a loud bang stopped me in my clumsy tracks and drew our attention to the now open window. I began to sway, my head dizzy, and my hands swinging out to brace my fall. Even sober, I wouldn't have seen Bella's rapid movement across the room. Before my body hit the floor, she had me in her arms and whisked me over to the bed.

It took several moments before I realized that she had actually carried me and that I should probably be embarrassed that my girlfriend saved me from falling in such an emasculating way. But I was too drunk and stoned to really care. I was beginning to get used to Bella catching me. Since I'd known her I seemed to be cursed with clumsiness.

_I came to talk with Emmett…to explain, _she said in my mind, increasing the sensation of vertigo. I put my head in my hands and bent over. _You've been drinking and smoking. I could smell the marijuana from outside_. _You seem…relaxed_, she added, her hand caressing my back soothingly.

I reached out to run my hand down Bella's strong but lovely arm when Emmett's loud gasp shifted my attention. He leaned on one elbow, his wide glassy eyes pointed at Bella, his mouth gaping. With some effort, I craned my head to look up at Bella to see that she was smiling sheepishly at him. I closed my painfully dry eyes for a second, barely opening them in time to see Bella literally soaring across the room toward Emmett. When she came into focus again I saw that she had grabbed the pillows off of my bed and had propped them behind Emmett's back. Recognition slowly settled over Emmett's features as he realized that in the blink of an eye, she'd propped him up comfortably. His pale shock transformed into a crooked, goofy grin as he looked at Bella with awe and admiration.

He crossed his arms over his chest, jutting out his chin. "I could get used to this," he said in a gravelly voice, sending us all into another round of laughter.

"So…," he began, a look of grave seriousness taking over his features, "you really are a…_va…vampire_?_" _

"Yes," Bella said, leaning down to cup his cheek with her cold hand.

Emmett's eyes widened for a second, his eyebrows arching in surprise. "Um, Bella, you're not going to bite me or anything, are you? Because I've got some pretty sweet blood and I know you vampires think that shit is awesome."

"Emmett, you idiot!" I reached out with my leg and kicked him in the arm, jostling him to a more alert state. He pushed himself up so that he was in an erect sitting position and looked toward me.

"Hey, it's not a stupid question. I've seen Dracula – Bela Lugosi – he was a cool vampire. Hey, do you sleep in a coffin, or turn into a bat, oh, and how about the stake through the heart thing?"

"Damn Emmett, be quiet for a second and let Bella explain," I demanded, reaching for Bella's hand and pulling her down next to me.

"First of all, Emmett, I don't drink from humans. I never have. Only animals. And I don't sleep in a coffin. In fact, I don't sleep at all. I can't turn into a bat and to be honest, I don't even know about the stake thing. There are some things I don't know," she said quietly, remorsefully.

"Are there others of you, you know, around here?" Emmett asked, suddenly completely sobered with interest.

"No. Not in Forks. Most vampires are nomadic – always travelling from one place to another. Sometimes they come through, but they know not to come to this area," Bella said and I could see in her eyes that she realized that she'd revealed more than she'd wanted to.

_He can't know about Jacob and the others yet. It's not my secret to tell, Edward._

"Why don't they come to this area?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett, that's enough for now, okay?" I pleaded, hoping that all he'd learned would appease his curiosity enough that he would drop further questions.

"Yeah, yeah okay." He stretched his arms over his head and stood up, staggering a little before he righted himself. "But you guys gotta know I'm worried for you. I don't want to be a downer or anything, but aren't you guys kind of mismatched. I mean, you're a human," he pointed to me. "And you're not," he pointed to Bella. "How is _that _going to work?" he slurred, picking up the bong and tucking the nearly empty bottle of vodka under his arm.

His question hung in the air heavily without an answer. He grunted and began to shuffle to the door, but I stopped him. "Em, please keep this a secret."

"Oh yeah, I mean who the fuck would believe this shit anyway!" he said, raising the bong in the air as a toast. "To fucking weird ass secrets!"

"Goodnight Emmett," Bella said sweetly.

"Yeah, goodnight," Emmett answered as he slipped through the door and ambled back to his room.

Bella squeezed her hand in mine, leaning into me. _He's right, Edward, what kind of future do we have? I'm a monster, a destroyer. I've damned you._

Even as her words rejected me, she clung to me as tight as she could without bruising my skin. I saw various images of animal carcasses, their bodies mutilated and drained of life. I felt the burning, the thirst as if it were my own. The metallic, earthly smell of fresh blood overpowered my senses as Bella invaded my mind with the pivotal moments of her recent past. I saw the familiar red-headed vampire with the body of a man hanging limp in her hands, her scarlet eyes terrifying in their savagery.

"Stop. Bella, stop!" I begged, and my mind was instantly clear. "Stop torturing yourself! You're not a monster! And…and there is no turning back, do you understand? We are together now! And nothing is going to scare me away from you! I can't be without you!" I trembled with the intensity of my feelings for her. I needed her to understand that no matter what, I was completely devoted to her. She was everything to me. My life had no meaning without her.

"Okay, Edward…okay," she said, but her words didn't have sincerity behind them. I knew she was scared and that she didn't want to drag me into the darker side of her life. My only hope was that her feelings for me were strong enough to bind her to me, as I was irrevocably bound to her.

As we sat on my bed, our legs touching, our upper body's entwined, I couldn't shake the feeling that tonight was just the first of many tense situations that we would face together. And that our connection, our love, would be tested again soon in the future.

Bella's hand wound its way up my arm and slithered up my neck. Her cool hand began to move slowly over my skin, her fingers lovingly rubbing over my sore muscles. Her touch eased up the back of my head where she caressed my scalp, running tendrils of my hair through her fingers. I closed my eyes in ecstasy, feeling lucky to have even this instant of bliss with her and trying with all my might to forget all the things that could possibly go wrong for us. I had faith that we could face anything as long as we were together and that at least for the moment, everything was as it should be.

End Notes:

So what did you think? Do you think Emmett will be able to keep his mouth shut? Thank you for spending your time reading my story! If you are enjoying it, will you let me know?


	19. Chapter 19

A/N:

My story wouldn't be nearly as good without the help of my friend and beta, ms_ambrosia. I am running out of adjectives to describe how awesome she is! I wrote this chapter in the wee hours of the morning and as expected, when I sent it to her to look over it had many more errors than is typical for me. So she really deserves praise this week.

Thank you to all the new readers who have been faithfully leaving reviews for each chapter. I so appreciate your thoughts and questions!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight. I've simply twisted the story around for my own amusement.

* * *

I awoke the next morning alone. My sheets were tightly twisted around my body, my arm pinned painfully under my torso. I writhed ineffectively against the cotton fabric, suffering under the panicked delusion that I was savagely bound. For a fleeting moment I recalled a fragment of my dream: vicious hands tugging at my skin, roughly yanking my arms. Something rough in texture was wrapped around my wrists, squeezing until the painful tingling turned into numbness. I remembered being pinned into a corner, rough concrete slammed against my back; the only thing visible in the darkness were three sets of hungry, red eyes.

I lay in my bed as several minutes ticked by, trying to push the feeling of terror from my memory. And yet at the same time, I fought to hold onto the haunting warning of my subconscious. I grasped onto the residual images from the dream, determined to find some kind of meaning in all the physical torture.

I finally wrestled my arm free from its confinement, wincing at the lifeless feeling of it, as if it was no longer connected to my body. I used all the effort I could summon so early in the morning to shake it violently in the air, sending intense fiery needles shooting down my veins. I spared a moment to think of how ridiculous I must have looked, my arm spasming, inanely slapping at the air. Thankfully it wasn't long before I eventually felt the blood resume its languid flow and my arm flopped back down to my side.

As I propped myself up to lean against the headboard, the images from my dream faded almost instantly from my consciousness. Only a dull throbbing lingered behind my eyes, but I was getting used to suffering from perpetual headaches. Whether I had a hangover or not, I couldn't say. I was simply heavy and achy, worn down by the revelations of the night.

I glanced to the window, not surprised to see that the sliver of sky that peeked through was brooding and grey. The weather fit my mood perfectly. I was hot under the blankets that were still tangled around my ankles. I struggled with the covers, pushing them off with my feet. The cool air enfolded me, whispering across my sweat-dampened skin, sucking the heat from my body.

Even after a scalding hot shower, I couldn't shake the chill that had consumed me, creeping its way down into my very bones. I dressed in dark jeans and a thick navy sweater, but nothing seemed to stave off the cold.

I floated through the house with my shoulders tensed, a sense of trepidation hanging over my every move and thought. I longed for Bella and the comfort I knew she'd give me. I felt empty without her thoughts swirling through my mind, no matter how dark or frightening they sometimes were.

I shuffled around the kitchen, scavenging for coffee when Emmett appeared in the doorway looking hung over and cranky. He met my gaze for an instant and I knew he was silently questioning if it was all real. I nodded and his eyes widened before he cocked his head to the side, smirked and nodded back.

I poured us both a bowl of cereal and we sat side by side at the breakfast bar, slurping heaping spoonfuls in relative silence. I was scooping up the last bit of crumbs from my bowl when Emmett finally composed his thoughts into a question.

"So it really happened?" he asked with uncharacteristic levity.

"Yep," I answered, standing and grabbing our bowls to rinse them in the sink.

"I thought of some other questions this morning...um, should I ask you or Bella?"

"What kind of questions?" I asked hesitantly, hoping it was something easy to answer.

"Um, well, how did it happen to her? I mean, can she accidentally do it to you?" he whispered, turning to look over his shoulder to make sure we were alone.

"Uh, maybe Bella can answer that one for you. I mean…I think," I hedged, his question forcing me to realize that I didn't really comprehend the complete process. I was again reminded that there was still much that I wanted and needed to know about Bella. "I don't think she could do it by accident, Em, I mean…I'm not sure," I added truthfully. I hadn't really even considered that possibility before.

What if she did turn me accidentally? I trusted her not to attack me, but what if, in the heat of the moment, it just happened? What kind of future could we have if I continued to be human? Maybe that is what I wanted – to be like her – to have an immortal life with her. I knew that I would never love any other as much as I loved her. She completed me. She owned my heart, my mind; my human life was meaningless without my Bella.

"So I can't tell Rosie, right?" Emmett asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

"No, Em, please!" I begged.

"Okay, okay. I was just checking again. You know this is a pretty big secret, Edward. I mean, are you sure that you're safe man?" he asked with real concern.

"She would never do anything to hurt me," I asserted, wishing that I could tell him more, that I could tell him how I knew with such certainty. But I had no idea how to explain that I could read Bella's mind. Finding out that she was a vampire was certainly crazy enough without telling him about the mental connection that we shared. I was still trying to comprehend whatever it was that bound us together. I wasn't yet ready to give Emmett that knowledge.

"Yeah well, I wish I didn't feel so shitty this morning so that I could wrap my brain around all this fucking insanity. How the hell are you dealing with all this? I mean this is some heavy shit to keep secret."

"What secret?" Alice asked, bounding into the room.

"Um…well…Edward was just telling me about…" stuttered Emmett. I knew that in his current state he wouldn't be able to deflect Alice's questioning.

"Alice, you do know the definition of a secret, right?" I asked sarcastically, running my fingers nervously through my hair.

"Ooh, does this have something to do with the accident? With Bella?" she asked pointedly and I inwardly cringed, knowing that she was much too close to the truth. This was one time when I wished her intuition wasn't quite so accurate.

"Alice, please just drop it," I asked.

"Yeah, it's no big deal anyway," Emmett added, trying to be of some use.

Her eyes shifted back and forth between us as if she could read something from our faces. "Okay, for now I'll let it go. But you know I can't stand not knowing a good secret!" she exclaimed while scooping grounds into the filter. We all sat quietly while we waited for the coffee to finish brewing, Emmett leaning forward onto the counter, his head on his arm. I stared hopefully at the coffeepot, studying the black liquid slowly expanding in the glass carafe. I looked over at Emmett who seemed to be falling back asleep and fought the urge to do the same.

"Where are Mom and Dad?" I asked no one in particular. Emmett grunted in response while Alice cut a grapefruit in half, gesturing with the knife while responding.

"Mom is reading the paper in the living room. She told me she needed some space today. I think she's a little freaked about last night still. And dad went into the hospital about an hour ago to check on Tyler," she explained while sprinkling a generous amount of sugar onto the pink flesh of the fruit.

"Oh shit," Emmett grumbled, wiping drool from the edge of his mouth and lifting his head from his arms. "I should go check on Tyler too. I'm such a shitty friend. Guh. Is that coffee ready yet?" He glanced at the coffeepot questioningly and then stood up with a jolt, swaying on his feet unsteadily. "Never mind…I'm grabbing a Red Bull." He stumbled to the refrigerator, roughly whipping the door open. He bent down to gape inside, his hand hanging on the handle as if he might fall otherwise.

"Got one," he said with a smile of triumph, slamming the refrigerator door closed and heading out of the kitchen. "See you guys later," he called as he retreated.

My eyes fell to Alice's pink fuzzy slippers as she walked over, two coffee cups in her hand, and climbed up into Emmett's abandoned stool next to me. She grasped the bigger mug in her small hands; I could tell from a quick glance that it was filled with her usual cream and sugar. She slid the other mug across the countertop. I peered down through the steam into the rich untainted black coffee, smiling at her in gratitude.

"Thanks," I mumbled, but when I looked up to see the inquisitive expression on her face, I instantly felt on edge. I knew that she wasn't going to let me leave the kitchen without giving her some sort of morsel to chew on.

"Come on, Edward, what's the secret? I can't believe you told Emmett something and not me!" She thrust out her lower lip in a pout and bumped her shoulder against mine affectionately. "You know I can keep a secret better than Emmett. If this has something to do with Bella, I could help you. _Please_," she whined.

"It's nothing, Alice," I reiterated, hoping she would drop it, though unlikely.

"I just know this is about Bella. I can see the way you look at each other. She's different. I know she is. And she's almost as good at Scrabble as Mom. I'm so glad that she wasn't here when Tyler crashed…she might have been hurt." She rambled and I didn't interrupt, allowing her to speculate and draw her own conclusions. She kept talking about the night before, recalling all that was said and her impressions of how it went.

I sipped my coffee and began to tune her out, wondering again where Bella was and what she was doing. The liquid eased down my throat, momentarily deceiving me with the impression of warmth.

Alice continued to talk about her plans for the future while wresting tiny bites from her defiant grapefruit. I drowned her out, my own thoughts taking precedence in my mind. My ears perked each time she mentioned Bella's name, and I listened for a few moments to her wildly implausible ideas. I had an especially hard time imagining my sexy, dark angel running through the mall like a giddy school girl, trying on shoes in a department store or gossiping over lunch in the food court.

But when Alice began to talk about having a picnic down by the river the following weekend, I sat up and listened interestedly. I saw Bella and me taking a walk down by the riverbed, hand in hand. We could climb the small boulders that ran along the side of the water, lie in the sun and kiss. I knew that the sun might be a problem so we would have to make sure that the weather was just right – lots of clouds and shade.

"That sounds like fun," I blurted, interrupting her long winded digression.

"Really? It's going to be so much fun! I'll ask her at school on Monday!" Alice said, hopping up and taking her bowl to the sink.

I got up and refilled my coffee cup while she washed out some of the dishes and put them on the dish rack.

"I'm going to go play some piano," I said to her and she nodded, smiling, as I headed out of the kitchen. I realized that I was lucky this time, evading her questions. But I also knew that Alice wouldn't stop pestering me, watching me and Bella until she figured it all out. I wondered if I was fighting with fire with the whole picnic idea. I sat down at the piano and cracked my knuckles, rolling my shoulders first forward and then backward to loosen up my muscles and I decided that it didn't matter. Being with Bella was always risky, dangerous even, but I wanted her and needed her in my life.

Everything we did together had to be well thought out and the picnic was no exception. There was always a probability that everything would be revealed, that something dire could happen, but having her be part of my life was worth it.

My fingers anxiously twitched when they got close to the piano, as if impatient to caress the cool ivory. As soon as they slid down to find their place, my hands disconnected from my brain, weaving out a pattern that was so intrinsic to my being that I didn't have to consider the notes before they rang out in the air around me. I didn't need to look or to concentrate on the motions. I closed my eyes and just felt the sounds pour from me as naturally and as essential as breathing.

I imagined that the music was a siren's call for Bella, luring her to me. I almost felt Bella sidling up next to me on the hard bench, fueling my creativity, inspiring each heart wrenching note. At one point I felt hands on my shoulders, lightly squeezing, and I turned my head thinking I would see that my music was actually successful in drawing Bella to me. Instead, my mother's face slowly came into focus, her expression a mixture of equal parts love and concern.

"We're headed out to meet your father at the hospital and then we're going to dinner. Did you want to come?" she asked. I could tell by the furrow in her brow that she hadn't wanted to disturb my playing. She, of all people, knew that the piano was not just my creative outlet, but it was my way of working out all the chaos of my mind and my heart.

"I think I'll stay, thanks," I answered, swiveling my body back to my instrument. I didn't hear her slip from the room nor did I hear the car drive away. I could only hear the heavy notes that echoed in the hollow spaces of my mind, a reflection of the emptiness there – an emptiness I could barely tolerate anymore.

I played for hours until the inevitable stiffness forced me to twist my fingers away from the keys. I spun around backwards on the bench so that the temptation to continue didn't pull me back despite my body's protests.

My eyes adjusted as I stood and walked to the living room. It was early evening, but the house was nearly dark, the storm outside blanketing the sky in dark, angry clouds. A jolt of powerful lightening struck nearby, illuminating the world before me in a shockingly brilliant light. Thunder rumbled overhead, the sky belting out its own form of nature's music.

The house felt abandoned, as empty as my soul. I was overcome with a feeling of loneliness and a desire to see Bella. I impulsively grabbed my keys and my leather jacket, heading out the door. I drove through the rain and hail to Bella's house, the windshield wipers barely able to keep the rain from obscuring my vision.

As I turned into her neighborhood I felt the familiar vibration tugging at the edges of my mind. And then her voice was there, clear and resonant, piercing the calm. There was a frantic, jagged edge to her words and thoughts that momentarily blinded me. The car swerved dangerously, just barely avoiding a collision with a rusted metal mailbox before my tire slammed into the curb hard and my vision returned.

…_why aren't you listening to me? I have to do this...I need to know. _

Her words were forced, passionate, and filled with frustration. There was anger in each syllable and a ferociousness that almost frightened me. But instead of turning around I slammed my foot down on the gas petal, turning the corner onto her street, desperate to get to her.

The sporadic streetlights cast wide circles of light on the ground, highlighting the swollen raindrops like scraps of glitter falling into nothingness. I came to a squealing stop across the street from her house, my mind and body at all times acutely aware that I was getting closer to my other half. I flung myself from the car and marched through the rain purposefully toward her house, words screaming in my mind like daggers. _Protection…danger…your help…his family…please._

I grabbed the handrail at the bottom of the stair rail when I saw them standing in the shadows on the side of the house. I moved quietly forward, astounded at the sight before me, but unable to react. Bella stood with one hand on her hip, the other was gesturing wildly as she talked, the rain pounding her relentlessly. She didn't seem to notice or care that her clothes were soaked through, sodden and clinging to her taut body.

Jacob Black faced her as she spoke, his long arms relaxed at his sides. He was completely naked and entirely unselfconscious. My primal instinct was to run to them and dive at him with my fists. I wanted to punish him for being so shameless, his body taunting me with its sculpted perfection. My blood raged and I felt all my muscles tense uncomfortably. My utter shock made me powerless to do what my body urged me to do. So I wiped the rain water from my eyes and continued to watch them with guilty interest.

After standing in my spot for a few minutes, I realized that Bella hardly seemed to notice Jacob's nakedness. It was an incredibly odd sight. His massive form dwarfed her, but even from a distance I could sense her power, her strength as being equal to his. She clearly wasn't intimidated. At one point she even reached up and shoved him in the shoulder.

_Come on Jacob, _she thought pleadingly. He simply took a step backwards and nodded.

I found that I couldn't resist examining the angles and curves of his body. His lean, lithe muscles were so ideally formed that he almost appeared unreal, a statue of an exotic, pagan god. And yet, there was something in his posture - an alertness so feral, so animalistic - that revealed him to be more than a mere man. My mind knew that he wasn't a threat to me, Bella was mine and I was hers. But my heart still ached at the sight of him. When Bella eventually saw me naked, how could I compare with Jacob's inhuman perfection?

I felt as though my self confidence and all my beliefs in myself were being tested, challenged by expectations that were unreachable. I released a guttural groan with the realization and instantly made my presence known to the two surprised supernatural creatures.

Bella's eyes flashed in my direction and then back to Jacob as he growled viciously, his body rippling. His head craned back and he yelped sharply as if in pain. His flesh vibrated as his muscles stretched and waves of hair burst from his pores. Though terrified, I couldn't tear my eyes away as I tried to watch each phase of his transformation. But within seconds he was on four paws, his mouth full of sharp wolf teeth snarling at me, the fur on his back standing on end like an angry cat.

In a flash Bella was between us, standing in front of me, her hand reaching back to rest possessively on my chest. "It's Edward, Jacob. It's Edward," she explained. Jacob continued to snarl at me and I worried for a moment whether or not Bella could calm him or even defend me if he attacked. The adrenaline shot through my body like a rocket and each moment seemed crisp, intense, with all my senses heightened.

Jacob didn't back away like I'd hoped but craned his neck back and howled into the darkness. The rain was still hammering the earth relentlessly, providing a constant backdrop of sound, and muffling the loud thrashing of my heart. Bella shoved me backwards into the house as I was altered to a new sound – a powerful pounding, like drumming steadily growing in volume. The ground began to shake and I reached backward to steady myself against the house.

Bella crouched defensively and I looked down at her worriedly. When I raised my eyes, my breath caught in my throat – Jacob was flanked by at least a half dozen other massive wolves. They snarled, gnashing their teeth, their paws scraping muddy holes in the grass. Their heads were all turned the same direction, their luminous pupils glowing menacingly, as their eyes fixed on one thing, their prey – me.

* * *

End Notes:

Thanks again for reading! What do you think about my naked Jacob? I loved imagining that scene! Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts!!!


	20. Chapter 20

A/N:

Thank you to my wonderful beta, ms_ambrosia – ILY!

I'm a little behind this week because I just returned from a family trip to Disneyland. I am insane enough that I thought that I'd be writing in the car on the drive down to Anaheim. I know – delusional, right? I also have an old friend (bestie since 5th grade) coming to visit this week so I can't make any promises about the next chapter. I will commit to try to find time to write though – I'm an addict so I'm sure I'll find time.

Thanks to all the readers who are reading and enjoying the story and especially to those who consistently let me know their thoughts. So sorry to all you Jacob-haters (including you, ms_ambrosia) whose sensibilities were offended by the idea of him wet and naked. Seriously though – what's wrong with a beautiful, wet, naked man??? Please give him a chance in this story – he's actually a pretty good guy here.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I simply twisted her plot and her characters around for my own amusement. I wonder if she would approve…

* * *

Time seemed to slow. The steady rhythm of the heavy raindrops spattering onto the ground around us dulled my senses. Though my body was frozen in fear, my heart beat on defiantly, a conspicuous reminder of my humanity.

I was painfully aware of the precariousness of my position. Bella was thoroughly rigid in her stance, her arm like a steel beam pinching me tightly against the side of her house. Her elbow was locked, her hand rotating slightly on the ridges of my ribcage, her fingers biting vicious bruises into my skin.

Small plumes of steam puffed out of the wolves' wet nostrils until they were swallowed by the rain. I heard the crunch of wet leaves under Jacob's wet paw as he shifted his anxious stance. In an instant, the air was pushed violently from my lungs as something hard and sharp clamped around my chest, the earth slipping out from under my feet.

My eyes weren't quick enough to catch what was happening as my body fought to regain control of its functions. My arms grappled outward, swimming through the air, searching for purchase as my head lolled forward toward the rapidly receding ground below. Bella's hair whipped across my cheek as her arm constricted me even more, expelling the last of my breath from my diaphragm. I caught sight of my feet, dangling like a limp doll's toward the ground as we rose higher.

A dizzying sensation spun like a tornado through my brain, a blackness pulling at the back of my eyes. Just as I felt my hold on consciousness begin to slip, my knees hit the ground, my body slumping forward onto a hard, pebbly surface. I sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs with the damp, cool air and looked up into the rain.

It took me several minutes to acquaint myself with my new surroundings, my senses reawakened. Squinting into the darkness, I could scarcely discern Bella's arched form nearby. The haunting sound of howling retreated into the distance when she finally turned and approached me, kneeling to where I sat dazed and nursing my bruised torso.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked, her voice distracted, distant.

"I don't honestly know," I answered, running my hands over my ribcage tentatively. She immediately dropped next to me, frantic, her hand resting over mine.

"I'm so sorry. I…overreacted," she explained. "I've never felt so protective before. Your life means…more than anything…more than my own."

"Where are we?" I asked, pushing to myself forward onto my knees, ignoring the rubble cutting into my skin.

"On the roof. I climbed," she added by way of explanation and I tried to visualize our ascent up the side of her house.

"What happened?" I repeated. "Why were you talking to Jacob? The wolves…were they going to attack me?"

"No, not you!" she answered quickly. "The wolves don't attack humans. It was me he was mad at. He called the others to protect _you_…and to calm himself down."

"What…why? Protect me from what?" I sputtered.

"It's not important right now. You're cold and wet…and hurt. I have to get you inside," she said, pulling on my hand. I allowed her to tug me upward. When I was finally standing I could feel the truth in her words. I felt miserably cold and wet, my body sore all over. Without the surge of adrenaline fueling my energy, all my bodily aches and needs suddenly became very acute.

Before I was entirely aware of what she was doing, Bella swung me around so that I was latched around her back. I should have hesitated to throw my weight on her, but she was so solid and sure that I never once feared she wasn't strong enough to support me. Faster than I could comprehend, she scaled down the eave and swung into an open window on the second floor, busting the screen from its track with one swift, agile kick.

A light flicked on and as my eyes blinked with unexpected sight, I found myself propped on the edge of a forgivingly soft bed. My wet shoes and socks were summarily whipped off my feet. I barely caught my breath before Bella was seated at my side, her hand wiping the residual wetness from my face, swiping my damp locks from my forehead. Her hand lingered on my cheek, her eyes full of meaning. I searched Bella's mind for answers, but it was strangely and frustratingly silent to me. I wanted to question her, but I found myself simply too exhausted to face anything that she was deliberately hiding and that would cause either one of us pain.

"You should take a quick bath," Bella suggested, already peeling my thin coat from my shoulders.

"Okay," I agreed, barely moving my arms to help her ease my coat off my body. They felt heavy, my shoulders straining in effort to lift them.

"The bathroom is around the corner. I'll start the water for you," Bella said, standing and walking at a human's pace from the room. I stood, surprisingly sturdy on my feet, and followed her out the door. I turned the corner to find her bent over the tub, sifting the water through her fingers.

"I can't feel the temperature; you'll need to adjust this," she said, turning to face me.

_Edward…oh…Your heart…your smell. _Bella wasn't speaking, but her mind slipped and I heard just a whisper of desire escape.

She took a determined step toward me, running the back of her hand slowly down my arm until she reached my hand. Surprising me, she dropped to her knees, lifting my hand reverently to her lips. She kissed it softly, dragging it across her cheek before placing it at my side. Suddenly she reached out to my legs, her fingers creeping around them, urging me closer so that there was no space between us. Her hands moved at an agonizingly slow pace, trailing up my outer thighs until they reached my hips. I watched with bated breath as she tantalizingly slid her long fingers along the waist of my pants, tugging slightly, skirting the edge of my shirt.

Her hands ignited my skin on fire, all my aches instantly forgotten. The stagnant blood in my veins surged to life, pulsing through my body, engorging my cock with want and need for Bella. Her nose grazed across the front of my pants, her gaze flitting up to meet mine. I gasped, tortured by her teasing touch. Her amber eyes flashed darkly at me, both desire and fear written on her face.

"Bella," I moaned, my fingers reaching out to caress her scalp, tangling in her hair.

_No! Let go! I can't lose control. Please, I need to touch you…feel you._

"Shhh, Edward. Please…don't move," Bella warned, her fingers flexing and momentarily curling around the fabric at the waist of my jeans. Resisting my body's intrinsic need to reciprocate her sensual touch, I removed my hands and forced my arms to my side.

Her palms flattened, inching upward along the plane of my stomach, easing my shirt up as she moved. In one swift motion, she was on her feet, her face looking anxiously up at mine as her hands continuing their slow examination of my chest. When her fingers found my nipples, they stopped, hovering over them for several seconds. I expelled the breath I was holding, feeling my body relax infinitesimally. Bella's mouth was slightly open, her bottom lip full and glistening.

As I was wondering if the moisture on her lip was venom, my mouth filled with saliva. I swallowed lustfully, Bella mimicking my actions. For an instant I saw myself through her eyes, my pale flesh flushed with desire, beads of sweat and moisture from my wet clothes beading across my skin. I saw the blood flowing along my jugular vein, the pulsing beat echoing in my ears. I was searching her eyes, hungering for more, trying to clamp down on our mental connection when I caught a distinct change in her expression.

She flashed a mischievous grin at me, her eyes flickering wickedly. She pressed her fingers to my flesh with renewed vigor, circling the areolas of my nipples with her index finger. She hesitated for a brief second, testing my reaction before rubbing over the tip with the back of her nail, and experimentally flicking them with her thumb. I was nearly panting in restrained pleasure, my head inadvertently falling backwards as my body shuddered with desire.

When I raised my head, I felt a quick gust of air as my shirt was whisked up over my head and slid down off my arms. Bella's hands shot up to my ribcage where they caressed the bruised and mottled skin there, her cold fingers numbing the ache. I brought my hands to latch onto her hips, but she took such a fast step back that they fell back to my sides.

"Please Edward, don't touch…" she begged, and I immediately nodded, accepting, willing to take whatever I could from her.

She stepped forward again, placing her hands on my shoulders, her eyes dropping shamelessly to my body. "You're beautiful," she whimpered against my lips. My hands clenched at my sides as I fought against the burning compulsion to attack her lips with my own, to run my fingers over her skin, to feel my body pressed against hers.

I was trembling with need as her head dropped reassuringly to my chest, her wet locks sending rivulets of water down my torso. She tilted her cheek into my collarbone, whispering in my ear, her voice demanding and seductive. "You're mine. You belong to me," she purred, pivoting on her heel and disappearing from the bathroom. I could here her residual thoughts as she walked away, _he's mine…he's mine…mine…mine._

"I'll get some clothes for you," she said from the hallway. "You better get in the water before it gets too cold."

I stood frozen, rooted to the cold tile of the bathroom floor through several long, deep breaths. Shivers began to run along my spine, raising goose bumps across my skin. I lurched toward the tub and dropped my shaking fingers into the water, the heat melting the ice from my fingers. Jumping to action, I quickly and awkwardly peeled my wet jeans and underwear from my legs and eased myself into the water.

"Edward," Bella called from the hallway, "I put some clothes on the bed for you. You shouldn't be too long. I don't want your mother to worry."

I sunk down, lowering my body in the tub so that I was surrounded by the hot water. I slowly felt the warmth encircle me, trying to thaw my chill. But it didn't completely conquer the cold that had settled deep inside my bones. I worried that I might never feel warm again.

Once the water began to lose its heat I pulled my languid body from the bathtub, grabbed a grey towel from the shelf and dried off. I wrapped the towel around my waist and sauntered back into the bedroom. It was still dimly illuminated, but I could see enough of my surroundings to conclude that this wasn't Bella's room. With its navy comforter, plain furnishings, and sparse decorations, it was decidedly masculine. It had probably been her father's room. This thought was more than a little unsettling.

I found the jeans and plaid shirt that were folded neatly on the bed and put them on, thinking all the while that these were also probably her father's clothes. I didn't have much time to think about how this revelation made me feel before there was a loud, sure knock at the bedroom door.

_It's me._

"Hi," Bella said, smiling shyly as I opened the door. Her eyes fell to the plaid shirt for a second before she readjusted them on my face.

I smiled back at her, marveling at how she could change her demeanor so quickly. She was a confident seductress one moment and then demure and uncertain the next. She was fiercely protective and possessive, but elusive, disappearing for days without contact. She was forthcoming about herself and her condition, allowing me to see the world through her mind, while continuing to be the most secretive and mysterious girl I'd ever met.

She was fascinating.

"You should head home," she said wistfully.

"I know," I acknowledged, not yet ready to say goodbye to her.

_I don't want you to go, _she thought, mirroring my sentiments.

"Is it…is it getting easier to be around me? I mean, do you still feel the urge to…kill me?" I stammered out my question.

"It is getting easier," she said plainly, smiling wide as though proud of achieving a difficult accomplishment.

"That's good!" I responded enthusiastically and she giggled sweetly, belying her ferocious predatory nature.

"Each time I'm around you, each time I touch you, it gets a little easier," she explained further as she led me down the stairway. She grabbed my hand when we got to the door, squeezing lightly.

"Even holding your hand is so overwhelming…so intimate," she said as she turned my hand over in hers, caressing my palm with her fingers, looking down at the lines as if they held some meaning for her.

"Bella…I want you in any way you'll give me. I just want you," I said ineffectually. "I mean, I'll wait or do whatever you need so that we can be together." I ran my fingers through my damp hair, the events of the night suddenly fresh in my mind.

_I know, _she thought.

"I know you will, Edward. I just need time," she said.

_I need to figure all this out. I need to ask them._ Her thoughts confused me. Who were them? What exactly did she need to figure out that someone else, besides me, could help with?

"Who Bella? Who are you going to ask?" I asked and her brow immediately pinched, her eyes narrowing.

"Edward, sometimes you need to keep your mind to yourself," she admonished, opening the door and pushing me out.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, truly contrite and fearful that I'd overstepped. "Please," I pleaded as I grasped her solid arm, wishing at that moment that I had the strength to pull her to me.

"Forget it for now, Edward," she demanded and I knew instinctively not to push the issue. "Go home," she ordered.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, cringing inwardly at the desperation and need that were always so omnipresent where Bella was concerned.

Ironically, I didn't feel physically weak around Bella despite her superhuman strength. It was my insane need to be close to her, to hear her mind, to possess her, that made me vulnerable. She held the key to my happiness in her hands. She could crush my soul with as little as a word. I had never given my heart so freely, so completely. My vampire girlfriend didn't have to bite me to kill me; all she had to do was reject my love.

"Maybe. I might have to do something tomorrow," she hedged. "But definitely Monday."

I didn't even bother hiding my disappointment. "Well, okay," I said dejectedly. "Goodbye Bella." I began to turn away toward the stairs, but at the last minute I spun back around to face where she stood with her hand on the edge of the door. With adrenaline coursing through my body, I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. Electricity tingled from my lips down through my chest where it spurred the beating of my heart.

Her lips pushed against mine with equal fervor, her hands instantly around my neck, sliding into my hair. I reached forward and tentatively placed my hands on her hips. She didn't step back or push me away so I drew myself closer, crushing my chest to hers. Her tongue darted out and slipped along my bottom lip and into my mouth. I sucked on it lightly, reveling in its silkiness and nearly swooning at the sweet taste of her mouth. I grunted at the sensation, unwittingly pushing my erection into her pelvis.

_Oh god, Edward…I need you…I need you so much. _Her kiss was intoxicating, but her thoughts were even more so, because they so thoroughly matched my own. Knowing that she wanted and needed me as much as I needed her was a profound relief. When we were connected this way, both physically and mentally, nothing else mattered – none of my doubts or fears – just us, intrinsically wound together in a moment of pure harmony.

I drove home in a daze, not even thinking about the car's speed, stops, turns or the streets I'd passed. I ended up in the driveway at my house without even remembering how I'd gotten there. After the tumultuous rainstorm earlier, the night seemed eerily quiet. As I slammed the door to the car I realized that I hadn't even mentioned the idea of the picnic to Bella. Frankly we were preoccupied; there hadn't been an appropriate moment to ask her. Frustration set in at the thought that I might have to wait until Monday to invite her. I hated that I would have to wait an entire day to see her again. I wanted to be with her always.

I slunk through the dark house, trying to make as little sound as possible. All the lights were off, giving the impression that everyone was asleep. But as my foot hit the bottom step of the stairway, a voice called out to me.

"Edward, come here please," my mother called from the living room, a hard edge lacing her normal warm tone.

I rounded the corner to find her sitting tensely in one of the tall wingchairs, her bathrobe tied snuggly around her waist. She looked haggard, anxious, and I immediately felt guilty, knowing I was responsible for her expression.

"Mom…um, I'm sorry," I blurted absently, knowing it was woefully inadequate.

"Well…" she prompted, her chin raised slightly.

"Um…I lost track of time," I said lamely, rubbing my hand through my hair and down my face.

"Edward, you are the most responsible of all my children. You always call when you go out, you are always worthy of our trust. So when you disappear and you don't call, don't leave a note…nothing…Did you even check your cell phone? I called five times!" she said, getting more heated by the minute. I tried to think of where my cell phone was and remembered that I had left it in my car earlier.

"I know…I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. I just didn't think."

"Well, we did worry. I worried. Your father's snoring away upstairs," she said with irritation. "But I worried. How could you? Where were you? With Bella?" she asked snidely and I instinctively jumped to defend her.

"It wasn't her fault. I went to see her," I explained, realizing all the while that I couldn't tell my mother much about the night and that this would make me look even worse in her eyes.

"Whose clothes are you wearing?" she asked as if all of a sudden noticing them.

"They're um…well, my clothes got really wet."

"Listen Edward – I'm not going to give you a lecture here. But never - do you hear me -never do that to me again. I don't need to know all the details of your night, but I do intend for you to respect me and your father like we respect you. We give you a lot of freedom, but you will only have that freedom if you earn it."

"I know. I'm sorry, Mom," I said, hanging my head with contrition and succumbing to the exhaustion settling in my limbs.

"Head up to bed, Edward," my mom ordered and I nodded sleepily, hoisting my heavy body up the stairs to my room.

I shuffled into my bedroom, stumbling a little in the darkness until I found the light switch on my bedside lamp. I was clumsy in my tiredness, awkwardly stripping out of the clothing that Bella had loaned me. I pulled a clean pair of boxer briefs out of my dresser and slipped them on, collapsing heavily onto the bed. I was just lazily reaching out to flick off my lamp when a soft rustling caught my attention.

I turned my head just in time to see Bella closing the window behind her. She slithered toward me, my mouth hanging open with surprise. I propped myself up on my elbows, all of a sudden awake. She stopped at the edge of my bed, slipping her jacket off of her shoulders, allowing it to drop unchecked to the floor. She slid her tall, black boots down her legs and off her feet, wriggling her toes as she placed them to the side.

My breath caught in my throat and I forgot to inhale as Bella deftly unbuttoned the row of buttons on the taut black shirt she wore, exposing her ivory skin as her fingers crawled lower. When she got to the bottom she paused briefly before she flung the shirt off, letting it flutter to the floor. I couldn't tear my eyes from her body. I memorized every freckle, every angle, every subtle curve, my heart beginning to scream in my chest, thundering fast and loud.

Her fingers were almost too fast as they lowered the zipper to her jeans and peeled them down, revealing her unbelievably long, creamy legs. She stood before me in only her underwear – a matching black lace bra and panties. The contrast of the dark underwear against her snow white skin made her look even more like sculpted marble than ever before. She was simply too luminous to be real. I blinked in disbelief, caressing her skin with my eyes, trailing them from her head all the way to her toes.

Her stance was confident, but I detected a small trace of uncertainty in her arched brows, the angle of her shoulders. Before I could comprehensively catalog all the exquisite characteristics of her body – her perfectly shaped breasts, her flat stomach, her narrow hips that I wanted to so desperately wrap my hands around - she climbed into the bed next to me.

I adjusted myself to her hard, cool form next to mine. Breathing deeply, I settled myself deep into the mattress, wrapping my arm around her and easing my chest against her back.

"Bella?" I questioned, my lips whispering against her hair.

"I couldn't stay away," she answered, sliding her hand along my arm, tucking her body closer to mine. If I wasn't so terribly exhausted I could have taken advantage of the situation. Even with her nestled up next to me I could barely keep my eyes open.

_I want to be with you always._

"I want to be with _you_ always," I repeated sleepily.

"Sleep…my Edward," she said quietly into my chest.

_I can't leave you…ever. I will find a way. Protect you…leave…find a way…_

I easily slipped into unconsciousness, my mind and body weary from the night's events. Bella's final message pervaded my thoughts and even in my dreams her words haunted me. Why would she leave me? What was she protecting me from?

_Wolves circled me, whimpering in anticipation, their sharp fangs dripping with fat drops of saliva. I began to run away from them, frightened and anxious. I could feel them biting at my heels. And then Bella was next to me smiling. She heard the wolves approaching and frowned, grabbing my hand, yanking me through the trees, over roots and through branches. I could hear screaming, I could smell blood. I realized with shock that it was _me_ screaming, and _my_ blood. _

_I turned to Bella, worried. But it wasn't her holding my hand. Instead of her warm amber eyes and her loving face, I looked deep into vicious red orbs that were filled with hunger and malice. These were the eyes of a stranger, an evil grin stretched across her mouth as her wild red hair writhed around her head like a fiery wreath of snakes. _

_The girl snarled at me like an animal and I tried to tug my hand away, but my efforts were useless against her iron grip. Blood began to drip from the corner of her mouth and I tugged harder. The wolves were coming; I could hear their feral howls in the distance. They were coming to protect me, to save me from her. But somehow I knew they weren't going to be fast enough to catch up now. _

_I resigned myself to my fate. I was going to die. I closed my eyes and remembered my angel's lovely face one last time before I took my last quivering breath._

"_I love you Bella…"_

End Notes:

I didn't mean to be intentionally unclear here at the end. Edward is simply dreaming. Though he may be filtering some thoughts from Bella's mind and interweaving them with his own.

What did you think? What is up with Bella??? I hope you guys are intrigued…


	21. Chapter 21

A/N:

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own my little twist on the story.

Ever since the night with the wolves, Bella and I seemed to grow even closer to each other. She seemed to cling to me with more fervor, more urgency than ever before. I, in turn, dreaded being away from her for even a small amount of time. I didn't just yearn for her company and the touch of her cool hands, but I was beginning to feel the need for her thoughts as well. Her voice in my mind was becoming as familiar as my own. The tendrils of her memories entangled with mine, and I was finding it harder and harder to separate them.

She had started coming to me each night, spending the evening with me in my bed. I wrapped myself around her while I slept, trying to draw comfort from her presence despite the coldness of her hard body. Her thoughts and memories often slipped unwittingly into my dreams. I found myself more than once suffering through the pain of Bella's transformation and waking to my own screams in sheer terror. These nights when she wound her strong arms around me, her infinitely sad eyes were filled with remorse.

More than once Bella pulled away from me and tried to leave, not wanting her errant thoughts to hurt me, but I wouldn't let her go. I would rather suffer through her pain than have her bear her pain alone. And I began to need her at night; her light caresses relaxed me, her sweet humming like a lullaby that I'd become dependant upon.

I tried to continue the normal routine of life, but so much of what had previously been important to me, was now meaningless. School seemed the worst waste of time and I found myself just going through the motions until I could be with Bella again. As we both learned the extent of our mental link and how to control it, and to stretch it, we found we could stay connected to one another throughout most of the day. When we were in class together, we tested our ability to communicate without words – Bella sending me images, thoughts, and emotions, to occupy my mind while the world continued to spin around us, oblivious to our silent conversation.

We began to shut everyone else out, eating lunch alone, walking through the corridors silently holding hands. I drove Bella home everyday as an excuse to spend more time with her. I called her when she had to be away – when she was hunting or when I was spending the minimum obligatory time with my family. As soon as I turned the light out each night, Bella appeared through my bedroom window, spending the night in my arms, until the break of dawn when she leapt through the second story sill to the ground below and ran home to get ready for school.

Alice began to demand my attention, pestering me for time that I wasn't willing to give her. Though she truly liked Bella, she began to caution me that our relationship wasn't healthy. She lectured me about balance in relationships and told me not to lose myself. I told myself that she didn't understand the depth of the bond between Bella and me. I ignored her warnings.

It had been rainy and stormy for the last few weekends and Alice hadn't been able to organize our picnic outing which made her even more frustrated with the situation. Though Bella had many reservations about going, I had promised her that it would work out okay. I told her that I wanted to try to do normal things with her and that we shouldn't hide away from the world. She agreed to go only if the weather was just right and that we were extremely careful not to do anything that might expose her. I was convinced that nothing bad would happen, my fantasy of us walking along the river and kissing on the rocks replaying in mind, encouraging and sustaining my resolve.

Life continued in this way for several weeks before reality began to seep through the cracks of our Eden. I turned off the light in my room, sitting down on the edge of my bed, waiting in the blackness for Bella to arrive like she did each night. I grabbed the neck of my shirt and pulled it over my head and lay down in only my jeans, my arms behind my head. As always, even when she wasn't calling out to me, I could sense Bella before she silently appeared. A subtle vibration thrummed behind my eyes when she was near, as if my mind was reaching out to her mind, grasping at her thoughts.

When her dark silhouette poured through the window, my breath caught in my lungs and my heart surged. She eased into my bed next to me, her body gravitating toward mine like a magnet, and I finally released my breath. Every inch of my body came alive for her. I tried to contain my body's natural reaction when we were alone like this, but each night that we were together it was getting exceedingly more difficult to be surrounded by the temptation of her incredible beauty.

I knew that she was aware of the effect she had on me, because I had read it in her thoughts. She was fascinated by my accelerated heart rate, and the heat radiating from my skin. Intoxicated by my scent, venom filled her mouth while she visualized licking the pooling beads of sweat along my collarbone and on my upper lip.

My hands trembled as they ran along the smooth, unyielding surface of her arms, my excitement tangible in the air surrounding us. Her mind was open to me, and though she physically couldn't show the same signs of arousal as I did, I could hear and sense her reaction to me in her thoughts. She imagined herself human and warm and breathing and soft, so that for a brief moment I almost believed that she was. It was an acutely intimate experience being in her mind when our bodies were so entangled. And yet, I still felt like we couldn't get close enough. I yearned for a deeper physical connection to her. I wanted to taste her, to be inside of her, to claim her as mine in every way possible.

I pushed. I couldn't help it. I slipped my fingers under the hem of her shirt, slowly dragging them along the perfectly curved planes of her stomach and further up toward her firm, round breasts. My fingers wove a trail of fire across her cool, stone-like body, my knuckles grazing the swell of her breasts. I swallowed deeply, resisting my aching need to simply turn the angle my hand and fondle her flesh.

Her thoughts were conflicted while my longing for her only intensified, driving me nearly mad with desire. I caved to my body's insistence that I proceed, rotating my hand and lowering it purposefully toward her taut nipple. But, before my palm could make contact with her breast, Bella's hand was on mine, gently swiping it away.

In the heat of the moment, I ignored her placid resistance and shamelessly rubbed myself against her hip. My brash action cracked her mind's defenses, allowing me a glimpse into her brain. Her feelings couldn't be clearer as she marveled at the size and hardness of my cock. A feral growl escaped her mouth as she wondered how that part of my anatomy appeared nearly as rigid and severe as her impenetrable skin. I couldn't stifle a chuckle before her thoughts shifted again to her realization that the rest of my body was soft, vulnerable, and inevitably breakable.

"Bella," I moaned. "I need you so much," I begged.

"Edward, please, I need you too. But I'm so frightened," she said, turning so that we were face to face, our eyes locked.

_I could lose control. I could kill you. I…I love you._

"I love you, Bella. You won't hurt me," I said with conviction.

"You don't know that. I need more time," she said, her eyes dropping.

_Please Edward. I want you just as bad as you want me. You know I do. _

"That's not possible. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life," I whispered, running my nose along her jaw, breathing in her delectable, indescribable scent.

_I was damned before I met you. And now…I don't know. You deserve more than I can give you. _

"I don't want anything, but you!" I said emphatically, pushing myself up on my elbows.

"Edward, please slow down and relax. You should just go to sleep. You need to sleep."

"I don't want to sleep. I just want to hold you, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, her hand coming up to rest on my cheek.

_Please sleep._

I nodded and closed my eyes to appease her, my hand cupping her hip, my fingers spreading out, grasping at her inflexible flesh. Against my will, my body grew heavy with exhaustion. My mind was beginning to quiet, slipping into a state of blissful unconsciousness when a vivid image burst into my thoughts and wrenched me awake.

"Bella, what was that?" I asked, knowing that she was more than aware what had so disturbed my sleep.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I don't know why you want me here. It makes sleeping so much harder for you."

_I should go._

"No, Bella. Don't go…I need you. Please," I pleaded. "And don't try to change the subject. Who was that – who you were thinking of?"

"Her name is Charlotte," she answered woodenly, not offering anything more.

"She's a vampire?" I asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting Bella to confirm it.

"Yes, she is."

"You were thinking of going to see her…to visit her...you were thinking of leaving!" I said with astonishment and horror, sitting up. She mirrored my position, and in the faint glow of moonlight, I saw her bite down on her lower lip nervously. It was a surprisingly human movement, a remnant from the time before her transformation.

"No, Edward. I was just thinking…and I thought you were close enough to sleep that you wouldn't listen to my thoughts. I didn't realize that you were still listening. Sometimes, it's difficult having you always inside of my mind. I'm just thinking, not planning. I'm just remembering others that I've met…others like me."

"Have you met many others?" I asked drowsily, but my interest piqued.

"A few. After I ran…after I escaped from James and Victoria, I stayed away for the better part of a year before I returned to Forks. I was searching for other vampires…and answers. I needed to know if there were others who were different…like me."

_I was so alone. And even though I was stronger and faster and all my senses were enhanced, I was scared…terribly scared. _

"I wandered for months alone…all the while learning about how things were different for me – all my new abilities. When I realized what a good runner I was and that I never got tired, I ran and ran. I stuck to wild areas where I wouldn't easily be discovered. I got better at hunting, better at hiding, better at everything. I guess I began to adapt."

"How long before you found other vampires?" I couldn't resist asking.

_A few months._

"I was in Northwest Montana when it happened. I had been hunting elk in the forest. It was winter and they were scarce. The elk began to descend from the higher elevations looking for vegetation and I found myself venturing closer to populated areas."

I was listening so closely to her voice, absorbing her words so intently that at first I didn't realize that I had started quivering with thirst. The scent of musk and earth filled my nostrils. The muscles in my arms and legs constricted as an irresistible urge to pounce rippled through my limbs. It wasn't until Bella's voice broke my trance that I realized that Bella was wrestling with her own thirst and had moved farther away from me to the very edge of the bed.

_Not him…not him...not him._

"I found that it worked best for me to attack from above. It was near dusk one day when I pounced from a pine onto a huge bull elk. I quickly broke his neck, and pierced his flesh with my teeth, when I smelled the others. I dropped the dead animal and scanned the trees. I couldn't see or hear them, but I knew they were watching me. It had been nearly a week since I'd had any blood and I was so thirsty that I picked the elk up and began to drink from it."

_Am I disgusting? Am I a disgusting animal?_

"No, no you're not!" I answered her thoughts and slid back down so that my head rested on the pillow. She again mirrored my actions until we were lying face to face. I could tell from the quiet of her mind that she'd regained control of her primal need for my blood and I rested my forehead against hers.

"Did they approach you?" I asked in a whisper, too close to see her reaction.

"Yes. They waited for me to finish and then when I looked up they were standing there as if they had been there the whole time."

"How many were there? Did they attack you? Hurt you?" I asked, moving so I could peer into her eyes. It was too dark to see the amber color, but I knew she was staring back at me.

"There were two of them – Peter and Charlotte - and no, they didn't attack me. They were travelling through the area and smelled me. They tracked me and watched me."

"What did they want?"

"They were curious. They'd never seen a vampire hunt animals before and wanted to know why I resisted my natural instincts. They were ultimately patronizing, treating me like I was defective…like they could repair my flaws. They scoffed at my refusal to drink from humans, laughing at me when I hunted."

"They told me that they had been journeying through Montana and Wyoming, finding victims at the small towns they passed through. One night, they dragged me along with them to a lumber encampment in a remote area of the woods. I think they were hoping that once I'd seen them in action, I'd come to my senses or something. But, it was horrible…so horrible. I will never forget it," she said, her eyes begging mine for forgiveness.

"What happened?" I asked, knowing that it was hard for her to tell me. But I needed to know.

"We waited at the tree line where a cluster of houses sat on the edge of a small, frozen lake. There was no wind that night, no sounds of wildlife or birds. It was so silent that I could hear every tiny creak and groan and infinitesimal shift of the ice on the lake. Even though I didn't feel the cold, I still felt uncomfortable as though my body remembered the feeling."

"It seemed like we were waiting forever when I noticed that the sky was beginning to brighten just slightly and a large man, dressed in jeans, a padded flannel jacket, and tan work boots shuffled out his front door toward his truck. It was still dark, but I could easily see the scruff of hair on his chin, and the swollen skin beneath his eyes. His body stiffened as it adjusted to the temperature, walking with stilted movements through the icy air. I was mesmerized by the sound of his hollow breath, the muffled beating of his heart through the layers of body fat. His face flushed with the cold and I could smell his warmth, his blood calling out to me. Venom pooled in my mouth."

_I would have killed him. I would have. I came so close._

"I was about to pounce on him, but Peter was much faster, much more furtive than me. I was still thinking about how I was going to attack when Peter flew by me, the large man tucked under his arm, already unconscious. He disappeared deeper into the forest, dragging the man through the trees and underbrush. Charlotte reacted instantly, running after him. I hesitated, knowing that if I followed I wouldn't be able to stop myself. But I couldn't help inhaling the scent of the man's blood and without thought, I found myself in the clearing where they'd taken the man."

Bella paused as if she was exhausted from telling me her story. She had told me before that she'd never had human blood but the anguished look on her face almost made me doubt her. I was afraid to ask her. I closed my eyes and waited.

I inhaled deeply and when I exhaled I saw the forest in my mind. It was dark and fragrant and sinister feeling. I could hear crunching and slurping and even though I was sure that this was only Bella's memory of that night, I recoiled from the sensation. I felt the electricity thrumming through my body, under my skin as though it was on the verge of exploding from my pores. Bella's bloodlust was so strong that I felt my body struggle to retain consciousness.

"Bell-a…Bella…stop," I begged, the physical attack on my body so overpowering that I blackness started to cloud my mind like shutters being drawn to shut out the sun. I lifted my arms to reach out to her, to touch her, but they were heavy and languid and dropped hard onto the cold, empty sheet.

I couldn't open my eyes, the painful throbbing in my skull was excruciating; it was too much to bear. "Bella," I moaned wretchedly.

With my last strength, my last bit of consciousness, my hand wiped futilely across the bed. But my body already knew what my mind would not accept…she was gone. _Gone_.

Of course I hardly slept. My arms kept reaching out for her, and grasped onto nothing. I heedlessly rolled back and forth on my mattress as though my body searched for her even when my mind could not.

When my alarm went off and I finally opened my eyes, I searched my room, thinking irrationally that I might find some trace of her, some evidence that she'd actually been there in my arms. But again, there was nothing for me to hold onto. I was hollow feeling, empty, bereft, only half a person.

When Bella visited me at night, she usually left before I awoke. As always, I sat still for several minutes wondering if I'd imagined her in my arms or if it had truly been real. But then I'd remembered snippets of our conversation, her words and frightening visions from the night before. It was highly implausible that my mind was so creative, but still I wouldn't be comforted until I was with her again. And it wasn't until I caught my first glimpse of her at school, or inadvertently listened in on her first errant thought that I would believe the amazing truth. She was mine. I was hers.

Once my sleepy mind realized that as soon as I got to school I would see her again, I jumped out of bed, hustling through my morning routine as quickly as possible. I was in the kitchen when I eventually noticed that the light in the room wasn't artificial, but was streaming in unhindered through the windows. As I peered out into the sunny morning, small, billowy clouds dotting the clear blue sky, never before had I felt such animosity toward the sun.

For I knew, that without a doubt, Bella would not be at school today. I would have to wait to see her again. And I was anxious. I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong.

She had shared a painful memory with me last night and she had come close to reliving a moment of weakness. I needed her to know that even when she lost control last night that I still trusted her. I needed to tell her. Because I didn't want her to overreact, or to think that it was more than it was. I didn't really know what she was going to do about it, but I was worried. And I wasn't sure when I would get to see her again.

End Notes:

So, any predictions??? I'm getting a little hot and bothered by all this sexual tension. How about you?

I don't have much to say this week. I'd appreciate a review so that I know you're out there. Thanks for going on this journey with me.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N:

I'm terribly sorry this chapter is coming later than usual. I was in Yosemite for most of last week and had no internet or cell phone reception. I could only text! I tried to do some writing, but my body was so sore from hiking all day that all I could do was collapse catatonic into my sleeping bag each night.

ms. ambrosia, my beta, despite her incredibly busy schedule, had this chapter ready, waiting for me in my inbox when I returned. Posting this, after a long, hot bath, is one of the first things I did when I returned. So please forgive me for the delay.

There are a few twists in this – surprise, surprise – and I hope that you like them! I know that some of you are worried that I'm going to pull a "New Moon" in this story. Please, give me the benefit of the doubt, and know that I am putting my own slant on the original plot so no matter what, it will be different! Trust me!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own my twist on the story.

Chapter 22

I dragged my feet as I walked out to my car, prolonging the inevitable. Emmett and Alice had left for school moments earlier, their spirits lifted by the sun. I couldn't help envying how easy and uncomplicated their lives were. I was feeling utterly sorry for myself as I slipped into my car, wondering how I was going to survive the day without Bella.

Ever since I'd met Bella my life had become like some sort of dark fairytale, taking on a surreal quality that distorted my perception of things. Despite this, I couldn't shake the sense that even more change was coming and I was increasingly nervous that it might not be the good kind.

Instead of allowing me a moment of peace, my solitary drive to school propelled me to a heightened state of anxiousness that I couldn't explain. I wasn't sure if I was looking for Bella to jump out of the bushes or for something else to happen, but I tensed before every corner, scanning the background at each intersection.

When I finally reached the familiar morning scene in the front of school, students milling around the parking lot, basking in the warm touch of the sun, I felt some of my trepidation fade. I hesitated at my car for a few minutes, summoning the energy and the will to head inside. I wasted just enough time for Jessica to notice that I was by myself. She slinked over to me, swaying her wide hips in a ridiculous manner, and before I could walk away, she propped herself against my car.

"Hi Edward!" she said enthusiastically, wriggling closer to me. "Isn't this weather great?"

"Um yeah, I guess," I replied, throwing my bag over my shoulder and making to turn away. She started rambling about some upcoming dance when something sparkling caught my eye. I narrowed my gaze toward the edge of the trees in the distance, where for an instant, I was sure that I saw the sunlight reflecting off a glittering surface. My heart beat accelerated and my fingers tingled as I took a step forward. _Bella._

I was only minutely aware that Jessica was still talking to me, even reaching out to grab my arm. I looked at her incredulously, almost angry that she was touching me, and shook off her hand, taking another few steps away from the school. I reached out my mind like a fishing net, hoping to capture some of Bella's thoughts. But I received nothing.

I narrowed my gaze, squinting into the sun and searching the trees, but there was no sign of Bella or her smooth, diamond-like skin shimmering in the sun. I ignored Jessica's chattering, her footsteps falling in behind me, drawn as if mesmerized toward the trees. I was already at the edge of the parking lot when Emmett yelled my name, shaking me from the spell I was under. I heard the first period bell ring, and turned reluctantly to the school for only a moment. When I angled back to fix my eyes on the tree line again there was still no sign of Bella, shattering any hopes I had of seeing her.

I headed back toward school, bumping into Jessica, catching a glimpse of her confused and rejected face as I passed. "Sorry," I mumbled inadequately as I scaled the steps to the school doors, knowing that it was all I could give her.

At the last moment before crossing through the doors, I felt a burning urge to glance at the tree line one last time. It was desperate gesture, as I was much too far away to see distinctly, yet I felt compelled to look in a way that defied reason.

Faceless bodies scrambled around me to get to class, a few jostling me from side to side, but I felt the instinctual need to stay fixed where I was. Even though my eyes watered and burned, I continued to stare.

I was just about to give in and succumb to the pull of my school responsibilities, when I saw something. There was a flash of movement, a rustle in the trees. I took a step out the door, swallowing the saliva that had pooled in my mouth, shivering as the heat dissipated from my body. I strained my eyes trying to see, and I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw a pale face staring at me from the shadows. But it wasn't Bella.

The second bell rang and I resisted turning away, even when the voice of authority called as a teacher stomped loudly through the hall behind me, rounding up stragglers. I felt a hand tugging on my arm, a hot breath on my cheek, but I couldn't peel my eyes away. The sun shifted briefly as I resisted, and as I craned my neck for one last look, it finally illuminated the spot where I'd been staring and lit up a head of red hair into a fiery blaze. I gasped as the red flickered ominously in my sight before disappearing into the darkness.

I sat through my first class in a thick daze. I kept trying to reconcile the veracity of what I thought I saw with the probability that I'd fabricated the whole thing. I couldn't get the image of a wild mane of flickering, burning hair from consuming my thoughts. And yet, there was such an unreal quality to the entire morning. Ever since I'd been inside of Bella's mind, I was having a hard time distinguishing between what was real and what was a figment of a dream or a thought or an image from the past.

Lately I'd been growing increasingly insecure of my grip on reality. Rather than confusing me more, Bella's presence calmed me; her lucid thoughts seemed to clarify mine. But when she was absent, my brain twisted and writhed around errant remnants of thoughts and images, both mine and hers, and it simply got lost in them. I seemed to be living my life somewhere between reality and dreams.

By the time I walked into my second class, I was almost convinced that the alarming vision had simply been an illusion, a trick of the sunlight. Perhaps I'd woven parts of my nightmare and Bella's memories into a distortion of reality.

When I walked out to my car at the end of the school day, I was thoroughly positive that crazed by my need for Bella, and plagued by her memories, I'd entirely lost my grasp on reality. Even when I wasn't with her, my mind was no longer my own. After playing it over in my mind all day, I had finally concluded the diamond-like flickering and the blaze of red hair I thought I saw wasn't even a trick of the light, but an elaborate fabrication of my subconscious or a kind of waking dream. I pushed it all to the back of my mind like so many other images and recent dreams that I couldn't possibly place or understand.

I automatically drove to Bella's house, needing so desperately to be with her again. My need as always hit me in the gut, both delighting me and frustrating me at the same time. Why did I want her so much that it hurt? Why did my need for her dominate everything else in my life so that nothing else mattered anymore?

I was so anxious to see her that I practically skipped up the steps, taking them three at a time. I knocked on her door and waited. There was no sound coming from inside, but that wasn't unusual. Bella could be thoroughly silent if she wanted to be. After several minutes, I dolefully accepted that she wasn't home and left.

I drove around for a while, but it wasn't long before I had the same sense that something was wrong that I'd had this morning. I almost felt like I was being watched or being followed. I felt the hackles rise on the back of my neck, all my senses acute.

I finally decided just to go home, and hopefully, Bella would come to me. I tried to ignore the depth of the disappointment I felt as I pounded on the steering wheel in frustration. I wanted to hit something, to tear something apart. I peeled out of Bella's driveway quickly, my tires leaving a burning trail on the concrete, and sped off hastily toward home.

Alice was in the kitchen when I walked through the door, making chocolate milk and Pop-tarts for a snack. "Hey Edward, the weather's great today. I'm thinking we could do our picnic this weekend. I already talked to mom and she said that dad has Sunday off. Ask Bella okay?"

I scowled at her, but she didn't notice which irrationally made me even angrier. Oblivious to my mood, she didn't even wait for my response before taking her snack and plopping down in front of the television in the living room. I could hear her tinkling laughter as I scaled the stairs to my room and grimaced, wishing that my mind was so unfettered.

I had been stretched out on my bed for hours, my homework long abandoned, trying with all my might to quiet my mind. My fears and insecurities were nearly overwhelming. I was desperate to talk to Bella, to see her. Things had been so good between us and then last night something shifted. Her struggle to control her baser desires was palpable, thickening the air around us.

I kept replaying her words that had filtered into my thoughts and seeing the panic in her feline eyes. How is it that so much had changed in just one night? I wanted to know her story, but not at the detriment of our relationship. If stirring up these memories only weakened her resolve and made her thirst for my blood, than I would no longer ask her to share that part of herself with me. And yet, somehow I knew that my curiosity would get the best of me. I needed to know her, to understand her completely. I wanted to climb into her skin and see the world through her eyes.

Searching for a distraction, I busied myself with my homework for a while, but my mind kept wandering. Plus, school work just didn't seem as important anymore. At one point Emmett stormed into my room without knocking. He was bored himself and always barged into my room when he was procrastinating.

"Problems with your vamp girl?" he asked, dropping heavily onto my bed.

"No," I snapped, irritated by his question.

"Okay, okay, don't bite my head off for asking. I just hate to see you moping again. I really do like you better when she's around," he said, slapping me on the back just a little too hard. I threw him an irritated glare.

"I'm off to pick up Rosalie for an evening ren-de-vous," he said, stretching out the word for emphasis. He turned back to face me, his hand on the door as if he'd just remembered something. "Oh yeah, Alice is all worked up about the picnic this weekend. You better make sure Bella comes or Alice will pitch a fit," he yelled over his shoulder as he shut the door behind him.

I put my iPod in its docking station, setting it to a mellow playlist with a mixture of classical and ambient songs. I tried to calm myself and to lose myself in the music, but I could never completely shut down my mind. I was always attuned to Bella now, a part of my mind continually listening and searching for her.

I felt irrational surge of anger at my powerlessness to reach her, fisting the sheets in my hands. I curled into a ball on my side, bringing my knees up to my chest, and focused on the beat of the song that was playing. The beat slowly changed until I could hear a subtle vibration in the air. When I began to sense the familiar tingling in my limbs, I knew Bella was near. I closed my eyes, concentrating all my energy on bringing her to me, and on listening into her thoughts.

_I have to see him with my own eyes…to see if he's alright. I can't wait to see him. I smell him. Faster. _

Bella appeared seconds later. Her motions were so fast that I never even saw her climb through my window before she stood at the foot of my bed, her hand on my ankle.

"Edward." _I missed you._ _So much. _

She ran her hand up my leg until she reached my thigh, her hand pausing for a second before she pulled away. She jerked off layers of her clothing quickly and then half-pounced on the bed, so deftly that the springs didn't even flex. She straddled me like a predator and my body instinctively tensed until I looked in her eyes and saw her need and desire for me so clearly reflected in them.

We were fixed in this position for a hot moment before the ridges of her brow softened, her pose relaxed, and she dropped soundlessly to my side, winding her body around mine almost protectively. There was a new rigidity, an urgency, to her touch that slightly unnerved me. The feel of her arms reminded me of the way in which she held me when she lobbed me up against the side of her house.

I couldn't shake the feeling that there was an invisible barrier between us, something weighing on her mind that she wasn't willing to share with me. I wondered what she felt like she needed to protect me from.

I fell asleep in this way, with her firm body encasing mine like a human coffin and though it may not have been the most physically comfortable position, I slept soundly.

The rest of the week continued in this way. I spent my days at school in a dream-like haze, unable to focus on anything. Only Emmett seemed to understand, defending me from Alice's digging questions and sharp gaze. Rosalie took to shooting me piercing stares, as if she sensed that there was something deeper going on than I was letting on. Even Jasper got on my case, demanding that we get together after school to hang out. I was pretty sure that Alice put him up to it.

I tried to feign interest in Alice's plans for the picnic on the weekend, but I secretly worried that Bella wouldn't show. She had so many fears and reservations that I knew I was going to have to plead for her to come. And the weather continued to be uncharacteristically clear and sunny which was sure to keep her away. Alice ironically, couldn't be happier about the weather and even planned on bringing her bathing suit.

Each night, Bella climbed through my window without fail, clinging to me as if I might disappear. But it was her who disappeared each morning, leaving me to feel like I'd imagined the whole thing. Yet, I could still smell her uniquely alluring scent lingering on my sheets and I could feel the imprint of her touch on my skin. I actually awoke on Thursday morning with bruises on my arms where her fingerprints had gripped me too tightly.

Several times I gently wrenched myself away from her stiff embrace, attempting to recapture the deep physical connection that we'd somehow lost. I lovingly caressed her arms, running my fingers along her shoulders. She allowed my touch, but didn't encourage anything more and I slipped into sleep feeling stifled, and unfulfilled. I questioned her inflexibility several times, but she evaded my questions and held onto me with such intensity it rattled me to the core. I also skimmed her mind, but she closed me out. This cold refusal to open her thoughts to me was almost harder to accept than her physical detachment.

On Friday morning I awoke like usual, reaching the empty spot on my bed with the same glum sensation of loss as I did every morning. I longed for a future where my bed would no longer be empty, but Bella would be there, waiting for me to wake, her lovely presence filling me with joy and making me feel complete.

These thoughts were fleeting when the harshness of reality overcame my musings – this future was so improbable it was preposterous. Bella's weird insecurity at night was beginning to crumble my certainty that we could overcome all obstacles. Doubts began to creep into my mind. Emmett's words of warning were starting to make more sense. I was a human and she was a vampire. How long could we pretend that our relationship wasn't doomed to fail? What kind of future could we have? If I remained human, I would only get older while she stayed young. And I wasn't able to protect her like she could protect me. I was weak, vulnerable, and I'd always be a liability.

I went through all the motions of my morning routine, these dark thoughts weighing heavily on my mind. I came to the realization that at some point soon I would need to make a decision regarding my future. But deep down, my decision had already been made. I would sacrifice everything to be with Bella – even my life.

I was surprised when I stepped outside that it was raining steadily. I hadn't even noticed the dramatic change in the weather until that moment and instantly my mood shifted. Bella would be at school. My body and mind rejoiced, knowing that soon we would be close, touching and connecting. She would share her mind with me, and I would finally feel whole again.

I waited on the front steps of the school in the rain several minutes past the final bell, before I accepted that she wasn't going to show up. I fruitlessly tried to mask my disappointment as I searched the halls for her between every class. Even though I didn't feel the telling vibration behind my eyes when she was near, I still hoped that she might come to Biology class, if even just to see me. But she didn't show. I began to panic. The weather was her excuse for being absent all week, but today the weather was perfectly horrible and gray. She had no reason not to be at school, unless she had an excuse that I didn't know about.

All of a sudden I began to question how she had spent her days when she didn't come to school. Why was she keeping things from me? She waited until it was very late every night before coming to me in my room. So late that I was already tired and in bed and didn't have much energy to talk or pose questions. How had she been spending her time? Why did we not talk of it? I grew so frustrated I was almost frantic. I could barely sit still through the last few hours of school, my legs bouncing under the table, my palms sweating and my fingers trembling.

I shot out of school as soon as the bell rang, not even stopping at my locker to grab my books or my coat. I immediately drove to Bella's house, but I somehow knew she wouldn't be home. I pounded on the door for several minutes, until my knuckles were raw. I only stopped when an elderly neighbor stepped out onto his doorstep and glared at me annoyingly.

I sat in the quiet of my car for several minutes, thinking of all I knew about Bella and where she could conceivably be. I thought of Jacob, the werewolf. He might have known where she was, but I didn't exactly know how to get a hold of him. I was considering the idea of driving to La Push and asking around when I remembered Bella's little cabin in the woods. It was the only other place I could think that she might be.

I started the car and drove there as fast as I could, missing the indistinct dirt road at first just as I had the last time. When I finally got close to the house, I skidded the car to a stop, causing the muddy earth to splatter the trees at the edge of the clearing. I jumped out of the car into the rain, not even bothering to avoid stepping in the huge puddles of mud that surrounded my car, and clomped up the steps to house to pound on the door.

As I expected, there was no answer. I circled the cabin, light rain dampening my clothes. I peered through the windows into the dark interior, my anxiety increasing. My heart began to beat wildly in my chest. I couldn't shake the persistent feeling that something was wrong, that Bella was somehow in trouble. I just couldn't imagine where she was and why she hadn't gone to school.

I hated feeling so helpless, so thoroughly at a loss to find her or help her. I felt defeated.

I let the rain wash over my face, running in steady rivulets down my neck. I wiped the damp hair off my forehead, pushing my hand back through my hair as I thought of Bella and remembered our passionate and emotional night in the cabin. It seemed like so long ago, but was no more than several weeks. I marveled at how much my life had changed, how much meeting Bella had affected everything. I sloshed my way slowly back to my car, my steps more careful now, and my eyes fixed on the muddy path I was forging.

I had just turned the corner at the edge of the house when I squinted up into the rain and caught movement in my peripheral vision. My head snapped to the side quickly, but there was no one there. I instantly sensed that I was not alone, and every atom in my body pulsated with nervous energy, as if my nerve endings were crackling with electricity. Time seemed to slow so that I became acutely aware of even the smallest movement, the tiniest shift of my eye. My lungs felt constricted, and as I labored to inhale, I could hear each breath as though amplified.

I automatically took a squishy step toward my car, my brain numb. And then she sprang into my vision as though an acrobat jumping onto a stage. She was much smaller than me, with tiny, feminine bones and an almost sweet looking smile gracing her lips. But I wasn't fooled; I knew exactly what she was and exactly what she was capable of doing to me. I didn't have a chance.

Her feral red eyes washed over my body, measuring me, examining me. Neither one of us moved for several moments until I realized that I'd been holding my breath and inhaled deeply.

She was instantly closer. She'd moved without me even seeing. Her head tilted to the side and she mimicked me, inhaling deeply as I had moments before.

"Delicious," she whispered almost seductively, her hand reaching out to run along my jawbone.

I flinched at her touch, but knew it was useless to try and get away. I realized as she moved closer that I knew who this was. I had seen her as clearly in Bella's mind as if I'd looked through my own eyes.

This was Charlotte, one of the vampire's who Bella traveled with before returning to Forks. I was trying to decide whether or not I should tell her that I knew her identity when her hand dropped to my chest. Her fingers splayed out, playfully running across my nipples and down to my stomach. I trembled under her touch as she claimed my body, dipping her fingers down into the front of my pants until she was cupping my cock in her hand. Her fingers wound around it, squeezing until, betraying my silent pleas, it sprang to life. But her fingers continued to squeeze, clamping down on my shaft until the stabbing pain in my groin caused my knees to buckle and I fell in the slick mud.

I tried to ignore the tears that slipped out of my eyes, hardening myself to face what I assumed would inevitably be the end of my existence. I closed my eyes and thought of Bella and how deeply and completely I loved her. I wanted my last thought to be of her, the final image in my mind to be of her amazingly beautiful face.

"Bella, I love you," I said as the cold hand on my cheek contracted and sharp nails scraped painfully down the side of my cheek. I opened my eyes to find her looking quizzically at my face as though all of a sudden, I'd become fascinating in a new light.

"Bella?" the vampire asked, her eyes softening. "Did you say Bella?" she asked in a voice that was strangely girlish and innocent.

"Y-es," I stuttered, shocked at her question. My brain struggled to think of anything I could say to free myself from this situation and I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "I'm her pet."

"Her pet?" she repeated as if she didn't quite believe what I'd said.

"Yes…and she'd be mad…if anything, you know, happened to me," I lied.

"Hmmm. Well, this does make things more difficult. You see," she said, cupping my cheek in one hand while sliding her hand through my hair with the other, "I'm very hungry. And here you are, so delicious smelling. I can see why Bella likes you," she said as she rubbed her small, hard body against me.

"It's so like Bella to have a pet. She is so different, with all her strange habits. I'm sure that she'll miss you, but it can't be helped. I promise to be quick," she said in an almost friendly voice and she pulled her arm back as though to slice my neck open with her nails.

I took one last breath and closed my eyes and waited for the end.

End Notes:

What do you think is going to happen? Is someone going to save him? I'd love your predictions! Or just send me some love!

Thank you for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

A/N:

You guys made so many great predictions. Most of you came to the conclusion that Edward wasn't getting out of the situation by himself, he was either going to die or someone was going to have to come to his rescue. Most of you thought that Bella would come. Let's see…

Thanks to ms. ambrosia, who literally got this chapter back to me in less than a half hour. Either her grammar skills are finally starting to rub off on me or she's just incredibly awesome (okay, so I still need a lot of comma help.) And she's a busy girl, so I'm even more appreciative that she spends her time on my stories, making them better for you.

If you're interested, you should check out the new website that ms. ambrosia has been working on, dedicated to awards specifically for vampire fics. It looks incredible so far and the categories are awesome. It's not ready yet, but you guys should check out the site: http:/collectedmoments(dot) com/vampawards/. And maybe think of some vamp fics that you might want to nominate.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just her fabulous world and twisted it around to amuse myself.

Chapter 23

Strangely, as soon as I closed my eyes, I wasn't afraid anymore. I stopped breathing, every muscle in my body tensing involuntarily as I braced myself for the unavoidable horror of death. I was far from ready to die, but instead of dread, I felt an eerie sense of calm wash over me.

The moment passed and I was still alive. I inhaled deeply, the thick moisture in the air coating my lungs uncomfortably. My feet shifted in the sticky mud and suddenly I felt the strain in my jaw and shoulders, the dull ache of my tightly clenched fists. I sucked in another breath and reluctantly lifted my eyelids.

To say I was surprised by the look in Charlotte's eyes would be an extreme understatement; I was utterly astonished by the sight in front of me. Only moments before, she was standing within arms reach, poised to kill, but now she had retreated to the edge of the clearing and was crouched in a defensive position, her fright and distress unmistakable.

Her head snapped from side to side as if she were hearing something moving in the trees that I was entirely unable to detect. My heart beat so intensely and erratically that I couldn't think straight. I knew that I should take advantage of the distraction, whatever it was, but as if my mind and limbs were disconnected, my body wouldn't move. I scanned the forest frantically, my frustration growing with every heavy second that passed, yet I could see nothing. I listened for Bella's thoughts, hoping that she was coming to my rescue, but I could tell by the emptiness I felt inside that she was nowhere near.

Just as I was beginning to think that we'd be fixed in our respective positions forever, Charlotte crouched even lower to the ground than before, her knees and hands dipping into the mud as if she were about to sprint. Her red eyes narrowed and she started to growl like a wild creature. She seemed more animal than girl and I grasped for the first time how little humanity remained in her.

I felt all the hairs rise on my arms and the back of my neck, and rotated my upper body so that I could look behind me. Quietly emerging from the shadows of the trees, so agile and stealthy as to not make even the hint of a sound, was a giant, russet-colored wolf that I instantly recognized. He appeared almost as if he erupted out of the trees and earth, an indigenous component of nature itself. He moved forward excruciatingly slowly, each step of his massive paws graceful and deliberate.

I finally felt the use of my legs and wrenched them free from the mud, stepping to the side to move out of the wolf's path. Charlotte was frozen as if a statue, carefully appraising the creature as it neared.

The smell of the wet wolf reached my nostrils just as he turned one sharp golden eye knowingly at me. I returned Jacob's stare, not entirely sure what the wolf-boy was communicating. Before I could process that something was about to end our torturous standoff, Jacob and Charlotte launched themselves at each other, their bodies clashing in a deafening, violent tumult of arms and fur and blood.

As I watched the ferocious battle, the two creatures indistinguishable in the dizzying flurry of movement, I considered that Jacob's look might have been a warning to run and I scrambled to my car as fast as my legs would take me. My hands were shaking so badly that it took several tries before I was steady enough to even open the door.

I started the car and, with an immense sense of relief, I fled the scene, avoiding looking back at all costs. I was surging with adrenaline and so agitated that I found it difficult to drive without weaving and swerving all over the muddy road. I steered recklessly, veering over the edge of a fallen and decaying log at the edge of the road, scraping the side of the passenger door on a cluster of low-lying branches in the process. When I finally spied the break in the trees, I hurled the car toward the deserted highway, mud splattering from my tires.

It seemed like miles had passed before I could mercifully no longer hear the clamor of the terror I left behind. The piercing sound of a vampire screaming in agony would haunt my mind for days to come.

Even when I was safely ensconced in my kitchen at home, the door locked behind me, I wondered if I was safe at all. Though I hoped that Jacob came out on top of the scuffle, I had no idea what Charlotte was capable of and I hadn't stuck around long enough to find out for sure. I had been sitting at the kitchen counter for ten minutes, the horrifying sounds and images of skin being ripped open, limbs severed, blood splattering on the trees replaying over and over in my mind.

I prayed that Jacob had won the fight. Not just for my own sake, but because I felt a profound feeling of gratitude toward him. There was no doubt in my mind that he had risked his life for me. Whether his motivation came from a sense of loyalty to Bella or just out of an innate benevolence didn't matter in the least. He had saved my life and I would forever be thankful.

I could hear Alice and Emmett upstairs and willed them to stay there until I knew that we were safe, that I hadn't been followed. All my senses were on alert as I listened to every little whisper of noise: the creaking of the floorboards, the wind caressing the trees outside and streaking across the boundaries of the house. A passing car in the distance made a low humming purr that cut through the sounds of the weather, bristling my already overstressed nerves.

I worried about Alice and Emmett, hoping that just by being in the same house, I wasn't putting them in danger by default. My thoughts drifted naturally to Bella and I was struck with a jolt of panic that she might also be in trouble. Where was she and why hadn't she come to save me from being attacked? My anxiety peaked at this thought and I couldn't sit still. My fingers began to nervously tap out a rhythm on the counter - unconsciously reaching out to graze the invisible piano keys of my imagination - that slowly evolved into a calming melody in my head.

I heard a door open upstairs allowing a cacophony of pop music to flood across the house, interrupting my own musical ruminations, and then the click click of Alice's heels on the upstairs landing. I craned my neck to listen as the bathroom door at the end of the hall closed. I breathed a sigh of relief and dropped my shoulders. I stood, feeling a general achiness throughout my entire body, and moved stiffly toward the foot of the stairs.

As I grasped the handrail the doorbell rang. I jumped backward in surprise and fear, painfully slamming my ankle against the bottom stair, but in my frantic state I could barely feel the sting. My heart thundered in my chest, my fingers winding themselves around the handrail as if to hold time from moving forward. The doorbell rang a second time and I awakened from my paralysis to see Alice sweeping down beside me, stopping to throw a frown in my direction before hastening to the entryway.

I was reaching out fruitlessly to grab Alice's swinging arm when the doorbell rang for a third time. I catapulted myself forward just in time to stand next to Alice as she swung the door open widely to reveal the tall, wounded and bleeding body of Jacob Black.

Alice took a huge step backwards, nearly stumbling over her own feet in her eagerness to put some distance between her and our visitor. Jacob winced, but didn't say anything. He was teetering, unsteady on his feet, his arm draped awkwardly across his torso, his large hand splayed, covering a gruesome wound from view.

His tattered shorts hung low on his hips, revealing several deep gashes that already appeared to be healing. A drop of blood seeped through his fingers and dripped onto the tiled floor, and I caught Alice's eyes widen with fear, her hand rising to cover the gasp that slipped from her lips.

"Alice, go get the first aid kit," I barked at her, as I reached out to grab Jacob's arm and pulled him forward into the house. Alice disappeared quickly without making a comment. Jacob's huge body fell into mine, and without hesitation, I wrapped my arm around his broad shoulders to keep him from falling. His body was burning hot and solid; I worked up an instant sweat as I led him into the living room and lowered him into a chair.

Alice skittered into the living room an instant later, out of breath and flustered. She looked at me in confusion, but the silent intensity of the moment was not broken by any of us. Alice hovered beside me, but made no move to assist me. I slid the medical kit from under her limp arm without her acknowledging that she'd even noticed.

I carefully lifted Jacob's bloody hand and he twisted in pain, clenching his jaw and turning his face toward the chair. What had at first seemed like a significantly serious wound was now only a seeping cut in his side, the remnants of torn flesh literally binding together before my eyes.

I cut a large piece of gauze, dousing it with a generous amount of alcohol and dropping to my knees. I gingerly wiped around the edges of the cut while Alice put her hands on my shoulders, leaning in tentatively to view more closely.

"Edward," she urged, her hushed voice finally ending the quiet tension. "We should take him to the hospital."

"No!" both Jacob and I yelled simultaneously. Alice shifted away, blanching at the passion and certainty in our tone, her expression troubled.

"What's going on here?" she asked us both and then placed her hand on my shoulder again, bending over to whisper in my ear. "Who is this, Edward?"

"Alice…please…just please don't say or do anything yet. I can't think…" I said as I wiped more of the dirt and blood from Jacob's raw skin. "I need to talk to Jacob, okay?"

Alice stood gaping, watching me tend to Jacob's wounds, her hands on her hips and not moving. Her sharp eyes blazed over his body, taking stock of the situation, and I could almost see her mind drawing strange and wild conclusions.

"Edward, I don't understand what's going on. Why is he here? Why are his cuts healing so fast? Do you know him?" she asked again, pelting me with questions I had no way of answering adequately.

I was formulating a series of vague answers in my mind when Jacob sat up straighter in the chair and looked around our living room as if he had just wakened and realized he was in a foreign place. His eyes focused on Alice and miraculously his mouth curled into a mischievous smile. His arm darted out to her, his dirty fingers outstretched.

"Hi Alice, I'm Jacob Black," he said, his voice only slightly strained.

"Um…oh…um hi," Alice muttered in response, flabbergasted. She surprised me by placing her tiny hand in his and shaking gently as if she could hurt the massive boy with her delicate grip.

"Thanks for your help, Alice," he said, smiling again at her and she actually blushed a fiery red. "I'm sorry about the mess," he said, gesturing to himself from head to toe. "I'll be okay…just a few scratches really." Alice's eyes once again scanned his body, this time though, her eyes lingered on his bare chest for a few beats too long before she looked away, embarrassed to find herself openly ogling the nearly naked boy.

"Edward and I do need to talk. Could you give us a few minutes alone?" he asked sweetly, stunning both Alice and me with his natural charm. Though I knew he was burdened by profound secrets, he seemed so honest and genuine that Alice couldn't help but respond positively to him. When she turned away to walk back up the stairs, she seemed perfectly happy to comply with Jacob's wishes. Jacob had somehow manipulated the master manipulator in our house, his easy manner making Alice disregard her own misgivings and for the moment, suppress all her suspicions.

We watched her ascend the stairs and as soon as her door closed, Jacob turned his face to mine. Despite all his wounds, his face was still stretched in a broad grin and I couldn't help but wonder if he was a bit crazy.

"Dude, you're going to have to come up with something to tell her. I can tell she's the type not to give up when there's something she wants to know," Jacob said casually as if we had been friends forever.

"Did you kill Charlotte?" I blurted, getting straight to the point.

"Was that the bloodsucker's name? Yeah, I ripped her to shreds and burned her before I made my way back here," he said dispassionately. I was incredibly comforted by his words and yet, I still worried about Bella and her whereabouts.

"Um, she didn't hurt you, did she? 'Cause Bella would kill me."

"No," I answered, my heart stuttering at the mention of Bella's name. "She didn't hurt me."

"Are you sure? 'Cause I thought I saw her with her hands down your pants. Did she squeeze your nuts?" he asked jokingly and began to laugh. His laughter was infectious and I couldn't help but chuckle with him.

"She did get…kind of…friendly," I recalled.

"Well let's just keep that part between us, okay?" he asked, rubbing his hand over the rapidly healing gash on his stomach. I nodded, watching his fingers as they skipped over the tender flesh. "I heal fast," he responded to my questioning gaze.

"Where's Bella?" I asked him, finally voicing the question that was in the forefront of my mind.

"She'll be back tonight. You should ask her."

"Did she ask you to watch me?"

"Yes. I'm on patrol. To be honest, when she asked me to watch over you, I had no idea I'd be killing a bloodsucker so soon. I thought she was just paranoid…you know, overprotective. Turns out she was right to be worried," he mused, as if killing a vampire was an ordinary event for him.

"How many vampires have you killed?" I asked, looking over my shoulder apprehensively. He hesitated to answer, his eyes dropping to the floor.

"Two," he answered quietly.

"Thank you…thank you for saving my life," I murmured uncomfortably.

"I would have done it even if Bella didn't ask me to. It's like I can't even help myself when I'm around a vampire…when I saw her standing there next to you, I couldn't stop the transformation from happening. It's instinctual, you know? We're designed to kill vampires and to protect humans."

"The other night I actually came close to killing Bella…and it wasn't the first time. But when she had you pinned against the house, I could barely stop myself from charging at her. It's a weird friendship…a vampire and a werewolf," he said, shaking his head from side to side.

The next moment, he shot out of his seat to a standing position, ignoring the injuries riddled across his body, and sniffed the air, snarling. "Someone's listening," he growled.

Alice slipped around the corner, her head hanging low in shame for being caught eavesdropping. She lifted her eyes, her gaze flitting nervously from me to Jacob and back again. She took a step toward me, grasping my arm for reassurance, and I felt her body's frightened trembling. Her fingers squeezed my bicep as her mouth opened and then closed. She squeaked as though trying to speak under extreme duress.

"Edward, you guys are joking, right? I mean I guess I knew something was off…and Rose…she told me something was weird about Bella," she rambled, pacing in a frenzied way, her hands tugging on the ends of her short hair.

"But, what did he just say?" she stopped moving, her stare crazed as she searched my face. "Edward! How can I believe this? But you're huge and you were cut and bleeding and now you're not," she pointed at Jacob disbelievingly and accusatory, her hand cupping her mouth as if to hold back her words, her realization that every unbelievable thing she suspected was actually true.

"Werewolf…vampire…it can't be," she stated emphatically and then she seemed to simply lose the ability to stand, crumpling inward. She almost hit the floor, but Jacob reached out quickly and effortlessly, breaking her fall. She looked up in to his eyes and whispered her question, but we heard her clearly, "Bella…she's…she's a vampire?"

Before either Jacob or I could answer, the front door banged open and Bella herself stepped into the house. She marched directly over to me without pause, her clothes and hair damp from the rain, mud sloshing around the bottom of her thigh high boots as she moved. She didn't pause, but curled her arms around me, pulling me close.

"Are you okay?" she asked, caressing my face, running her hands along my chest and down my arms, as if to ascertain that I was all in one piece.

"Yes…Jacob," I stuttered the words. She wrenched her eyes away from me uncertainly as if she thought I might disappear when she did, turning towards Jacob and Alice.

"Thank you Jacob. I tracked her scent to the fire. I'll never forgive myself for not being there," she said, dropping her eyes remorsefully and pulling him in for a quick hug. As soon as she released him she pivoted to face Alice who was tangled inelegantly on the floor, staring at Bella silently as if seeing her for the first time, as if completely transfixed by her every move and every word.

Bella reached out her hand to pull Alice to her feet and Alice simply stared at it for several seconds while we all waited for her to react. At long last, Alice raised a shaky arm and slipped her fingers into Bella's cold, stone-like hand. She gasped at the shock of the unexpected, unnatural feeling of Bella's skin, but allowed Bella to gently lift her to her feet. As soon as she found her balance, Alice dropped Bella's hand like she'd been tainted by the contact and stepped hastily backward, crashing innocently into Jacob's chest.

"Bel-la," Alice murmured, her voice hanging in the air, neither making a statement nor a asking a question.

"Alice…hi," Bella said.

End Notes:

So, what did you guys think? Are some of you liking Jacob a little more? Even you Jacob-haters? Leave me a line and let me know what you think!

If you're interested in reading something different, please give my other story, Second Chances, a look. Some of you are already reading both. I'm thoroughly dedicated to both stories. I can't help myself. I have ideas for nearly a dozen fics; I wish I had time to write them all. Damn RL – always gets in the way…


	24. Chapter 24

A/N:

**My beta, ms. ambrosia, has been so busy lately, but she still always makes time for me! Thank you so much baby!**

**Many of you have told me that I am beginning to change your Jacob-hating ways. Though this is primarily a Bella/Edward tale, I do love breaking down barriers and making you guys see things in a new way. **

**This chapter is a little lemony. Hope you guys enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own my own little twist on the story.**

Chapter 24

I couldn't find an adequate distraction. The entire time Bella was in Alice's room I paced, my eyes continually fixed on the closed door. It didn't help that Bella occasionally threw a few thoughts, a few words, even some images my way. Some of the images were random – Alice's worried face, the fringe on the edge of a pillow on Alice's bed – but other thoughts were specifically directed at me.

When Bella told Alice that she loved me, she said the words in her mind first. _I love you, Edward. I love him. I love him. _And later, _I'd die for you. I'd die for him, Alice. _And then she'd shown me Alice's pale face again and repeated Alice's question in her mind for me to hear. _But Bella…aren't you already dead?_

There wasn't much more after that. I drew bits and pieces of Bella's continual reassurances, promises, and pleas from her mind. And she shared with me Alice's confusion, her shock and many fears, and then finally, her acceptance.

When the door creaked open and Bella finally emerged, her eyes instantly finding mine, I felt minutely better about the situation. And yet, with Bella looking down at me seductively in her black, leather, skin-tight pants and a bohemian red-velvet top that looked somewhere between a corset and a pirate's shirt, I chose not to care. The only thing that mattered was that she was here and I could no longer fight the near desperate urge to hold her in my arms and feel her cold breath on my neck.

I scaled the stairs, briefly noticing Alice slipping into Emmett's room as I pulled Bella's hand into mine and intertwined my fingers with hers. I could hardly contain my body's reaction even to this small bit of contact with her skin. The energy that surged between us was never more intense, never more heated, than at this moment as we walked down the hallway to my room.

When I closed the door behind us, meaningfully twisting the lock into place, the last thing that I wanted to do was to dredge up all my fears from earlier, or to talk about what happened with Charlotte, but I could see in her eyes that she needed to say something. I could never deny her; so I sat on the edge of my bed and waited for her beautiful voice to fill the silence of the room. I watched her intently as she allowed her façade of strength to fall away and all at once, I could see her vulnerability as never before.

She fell on her knees next to me, dropping her head in my lap. _Edward. Oh, Edward._

"I could have lost you," she moaned in an anguished voice. "I can't believe I've put you in this kind of danger." _I'm so stupid. I don't know why I ever believed I deserved you._

"Bella, stop…you…you can't talk to me like that!" I said emphatically. I had no doubts that we were meant to be together and I wouldn't allow her to give up on us. "We deserve each other," I said, lifting her head and palming her cheek in my hand. I hoped she could see the depth of the love in my gaze. I leaned down and placed my lips on hers, filling my kiss with all my devotion for her.

"I feel like I've messed everything up. I've put you in horrible danger…and now that both Emmett and Alice know…I've gotten your whole family involved in this mess. I just wish…I wish…"

"What? What do you wish?"

"I just wish I knew what I was doing!" she spat exasperatedly, putting her hands and her head and shaking it frantically from side to side. _I'm trying. I'm trying to figure it out. I'm so stupid._

"What – what are you trying to figure out, Bella? What is it?" I begged, wishing that I could ease her mind. I reached out to pull her hands away from her head, tangling them with mine and put them in my lap.

"It's just…I've been travelling…when you're at school. I go farther and farther each day. That is why Charlotte came here. I accidentally drew her here. I ran into Peter and I think he sent her here to find me. I didn't know she'd come!" she said hysterically, as if I might challenge her statement.

"I know, Bella. Of course you didn't know she'd come here," I said, trying to calm her. I had never seen her so upset, so utterly distressed, and it frightened me for more than one reason.

_I swear it didn't cross my mind that they would follow me back here. _She was begging for me to believe her. I sensed the extreme guilt she felt for what happened to me; and regretfully, there was probably nothing I could say or do to ease her conscience. So I just kept touching her, running my fingers over the skin of her long neck, along her scalp and through the silky strands of her hair.

I had to ask her the one question that kept working its way back into my mind, the one nagging concern that, whether or not I'd like her response, I had to know the answer to. "Bella, why have you been leaving every day? It wasn't even sunny today…and…well…why didn't you come to school?"

"I had to do some things. I needed to find someone," she answered with expected elusiveness.

"Who?" I asked, my mind swirling with the possibilities – another lover, a vampire, her father… The more I thought about it without an answer, the more jealous and angry I became.

_I can't tell you exactly._ She thought the simple words, but her mind betrayed her for a moment and I saw a series of images in my mind – all of vampires – her friend Peter, the red-haired vampire, Victoria, and a tall vampire with long, black hair. Before I could read more of her thoughts, they stopped abruptly and I looked up into her panicked eyes. She realized what she'd unintentionally shown me.

She sat on the bed next to me and put her head on my shoulder. It was such a soft gesture, so human, and so delicate that it took my breath away. All I wanted was to comfort her, to love her, to hold her forever.

Her small voice in my ear sent a string of shivers down my spine. "I just can't tell you everything right now, okay? Not until I have it all figured out. I need more time."

"Are you going to leave again?" I whispered. I tensed, waiting for her answer.

"I have to." _But I promise to come back. I will always come back to you._

"I feel lost without you. I need to be with you all the time," I admitted, a hot tear sliding down my cheek. I leaned toward her, my forehead touching hers.

_I'm lost without you too. _

"Will you be here tomorrow…for the picnic? Alice…wants you there. I want you there," I declared.

She captured my mouth with hers, playfully tugging on my bottom lip with her teeth, almost as if she were distracting me from her answer. "I have to go farther, Edward. It will take longer than a day trip." I heard just a whisper of the thoughts she was trying to shield from me. _I have to find her._

I debated in my mind if I should ask Bella who it was she was searching for, but decided not to let her know I'd plucked the information from her unwittingly. I knew that she wouldn't tell me anything anyway. If she had wanted to, she would have explained it all already. At least I had gleaned from her mind that she wasn't looking for a man, somewhat diminishing the jealous feelings I was beginning to harbor.

So, instead of asking who this mystery woman was, I asked, "How long will you be away?" I couldn't hide the sorrow in my tone. She was leaving. Didn't she know how hard this was going to be? And yet, I could make no demands on her, a notion that left me feeling even more frustrated.

"You can't do this!" I demanded weakly, knowing that I had no rational argument, driven solely by my aching heart. "Please, don't do this," I begged.

"I promise not to be away long. And I will come back…to you."

I was going to make her reassure me further when someone rattled the locked doorknob, followed by a loud series of knocks. "Dude, Mom and Dad are going out to dinner alone tonight. We're ordering pizza. Whatcha want on top?" Emmett yelled through the door. I reluctantly stood, turning back to gaze at Bella with the panicked thought that she might disappear if I tore my eyes from her, and opened the door.

"Hey Bella!" Emmett roared at her enthusiastically. "I heard you were here," he added.

"Hi Emmett," Bella responded, not quite as boisterously.

Emmett's shoulders slumped a little and he got the pouty, manipulative look on his face that he usually reserved for his girlfriends. Emmett could look intimidating, but with his lips curled and eyes wide, he really looked as harmless as he truly was. I couldn't resist chuckling at the expression, as I wondered why he was directing it at Bella.

"Bella, Alice told me that you did the knife trick thing for her. Um…why didn't I get to see it? I mean, I like knives and blood is cool and well Alice said it was really freaky. I just…would you show me?" he asked, anxious for Bella's answer.

Bella seemed frustrated by Emmett's question and reluctant to do whatever this knife trick was. She placed her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes while she considered it. I was actually pretty curious myself, because I didn't see or hear anything about a knife when I was listening to Bella's conversation with Alice earlier.

Bella turned to me, her face questioning, reminding me of a child looking for permission to do something naughty. "Edward?" she asked.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully.

"Could you guys think about it at least?" Emmett asked, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other. He never could stand still for longer than a few seconds at a time. "I'm going downstairs to order the pizza. Pepperoni okay?" Emmett shouted the question over his shoulder as he started galloping down the stairs, not waiting for my answer.

Bella stepped through the doorway after Emmett, holding her hand out for me. It was dark downstairs, all the lights off except in the kitchen. I could hear Emmett's booming voice on the phone ordering our pizza and felt sorry for the person on the other side whose ears were probably ringing.

I noticed Alice as soon as we entered the kitchen, her eyes darting up at us nervously. She had obviously been doing her homework; papers and books were spread out on the kitchen counter in front of her. But now her eyes were fixed on Bella. She was actually so stunned by Bella that she wasn't flitting around or babbling like usual, but was silent and waiting. I saw the hint of fear in her eyes, but there was also _awe_, as if aptly aware that she was in the presence of someone supernatural.

It felt like a standoff. Emmett put down the phone and we all stood, fixed, not making a sound. I could feel my heart beating and realized that Bella was thinking of it as well, part of her mind consciously taking note of its steady, even rhythm. I tried to think of something to say to cut through the tension when Alice leapt to her feet and flung herself at Bella, wrapping her arms tightly around Bella's waist.

"I don't care what you are. You're my friend. I trust you Bella," she said, her words muffled by Bella's shirt. I could see Bella slightly recoil before her arms slid around Alice, returning her hug. I felt her thirst pool under her tongue, somehow tasting the familiar tangy spiciness of venom in my own mouth.

"Thank you Alice," Bella replied, while trying not to inhale. "I will never hurt you…any of you," she said, her eyes landing on Emmett and then back to me.

"How about that knife trick now?" Emmett asked, rubbing his hands together as if anticipating something spectacular.

Bella turned to me as though she needed to explain her behavior. "After I explained everything to Alice, she was worried that I wasn't strong enough to protect you. I had to show her that I was. I saw the Swiss Army Knife on her dresser and…well, I'll show you," she said as she pulled a butcher knife out of the knife block and held it above her arm. Her gaze circled the room to ensure that she'd captured our attention.

My heart beat accelerated when I realized what she was going to do. My eyes were on the sharp edge of the wide knife, Bella's distorted image reflected on the plane the stainless blade. Emmett leaned in eagerly while Alice put her hand over her eyes. I stood stock still, my body paralyzed in shock.

It seemed like minutes passed while the blade hovered above her skin. At the last minute, she turned to me. "If I break the blade, I'll buy you guys another knife." An image forced its way into my mind and I saw Bella trying to pierce her skin with Alice's little Swiss Army Knife, but the flimsy blade snapped off before penetrating her hard skin.

My focus returned to the present just as Bella pressed the tip of the long knife against what was once the soft, tender flesh on the inside of her forearm. I could see the blade flex against her unyielding skin, the tip scraping across the surface, rather than breaking through her skin. Bella shifted her weight, placing her arm on the counter for leverage and heaving her shoulders in an effort to break through.

I could see the strain in her back, the muscles in her arm taut and contracted as she put the force of her whole body behind the knife. Slowly, the tip disappeared under her skin and eased deeper and deeper into her arm until a solid inch was below the surface. She lifted her arm off the counter, the knife still imbedded, and then with a sturdy jerk, she yanked it out.

Blood was smeared across the blade, a solitary bead dropping on the floor, which only hours earlier, was soiled with Jacob's blood. My eyes flew to her arm where a line of blood was beginning to form, spilling from the pierced flesh. The blood pooled before it streamed downward toward her hand, splattering dramatically as it dripped off her fingers.

I watched the show with fascination, the flow of her brilliant, red blood down her arm mesmerizing in its repugnant gruesomeness. And yet, it was beautiful, natural, and fascinating. Unlike Emmett and I, who continued to watch the viscous liquid seep out of Bella's arm, Alice sprang forward with the kitchen towel in her hand and pressed it to the wound to stem the flow.

"Alice, don't worry," Bella said calmly, as Alice held the towel to Bella's arm, her small fingers wrapped tightly around Bella's outstretched arm. "Watch," she said as she pulled away the once white towel, now saturated with her blood. The deep cut had transformed into a simple, tiny scratch, which faded back to a pale white before our eyes. Bella pushed against the spot on her arm to prove that she was entirely heeled. "See?"

"Right after I was turned I was running through the desert and I didn't see a cliff up ahead before I shot right off of it. I must have fallen 200 feet or so to the valley below. When I hit the ground I landed on a boulder with sharp, jagged edges. I didn't feel any pain, but I noticed that my leg was twisted at a weird angle and my foot…well, it was almost completely torn from my body." I gasped, not wanting to imagine Bella hurt in any way. She reached out and tucked herself into the side of my body, her arm slipping around my waist.

"I panicked, not knowing if I could save my foot, or if I might bleed to death. I knew nothing about being a vampire and anything I did know I learned from personal experience. I squished my foot back in place and held it there for a while. Eventually, I tore a piece of my shirt into a long strip and bound my foot back to my leg. By the time the sun went down my foot felt completely normal and I jumped up to run hundreds of more miles that night."

"..," Emmett stated, his mouth hanging open in wonder and admiration.

"I guess…but I would trade anything to be human again…and for things to be the way they were before," Bella admitted, her heavy words twisting uneasily in my mind. Fate had brought us together and despite the difficulties of our relationship, I wouldn't change anything. I had to wonder if our connection would have been so profound, so undeniable, if we had both been human when we met.

Emmett was still looking at Bella's arm, rotating it back and forth in his huge hands as if he could figure out how she'd performed her magic trick, when the delivery guy rang our doorbell.

When Emmett swung open the top of the pizza box, and the scent of melted cheese and tomato sauce filled the air, I realized that I was nearly starving. The extreme trauma of the day made me ravenous and I ate my two slices of pizza quickly. Bella sat next to me at the counter, watching me with interest and I lamented that we couldn't share the experience of eating together. I wondered when she last had eaten, what kind of animal she'd hunted.

As soon as I was finished I nodded toward my room and we immediately headed up. I didn't spare a thought for my siblings or the dirty dishes I left on the counter. My only thought was to spend as much time holding Bella as I could before she left again. If I could keep her from ever leaving I would. But I knew that I had to let her go.

We were settled on our backs, side-by-side on my bed, our arms touching, our fingers laced together. I felt tingling all along the length of my body, but resisted turning toward her, reveling in the anticipation of her touch. Bella's thoughts drew me to her and I turned my head on the pillow to look directly into her amber-colored eyes. She didn't speak aloud, but she didn't have to.

"_Edward, I need you. Please." _Having her beg for me from inside my mind was an incredibly powerful feeling. I knew what she wanted. I knew how to please her. Having the ability to hear her thoughts had never been more enticing, or more useful.

"Are you sure, Bella?" I asked, hoping that I could stop if that is what she needed.

"Yes, Edward. I'm stronger than I thought," she said with certainty. "_I'm getting used to your scent."_

"I trust you, Bella. You won't hurt me."

I pushed into her lips more roughly, finally letting go and showing her all the passion that had been building up inside of me. When I didn't feel any resistance I tugged on her bottom lip with my teeth. I urgently but tenderly sucked at her mouth, begging for deeper entrance. Her lips met mine with equal fervor while her hands dipped under my shirt, her fingers grazing the skin of my lower back.

As I continued to suck on the fleshy part of her bottom lip feelings and images from Bella's mind began to overwhelm all my conscious thoughts, driving me into an even more heated level of passion. I thrust my tongue into her mouth and she responded by shoving me gently but forcefully backwards until my knees hit the bed. She pushed me down flat onto my back and hovered over me. My heart was beating thunderously in my chest while Bella was so still that I realized for the first time that she wasn't even breathing.

"Edward," she said aloud in an uncertain, unfamiliar voice, "I've never been this way with anyone before…I've never done this." Her face was anxious and vulnerable and I was reminded of our night in the cabin. She had seemed so fragile then that I had wanted more than anything just to take care of her forever. The energy of the moment shifted and I reached up for her hand, pulling her down to lay next to me.

"_Can I see you, Edward? All of you?" _

I heard her request in my mind and turned to look in her eyes and nodded before using my arms to push myself up to a standing position. Bella sat up too and slid gracefully to the edge of my bed, her legs tucked underneath her body. My hands were trembling and my breaths were coming in fast and heavy. Encouraged by the lust I saw reflected in Bella's eyes, I grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt and lifted it over my head.

Though I was confident in my physical appearance, I had never opened myself so completely to anyone before. But I would give Bella anything she wanted. I should have felt exposed but I didn't. Everything with Bella felt right.

I didn't hesitate for another second but shoved my boxers down my legs and stepped out of them. I stood before Bella, watching as her eyes roamed over my body. She didn't need to voice her appreciation - she thought it. I sensed that she seemed equal parts excited and intrigued by what she saw.

Her tongue flitted out and she ran it over her lips, moistening them seductively. I felt my erection throb automatically in response and I closed my eyes to help reign in my growing need for release. This moment was not just about me and my needs. I couldn't push Bella too far.

"Come lay with me," Bella purred and I complied, sinking down onto the bed next to her. She reached over tentatively and placed her hand on my stomach, narrowly missing the tip of my very excited penis. Her inhumanly cool hand felt incredible against my flushed skin as she ran it slowly up toward my chest. She circled my nipples and they immediately perked up at her ministrations.

Just having her hands on me was pure ecstasy. I couldn't remember ever feeling so aroused, so uninhibited around another. As her hand caressed my body I closed my eyes and fully surrendered to the sensation. Her hands were magical and transported me to a place I had never been before. I felt whole and complete, as though she were a part of me that had always been missing. And I would never again feel complete without her.

Her hand started to move down toward my thigh and I couldn't help opening my eyes. I watched her as she rotated her body so that she was hovering over me. Her thick hair fell in an elegant curtain over my chest and I ran my fingers through it. It was soft and remarkably human feeling. She leaned in closer and I thought that she was going to kiss me. Before I registered what she was doing she spoke without talking, "_Edward, I need to taste your skin," _and she licked a swath across my chest.

I thought her fingers were heavenly but having her tongue on my skin was even more of an amazing feeling. Every lick sent me into a deeper state of rapture. I began to writhe and moan uncontrollably. "Oooh, Bella. It feels incredible," I groaned, my words inadequately describing the affect that Bella was having on me. I was just beginning to feel like my level of arousal was at a point of imminent release when her tongue flicked out and licked the underside of my cock, from the base to the tip. When she got to the top she wrapped her lips around the head and sucked.

She caught my gaze, looking up at me through her incredibly long, dark lashes. I could tell by the nervous look in her eyes that she was measuring my reaction to determine how hard she could wrap her lips around me or how intensely she could pull on my tender flesh. Her tongue was exquisite and I was so overcome by the incredible sensation that I couldn't consciously communicate with her. I hoped that my body's response was enough to let her know that what she was doing was exactly right.

Several guttural moans fell from my mouth involuntarily as I writhed against her, my hips lifting. Her fingers caressed my thighs as her luscious lips continued to slip down and back up my erection in a perfectly choreographed motion, stimulating me like I'd never felt before. I was in ecstasy, my body and mind completely in sync; Bella's mouth and her hands driving me to such a heightened state of arousal that I knew that it wouldn't be long before I would explode.

I couldn't contain my hands and they reached out for her, my fingers tangling in her hair. Knowing I couldn't hurt her, I tugged harder than I normally would, eliciting a sexy groan from Bella as she cupped the base of my throbbing shaft in her hand. She moaned as she took me into her mouth deeper than ever before. My eyes rolled back into my head, my hips bucking violently off the bed toward her as my body roiled and heaved in an insanely deep and passionate moment of pleasure.

I writhed and shuddered in pleasure as I allowed myself to give in fully to the sensation, spilling and spurting into her mouth. She slowly eased her lips off of me, running her cold fingertips across my sweat-covered chest. I stretched my arms out, pulling her hips forward so she was straddling me. Even though her skin was cold and she was still wearing her leather pants, I somehow felt the heat at her center radiate down to me.

I had never felt so close to anyone in my entire life than at that moment – or stripped so raw. It almost seemed like I'd ripped the skin and muscle from my bone to expose every part of me – my hopes, my dreams, my flesh, my soul, my future, my life were all hers – to see, to exploit, to wound me with, to utterly _know_ me.

We lay curled together all night, tangled together like strands of spaghetti. I couldn't tell where my body ended and hers began. The fact that only one heart was beating in our embrace was significant to me. I shared my heart with her.

I tried to stay awake as long as possible. We were so connected, but our time was running out. No matter how hard I tried to hold on to the moment, I felt her slipping away. Each time my eyelids grew heavy and I felt myself dropping into blackness, I fought it. I couldn't shake the feeling that she would simply disappear when I closed my eyes.

When the sky began to lighten, I finally closed my eyes and gave in to the insistent tug of sleep. Just as my body sunk further into the mattress, my arms slinking back to my sides, I felt Bella kiss my eyelids. It was just a whisper of a touch, but enough that it felt like goodbye. And though I couldn't let go - I wouldn't let go - she drifted away from me. She had been there all night, filling me with love and devotion, and then in the next breath, she wasn't.

**End Notes:**

**Ok, so those of you who have begged me not to pull a "New Moon" in this story, please don't worry. As you've already discovered, I am putting my own spin on the book and I will not have Bella torture Edward that way. She has her very own distinct reasons for leaving and it will all be explained in a very short period of time. Please give me the benefit of the doubt here.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts – please leave me a review or just say hi so I know you're out there!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hi Everyone! We're on the home stretch here. There is still much more to this story, but many of the secrets and mysteries surrounding Bella will be revealed in these next few chapters. **

**Ms. ambrosia, my story would be crap without you! You're the best beta any girl could hope for! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own my strange little twist on the story.**

Chapter 25

Someone was insistently pounding on my door, but I didn't want to get up. I dreaded opening my eyes. I dreaded doing anything at all. I knew she was gone. I felt the loss and emptiness deep down inside of me.

"Open the fucking door, Edward," Emmett yelled from the other side, clearly losing patience with me.

"Yeah, okay," I mumbled as I stumbled out of bed to the door. The instant I unlatched the lock he burst inside, chest heaving.

"Damn Edward, Mom sent me up here to wake you up and I knocked for like an hour or something. She's pissed 'cause you tracked a shitload of mud all across the driveway. Your car's a mess, by the way. Did you go off-roading or something?"

"Ugh, Emmett, get out," I muttered unenthusiastically, pushing him out into the hallway. I slumped against the closed door, scanning my room for a sign of Bella, for some indication that she'd been here. But like always, it was as if she didn't exist, as if she were an elaborate figment of my imagination. Just as I was throwing on some sweatpants and a t-shirt, resigned that she had disappeared just as thoroughly as always, a paper on the floor caught my eye.

I picked up the paper, sitting down on the edge of my bed to read it. It was a note from Bella, written in a surprisingly loopy, girly script.

_This is something I have to do. I'll be thinking of you every moment of every day. I promise to return as soon as I can. Love, Bella._

Next to her name she drew a little heart. I ran my finger across the paper, smiling involuntarily at the scribbled symbol - so innocent, so human.

I put the letter in my bedside drawer and headed downstairs. Predictably, my mother was sitting on the couch, her legs curled underneath her. This was the spot my mother spent most weekend mornings while my father was finishing up his early shift at the hospital. As always, she had her favorite mug in one hand, a pencil twirling in the fingers of the other. A tuft of curly hair, much the same shade and texture as mine, obscured her face as she stared down at the crossword puzzle from the morning newspaper. She picked up the paper that was balanced on her knee and frantically scratched some illegible letters into their square, vertical prison. Her head lifted as I approached, interrupting the intellectual riddles twisting in her mind. She tucked her wayward bit of hair behind her ear, peeking through her lashes at me.

"Edward," she said impassively, not in greeting, but more like a reprimand.

"Hi Mom," I replied, forcing enthusiasm and smiling, hoping to charm her, or at least to lighten her mood.

"Did Emmett talk with you already…about the driveway?" She cut quickly to the point, her eyes squinting fiercely in the way she usually reserved for Emmett when he carelessly broke something. I had only faced this look a few tense and memorable times before, discovering the hard way that I didn't like being on the receiving end of her wrath. But there seemed as if there was no way to avoid her ire now.

Lately my life was entirely out of my control, so many things happening to me so quickly and thoroughly that I could never have anticipated or adequately prepared for them. If I had to choose between making my mother happy or sneaking around with wolves and vampires just to have the chance to hold Bella in my arms again, I'd sacrifice my mother's opinion of me without a second thought. My life had changed. _I had changed._

"I'll head out to clean the driveway as soon as I have some coffee." I was sufficiently contrite as I slinked to the kitchen. Alice was already sitting at the counter, a half-eaten pop tart and an abandoned cup of coffee in front of her, her body bent over her laptop, her hand eagerly scrolling through pages. She was so engrossed in whatever information she was reading that she didn't notice that I'd come into the room. I placed my hand on her shoulder as I looked over it to see what she was reading. Her body jolted in surprise as she quickly lunged to shield her screen from my eyes.

"Oh, come on, Alice, don't even try to hide that from me," I teased as my fingers ran up her sides towards her armpits, making her squirm and wriggle violently. She thrashed from side to side, squealing in discomfort.

"Edward," she screamed as I lifted her from the stool and struggled to throw her little, writhing body over my shoulder like I used to when we were younger. As if by design, Emmett appeared in the doorway, probably drawn to the room by the sounds of a struggle and promises of mischief.

"Hey, what's going on?" Emmett asked, skidding through the door and coming to a halt, an evil glint in his eye. "Torturing the little one? I'm in," he said, grasping Alice's ankles and tugging her from my back. She began shrieking and squealing even louder than before, but her protests and squirming only excited Emmett more.

"Get back, Emmett," she yelled, kicking feebly at his chest. He chuckled in delight and flipped her over so that she was facing the ceiling. I shifted my hands so that I was holding her by the wrists while Emmett's beefy hands coiled around her ankles.

"On the count of three?" he asked me, his eyes wide with the kind of happiness he only felt when we were tormenting our little sister. "One…two…three," he bellowed in his deep voice, and we launched Alice's limp form back and forth, from side to side, swinging her like a pendulum, ignoring her weak protests and persistent wailing.

After several minutes of labored swinging, we finally placed her on the ground, Emmett cowardly running off to the other room just like he always did when we were kids. Instead of following after him like I usually did, I ran over to the counter and looked at Alice's laptop before she could wriggle her way back to her feet.

I was expecting to find an embarrassing fansite or one of the many shopping websites Alice frequented, but I was dumbfounded by what I actually found on her computer screen. Several tabs were open on her web browser; all of them were about vampires. She'd been reading the Wikipedia page when I walked in, specifically the section about regional folk legends and how vampires were created.

I scanned the page, reading the ridiculous descriptions and outlandish superstitions that were written, the words I knew firsthand to be false. I wondered why I hadn't yet found myself doing exactly what Alice had done - researching what there was to know about vampires, determining if anything written anywhere about them was actually accurate.

"Alice, why are you reading this crap when you know it's not true?" I asked over my shoulder, but she didn't respond. Instead, I felt a tug on my pants and before I had time to figure out what was happening, something cold and wet slithered down into my boxers. I swiveled in place, wrenching Alice's hand from the waist of my pants, but I was too late; the ice cubes were already traveling down toward my thighs. I jumped and squirmed with my hands down my pants, while Alice muffled her giggles with her hand over her mouth. She mimicked my jumping, delighting in my discomfort.

I finally retrieved the cubes and dumped them in the sink. "Thanks for the ice bath, Alice," I grumbled.

"You're so very welcome, Edward," she replied, smirking with satisfaction and sitting back down in front of her computer. "And I know all this information is crap, but aren't you even a little bit interested to figure out more. I mean Bella even told me that she doesn't know anything…" She lowered her voice to a whisper. "…about being a vampire. Don't you think we should like…do some research or something?"

"Alice, where do you intend to find any real information about vampires?"

"Well, I don't know, Edward, but she's my friend…and now that I know about her I want to understand her, you know…and I just feel like I should do something," she said exasperatedly, waving her arms manically, and stomped off to the other room.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and a cold cup of coffee and sat down in front of Alice's computer to read more about what the internet said about vampires and vampire lore. I understood how Alice was feeling better than anyone. Finding out about Bella being a vampire was a huge secret, a completely crazy and - even with proof – a thoroughly unbelievable secret.

When my bowl was empty and I'd downed the mug of tepid coffee purely for the caffeinated energy it would provide me, I closed the top of the laptop and headed out to the front of the house. I hadn't expected to find anything on the internet, so I wasn't surprised to find the nonsense that I did. The handful of websites that I found dedicated to vampire culture were clearly designed by and frequented by people who had no true knowledge or understanding of the very real supernatural beings who lived like ghosts in our world, darting out of the shadows only when absolutely necessary. The internet undoubtedly was not the right place to learn more about Bella. Unfortunately, I had no desire to come in contact with any other vampires, whether I could glean information from them or not.

I walked sluggishly out to the driveway, my mind still sifting through all the inexplicable things that had occurred in my life – things that even the limitless mega-resource of the internet couldn't help me sort out. I scanned the mess I had to clean, wondering how I hadn't noticed that I'd made such a huge disaster of the driveway. Granted, I hadn't paid much attention to the state of my car or practicing good parking skills when I'd recklessly skidded to my parking spot. I had been attempting to put as much distance between me and the vampire who wanted to kill me, knowing that the werewolf would have a much better chance at stopping her than me.

But my mother didn't know any of this and I couldn't tell her. In the light of day, as I looked out at my car, I couldn't fault my mother for glaring at me this morning. She had every reason to be angry. There were huge globs of mud splattered across all across the driveway, partially overlapping the skid marks from Tyler's van that still marred the front of our house. The intersecting lines were like a tattooed reminder, a crazy chaotic map of all the ways in which my life had been transformed since I'd met Bella. Everything seemed to represent some aspect of our relationship: crazy waving lines leading me to some unknown destination. I could only hope that when I figured it all out that Bella would be there with me.

I got to work immediately, spraying down the driveway with the hose, but even on the strongest setting, the sticky mud wouldn't budge. I ran to the garage to retrieve the wide, stiff broom. It took several minutes for me to find it partially hidden under a tarp in the corner, shifting around a few garden tools around to dig it out. I turned, armed with the broom and ready to attack the impenetrable smears of mud, when I was struck with a weird sense of foreboding, as if the hand of a sceptre ran its skeleton fingers down my spine. I exited the garage and found myself face to face with two massive panting wolves, drool dripping off their glistening fangs.

One of the wolves whimpered before snapping his vicious muzzle and running off into the trees, disappearing from view. The other wolf craned his neck to the side in an almost friendly gesture before he too took a few giant playful leaps into the woods. My eyes searched the trees, wondering what just happened when Jacob stepped out from behind the dense shrubbery, adjusting his t-shirt as he stalked forward.

"Hey man!" Jacob said in friendly greeting, approaching as if it were second nature for him to appear one minute as a wolf and the next to emerge from the forest as a human.

"Jacob – hi," I responded, genuinely happy to see him. I couldn't doubt that all the craziness in my life was real when Jacob was around. And his presence calmed me, made me feel safer, and in a way ensured that Bella was thinking of me and would return.

Rather than wait for him to explain his presence, I grabbed the handle of the broom and began to sweep the mud away from the concrete surface of the driveway. He didn't offer any explanation, instead picking up the hose and spraying at the mud encasing my tires and washing it down to the street. As I continued to scrape away the mess on the concrete, he concentrated on my car, picking up a soapy sponge and wiping down the bumper.

When I was done I joined him, grabbing a wet rag and wiping down the hood and windows. He followed silently behind me, rinsing with the hose, and spraying the muddy mess away. We worked efficiently together, finishing cleaning the car and the ground quickly, so that only the enduring smudge of burnt tires remained.

"Thanks," I said when we'd finished. "Come on," I said, gesturing for him to follow me into the house.

Thankfully, except for the muted sounds of Emmett playing a video game down in the basement, the house appeared empty and quiet. I went to the kitchen, and through the window over the sink, I could see my mother out in the backyard with her garden shears in her hand, her arms hidden beneath elbow length gloves.

"Go ahead and sit down. I'll get us something to drink," I offered, pulling the refrigerator door open and peering inside. I found Emmett's stash of Gatorade and opened two bottles, placing one in front of Jacob. He looked at it like he'd never had one before, twisting the bottle around on the tabletop, reading the label.

"Is that okay?" I asked uncertainly.

"Sure."

"Should I be worried?" I asked, finally giving in to my worries. "I mean, I kind of assumed that if you had some bad news you would have told me by now. But why are you here?"

"Yeah…um, look, Bella made me promise I'd come here and like protect you while she's gone," he answered, rubbing the back of his neck and looking uncomfortable.

"Does that mean that I need protecting? I mean, are there other vampires around?" I asked under my breath, feeling the blood begin to pulse in my veins at the terrifying images that instantly flooded my mind.

"Look, don't worry, we have it under control," he answered vaguely and I was amply aware that he didn't answer my question.

"What do you mean, 'we'?"

"I mean, me and the pack. I'll come over after school and hang out while Seth patrols the area. Sam is watching you at school during the day because he's on leave from work anyway…"

"What? Why? What's going on?" I stammered, feeling more insecure by the second. My legs all of a sudden felt limp and dropped heavily into the stool next to Jacob.

"I don't want to lie to you, Edward. As soon as Bella left, we smelled another vamp in the area, and then we picked up a second scent right after. They were in different parts of the forest so we don't know if they're together or not."

"But why are they here? You said you only killed one other vampire before Charlotte… and Bella said that vampires stayed out of this area. Why are they coming now?" I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure that no one was standing behind me, feeling Jacob's news weigh on me ominously.

"We don't know. But don't worry, we won't let them hurt anyone," he snarled with confidence, but a pall of dread settled over me nevertheless. Even though I'd seen Jacob in action, I didn't want anyone getting hurt and I couldn't shake the feeling that a bloody altercation was imminent.

"Why you protecting me? Surely they're not here for me?" I asked and then a panicked notion hit me, fraying my already overwrought nerves. "Wait - are they looking for Bella? She said that she was drawing them here – how? What's going on?" I begged him for answers, tugging on my hair until it was painful.

"I don't exactly know what's going on – but we think you…we think you're the target," he replied, almost reluctantly. He took a sloppy gulp of Gatorade, wiping off his mouth with the back of his hand. "Someone's coming," he altered, his eyes darting to the doorway.

The many questions that I wanted to ask stalled on my lips as Alice appeared at the edge of the kitchen, her feet coming to an abrupt halt as she spied Jacob. Her eyes frantically ran the length of his body, automatically searching for bloody, festering wounds. Having found him intact, her mouth opened as if preparing to say something, then snapped closed. She huffed dramatically through her nose and fled the room.

"I don't think she likes me," Jacob said dryly and I marveled that he felt calm enough to find humor in Alice's reaction to him. I chuckled stiffly in a lame attempt to diffuse the anxiety building up inside of me. But I had never really felt so insecure. My mind was filled with haunting images: the blade of a knife flexing with tension against Bella's inhuman skin, Jacob and Charlotte violently clashing, feral red eyes flashing at me, deep gashes in Jacob's stomach fusing together and fading.

"Edward – are you okay?" Jacob asked, standing.

"No," I answered truthfully, standing up and making to follow him. "I don't understand anything. I mean…why did Bella leave me?" I asked, realizing immediately how pathetic I sounded and not really caring. The fear was eating its way under my skin, tattooing itself on my heart. I paced the room, the blood rushing in my ears, my heart rattling against my ribs.

He opened his mouth as if to answer, but I cut him off. "If she knew I was in danger, why did she leave?"

"She doesn't know," Jacob blurted. "I tried to track her, but she's too far away. She doesn't know."

"Who is she trying to find? You know, don't you?" I asked, praying that he'd answer.

Instead of answering he headed for the door. I grabbed him by the arm, stopping him, my eyes begging him to tell me. "Please, Jacob. What is going on?"

"Okay. Walk me out. I need to check in with Seth. He's pretty young and I don't want to leave him alone for too long. I'll be taking over patrol most of tonight so that he can sleep. He's got a math test tomorrow and I promised not to keep him up too late."

His words echoed around in my brain, fueling my fear that someone might get hurt. I imagined dozens of vampires marching through the trees of the forest, overwhelming the pack of werewolves that were inexplicably risking their lives to protect me. I shuddered at the thought, banishing it quickly from my mind.

We walked out to the newly cleaned driveway, my car gleaming in the soft light of the early afternoon.

"She's doing all this for you, you know," Jacob stated plainly.

"Why? How?" I asked, his confession only making me more confused.

"She's really young – a newborn vampire – and she doesn't know anything…I mean _anything_," he emphasized. "She's in love with you," he said, his eyes searching for my response.

"I love her," I stated emphatically, without pause.

"Yeah, well…she's afraid she might hurt you and she wants to be sure that she won't. She's been looking for answers, trying to find other bloodsuckers who might teach her how to be…you know…with you." His words stumbled from his lips uneasily, pushing through his obvious discomfort. "I think that's why they're coming here. She's been talking to them, asking them questions, raising their curiosity. They want to meet and drink the blood of the human who captured a vampire's heart.

"But don't worry, we'll kill all the bloodsuckers who come near any humans in our territory," he stated arrogantly, instantly roused by the thought. He actually started to breathe heavier, a low growl emanating from deep in his throat. A howl in the near distance startled me and made the hair on my arms stand erect. Jacob grunted in response, his head cocked to the side as if listening to something on the wind.

"What is it?" I asked urgently, my heart making its presence known by beating louder and more insistently in my chest.

"Seth picked up a scent," Jacob replied, already distracted. "I've gotta go," he declared, moving to the edge of the driveway, his arm straightened back at me as if to keep me from following. "I'll see you tomorrow after school," he added, excitement flashing in his expression. "I'm gonna hunt a vampire," he said enthusiastically as he ran off toward the tree line, pulling his shirt over his head and instantly disappearing into the shadows.

Over the course of the next few weeks, out of necessity, Jacob and I developed a routine. He would sit, waiting on my doorstep when I got home each day from a long, torturous, lonely, Bella-less day at school. Despite the weather, he was always barefoot and shirtless, only wearing a pair of cut-off shorts. We'd silently head to my room where I'd throw a t-shirt at him, and while he was pulling it on, he would tell me about the night before and what had occurred in the forest.

The wolves had been busy, eagerly trailing the scents of several different vampires around the area. Only a few had gotten close. It was the second night of patrol when Jacob, with the help of Seth, finally killed his third vampire. By his description I speculated that the vampire was probably Peter, Charlotte's mate. Jacob said that he was surprisingly easier to kill than Charlotte - hardly fighting back at all - almost as if he was welcoming death.

From what Bella had explained to me about vampires and the intensity of their bond, I could imagine that when Peter had stumbled upon Charlotte's remains, he'd lost the will to live in a world without her. I felt a moment of sympathy for the tragic end of the vampire couple, but it passed quickly.

The forest had been eerily quiet for a few days, putting all the wolves on edge. Jacob tried to relax by playing video games with Emmett, who easily accepted his presence in our lives. Rosalie too seemed to find Jacob amusing, actually laughing at his stupid jokes and appearing more at ease than usual. Alice, on the other hand, never warmed up to Jacob, and was clearly uncomfortable around him, most often falling to silence when he was around. Jasper fell victim to Alice's avoidance tactic, spending time locked away in her room with her, only emerging to go the bathroom and quick trips to the kitchen for snacks.

I suspected that Alice wasn't facing the news that her new friend was a vampire and that Jacob was a werewolf very well. I worried that she was trying to pretend that life was the same as always and that somehow denying this truth was going to backfire in a dramatic way. But I just didn't have the energy to help her deal with reality. My own world had become so upside down that I didn't really know where my mind was most days.

Jacob was a poor substitute for Bella. I actually liked him, even looked forward to spending time with him, but each day that I found him on the porch was a day without Bella.

My mind was constantly on alert, listening for her thoughts, so much so that I was perpetually dazed. I didn't concentrate in class, I couldn't carry on a conversation, and I hardly noticed where I was going or the people around me. I didn't drive anymore for fear of crashing into something. And I never played piano because I worried I'd miss hearing Bella's thoughts if she were near. I'd truly never felt so empty or bereft.

It had been three weeks of misery, three weeks of life with no meaning, three weeks of being guarded by a pack of bloodthirsty wolves, when – like a bolt of lightening – a thought flew at me like an arrow and stabbed my brain in an explosion of pain. _Edward…oh Edward…I'm here…I'm coming…and I found her._

**End Notes:**

**When I posted the last chapter on Twilighted, it was brought to my attention that I was breaking with the canon, so the version posted there varies from this one slightly (not enough to really effect the story.) **

**I hope you are all enjoying where this weird, twisted version of the story is taking us. If so, please leave a review and let me know. I really appreciate all the thoughts, questions and ideas you all post and as long as I'm able, I will respond. So click that little button and tell me what you think!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: Happy Independence Day everyone! Hope you guys are having a nice holiday weekend!**

**Some of your questions should be cleared up in this chapter. Bella is becoming a little less of a mystery. We will find out, once and for all, why Bella left. Unfortunately, she has no idea all the crap she stirred up while she was gone. But she will!**

**Thank you to ms. ambrosia, the most wonderful beta in all of fanfic! She makes me look so good – how can I not love her?**

**Disclaimer: SM owns; I own my convoluted, warped version of the story.**

Chapter 26

The late afternoon sun was low in the sky, casting the wide and bristled tree limbs in ominous and lengthy shadows. As I stood on the front porch alone, my mind wove dark daydreams; the limbs of the trees were the devil's arms, tantalizing me, tempting me with their mysterious touch and enslaving me in their sticky web.

My mind was silent, my heart sinking in my chest. Here I was, doubting myself again, doubting my thoughts, doubting my grasp of reality. Did I want to hear Bella's thoughts in my head so badly that I'd fabricated a delusion to assuage my worries and my fears? Was my memory of her voice so lucid, so distinct, that I could fool myself so thoroughly?

I had one foot in my fantasy, the other firmly rooted in bleak reality. I briefly succumbed to the gloom of the shadows, the cool, wet wind dampening my clothing and spirit. But in my heart, I truly believed that she was out there somewhere and getting closer. My feet shifted restlessly on the wooden porch as I wrestled with my insecurities, and my underlying fear that she'd abandoned me. And yet, I knew she never would. I had faith in her and as soon as I realized this, I knew that she really was coming, she really was near.

I looked out at the trees, the shadows growing deeper and thicker, my excitement peaking. I tried to calm my nerves and listen, throwing the borders of my mind out like a net, to capture any evidence of Bella's thoughts, no matter how small or insignificant.

I was so absorbed in my mental acrobatics that I was almost painfully startled when I finally saw the form of two figures approaching from the distance. My legs nearly fell out from underneath me, my heart leaping to a second life in my chest with lurching, stumbling thuds.

My body leaned forward instinctively, my legs eager to launch my body off of the porch and close the space between us – my beautiful Bella and me. And yet, I stopped myself, allowing the tiny uncertainty in my heart to hold me back, my legs frozen in place. I squinted down the driveway toward the tree line where the two small shapes were growing larger, becoming gradually more distinct. As the visitors got closer, moving much too slowly at a very human pace, my uncertainty began to blossom and grow and fester.

When one of the two approaching figures stumbled inelegantly – awkwardly enough that it was clear these were not vampires – I stepped off of the porch and walked toward them. After only a few steps I could tell who the two girls were and I stopped a cautious distance away and waited hesitantly.

Lauren and Jessica were giggling as they strutted up my driveway in their high heels. They were both wearing tight dresses and way too much makeup caked on their faces and smeared across their eyes. They clung to each other as though conspiring, as if it was necessary to combine their courage for whatever plan they were executing.

"Edwaaard," Lauren purred when they'd gotten close enough to hear.

"Hi," I replied flatly, not deliberately rude, but not hiding my disappointment either.

"Hi Edward," Jessica said in a less practiced, less overtly suggestive way than Lauren. I noticed that her lipstick was smudged at the corner of her mouth, giving her a clownish look and I couldn't help feel a little pity toward her for getting roped into whatever scheme Lauren had contrived.

"Hi Jessica, um, what are you guys doing here?"

"Oh Edward, we need your help," Lauren pouted in a sugary voice, stepping closer and grasping my forearm, her dark red nails grazing my shirt. I flinched from her touch, wresting my arm from her fingers.

"Really? What's the problem?" I asked reluctantly, looking past the girls into the trees for a sign of Bella, the waning sunlight blurring the edges of my vision.

"We broke down," Jessica said.

"We got a flat tire," Lauren blurted at the same time.

"Um, oh…well I guess I'll have to go look," I replied, frustrated. I tugged on my hair thoughtlessly, as though attempting to stimulate my brain.

I tried to think of a way to get out of this fiasco. I didn't really want to be out here alone with these two conniving girls who were demanding my attention. They kept moving in closer toward me so that I could smell their perfume, feel the heat of their breath on my neck. More than ever, I felt the urge to get Emmett or Jacob to diffuse the heavy innuendo implied in every fawning gesture and each wanton look. I turned back toward the house anxiously.

"I should probably go get my friend, Jacob. He knows more about cars than me. And we need a flashlight anyway," I explained as I began to retreat from the simpering girls.

"Edward…wait," whined Lauren, reaching out again as if to touch me.

"What Lauren?" I asked, sighing in exasperation.

"Um, well, um, we kind of wondered if Bella was gone? I mean, she hasn't been at school for a while. Did she move away or something?" she asked.

"No."

"You know all about her, don't you? About how she disappeared for almost a year?" Lauren's eyes sparked with mischief.

"Yeah, and her father had the whole town looking for her," Jessica added.

"My brother had a few classes with her," Lauren explained. "She was a total geek. She wore glasses and was so shy that she never even like talked to anyone. No one even noticed she was gone until her father freaked out and everything."

"Look-" I started, wanting to defend Bella and prevent their malicious gossip, but Lauren couldn't be stopped. I didn't want to hear about Bella this way and yet, I couldn't deny that I longed to hear what had happened to her, no matter how distorted the version or how far from the truth.

"Of course everyone knows she ran away because she was so depressed," Lauren said with authority. "But when she came back her father tried to sweep the whole thing under the rug, you know?"

"Some people thought she'd been kidnapped," Jessica added.

"That's so not true," Lauren retorted, swinging her hair over her shoulder. She was obviously enjoying herself, her mouth twisting into a smug grin.

"And then she was totally different when she came home. So she definitely stayed with a cool aunt or something…who like gave her a makeover." She ended the last statement like a question, as though she hadn't worked this part out for herself.

I wanted to tell her that she was lying, that she didn't have any real information, but I didn't know the truth. I had to admit that she knew more about this part of Bella's past than I did and this fact stung so deep that I remained silent.

"Yeah, she was totally different," Jessica agreed, nodding.

"Let's go get Jacob," I said, trying to distract them by waving them toward the house and taking a few steps up the driveway.

"Wait, that's not all," Jessica piped up this time.

"What?" I snapped. I was irritated beyond belief, but a part of me still wanted to hear what they had to say. I hated that part of me, but I turned back toward them nonetheless and listened.

"The next part's kind of sad," Jessica admitted, her eyes appropriately cast downward.

"No it's not!" Lauren said, stomping her foot for emphasis, glaring disappointedly at Jessica. "It's creepy!" she affirmed.

"Whatever, Lauren," Jessica huffed, rolling her eyes. "You don't know anything," she argued.

"Yes I do," she argued. "My brother told me that Bella had only been back a few weeks when her dad died. I think she killed him," she said with conviction, tilting her chin upward.

"I think you need to leave!" I snarled at her.

_I'm going to kill that bitch. Edward…it's not true. I didn't kill him. I loved him._

I heard her. Bella was there. She was talking to me in my mind. She was really there. I looked all around, but still I didn't see her. But I felt her now. She was close. And she was angry.

Lauren had no idea how thin the ice was that she was skating on as she continued to babble her theories. "And then she like was already eighteen so she like inherited the house and everything and came back to repeat her senior year so that she could graduate. Seriously, I think it was like her connections with the police or something that kept her from getting arrested."

"I really think you should shut the fuck up now Lauren," I said, grabbing her arm roughly and leading her toward my house. I worried that Bella was so pissed that I couldn't stop her from attacking.

Jessica followed along behind us, stumbling in her shoes as she tried to keep up with my fast pace. "Hey, wait up," she called, but I just kept moving quickly toward the house.

I looked up to see the front door spring open and Jacob was standing there, his body perched against the frame, heaving as though he was fighting for control. His eyes looked panicked as he sniffed the air, growling.

"You're hurting me," Lauren whined as I tugged her up the stairs to the door, and I slightly released my grip.

"Edwaaard," Jacob growled as I pushed the girls past him through the door.

"Jacob, hey, um, look this is Lauren and Jessica and um, their car broke down or something," I explained, flustered, trying to read the situation without really saying anything. I dropped Lauren's arm and she began to rub it, glaring at me.

Jacob's eyes were darting around, panicked; he looked like he might spring to action at any second. He took one quick look at the two girls and began to pace like a caged animal. I could see the worry on his furrowed brow and wondered just what he was sensing that I didn't know.

All at once, he stopped, his gaze landing on me. "I've gotta go," he said.

"No!" I demanded, stepping closer to him. "I need you to help me with the car," I said, begging him with my eyes not to leave yet.

He didn't make a move, but continued to look around the room as if searching for an exit. His nostrils were flared, his pupils dilated. I suspected he might bolt if I looked away.

Just as I was about to speak again, to break the awkward silence that had fallen upon the room, I felt her. All the tiny hairs on my arms stood at attention, my heart beat accelerated in my chest, and my head began to throb in a sharp, stabbing, familiar sort of way.

"Bella," her name fell from my lips, an errant whisper. I realized my slip immediately and sent a questioning glance to Lauren and Jessica to see if they'd heard.

The girls were bent toward each other, head to head, giggling, oblivious. Their eyes were greedily taking in their surroundings, as if cataloguing the furnishings of my house, as if the paintings on the walls and the velvet upholstered side chair would, in some unfathomable way, reveal my most damning secrets. If only they really knew what I was hiding.

_I won't hurt them and she won't either. I want to... but you know I won't. I'm not a monster. Get rid of them. Get rid of them now._

"Jacob," I blurted, not sure if I was making the right decision or not. "I have something I have to do. Can you take the girls back down to their car and check it out?"

"What?" he asked, clearly shocked by my question. "Are you sure it's safe?" he asked, and by the changed look in his eyes I could tell that he had realized that the vampire nearby was Bella.

"I'm sure," I replied, trying to weigh my words with as much authority as possible.

"Well, okay then," he said, his posture relaxing and his shoulders dropping infinitesimally. As he moved toward the door I marveled, not for the first time, at his ability to trust so easily. It was both refreshing and a little terrifying. I was taking responsibility and I hoped that my decisions were sound.

Jacob led the two girls from the house. They tilted their heads up to look at him as if they'd noticed his height and beauty for the first time. They followed him surprisingly easily, almost eagerly, teetering on their heels behind him. Their unsuccessful attempt to keep up with his long stride down the driveway was humorous, their legs moving twice as fast as his, their movements appearing frantic and clumsy next to Jacob's elegant, animalistic grace.

I looked through the door into the night, the three retreating figures disappearing into the darkness. "Bella, where are you?" I asked.

_In your room._

I ran up the stairs as fast as my legs would take me. I paused at the top wondering how I would find her. Was she angry? Did she miss me as much as I had missed her? And most significantly, was she alone?

Before I could dwell too long on these thoughts I whipped open the door, freezing in spot at the sight before me. Bella was sitting on the edge of my bed, her delicate hands crossed daintily on her lap. She smiled at me, warming my heart, but didn't get up to touch me like I longed for her to do.

"Edward," I heard my name from an unrecognizable voice and my eyes flew to the corner where an incredibly beautiful, tall woman stood stiffly, still as a statue. Despite her imposing presence, I hadn't noticed her when I first entered the room. She was so completely still she almost disappeared into the background. I had the distinct feeling that she wasn't breathing, that she wasn't alive.

I knew she was a vampire, and yet this knowledge, and my prior experience, did nothing to quell my trepidation as she took several steps toward me. She moved so effortlessly that she seemed to hover over the ground, her body gravitating toward me with a paralyzing single-mindedness.

She circled me, her arms reaching out to lightly caress me, her nose running across my skin invasively. "Mmmm…delicious. Yes, I understand the attraction. Yes, he is a fine human," she said breathily, seductively.

Every part of my body began to tremble. I seemed to be doomed to be ogled and molested by every female vampire I encountered and I wondered if all vampires were so self-assured and possessive in this way. I felt like a popsicle on a hot day.

Long strands of the vampire's strawberry, blond hair fell across my face as her finger darted out to run along my bottom lip. She was just about to push it into my mouth when Bella appeared next to me, her hand tearing the finger away. She growled, pushing her body between me and the other vampire.

"That's enough, Tanya!" she snarled at her, threateningly.

"Of course Bella, I was just curious. Not every human is worth the effort," she stated plainly, stepping a safe distance away, her hands raised in the air in surrender.

I couldn't resist being so close to Bella without touching her. I grasped her shoulders and she melted into me, allowing me to embrace her. I dipped my head to her neck, breathing in her scent, drowning myself in the essence of Bella.

"I missed you," I whispered.

"I missed you," she repeated.

"Where were you? Why did you go?"

"I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of what I might find out. I was afraid that I might have to leave you and I just couldn't…"

"What? What did you want to tell me?" I asked, running my fingers nervously through my hair, shooting a nervous glance at Tanya who had returned to her stone-like posture.

"I needed to see…to understand if we could be together…intimately. I had to try and find someone…someone like me, who had tried to be in a relationship with a human. I searched and searched. There were so many vampires that laughed at me, made fun of me. And then finally, I heard about Tanya," she explained, pointing to the otherworldly figure.

"I kept hearing about this very old female vampire who had kept a human mate. I asked every vampire I met about her until finally I found one who knew where she lived. I immediately travelled to Alaska to find her, to get as much information out of her as I could. I hoped and prayed that she could tell me that there was a way for us to be together, that there was a way that I could touch you, that you could touch me…that we could make love," she whispered so lightly that I could barely hear her words.

"Bella," I murmured as I pulled her rigid form closer to me, molding my body around hers.

"When I finally found Tanya, she was more than helpful. I learned so much the week I spent at her house. And when I got ready to return to you, she insisted on coming with me. She wanted to meet you, to see why I was so determined." She gazed into my eyes longingly, so many words yet to be said. Her fingers found their way to the back of my neck, tangling a path through my hair.

I had forgotten the thrill of her cold touch, the strength and certainty in her fingers. I wished that we were alone, that we could curl our bodies together in my bed and hold each other for hours.

"Tell me, Edward, is it true that you can read Bella's mind?" Tanya asked, sitting herself awkwardly down on the edge of my bed. I cast a questioning look to Bella before answering, not knowing whether or not I should trust the strange, frightening, but striking woman.

_I trust her, Edward. She believes in us. She won't harm us._

"Yes, it's true."

"And you can't hear anyone else's thoughts?"

"No. Just Bella's."

"Interesting… I must be honest, I'm not sure exactly what it means, but I do know that this is the sign of a very close and unique bond," Tanya declared, her words laced with sincerity.

"You…you were in a relationship like ours?" I asked.

"Yes, it was very long ago, nearly two hundred years."

"And this relationship…it was successful?" I dared to ask.

"Yes, it was. I was living in Norway for the winter when I first met Anders. He had been ice fishing with his father when he fell through the ice. I had made my home nearby on the edge of the lake and could easily hear his father's yells from my house. Normally, I didn't get involved with humans and their problems, always living in the most remote areas and keeping mostly to myself. But something compelled me to answer his father's cries.

"Within seconds I was at the edge of the hole, diving into the water before Anders' father even knew I was there. The seconds my hands touched Anders' skin I knew he was my natural mate. It was like there was a magnet under his skin and I felt bereft the moment I pulled him out of the water and wrenched my frigid hands away from his body."

"Where is he now?" I asked, assuming that she had made him into a vampire.

"He died more than a hundred and fifty years ago," she replied, sighing, laying her body back onto my bed. "Not a day goes by that I don't miss him. He was so tall and handsome and wonderful. He made me more human. I never killed a person to feed when he was with me and I've never killed one since."

"I've been alone for so long," she said wistfully. "When Bella came to see me and explained your situation, I wasn't surprised at how little she knows of our kind. Many newborns are created without any thought, abandoned by those who made them, forced to fend for themselves, to learn about their nature through trial and error.

"I knew the moment that I laid eyes on Bella that it was my destiny to come and help her. It has given my empty life meaning again," she said, reaching out to Bella and enfolding her in an embrace. "I promise to help you…in any way I can, my little young one."

"Why didn't you turn Anders?" I blurted, the question nagging my mind.

"He didn't want it. He was really such a simple man. Though he loved me, he feared god more. He told me that a lifetime of loving me was enough for him and that he would continue to love me in death. He was an incredible man, but limited by his culture, his narrow view of the world. He was always frightened of what he called 'my power' and said that he wouldn't know what to do with it.

"I loved him as much as I could in the short time I had with him. It seems like the blink of an eye now. I would do anything to be able to just have one more day with him. My biggest regret is that I didn't fight harder for him. His pain is over, but I will love only him for eternity."

Bella sat down next to Tanya, placing a hand on her thigh. "I'm so sorry, Tanya," she said.

"All I know is that true love is rare. When you find it, you must hold onto it with everything you've got. It's worth every sacrifice you make.

_Edward I love you. So much._

All of a sudden Tanya sat upright. "I smell something funny…not human," said Tanya, pulling me from my Bella-induced trance. With Bella's declaration of love caressing the recesses of my mind, I had almost forgotten that she was there.

"It's Jacob – the one I told you about," Bella explained.

Just then Jacob burst through the door, and for the second time in one day I read the panic in his features.

"They took her…the bitchy girl – Lauren," he said quickly, between breaths.

"Who? Who took her?" Bella asked.

"Bloodsuckers."

End Notes:

Sorry for the cliffie, but I just love doing that to you! What did you guys think of Lauren's version of Bella's past? Some of you guessed that Tanya was the one who Bella was looking for. What did you think of her?

Hey, did you guys see Eclipse this week? I saw it on Wednesday and I was on the edge of my seat through the whole thing! So romantic, so action-packed, so awesome! I think it's the best one so far and I really can't wait to see it again!


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: My twist on the story gets very twisty in this chapter! I hope you all stick with me through this warped version of Bella's past. I really can't wait to hear your responses, so please leave me a review at the end to let me know what you think.**

**Thank you to all of you who have been faithful readers since the beginning of this story. I love your reviews. I still try to respond to each and every one so you know just how important you all are to me!**

**My beta, ms. ambrosia is awesome! She took this crazy chapter and fixed it while on vacation with her family. That's dedication! Thank you, babe!**

**Just a little side note: By default, I've somehow gotten my eleven year old daughter just as obsessed with fanfic as me! And now she's even posted her own story. It's called **_**Saving Zoe **_**and her pename is apple11. So if you're interested in seeing a tween's view of things, check it out. I'm a proud mama!**

**Oh, and if you know of any T-rated stories that are any good, please let me know so I can pass them along to her.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I only own my crazy twist on the story!**

Chapter 27

We were all frozen in the moment, staring at Jacob, the seriousness of his words ringing out in the silence of the room. Before my human brain could process this new information, Tanya had jolted forward into a defensive crouch, a guttural growl ripped from her chest. Giving into his animal instincts, Jacob launched himself forward, but Bella pushed him back, maneuvering between the two with her arms outstretched and holding them away from each other.

My pulse quickened automatically, my heart racing. I was struggling to keep up with what was happening, my brain trying to filter and organize the extreme heap of problems in my lap. I concentrated on Bella's strained face, her eyes flickering fiercely. The shield on her thoughts dropped all at once and the machinations of her incredibly complex mind began to stream through my brain, too quickly and intensely for me to latch onto.

I propped my head in my hands as if I could stifle the attack of words and the fleeting violent and bloody images with the firm grasp of my fingers. I slammed my eyes closed, squealing in pain and confusion and thankfully, Bella must have noticed her effect on me because her thoughts began to noticeably slow, becoming sharper, more distinct. I could see her fears play out in my head: vampires and wolves fighting, Jacob and Tanya at each other's throats, and then a quick flash of Lauren with crimson eyes, and me, lying on the forest floor, broken and unconscious.

I couldn't help but absorb Bella's fears as my own, allowing a pall of deep desperation to thoroughly immobilize me. I couldn't see any way we could dig our way out of this mess. And I couldn't shut Bella's stream of consciousness out of my mind long enough to form any ideas of my own or to come up with even a remotely reliable plan of action. I was sinking under the weight of both our worries when Bella's thoughts abruptly stopped and her lips slid along my cheek, finding purchase on my neck, where she planted a soft, meaningful kiss.

_We can do this, Edward. We can do it…together._

Her words washed over me, clearing my mind. I trusted Bella; with her by my side we could face anything. I shook off my fear-induced stupor and took a step toward Jacob, knowing that he would never harm me. I placed myself in front of Bella and placed my hand firmly on his heaving chest, just as Emmett stepped up behind him, craning his neck to see over Jacob's shoulder.

"Edward, what the fuck is going on?" he asked, grabbing onto Jacob's arm and tugging him out of his way. Jacob snorted in irritation, backing a few hesitant steps into the hallway, but he was obviously still on alert, ready to pounce in an instant.

"There are these huge dudes in the living room and an unconscious girl on the couch," Emmett continued to rant. "Alice is downstairs freaking out. And mom is going to be home any minute. I don't know what kind of shit your wading in, but unless you want the parental units to know about it, you better figure it out fast," he bellowed, waving his finger in the air.

I started tugging on my hair, glancing at Bella, whose gold eyes were narrowed in deep thought. Her head snapped to Tanya who slipped stealthily past her until she was standing directly in front of my brother. Emmett didn't even notice Tanya until she leaned in and sniffed his neck. He sucked in a deep breath, his body going rigid.

Tanya threw a mischievous look at Bella. "Is this one for me?" she asked.

Emmett paled, his eyes widening in fear. He stepped backward instinctually, ramming into Jacob.

"Don't you touch him!" Jacob threatened, stepping in front of Emmett, his arms crossed at his chest. "Bella!" he spat, tearing his eyes away from Tanya and turning toward her, irritated, his nostrils flaring. "The only reason the rest of the pack isn't up here, tearing this bloodsucker to shreds is because of me. I'm having a really hard time with this," he snarled through his teeth, his jaw seemingly locked closed.

"Jacob, Tanya was only teasing," Bella tried to explain.

He gestured toward Tanya. "Please give me a reason not to kill her. Give me some answers here," he nearly begged, his anger nearly out of control and I marveled how he kept from phasing right there in my room. "I mean, after what happened to that girl…someone has to pay," he muttered, his anger masking the guilt and shame we were all feeling. "How do you know those bloodsuckers weren't with _her_?" he asked, his accusation bouncing around the room unanswered.

"There were three of them," he continued. "I could have taken them if things were different…if I wasn't so distracted…if…"

"Jacob, no one's blaming you. You did what you could. We'll figure this out," I said.

"Yeah dude, how could you take on three vamps alone? That shit is scary," Emmett added, visibly shuddering at the thought. He threw a glance at Tanya, shifting uneasily from foot to foot.

"This is actually very exciting. It's been so long since I've had a good fight. And I must say I am very intrigued by your wolves, Bella," Tanya exclaimed.

"We're not _her_ wolves, bloodsucker!" Jacob spat, sneering at Tanya.

"Please stop fighting!" Bella begged. "Tanya is here to help. She shares my same lifestyle…and she values human life just as much as you do. She's here to teach me, to help me," Bella explained, with a lilt of desperation. I knew how important it was for her that Jacob understood and that he accepted her decision to bring Tanya back to Forks with her.

Jacob didn't initially reply, but shook his head from side to side. "I've been as supportive as I can. I know you think you need her, but having her here is just asking for trouble, Bella. The situation here is already…tense. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, Jacob please…I know how you feel…just give me some time to work some things out…with Tanya…please," she pleaded. "And tell the rest of the pack that Tanya is not like these nomads, that she is no threat…please Jacob."

"Yeah, whatever. We kind of have bigger problems now."

"What happened to Lauren?" I blurted. "Who took her?" An image of the red haired vampire entered my mind and I turned to glance at Bella. I shuddered at the thoughts she sent my way, reflections of her immediate suspicions interwoven with fragments of memory from another time. I couldn't avoid being affected by the heavy emotions in each memory, in each errant image.

I had to have my hands on her. I grasped her by the hip and tucked her into my side, running my hand from her shoulder down to her thin, elegant wrist. As Jacob began talking, I interlaced her cold fingers with mine.

"I walked down to their car as fast as I could. I wanted to get the whole thing over with so that I could phase, and let the pack know what was going on…you know, with this bloodsucker," he said, gesturing at Tanya, who simply smiled sweetly at him. He continued as if he hadn't noticed.

"The girls were behind me, making a racket and taking forever. I got down to the car and looked over it. You know what those stupid ditzes did? They slashed their own tire." He raised his arms in the air in disbelief.

"They finally made it down to the car when I was on the ground underneath it, checking out the undercarriage…to see where to place the jack. Jessica was actually admitting to the whole stupid thing, when I got my first whiff of some pretty smelly vamps. I jumped out from under the car and was about to phase when a male bloodsucker jumped out from the trees. I couldn't keep myself from phasing."

He paused, a guilt-stricken look clouding his features. "I tried to push Jessica out of the way, but I was too forceful. She flew off the road into the trees. I heard her hit something when I rounded on the vamp. He jumped at me, but I dodged him. He seemed stunned that I moved as fast as him and I could tell he wasn't prepared to fight a werewolf. He was strong though, stronger than other vamps. He finally got a hit on me and I flew back into the car. Um, there's kind of a big dent in the hood now," he said sheepishly.

"When he realized that it wasn't going to be an easy fight, he began to run. I caught him by the ankle and ripped his foot off. The rest was easy. I got his leg next and pretty soon had him in pieces," he said with relish and a thinly veiled pride. I cringed, pulling Bella tighter to me.

"Right after I pulled off his arms, I realized that I forgot about the other girl – Lauren. I called the other wolves and ran into the forest. I caught another scent…there were two others and they were going in different directions. I followed one and when the rest of the pack caught up, they went after the other. We chased them to the edge of our lands, all the way to the ocean. But they were gone. They got away," he said gravely.

"What do we do now?" I asked to no one specifically.

Bella seemed to realize she needed to take control. I heard her voice in my head; it was like an internal pep talk.

_Be strong, Bella. Here goes nothing._

"Okay, um Jacob, can you and the guys downstairs maybe patrol from outside for a while, where you can't be seen? Just make sure that there are no other vampires around. Edward and his family need to be protected."

"Yeah, sure Bella," he replied, defeated, his shoulders slumped. I felt badly for him; he'd done so much to help both me and Bella and been such a good friend. I didn't know how we'd ever repay him. "You know," he said, stopping in the doorway, "we should draft some sort of treaty or something…so that it's clear…you know, what kind of vamps we kill and which ones we don't."

"Okay Jacob, whatever you think is best," Bella said, grasping his hand and squeezing it. "Thank you for everything. I don't know what I would do without you," she whispered.

"I'll see you guys later. We'll be in touch if we sense any other vamps in the area," he said as he slipped through the door past Emmett. "We'll make sure you guys are safe," he promised to him as he passed, clapping him lightly on the shoulder before silently leaping down the stairs. I could hear his voice intermingling with the others, Alice's high-pitched trill rising above the rest. She was clearly upset and probably wondering what was going on. I would have to explain it all to her later.

"The girl, the unconscious one, should be taken to the hospital," Tanya said, drawing all our eyes and attention to her. "She would be safe there…from further attack and the human doctors can tend to her," she added, looking earnestly at the surprised and perplexed faces pointed at her.

"Yes, you're right. Um, Emmett, maybe you and Alice can take Jessica to the hospital…before your mom gets home?"

Emmett, who had silently been taking in all the new developments from the safety of the hallway, awakened as if he'd been in a trance. "Sure Bella. Um, yeah, okay," he stammered. I could hear his loud clumsy footfalls - so different than Jacob's - as he ran down the stairs with an urgency that would have been funny if the situation wasn't so incredibly dire.

Bella turned in my arms, directing her warm amber eyes on my face. "Tanya and I will go out and sweep the area for the other vampires, but I think Jacob's right; they're gone. Afterwards, I'm going to take Tanya to the cabin. Will you meet me there later?" she asked hopefully, as if I might deny her.

"Of course," I answered. I would do anything to be with Bella; now that she was back by my side I never wanted to be separated again.

"A car is approaching," Tanya said, tilting her head to the side.

"Meet us?" Bella asked as she walked to the window, Tanya trailing obediently behind her. Before I could answer she jumped up into the window frame and disappeared. A moment later, Tanya followed.

I heard the front door open and the tinkling of my mother's voice, announcing her arrival. "Is anyone home? Alice?"

"I'm home, Mom," I yelled down the stairs, attempting to sound as ordinary and unaffected as possible. "I'm headed out though, if that's okay. Bella's back in town and we're having dinner together," I added, hoping that she wouldn't pelt me with questions. "Her aunt is in town and she wants me to meet her," I said, making up the lie on the spot.

"Oh, well…it looks like I'm alone then," she remarked, her expression faraway and forlorn. I followed her in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I love you." She dropped her bags on the countertop with a grunt. I placed my hands on her shoulders, lightly rubbing. I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. She giggled appreciatively.

"I love you too. Don't be late," she reminded me, ruffling my hair in her hand like she'd been doing since I was a little kid. I felt a pang of remorse for the past, the closeness we'd somehow lost along the way. There was an ease to my childhood that I would never recover.

My life was on a new path now, wild and unpredictable, wrought with danger around every corner, but full of love and passion and Bella. As I drove to her little cabin, splattering my car with a new layer of fresh mud, I thought of how all the risks were worth it, how I was willing to sacrifice everything – a life of ignorant comfort, a rightful place in a loving and supportive family, a normal human life with the usual rites of passage - to be with Bella. To be with her forever.

Bella's cabin was very quiet when I arrived. I hesitated to get out of my car, remembering the last time I was here. I wondered where Jacob had built the fire to burn Charlotte's remains. Would I see the pyre? I reasoned that the rain would have washed any evidence of that day away as I opened the door and made my way past the mud puddles to the porch of the cabin.

I rapped lightly on the door before turning the knob and letting myself in. I immediately spotted Bella's still form on the couch. She didn't turn or move to acknowledge my presence and this worried me. I went to kneel before her, enclosing her cold hands in mine. I felt the urge to try and warm them before I remembered that it was a futile task.

I scanned her impassive face, silently willing her to meet my gaze. The fire in the fireplace warmed my back, snapping and flaring fervently behind me.

"Bella, love, please look at me," I pleaded.

Finally her eyes snapped to mine, her gaze so intense it was nearly as hot as the blaze in the fireplace. "You're here," she whispered, squeezing my hands to reassure me. I took a deep breath, placing my head in her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair and it was heaven. "There are things I need to tell you," she said, stopping her caress.

I raised my eyes to her as she placed her hands on my face. "I love you," she said. I climbed off the floor and up onto the couch next to her so that I could be closer.

"I love you too," I said, scooting next to her so there was little space between us.

"Tanya is hunting. She'll be gone for at least a few hours." I nodded, rubbing my thumbs along the back of her hands.

"This is hard for me, Edward," she explained. "Things happened that are so hard to remember, but you need to know the truth. I heard everything that Lauren told you…some of it was true," she said, looking up at me through her lashes. The look was so seductive that I momentarily lost focus on her words, her crimson lips, her exotic eyes driving me to distraction.

"I'm not surprised that Lauren knew my story – or at least the gossip that went around at the time. No one really talks about it anymore, but it was pretty big news when it happened. I had only lived in Forks for six months when – as far as anyone in Forks knew – I disappeared."

"I hadn't even made any friends at school yet. Jacob was truly my only friend. I spent every summer up here when I was a kid and our fathers were best friends so we were forced together a lot. Eventually, hanging out with Jacob became the thing that I looked most forward to every summer. We spent tons of time down at the beach, rain or shine. We hiked, we even fished or sometimes we just hung out on the reservation at his house playing board games or watching tv."

As she described her time with Jacob images from her memories drifted into my mind and I saw Jacob as he was younger through Bella's eyes. He was skipping stones along the water's edge at the beach or sitting at a table in a small, modest house, moving checkers on a red and black tiled board with his long fingers. I saw him climbing a tree and reaching down his arm to offer Bella a hand. The images began to fade when Bella began to speak again.

"I felt lonely once school started and I couldn't see Jacob as often and then when…my Mom and Phil died I just got so depressed that sometimes it was hard to crawl out of bed in the morning. If it wasn't for Jacob and Charlie I probably never would have." She looked down at our hands, her soft hair draping over her face. When she looked up again I was surprised that she was smiling.

"I think Charlie would have loved you," she stated with love in her eyes.

_I love you._

"What happened to him?" I asked the question that I knew was the hardest for her to answer.

She swallowed audibly as if from habit. And then her mind opened and she sent a single, simple thought my way.

_It hurts to remember. _

"Right after James turned me we stayed in the area for a short time. I'd only been a vampire a few days when James and Victoria dragged me to Charlie's house one night so I could see how sad and devastated he was that I'd disappeared. I'd already seen the posters that were all over town - he'd thought that I'd been kidnapped and was offering his entire life savings as a reward for any information on me. James even called him one night, claiming that he'd seen me in Seattle and that I'd become a prostitute. Luckily, Charlie didn't say anything, but just hung up the phone.

"It was so horrible seeing him suffer and knowing that I'd never be able to do anything to make it better. I couldn't comfort him, I couldn't hug him. I couldn't get close to him ever again without hurting him.

"After that I knew I could never go back to Charlie. So I left Forks, just like Lauren said, but you know the real reason why. I had to escape Victoria. She tried to make me like her, but I knew who I was inside and I rejected everything she taught me. And then James was interested in me and Victoria got angry."

"She was jealous of you?" I asked.

"No, she was jealous of James," she replied meekly. "They fought over me. They both wanted me as a mate."

"What? But James turned you, right? Doesn't that mean he had some kind of claim over you or something?"

"No, not really. Victoria was the leader of the coven and she was the one who wanted me in the first place. She made James turn me because _she_ wanted me. Laurent told me that there were others before me that she wanted for her mate, but she always accidentally drained them."

"But I thought that James guy was her mate."

"No. Victoria wasn't like that. She used James and Laurent to do her dirty work. She was only interested in women, but she couldn't turn them herself."

"So this Victoria was the leader of the coven? And she wanted you for her mate?" I asked, still not entirely grasping this version of reality.

"Yes. The short time I lived with them was the worst time of my life. Once I realized that I'd rather be alone, I left. But, they never completely left me alone. They kept coming back to try and find me. I think Victoria hasn't accepted that I'll never want to be with her. And now I'm afraid that she's after you…to get back at me for leaving."

"So it was never James who was after you, it was Victoria?" I asked, still confused by her explanation.

"No, um…James just did whatever Victoria told him to. But he isn't a problem anymore. Actually, James is dead. Jacob killed him."

"What? When?" I stammered out my questions. All this time I'd been picturing James stalking Bella, hunting her. I'd imagined him lurking, watching, waiting to stake his claim on her. Ever since Bella had told me how he'd attacked her - and I'd seen it in vivid detail in her memories - he'd been haunting my nightmares, a constant worrying presence in the back of my mind.

"It was after I'd come back to Forks. I'd met up with Jacob again and he'd changed just as much as I had. Remarkably, he was still my friend. He helped to build me the cabin in the woods and I watched Charlie from distance."

_He was so changed._

"He'd lost a lot of weight and I could tell by his scent that he was ill. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but he wasn't healthy. My disappearance had affected every aspect of his life and it was heartbreaking to see how he'd changed." Bella turned her head to the side as if ashamed. I unlaced my fingers with hers to pull her chin back toward me, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. She didn't respond at first, but then I felt her tongue dart out at mine and she deepened the kiss, reaching out to slip her hand behind my neck. I pulled back when I needed to breathe, our foreheads still touching.

"I love you, Bella. You don't need to tell me anything that you're not ready to."

"I want to tell you. I need to," she admitted, looking deeply in my eyes.

"When I realized how sick Charlie was I couldn't help myself, I began to sneak in the house at night after he was asleep and touch his things – the dirty fork he ate his dinner with, the afghan on the back of the couch, his gun holster, the spare change in the jar by the door. I ran my fingers over the remote control where his fingers had been, pushing the buttons as if I could somehow be closer to him this way.

"One night I was on my way to Charlie's when the wind billowed in my direction and I caught the scent of a very familiar vampire along with that of my favorite wolf. I picked up my pace, running faster than I'd ever run before, as fast as my legs would take me. When I got to the house I could smell blood – human blood – and I threw myself through the open doorway.

James stood by the couch, his arm outstretched, and his fingers clenched around Charlie's throat. My father was limp, his body bent and dangling, blood from a scratch near his eyebrow trickling down his face like polluted tears. Jacob was crouched, growling, his body heaving with convulsions, his head whipping from side to side in a frenetic, crazed way.

"You don't scare me, boy," James declared unconvincingly, his eyes flickering back and forth between me and Jacob. He shook Charlie tauntingly at Jacob so that the toes of his boots scraped along the floor. Charlie moaned and my dead heart almost felt as if it came to life again. I stretched my fingers into claws and snarled menacingly at James, succumbing to every animal instinct within me as I prepared to attack."

Bella paused, overwhelmed with her memories and I heard Charlie's moan in my mind, and saw his slack form, a grubby hand coiled around his neck. I could see the trail of blood down his face so clearly it was as if I was standing right in front of him. The vision fell away when Bella's eyes found mine, the remorse in them so profound that I knew she'd be crying for Charlie if she could. She reached her hand to my face, wiping her fingers slowly along my cheek bone. She looked quizzically down at the moisture on the tips of her fingers and I realized that I was crying – for her, for Charlie, for the memory of this painful but pivotal moment in her life.

"James killed Charlie," I stated, the obvious conclusion to her tale.

"No…he didn't," she revealed. "I did."

"What? That's not possible," I affirmed, unable to even consider her confession.

"It's true. Before I could attack James, Jacob phased – right there in our living room. James was so shocked that he dropped Charlie and stared at Jacob in awe. Jacob's teeth tore into James's shoulder and ripped at his flesh. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I never would have believed that a vampire could be damaged so easily.

"Once James realized what was happening, he was able to tear Jacob off of him and threw him across the room. Jacob skidded, crashing violently into the wall, creating a massive hole. I swiped at James while Jacob was shaking off pieces of plaster that had crumbled on top of him, but he was too fast and too strong. He slammed me to the floor, his arm arced back to pummel me when Jacob sprung forward, his teeth snapping at James' arms and neck.

"I kicked at James' legs from the floor, distracting him for a moment, giving Jacob just enough time to lock his jaw on James side, crushing his ribs and gouging a huge chunk of flesh from his hip. I jumped up, preparing to finish James off when Jacob growled at me. I stepped back just as Jacob slammed his entire wolf form into James, his sharp canine teeth sinking into James' neck, and in one swift motion, tore the head from his body."

Unfortunately, whatever my own imagination had been lacking as I painted my own picture of this altercation in my brain, Bella's perfect memory provided. As she relived the battle in her telling, I saw the entire thing played out in perfect clarity. James' head being ripped from his body would be forever emblazoned in my brain as if I were actually there. The vacant look in his James' frozen eyes, the shock on his face at his final moment, the chunks of tattered flesh hanging from his neck when Jacob dropped his gnarled head loudly and ceremoniously to the floor, the clumsy, lumbering way the decapitated head rolled, thumping an irregular rhythm before it ultimately lost its momentum and stilled – were now my memories too.

"I think it might be easier if I just show you the rest. It's too difficult to tell it aloud," she explained, cupping my cheek in her hand. As she began to think of what happened next, she left her hand on my temple. Her touch wasn't necessary for me to hear her, but her hand seemed like a conduit from her brain to mine, sharpening our connection, as if we were one mind finally, bonded inextricably, irrevocably.

First I saw Charlie, slumped on the floor, the blood from his small wound smeared across his chin. He appeared unconscious, but his fingers twitched as if trying to clasp onto something. My vision flashed to Jacob who was still in his wolf form. He clamped down his teeth around James' headless body, arms and legs hanging, and ran out the front door, banging the lifeless form thoughtlessly against the door frame. Bella's focus turned back to Charlie; she cautiously approached him, only stopping when Jacob stepped through the door again, back in his human form.

Jacob didn't say anything, but glanced at Charlie worriedly as he reached down and tangled his fingers in the hair of head on the floor. Bella turned away and I could sense from her that she didn't want to spare even one more second thinking about James, allowing Jacob to take care of disposing with his body – tearing it up and burning his remains.

And then we were kneeling before Charlie, stilling his troubled fingers in our own. "Charlie?" I heard Bella ask. I heard the thump thump beat of his heart as clearly as Bella did and a wave of relief washed over us. He stirred, his lips mumbling incoherent words, his eyes fluttering feverishly under his closed lids.

"Charlie?" Bella asked again, more urgently, shaking his shoulder.

"Bella?" Charlie moaned weakly.

"Yes, Charlie, yes."

"Bella?" he asked again, more distinctly.

His eyes shot open, recognition washing over him in one massive, crushing wave. He sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes widening. "Bella," he said, and for an instant a smile spread across his face, brightening his eyes and reddening his pale cheeks.

"You're alive," Charlie said and then his body lurched, his hand flying to his chest.

He arched his back, panting, squeezing his eyes shut. "Arrgh!" he yelled, writhing, his fingers tightening around his shirt, grasping ineffectively at his chest.

"Charlie! No!" Bella screamed, holding him by the shoulders as he shuddered and convulsed underneath her hold in pain. His eyes found Bella one last time, his lips trembling with the desperate need to say something.

"Bel-…" he said, his index finger grazing the tip of Bella's outstretched hand. And then the thump thump stopped, his heart unable to take the strain any longer.

"No no no no no," I heard Bella repeating, her hand on Charlie's chest. His lifeless eyes were open, but no longer seeing. She pulled his body to hers, curling her own around his, holding him one last time.

End Notes:

**Just a short end note, since I've rambled enough. Thank you so much for reading!**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: I hope everyone's having a wonderful summer! I just got back from a short trip to visit my parents and was so HOT that I had a difficult getting motivated to do anything, let alone write. But I know you want to know what is going to happen between these two now that so many of the pressing questions have been answered. And though I'm currently writing two stories, I'm a particularly impatient person myself and I hate to keep anyone waiting. **

**So here we go…**

**Thank you to my beta, ms. ambrosia. She totally saved my butt I this chapter when I made a stupid mistake on my first draft. She is so completely awesome! I really think we need to create a beta gratitude day around here, so we can all honor our wonderful betas. Someone should get to work setting that up!**

**If you haven't already, go check out Blossom – ms. ambrosia's Edward is truly one of the sweetest. And put her on author alert, because she has some great new stories in the works!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I own my crazy twist on the story.**

Chapter 28

"I killed him. I killed Charlie. I killed him," she repeated. Her eyes were fixed on the flames of the fire as she spoke the words, the hiss of the damp wood seeming to agree with her, seething in its voice of condemnation.

"No…Bella," I pleaded, pulling her to me. She allowed her body to become limp as I embraced her. "How could you be responsible?" I mumbled into her hair, thinking that it was impossible for Bella to hurt anyone, especially her father. "It was James – it was his fault," I suggested, wanting to blame someone – anyone but her.

When she pulled back, her lovely amber eyes capturing mine in her tortured gaze, I felt the true depth of her sorrow for the first time. "I should never have come back. I'm selfish. I'm so selfish. I should have just accepted my life as the nightmare it was and not hoped for more. Then he would still be…"

"You're not selfish, Bella. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone," I exclaimed passionately.

"No I don't, Edward. I don't. I don't deserve anything. Especially not you," she whispered as she cupped my cheek in her hand. I instinctively leaned into her touch, reveling in the coolness of her skin – a coolness which I associated with her – and that I had come to accept and relish.

_I didn't know that his heart was weak. Even if I had known…I still needed to see him…to see if James had hurt him. But when he saw me…the shock of it…the paramedic said he'd had a massive heart attack. He had no chance…no chance._

"Please…please," I begged, uncertain for just what I wanted or needed from her at this point.

_My selfishness killed him and it might kill you too. Everyone I love dies. Loving you is my ultimate act of selfishness._

"Then I'm selfish too. I want you more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life," I admitted. "I…I don't care about anything except being with you. Doesn't that make me selfish?"

"If I was stronger I would stay away from you, but I'm not strong. I need you," she confessed. I instantly remembered the last time we sat on this couch, the intimacy we'd shared, the vulnerability she'd revealed. This time it was different. We were both stripped raw. I knew her secrets now and understood so much more about what was at stake. And yet, when I held her thin shoulders in my arms, I couldn't force myself to care about anything but her and me.

I wanted to comfort her, to take all the pain and hurt away, but even more than that I needed to show her that her pain, her horrors, were all mine now too. We were connected to each other in an inexplicable, but irrevocable way and I would never let her face the world alone again.

_Why do I want you so much? Why do I need you so much?_

I couldn't answer. She sent so much imagery my way, so quickly that my mind was overwhelmed. I saw myself as she saw me - my chest, my neck, the bulge of my bicep. My green eyes peered back at me intently, as if I were seeing myself in a mirror. And then for an instant my eyes flashed red before the vision changed and I saw hands running down my naked chest, slipping into my pants and disappearing.

A groan slipped from my lips and I awakened as if from a dream to find that Bella's hands were mimicking her thoughts. My shirt was somehow already on the floor and Bella's fingertips were dancing delectably along the surface of my chin, eliciting a wave of chills to run down my arms and up my neck.

"Edward," Bella moaned, "I need you so much." She shifted her body closer, surprising me by throwing her leg over my thigh so that she was straddling my lap, knowingly writhing against me where it affected me most. "Tanya taught me some things…some things that we could do together," she explained and I thought my heart might jump out of my chest in anticipation of finding out what she meant.

"I'm not very experienced. When I was human…I was very shy," she mumbled breathily into my neck. I felt the tip of her tongue dart out and taste me tentatively before she inhaled deeply. I slid my arms under her tight shirt only to find that she wasn't wearing anything underneath. I grew impossibly more excited, my erection throbbing painfully in the confines of my pants.

_I want to taste you_, Bella thought as she licked my neck and down across my collarbone.

"No, Bella," I pushed her back slightly, the hurt on her face registering briefly in my mind before I spoke. "I want to taste _you_." Her expression transformed, an impish smile curling at the corner of her lips. And then the smile fell, replaced with a look of apprehension.

_We need to be careful. It could be dangerous. _

"Bella, stop worrying. You won't hurt me. We need to try. I want to try," I said as I ran my fingers slowly along her arms, down to the tips of her fingers and then resting on her thighs.

_If I tell you to stop, you must stop immediately._

"Okay," I agreed, feeling an intense lust attack my body, heat boiling to the surface of my skin. As if Bella could sense my need, the passion welling inside of me, she leaned in to kiss me. Her lips melded with mine, pushing and tugging and nipping in a seductive dance. I tore myself from her lips impatiently and she looked at me with both shock and apprehension that I'd again pushed her away. And despite the heated look she threw at me, I couldn't really explain myself to her except that I had a savage impulse to take control, to dominate her, to succumb to a primitive need to ravage every inch of her.

I knew she could see in my eyes that I wasn't waiting for her to overcome her fear. It was because I deeply believed that she could never harm me, and that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her, that I finally said the words that I'd been thinking.

"I need you now, Bella. I want you," I almost growled at her. "Take off your clothes," I demanded, knowing that she'd only comply with my wishes if she really wanted it as much as I did.

Her eyebrows arched in surprise at the harshness of my tone and I caught a glimpse of her thoughts which weren't coherent at all, but clouded with emotions – passion, warmth, love and need. She was very still, only her intelligent eyes moving to show that she was considering my command.

I was sucking in deep breaths, my resolve beginning to falter when Bella finally stood, her eyes never leaving mine. In fact, they were locked on me as though we were bound to each other with our heated gaze.

As I waited for Bella to make a move, I felt paralyzed. I was hovering on a precipice; depending on Bella's choice, I would either fall to my death or fly to the heavens. I even scooted to the edge of the couch as if preparing to make the leap when Bella's body finally sprang to action.

I barely noticed when her fingers swept across the front of her chest, deftly undoing the tiny buttons of her shirt faster than my eyes could see. I sucked in a breath as her hand tucked under the fabric onto her breast, the shirt creeping open and revealing a sliver of pale skin.

"Fast or slow? Do you want it fast or slow?" she asked as she shook her head so that long, dark curls of her hair swung across her shoulders and fell across her chest. I raised my hand as if to touch it, to wind my fingers through it, to tug on it as I kissed her, but dropped it when I realized she was waiting for my answer.

"Slow," I murmured, barely audibly.

Her fingers peeled back her shirt from her body, allowing it to slip off her shoulders and down her arms to the floor. I gasped at the sight of her full, pert breasts and sprang up from the couch to touch them, to caress them, but Bella put out her arm, stopping me. "I'm not done," she said and I plopped heavily back down onto the couch.

It was torture having her stand half-naked before me and not being able to touch her yet, but I had asked for her to go slowly. I almost felt like sitting on my hands, forcing myself to allow her to proceed without my interference. It was impossible for me to resist temptation with Bella imagining her lips wrapping around my erection, her hands coiling around my thighs.

"Tanya reassured me that we could be together, that I wouldn't kill you, that it was possible for us to make love to each other," Bella explained as she slipped off her black motorcycle boots. Her hair dangled in front of her nipples as she bent over and I became fixated on how a strand of it laced around her areola, making it pucker and harden.

_I love you_, she thought as her hands went to her pants, sliding the zipper open one tooth at a time. Her hair swished seductively over her chest, drawing my eyes upward. I saw my lust mirrored in her eyes as she stretched her jeans over her hips and down her long, lean legs. She kicked her pants to the side and stood before me in just a tiny, black pair of lacy underwear.

I was so overwhelmed with desire and love that my breath caught in my throat and I stuttered to breathe. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen; her body was lovelier than I ever could have imagined. Every curve was perfection, poetry in form. She was a masterpiece crafted by the most talented artist known to man. I felt immensely lucky and overwhelmed by her beauty all at once.

And yet I felt strangely possessive too. She was mine. _Mine_. Just as I was hers. I had never felt so intensely about anyone before.

I stood again and this time she didn't stop me when I approached her. I lifted my fingers to her hair, threading them through it, and grabbing a handful. I pushed her lips to mine, but pulled away when I felt her fingers at my jeans. Before I knew what was happening she'd unbuttoned them and in one swift movement, the toes of her left foot curled around them and tugged. I looked down and was surprised to find them bunched around my ankles. I stepped out of them and raised my eyes again to hers as she wound her arm around my bare torso and pulled me to her.

It had been a long time since I'd been this bare in front of anyone. There was very little space between our bodies. I leaned onto the balls of my feet, closing the distance so that our chests touched, my inflamed skin meeting the icy surface of her breasts.

"Oh god, your skin feels so good, so smooth," I uttered, dropping my head to her shoulder and breathing in the scent of her hair.

"You too…you feel so good," Bella said as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I moved my hands to her lower back, resting my fingers on the edge of her lacy underwear. I slipped my hands inside of them as Bella pushed her hand between us, massaging me through my cotton boxers. I cupped her firm ass in my hands, rubbing circles into her flesh with my thumbs.

I didn't notice how fast my heart was beating or how sweat began to collect at my temples and dampen my hair. I was entirely consumed by my need to get closer to Bella, to drown in her scent, to crawl under her skin. We couldn't get close enough. My hands tried to pull her closer, her leg lifting and curling around my hip.

"Ungh," I groaned as my lips attacked hers.

_Edward…oh Edward…oh, _she thought, her mind dominated by her feelings and desires. I knew how much she wanted me…wanted this. She wasn't concealing any of her feelings from me and this knowledge only fueled my passion for her.

For once I sensed no hesitation on her part. She seemed positively unfettered by the fears and concerns that normally interrupted and prevented our physical relationship from progressing. She was free and open; it felt as though nothing could come between us.

I nuzzled my lips against her neck below her ear, my heavy breaths billowing against her skin. "You're so warm…so warm," Bella said, her forehead against my chest.

I dragged my fingers from her hips, across the small curve of her stomach and along her ribs. When I reached the swell of her breasts I paused and arched backward to catch her eye. Even though her body and her thoughts told me that she was enjoying this as much as I was, I needed to see it on her face. The savage look in her golden eyes revealed everything; she was as desperate for me as I was for her.

My lips crashed into hers as I grasped her breasts in my hands, circling her nipples with my thumb and index fingers. I trailed my lips down her chest, licking and nipping her flesh before sucking an erect nipple into my mouth. I massaged the other breast with my other hand while Bella's fingers slipped into my boxers and thread themselves around my throbbing erection, instantly catapulting my body into a heightened level of desire.

I felt an intense surge of need to touch Bella, to smell her, to taste her. "Wait," I said, reluctantly and carefully prying her fingers from me before I slid to the ground on my knees, caressing her body as I went. I ran my fingers up her legs, nudging them apart. I kissed the inside of her knees, peppering kisses all along the inside of her thighs.

I ran my nose across her core, deeply inhaling her intoxicating scent through the thin barrier of her underwear. I wanted to stretch out this moment, to revel in the exploration of her body, but my restraint was slipping. She was enticing in every way, seductive and tantalizing. Her vampire body may be the epitome of beauty, designed to allure her prey, but there was no doubt in my mind that our connection was deeper than that. Everything about her drew me in, convincing me that she was made just for me.

I desperately wanted to bury myself inside of her. I tucked my fingers into her underwear and slithered them slowly down her legs. I couldn't hide the fact that my hands began to tremble as reached out for her, sliding my finger tentatively along her upper thigh and on the outside of her folds. I caressed her in an agonizingly slow pace, my eyes seeking hers, needing the connection of both our bodies and souls simultaneously. I held her eyes in mine as I dipped a finger inside of her, pleasantly shocked by the slick wetness I found. I gasped in pleasure as I explored her, adding a second finger.

Bella closed her eyes as I touched her, her head falling back, moaning at the sensation. My cock was almost painfully erect at this point, seeming to stretch up toward Bella of its own accord. Bella moaned again, the primitive sound all the encouragement I needed to thrust my tongue up into her, lapping greedily. I didn't pause as I moved her leg over my shoulder for better access, thrusting my tongue deeper, my fingers continuing their rhythm.

_Harder, Edward, harder. _"Harder," she whispered as though to reiterate her thoughts.

I pushed into her with more force, my movements and my tongue far from gentle. Her hands reached down into my hair, her fingers rubbing and scratching as her mind shifted back and forth between visions of colors and patterns and thoughts of love and adoration for me. I was overwhelmed all at once with the sensation of both her taste, the scent of her passion, and her feelings, but I couldn't stop. She was like a drug…and the essence of Bella was better than anything I'd ever experienced before.

I felt what I was doing to her, how good I was making her feel and I thought that I always wanted to make her feel this way. I almost felt like I was in a trance as I tugged on Bella's clit with my lips. She squealed in pleasure and I sensed her body tensing. I was elated and feeling rather proud of myself when Bella's muscles contracted around my fingers.

I hollowed my cheeks, sucking one last time before pulling my mouth away. I placed a steadying hand on her hip to hold her to me as intense convulsions ripped through her body. Her mind was flooding me with visual images – swirling ribbons of light, exploding into electric confetti and shooting into the distance like ghostly comets. And then all of a sudden she gasped for breath in a very human-like way, her eyes blinking open.

_Blood_…

Her errant thought send a wave of chills down my spine and as soon as her eyes landed on me, I sensed that something had radically altered within her. Her eyes darkened perceptively, her mouth opened and her lips curled back, exposing the sharp edge of her teeth. I flinched at her fierce posture, recoiling, my hand slipping down her leg to her ankle. This was not _my_ Bella.

She'd all at once appeared more animal than woman. It was as if she'd unintentionally dropped all her barriers. When she'd surrendered to the passion within and allowed herself to find a release, she'd lost control of her tenuous hold on the monster within her, transforming into a feral creature driven purely by instinct.

Her thoughts had changed drastically and she either didn't possess the presence of mind to cloak them from me or she didn't care. The white, hot sparks had retreated to the back of her mind, replaced by a blinding, all-consuming need – not to quench her desires, but her thirst. My mind was instantly flooded with red viscous liquid, flowing in a torrential torrent like a waterfall of death.

I inhaled, instantly feeling the chill of her skin. I rocked back on my heels, slowly peeling my hands away from her.

My small movement was enough to jolt her to action. She crouched, her naked body poised to pounce. Before I could even think to move, she had grabbed me around the wrist, her fingers digging painfully into my skin.

"You're not going anywhere," she growled, her voice unrecognizable.

"Bella…please. I love you," I muttered against the pain, my hand falling numb.

_You…you can't. You can't love me. I'm a monster. I'm a monster. I…I…Edward._

Her struggle was both physical and mental, and was entirely incapacitating. She had released my wrist, but the sharp, stabbing intensity of the war inside her mind was far more excruciating. A steady stream of bloody, violent, torturous images and feelings pelted my brain and I immediately curled into a ball, tucking my head to my chest with my hands at my temples.

I'm not sure how long I was stuck in this position, suffering in this way. It could have been minutes or hours; I wouldn't have known the difference.

When I felt as though I could no longer stand the agony of Bella's internal battle, all of a sudden my mind cleared and I felt familiar, cool hands run down my back. Though at first I resisted the pleasure of her touch, when I sensed the clarity of her mind I allowed myself to relax, the revel in the way my body reacted to her.

Once my mind settled, it only took me a moment to realize what had happened and to compose myself. Despite the potentially destructive way that Bella's orgasm affected her, I didn't want her to think I regretted or feared what we had done. The risk was worth it for me.

_Edward...I'm so sorry. Please look at me._

I slowly and carefully unfurled my body, opening my eyes and craning my neck to look at her. She looked panicked, her eyes wide and worried. Before she could repeat her apology, I lifted my moist fingers to my mouth and sucked on them, one at a time. "You are beyond delicious, Bella," I said. "I love you."

_How can you forgive me? _She questioned silently, her expression tormented.

"Because I love you. Please, say you love me too. That's all I need you to say."

"I love you too," she replied, her eyes and stance softening. I stood to kiss her but her head snapped toward the door, panicked once again. "Someone's coming," she explained, pulling on her clothing in lightening speed. I was just buttoning my pants, my shirt draped over my shoulders, when we heard a loud, insistent knocking on the door.

Bella moved to open it, casting a nervous glance in my direction. I was slipping my shirt on when the door crashed open. Jacob stepped inside, out of breath, and I knew by his look that he'd just phased into his human form.

"Jake, what is it?" Bella asked. She unwittingly sent all her worries my way – images of dead humans, vampires sucking at their necks, wolves whimpering in pain. I shook my head from side to side as if to clear it.

"It's the girl – Lauren. She's dead."

After the insanity of the recent events in my life, it felt infinitely normal to pick Bella up on Monday morning to drive her to school. Of course she could have gotten there faster on her own, but neither one of us wanted to be apart if we didn't have to. Plus, Bella had missed so much school already that she was at risk of not graduating. And regardless of her extenuating circumstances, Bella was determined to get her diploma this time.

I knew that after what we'd been through, I should be worried and fearful, but when we arrived at school and I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulders as we walked up to the entrance, I had never been happier. I couldn't explain it, but despite all the danger in my life, I finally felt like I was where I belonged, like everything made sense.

"Everyone's looking at us, Edward," Bella stated.

"Let them look, Bella," I replied, squeezing her tighter to me.

_They're all talking about us._

"Let them talk," I said, planting a kiss on her head.

_They're also talking about Lauren's disappearance._

I nodded in response, remembering Jacob's agonized expression when he told us how he'd found her body. He and Seth had been patrolling the forest for signs of vampires when they'd caught her scent. The found her body at the river's edge, bloated from hours of drifting in the water.

The bite marks on Lauren's neck were obvious, as if the vampire who killed her wanted it known that she'd been marked. Her body had been completely drained of blood and then purposely dumped upstream in the river so that she would be found. Her death seemed like a message – or a threat.

Jacob and the wolves further mutilated her body so that it looked like she'd been attacked by an animal and then put her body back in the river so it would float further downstream. Yet no one had discovered it yet.

I felt badly for Lauren. No matter how she repulsed me, she didn't deserve to die – especially not such a horrible death. I hoped someone found her body soon though. The rumors that were circulating around the school about her disappearance were beyond ridiculous and I was quickly tiring of hearing the theories about how she was a drug addict who'd run off with her dealer or how she'd been abducted into the slave trade. I couldn't help but draw ties between the reaction to Lauren's disappearance and Bella's more than a year before. Little did the people of Forks know how their town had been preyed upon by vampires.

As we walked down the hall, I looked around and saw other kids joking with one another, listening to music on their iPods, reading, and realized just how trivial it all seemed. I couldn't believe how different my life had become in such a short time. I used to be one of them. Now my life was about Bella and everything else just seemed pointless.

We walked to class and I glanced at Bella who remarkably seemed the same as always – confident, beautiful, untouchable. Only I could see what was inside that shell and what was brewing underneath.

Bella didn't have to tell me how worried she was about the situation; I knew without her having to voice it. It was clear that she had inadvertently lured vampires to Forks and was now feeling guilty for putting the townspeople's lives in jeopardy. She also didn't have to tell me how she blamed herself for Lauren's death, because whether she wanted me to or not, I had seen and felt it all in her thoughts.

I wondered how things might be different for me if Bella hadn't disappeared, if she hadn't been made into a vampire. Would we have met? Would we be so drawn to one another? Would I have been able to read her human mind? I would like to think that we were meant to be…soul mates…that we would have found each other despite our circumstances.

But as we sat down at our desk in biology I decided that it didn't matter. We were together now and our fate was decided. We would face our future together in one way or another. I knew Bella would do anything to protect me and I would do anything to protect her. If this meant that I would have to eventually become a vampire, well…we would cross that bridge when we came to it.

**End Notes: I'd really love to hear your thoughts! What do you think about how much Edward is willing to put up with to be intimate with Bella?**

**Is it hot where you are? I love to hear about how different it is where you live! Right now, it's only seventy-five degrees here – normally it's in the hundreds – so I consider myself lucky today.**

**I'd be even luckier if you reviewed! So do it! Come on!**

**Thank you for reading! **


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: I am very excited about this chapter because I've had it all worked out in my mind since I started this story. It was fun to imagine and to write and hopefully, it is also fun to read. **

**Thank you to ms. ambrosia, my wonderful and brilliant beta!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I own my convoluted twist on the story.**

Chapter 29

I stopped at the grocery store on the way to the hospital, reluctantly buying a slightly wilted bouquet of flowers. I shuffled my feet as I walked down the hallway toward her room, driven forward by guilt and a somewhat stilted sense of honor.

I knocked briefly before pushing on the door, peeking around it tentatively to see if it was okay to enter. I wasn't surprised to see Jacob slumped uncomfortably in the chair next to Jessica's bed.

He was a crazed shadow of himself the past few days, fueled solely by his feelings of guilt and the shame that he'd hurt Jessica in trying to protect her. And tormented by the pack's failure to find and save Lauren, he'd insisted that they all stay in wolf form, continuously patrolling the area for vampires.

As soon as he'd felt that Forks was secure, he'd come to the hospital to check on Jessica and hadn't really left. Bella had surreptitiously visited the hospital the night Jessica was admitted to learn the extent of her injuries and found Jacob there. He'd been haunting the hallways like a ghost, listening for news of her condition, hoping that she'd recover and praying to the gods that he didn't have to live with the knowledge that he'd allowed another victim to slip through his fingers.

When I entered the room, he straightened instantly, silently jumping up from his seat in the corner. I shot a quick glance at Jessica to see that she was either sleeping or unconscious. With a nod of the head, Jacob gestured toward the hallway, slinking out of the room.

I slipped back out into the hall, my drooping flowers still clutched thoughtlessly in my hand. I noticed the dark circles under Jacob's eyes and wondered when he'd last slept. He looked thoroughly exhausted, his broad shoulders curled forward.

"How is she?" I asked.

"She's actually not too bad off. I overheard the doctors tell her parents that she broke her wrist when she fell and that she had a pretty severe concussion. They were worried about brain damage, but she woke up this morning and talked a little bit.

"Your dad was actually in here a few hours ago, asking her all kinds of questions, like her name and where she lives and how old she is. I hid around the corner when he pulled her parents into the hallway. He told them, um… that he was hopeful. She has some memory loss, but she'd answered the important questions right."

"So, she's going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Well that's good news, right?" I asked, feeling awkward.

He ignored my question, explaining, "As soon as she fell asleep again, her parents left for home and I slipped in to see her…you know to apologize, and to see how much she saw…how much she remembers of what happened.

"She woke up about twenty minutes ago, and didn't even know who I was. She thought I worked here and asked me for some water before she fell asleep again. Now that you're here, I think I'll take off," he said, slapping me on the back in a friendly gesture. I sensed that the brunt of his burden had lifted from his shoulders, his relief palpable as he sauntered off down the hall in his long, natural stride.

I had just put my hand on the handle to the door of Jessica's room when I heard my father's voice. "Edward, son, what are you doing here?" he asked as he approached.

"Um, Jessica…she's, um…a friend from school…" I stuttered, pointing at the door with the flowers.

"Oh, you know Jessica Stanley?" he asked, his eyes latching onto the bruised bouquet dangling in my hand.

"Well, not really…" I struggled to come up with some explanation for my visit, for the flowers. "Bella is friends with Jessica. She asked me to come visit her, because she…um, hates hospitals," I stammered, blurting out the last few words.

"Oh, well…you can tell Bella that Jessica is doing much better and should be leaving the hospital by the end of the week," he said happily, miraculously accepting my badly-contrived explanation.

"I believe she's sleeping now, Edward, and you shouldn't disturb her," he said with authority. "Why don't you give those to me and I'll find a vase for them," he suggested, grasping the flowers out of my hand. "Don't you have homework you should be doing?"

"Oh, yeah, okay. Thanks Dad," I said, nodding. He smiled widely at me. For a moment I wished that I could confide in him and tell him everything, to ask him for advice like I did when I was a kid. He was always there for me, firm but gentle, wise but humble. I had always thought I wanted to be just like him when I grew up.

I stared at his warm expression and realized how far removed he was from all the supernatural darkness that had overcome every element of my current life. No matter how wonderful it would have been to have his guidance and his support, I didn't want to tarnish his perception of reality with my problems. And what if he didn't react well to the news? What if my involvement with Bella ruined his opinion of me?

As I drove home I wondered how much time I had left with my parents. Would I have to choose between them and Bella? Was my life becoming too dangerous for them? For even Alice and Emmett? How could I leave my family behind?

As soon as I walked through the front door, the mixture of excited voices from inside the house filled me with an unexpected sense of dread. I followed the chatter automatically to the kitchen where my mother, Alice and Rosalie were sitting, eating strawberries from a bowl in front of them and giggling. They all looked over at me as I stepped in the room, their eyes alight with mischief.

I could faintly hear Jasper tuning his acoustic guitar in the living room as I sat down on a barstool, reminding me that I hadn't practiced my own music in a while. I was momentarily distracted, lost in my thoughts, planning out a session with the piano, when Alice slipped into the stool next to me, garnering my attention.

She leaned in conspiratorially, whispering, "Don't freak out, but Mom and Rosalie want to have the picnic this weekend." My eyes flew to hers in panic.

"What? No!" I whispered forcefully back to her. "We can't! It's too dangerous!"

"I know, I know," she agreed. "But, well, we'll have Bella there with us, and she can bring that other girl…you know…"

"Tanya?" I blurted incredulously, trying to picture the statuesque vampire on a picnic with my family.

"Yes, and Jacob and his friends can, you know, be around?" I didn't say anything in response; I was too stunned by the stupidity of the idea to think of a response.

"What are you guys whispering about over there?" my mom asked, popping another strawberry in her mouth as if she didn't have a care in the world. "Did Alice tell you that we are going to have our family picnic this weekend? Of course Bella and her aunt should come."

"No!" I exclaimed, with a little too much passion. "It's not a good idea," I said firmly, hoping that I could come up with some legitimate excuse for them to cancel their plans.

"But why?" she asked, confused by my reaction.

"It's supposed to be nice weather, a little cloudy, but no rain," Rosalie added, as if the weather were the only consideration.

"Yes, it's about the best we could hope for around here, and your father has the whole weekend off. It's a perfect opportunity to do something outside before the weather changes. I'm not sure if we'll have another chance," she explained, standing.

I couldn't agree with her sentiment more – this could be our last family outing.

She walked over to the counter where I was seated so that I could clearly see the determination in her eyes. She put her arm around Alice, squeezing her to her side. "Alice was so disappointed when we had to cancel before. We have to make it up to her."

"Mom, I'm not sure if Bella can make it," I said, pulling at strings, stalling while my mind tried to come up with some way to prevent the picnic from happening.

"Persuade her, Edward. I'm sure she'll find the time," she stated, resigned that she was right. "Now Rosalie and I are putting together the menu, you and Emmett can get together all the baseball stuff, and Alice, can you find all our blankets, honey?"

"Sure Mom," Alice said, tugging on my arm and pulling me from the stool. "We'll go look now." As soon as we turned the corner Alice dropped the pretense, training her worried eyes on me.

"There's no use fighting Mom when she's like this. It will all be alright," she said, as if trying to convince herself. Taking me by surprise, she leaned in and hugged me tightly. Though she tried to hide it, I could feel her hands trembling on my back and I knew that she was much less certain and more frightened than she at first let on.

"Yeah, of course; it will fine," I reassured her, patting her on the back.

You would think that vampires wouldn't get nervous. But there was no other way to explain the odd and tense way that Bella was acting as we walked down the grassy pathway at the edge of the forest. Tanya too, at her side, seemed even more rigid and inhuman than normal.

Bella insisted on driving, speeding like a demon and taking the curves so swiftly that we arrived several minutes before the other two cars with the rest of our party. As we neared the meadow that served as a makeshift field, Bella pulled her eyes away from her almost continual scan of the forest and exchanged a terse, hard glance with Tanya.

"I don't sense anyone, do you?" Bella asked her.

"No, but we can't let our guard down," she replied, her face grave.

_I'm worried, Edward. I still don't think this is a good idea. Your entire family is a target because of me…because of my stupidity. _

I reached out and put my hand on her neck, running my fingers through her beautiful hair. I wanted to tell her that it was all going to be okay, but the future was never more difficult to predict. I wanted to tell her not to worry and that I would protect her, but I couldn't even promise that. I wished more than ever that I was strong enough, but I knew that if vampires attacked I would be helpless against them.

"It's a horrible idea. I wish I could have stopped it from happening. I just have a really bad feeling about this whole thing," I said in response to her thoughts.

"Remember what we talked about?" Bella asked, reminding me of our agreement. When I'd first told her about the picnic, she'd panicked, insisting that it was too dangerous and threatening everything from tying me up to handcuffing me to my bed. She'd eventually calmed down enough to admit that imprisoning me was not a good idea and that she would agree to go if only to protect my family from harm.

She made me promise her that if something happened at the picnic, if we had any unwanted visitors, that I'd gather my family and run to safety. She wanted me to leave her, to allow her and Tanya and the wolves to protect us. I hated myself for making this promise. I would break it if I had the chance.

Just as I was about to remind Bella to breathe, to blink, and to attempt to seem a little less like she was providing security and more like she was here to have fun, she took off running. Her movement was just a blur of scarcely discernible motion until she reappeared in the distance at the other end of the meadow.

"Bella!" I yelled, taking a step in her direction, before a stone-like hand darted out to stop me.

"Edward," Tanya hissed. "She is just talking with the boy-wolf. Look," she pointed, and sure enough, I saw Jacob ease forward out of the trees in his wolf form. Bella said something to him, ruffling the fur on the back of his neck before she flew back across the meadow to where we stood waiting.

For an instant I saw the forest as Bella saw it, the wolves becoming visible through the density of the trees, their heady, canine scent filling my nostrils. Their menacing growls echoed off the pines, charged with apprehension, threatening in the most primitive of ways. I searched with my eyes, but could see nothing; the vision was only in my mind.

"Bella!" Alice squealed as she ran up and wrapped herself around Bella. "I'm so glad you're here," she admitted, casting a quick, nervous look at Tanya. A few seconds later the rest of my family along with Rosalie and Jasper appeared, all toting bags, blankets and sporting equipment.

My mother began barking orders as if permanently moving into the space. "Carlisle, put the big blanket over there, and the smaller one can go right there. Emmett put the baseball stuff at the edge of that blanket. Oh, Rosalie, put the basket here, dear. Jasper, will you and Alice put the folding chairs up over there?"

We each carved out a little space on the blankets, my mother, father, Alice, and Rosalie sitting in the folding chairs. Tanya awkwardly remained standing until I saw Bella mumble something quietly under her breath at her and she slowly lowered herself to the blanket. She looked entirely out of place, as if she'd never sat on the floor before, and I was reminded that it had been a while since she'd been around humans.

"I wish there was more sun," Rosalie stated, stretching out her legs.

"I love this weather," Tanya said. "It's warmer than Alaska."

"I don't think I'd like Alaska much," Rosalie replied, her eyes showing that she was wary of Tanya.

"Bella, do you and your aunt play baseball?" Carlisle asked in a friendly way.

"I don't think so. I mean, I don't really play sports," Bella answered unconvincingly.

"It's just as well, we don't have an even number of players and if you're not used to playing sports, you could get injured," Rosalie warned. Tanya eyed her intently, before the edge of her lips curled into a tight smile. She seemed to be considering Rosalie's condescending words, weighing them in her mind.

_No_, I heard Bella plead. _We can't._

"Yes, I think I'd like to play," she said, her smile broadening.

"Tanya, no," Bella begged, her face grave.

"Oh Bella, come on, I think it will be fun. I've never played baseball, but I'd like to try," Tanya explained.

"We shouldn't," Bella whispered to Tanya.

"I don't really think Bella likes sports, Tanya," Alice said, trying to help.

"Yeah," said Emmett, who all of a sudden picked up on the discussion. "Why don't you guys just watch, okay?"

"Emmett, don't be silly. They're not watching. Everyone needs to participate! I'm a horrible player, Bella, but we're all family here. Really, no one cares how bad you play," my mother said as she stood up, wiping her hands on her jeans. "So do you guys want to eat first or play?"

"Eat, definitely eat," Emmett answered enthusiastically, already digging through the picnic basket.

Sandwiches were passed around, followed by bottles of soda and water. Tanya and Bella pretended to share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I kept glancing in them nervously, wondering how they managed to make it disappear, but I never figured it out. Emmett was the first to finish so he ran off to the field, laying all the bases down and pulling the bats and extra balls from the bag.

As soon as everyone had finished off their lunch we all walked over to the center of the field where Emmett was standing on the spot he'd determined as the pitcher's mound. Alice was whispering nervously in Bella's ear and I could tell by Bella's gestures – her arm around Alice's shoulders, her head tilted so that it was touching Alice's – that she was calming and reassuring her in some way.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her as Emmett was belting out the rules of the game for Tanya and Bella's benefit.

"Yes, she's just worried for me. I told her not to; I can pretend to be human," she said sweetly, smirking at me.

_Tanya knows too. Don't worry, Edward. I won't hit the ball too hard. _

Since there were nine players, we decided to make two teams of four, with Alice pitching for both teams. My mother excitedly pointed out that with Alice pitching, we had the same number of women to men, suggesting that we divide the teams this way – women against men.

Little did she know that she was stacking the cards in her favor, with two vampires on her team. Rosalie seemed a little irritated that she was separated from Emmett, probably thinking that the women were sure to lose. But my mother convinced her that the game wasn't about winning - it was about having fun and it was more fun this way.

We flipped a coin, and the girls were first up to bat. Rosalie stepped up to the plate, swinging the bat from side to side as she swayed her hips. Alice threw the ball slow and straight, right over home plate. Rosalie swung at the ball but missed. After another strike, she finally hit the ball right at Alice who caught it easily. Surprisingly, Rosalie was a good sport and high-fived Alice, who smiled sheepishly back at her.

Tanya was up to bat next. She grasped the bat in her hands, standing with her feet apart, her knees bent. She seemed to be in deep concentration, her eyes boring a hole into Alice's hand as she released the ball in a much faster, sharper toss than she'd done for Rosalie.

Tanya pulled the bat back, readying to hit the ball, my breath hitching in my throat as I waited for her swing. She looked like she was going to slam the bat hard against the ball, and I winced, nearly closed my eyes. But at the last second, she hesitated and snapped the bat lightly, just barely grazing the ball. The ball thudded to the ground near her feet.

"Run!" screamed Rosalie from the sidelines, and Tanya cast a questioning glance in her direction.

She turned back to the game, looking at Bella for some kind of guidance. She smiled knowingly as if finally remembering her role, trotting toward the base at a deliberately forced slow pace. I reached down and grabbed the ball, chasing her. She barely made it halfway to first base before I crashed into her hip with the ball in my hand. I flew backward at the impact, skidding almost into Alice before stopping. I vaguely registered the ache in my bruised arm as I looked up into the cloudy sky.

My eyes shot over to Bella, mumbling furtively and silently to Tanya, who was still standing where we'd collided, tall and rigid. While I was pulling myself up to a sitting position, I saw her dramatically drop, her body colliding with the ground with a resounding boom.

Bella's eyes were huge as she threw a worried glance my way. She turned back to Tanya, prone on the ground as if unconscious. It wasn't long before everyone was looking at her, their mouths agape with shock and concern..

"Tanya, honey, are you okay?" my mother asked in a shrill voice, running to where she'd collapsed.

"Yes I am, thank you, Esme," Tanya said, springing too quickly to an upright position.

"Let me give you a hand," Carlisle offered, his arm outstretched.

"Oh, no thank you," Tanya said robotically, effortlessly rising to stand. She patted her hair, walking back to the edge of the diamond near Rosalie, as though nothing had happened.

Rosalie took a few steps away from Tanya, her arms clasped tightly across her chest. "It looks as though we're equally talented at this sport," Rosalie said snidely to her. Tanya didn't respond, but pretended she didn't hear, taking a step closer to Rosalie, her head cocked to the side. Rosalie shuffled away, stumbling and almost fell before she regained her balance, Emmett's voice drawing attention back to the game.

"Let's get back to the game people," Emmett suggested, ushering everyone back to their places.

My mother stepped up to bat next, her face trained on the ball in Alice's hand, her expression serious. Alice threw the ball underhand so that it slowly arced right in front of mom. She swung hard, hitting the ball with a loud snap to the bat, the ball flying right over Emmett's head so that he had to run for it.

My mom threw the bat, skipping into a run with a loud squeal, waving her arms wildly around her with the effort. When Emmett scooped up the ball and began to run back to first base, I chanced a glance at Bella, but she wasn't there. She'd vanished.

I felt my stomach drop, my intestines writhing. I quickly and frantically scanned the area. Seeing no sign of her, I took a step toward where she'd been earlier when she reappeared from the trees. She caught my stare and her eyes were full of fear.

_Jacob…he had news. One of the wolves caught the scent of some vampires near town. And Sam thought he smelled others over by the river. They're going to split up and investigate._

"Bella, it's your turn," Jasper was saying. I looked around at my family, feeling the true meaning of fear and panic as I worried for all our safety. My mother was on first base, bent over, her hands resting on her knees, clearly happy at having beat Emmett to the base. My father was standing with his hands on his hips, swaying slightly as if waiting for the ball to head in his direction. Emmett was ogling Rosalie from a distance while she appeared to be carefully examining her nails. Jasper wasn't paying much attention to the game, except for staring at Alice intensely. Alice was getting ready to throw the ball at Bella, concentrating and perhaps hoping that Bella would hit it like a human.

Bella was also concentrating. I could hear it.

_Not too hard. Just tap it. Not too hard. _

Alice threw the ball and I could still hear Bella's thoughts repeating in my head. Then at the very last second before the ball connected with the bat, they changed.

_NO! No no no no no…_

Bella lost her concentration and swung the bat forward so fast it was like the flutter of a hummingbird's wings. The bat crashed into the ball with such force that the bat split in two, hurtling the ball so high in the air and so far that it disappeared completely from sight.

I tore my eyes away from the search for the ball in the sky to Bella, who was frozen, her eyes darting from side to side as if seeing things that were invisible to me. Tanya too had dropped any pretense of being human, flying to Bella's side, crouching defensively. The others had stopped the futile search for the ball, turning their gazes to Bella and Tanya, varied looks of fear, panic and shock woven onto their features.

"What…what is going on here, Edward?" my father asked as if I had the answer, as if he somehow knew that I was responsible for what was clearly inexplicable.

"I…I…don't know exactly," I answered truthfully.

"Bella?" Alice asked.

"Edward, now! Do as I asked…now!" Bella demanded.

"What's going on, Bella?" I begged for an answer, desiring more than ever to stand next to her.

"Just go, now! They're here!" she screamed at all of us passionately.

I turned around and grabbed Alice's hand, running for the car, fulfilling my promise.

"Come on!" I yelled to everyone else and they stumbled confusedly along with me toward the cars. "Run!"

My father was helping my mother as she bent to pick up the picnic stuff. "Leave it, please. Just go to the car and drive out of here!" I begged.

"Edward, I don't understand what you've gotten yourself into," my father said as he cradled my mother in his arms. She was trembling and crying.

"Please, just go!" I said frantically, knowing time was running out.

Emmett stood still, gawking at Tanya and Bella. I pushed him in the back to get him to move and he twisted reluctantly, his feet propelling him forward.

Jasper too, was moving slowly, trying to understand why I was forcing him to the car.

"Alice needs you," I whispered urgently. "Go!" I said as I shoved him toward her.

"You're too late!" a shrill, high-pitched voice reverberated across the meadow.

The words - laced with anger and malice - terrified me to the very depths of my soul. And the second they were spoken, I knew I could never walk away from Bella. I broke my promise just as I knew I would. I turned around - away from my family - to return to her and I didn't look back.

**End Note: It's been a while since I've begged for reviews, so…Please leave me a review! I need to know that you guys are still out there reading. How did you like my version of the baseball game? Who do you think stomped on the Cullen's picnic? Just send me a smiley face if you want…I'm not picky.**


	30. Chapter 30

**I've been both exceptionally lazy lately and frustratingly uncreative. I'm sorry for the wait! I blame it all on the end-of-summer blues. But I'm dedicated to this story and it sits in my mind all the time, especially now that we are getting very close to the prologue. **

**I loved all your predictions about who showed up to ruin the Cullen's picnic. Some of you thought that it might be James, but if you remember, Jacob killed him when he attacked Charlie earlier in the story.**

**Thank you so much to all of my faithful readers who review each chapter! Ms. ambrosia, you are awesome and wonderful and I'm so excited about your new story!**

**This is a longer chapter, I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the genius behind Twilight, I just twist her characters and plot around until it is unrecognizable.**

Chapter 30

There was only one thought in my mind as I stalked forward to Bella's side. Bella. _Bella…Bella…Bella._ I had no doubts. I needed to be with her. I would always be with her. I would never leave her. This was my destiny.

"Edward, wait," Emmett cried, grabbing roughly onto my arm. "You can't go back there alone," he said seriously, his jaw clenched, his muscles taut. His firm grip bruised my arm, but I couldn't spare a moment to worry about it as I wrenched myself free. I stumbled, propelling myself forward.

In that very instant I heard the only voice that could make me turn back. "Edward! Edward!" my mother wailed. I turned to look over my shoulder for only a second, but it was enough time to see her small body running back to me, my father at her heels. "We are not leaving you here!"

"Please, mom…" I pleaded, continuing my way back to Bella. I could hear the grass crunch behind me as Emmett launched himself at me again, his forearm slamming down painfully on my shoulder.

"Ufff," I grunted, falling backward.

"Son, I don't know what's going on," my dad stated mechanically as his eyes darted between me and where we'd left Bella and Tanya. He seemed almost stupefied by the situation, as if his scientific mind was trying to put the pieces together in some coherent way.

Emmett pulled me to my feet, locking his arm around my neck. "Please!" I begged, writhing against him. I panicked even more when I glimpsed over his shoulder and saw Rosalie's lithe form approaching. Jasper was close behind her, struggling in our direction while trying to get free from Alice, who was yanking on his arm in a hopeless attempt to drag him the other way.

"No! No! No! Get back!" I screamed at them. "Let me go!" I growled at Emmett.

Emmett's arms loosened and I squirmed out of his hold, bolting forward, my legs tangling in my nearly hysterical desperation to get to Bella. I could sense Emmett was following, but I couldn't stop, I had to go to Bella. I sprinted toward the clearing, only slowing when I heard her in my mind.

_Get back. Please go back. What if I can't protect you? Please! Save yourself!_

I slowed to a hesitant walk as I got closer, ignoring Bella's warning. I could feel her fear and an all-consuming anger at being put in this defensive position, her thoughts wildly and frenetically changing from moment to moment. Through all the chaos, I saw the red-headed vampire in my mind before I saw her with my eyes. A male vampire was at her side, crouching and looking more like a feral animal than a vampire.

In a small corner of my mind I was aware that it was highly unlikely that I could sneak up on a group of vampires, but when the foursome came into view, I darted for cover behind the closest tree. When all four vampires instantly turned in my direction, a snarl erupting from the male vampire, I realized how futile my actions were.

What was I to do? It became infinitely clear that I'd acted impulsively, following only my emotions, having no realistic plan. And yet, I physically could not leave her.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," Victoria sang, the words syrupy and false. "Is that your human, Bella…coming to save you?" she asked, looking through the trees at me. Her red eyes held me prisoner in their gaze, drawing me out.

"No!" Bella cried, taking a step toward me. Tanya's arm shot out, dragging Bella back to her side. The male vampire snarled at the movement, launching himself toward Bella.

"Bella!" I yelled, and before I could consider the wisdom of my decision, I stepped out from behind the tree.

"Not yet, Riley," Victoria admonished, catching him by the ankle and flinging his body back to her side. He surprisingly landed on his feet, stretching up to his full height beside her. He didn't seem at all ruffled by her reprimand, submitting to her will like a soldier accepting his duty.

"Well, this just gets more and more interesting," Victoria declared, flinging her hair over her shoulder dramatically. "I was hoping to meet your little pet, Bella. In fact, I was planning on it," she said, her voice lowering in volume. "His scent is incredible. I don't know how you keep from killing him. I certainly couldn't. I can't wait to see how he tastes," she threatened.

"You bitch!" Bella screamed at her and Tanya grasped her arm, whispering something in her ear. Bella nodded.

_Relax, relax, relax…_Bella repeated in her head. _Focus, focus, focus…_

Victoria's face softened, her head tilting to the side. "I don't understand you, Bella. We could have been so good together. You were my mate," she said quietly, and for a moment I could see the pain in her eyes - the sting of rejection - and I almost felt sorry for her.

"And I came to get you, but I find you with her," she said, her chin jutting out toward Tanya. "She's not even as pretty as me."

"You better be careful, Victoria," Tanya warned.

I felt paralyzed as they interacted, the tension in the air coiling around me, suffocating me. I tried to quiet my mind, to hear something more from Bella, but she'd closed her thoughts to me. I worried that she was trying to protect me from her fears and from knowing the plan she was hatching.

"Did you really think that you could run away from me and that I wouldn't come to find you? You belong to me!" Victoria said, her anger clearly escalating.

"I don't belong to anyone," Bella said slowly, enunciating each word for emphasis.

_I belong to you, Edward. Always. _

She opened her mind for just a moment, allowing me to hear her declaration, but I also caught just a snippet of the plan she was forming in her head. She was going to willingly leave with Victoria, to sacrifice herself to protect me and Tanya.

"Bella, no!" I begged. "Please don't!"

"You really have no choice but to come with me," Victoria said smugly. "I have my little army keeping all your dogs busy running around the forest in circles. You see, I've become an expert at creating newborns…only male ones though. I still can't seem to stop myself whenever I try and turn a girl. There have been so many that I wished I could keep…but I can never help myself, I just always drain them dry," she lamented.

"I was so mad at you when I realized that you killed James! He was my best soldier. And he helped me make you," she reached out as if to touch Bella and I felt my legs buckle beneath me.

"Bella, come with me now, and no one - not even your human - needs to get hurt," Victoria implored sweetly, her arm still outstretched.

"Bella's not going anywhere with you!" I screamed at her. I took a step forward.

_Edward, no! _ She screamed in my head.

"Don't do this, Bella!" I said, and all at once I could see her decision in her thoughts. She was imagining her arm flying to the side, pushing Tanya away, before stepping forward toward Victoria and accepting Victoria's hand. An image of Victoria's triumphant smile flashed into my mind from Bella's thoughts before it disappeared just as quickly.

"Bella, don't go with this woman!" came a voice from behind me and I turned to see my family approaching as if all one unit. My mother, whose strong words rang out across the meadow, stood meekly behind my father. Emmett and Jasper were in front and came to stand next to me. My father stood close behind them with Rosalie by his side. Alice was behind Rosalie, peering around her cautiously to see what was happening.

"I think you should leave!" Emmett said in his deepest voice, his hands on his hips.

"Oh look, Bella has a little army of humans," Victoria said as if amused, but her face told differently. She seemed both surprised and irritated by my family's presence. I could see her calculating, strategizing, and finally coming to a decision. She crouched, angled herself toward me, and poised herself to pounce.

I automatically closed my eyes, waiting for the impact of her jump. But it never came. I opened my eyes to find Victoria and Riley slowly backing away, their arms outstretched in front of them. I was confused by their show of deference until I heard one of the most welcome sounds I'd ever heard – a werewolf howling in the forest.

There was a loud rustling in the leaves and trees at the far end of the meadow before a massive wolf launched itself across the field, growling and gnarling its teeth. It came to a skidding stop right in front of me, Emmett and Jasper, its tail flopping, smacking Emmett directly in the chest.

Victoria and Riley spared a single moment to look at the beast in shock before turning and literally disappearing from sight. The wolf craned its head to the side to give Bella a knowing look before rising on its haunches and bounding away after the retreating vampires.

Everyone was talking at once. They were loud, confused, frightened. When the shock of it all began to wear off, a heavy silence replaced the chatter and chaos.

"If you guys are ready to listen, I'll tell you everything you want to know," I promised. I couldn't keep the hint of desperation out of my voice.

Only minutes after we'd all returned home and scurried out of our cars and into the house, Jacob appeared in the backyard and Bella and I went out to speak with him. Without pause, he phased into his human form before our eyes, unabashedly pacing naked in the backyard while he relayed the news he'd come to deliver.

He was clearly agitated, unable to slow his movements while speaking, his words firing out into the air around him, so that I could only hear bits and pieces of his anguished speech. But I did hear the most important part – Victoria and Riley had escaped. Several other vampires had been killed, but not all. And one of the wolves, Embry, had been injured.

As soon as Jacob was done speaking, he phased back into his wolf form, running off through the trees, his paws tearing up clumps of dirt as he ran. I returned to the living room, looking at the scared, bewildered looks on the faces before me, knowing that it was my responsibility to somehow convey this information to them while trying to reassure them at the same time. I'd never felt so hopeless, so utterly at a loss for what the next step might be.

My family was waiting for me, their arms wrapped around each other in comfort as I prayed for the strength to face all the many things I'd been trying to avoid and to accept the reality of the situation. I was more scared than I'd ever been in my entire life, while also reeling from the amazement of what had happened in the meadow, how they'd all stood with me despite their fear and uncertainty. In that moment I'd been terrified for them, for Bella and Tanya, and for myself, but I'd also never felt so loved, so supported. They should have left, but they stayed and risked their lives.

And I felt immense guilt too as I stood before their questioning eyes. My heart belonged to Bella and I was willing to sacrifice everything for her. I hadn't given very much thought as to how my decisions would affect my family, how my choices might scar them irrevocably.

Before I began to speak, I glanced at Bella who stood conspicuously in the corner of the room with Tanya at her side. They both seemed out of place, unusually rigid in their stance, no longer hiding their inhuman characteristics now that the façade had been dropped. Bella's eyes, normally so full of emotion, were cold and unfeeling. I waited fruitlessly for some type of signal from her, some reassurance that exposing everything to my family was the right thing to do. But she was blocking me from her mind, shutting me out.

"Edward, I think we're ready for you to explain now," my father said uncomfortably.

"Tell us who that woman was," my mother demanded, pulling her arms closer around her torso as if holding herself together.

"Victoria is her name," I muttered, again looking to Bella for reassurance, but she was still as a statue, not offering me any guidance or relief.

"Both she and the man are…" I looked at all their faces, the words stuck in my throat.

"Vampires," blurted Alice, forcing all our eyes in her direction. "Just like Bella and Tanya."

"What?" Rosalie said. "I don't believe it!" she said breathlessly, her words unconvincing as she scrutinized Bella and Tanya with wide, alarmed eyes.

"You knew this Alice?" my mother questioned softly.

Jasper turned to look Alice in the eye, "Alice?"

"Yes. Bella told me the same day I found out Jacob was a werewolf," she said while staring into Jasper's eyes as if he were the only one in the room.

"Oh God! How is this possible?" my mother asked.

"Was that Jacob in the field?" Jasper asked Alice and she nodded in reply.

"He's was there to help protect us," she said.

Silence settled back over the room while everyone processed the new information.

"I knew it," exclaimed my mother, catching my eye with a wild gaze. "I knew something was wrong. I felt it. I was…frightened by you," she said, peering up at Bella. "But I couldn't explain why. I sensed that you were dangerous," she murmured quietly, leaning closer into my father's arms.

"Bella is not dangerous!" I stated passionately. I wanted to move closer to her, but I hesitated. She seemed absent and cold, our words not even touching her.

"Edward," my mother moaned, tucking her head into my father's neck and burying her tears on his shoulder.

"Bella isn't like those other vampires. Neither is Tanya," I stated.

"It's true, Mom. Bella's cool," Emmett said plainly.

"You knew about this too, Emmett?" my father asked. "How could you kids keep all this from us?" He stood and began to pace, his eyes flickering toward Bella and Tanya apprehensively.

"Edward, this is just too much!" my mother cried and Rosalie jumped up from her position next to Emmett to kneel at her feet. "I just don't understand…" she continued, grasping out and clinging to Rosalie's hands. "Are we in danger?" she asked, catching my gaze.

Again I turned to Bella for help, but found that she was no longer frozen in the corner; she had moved behind me and was waiting to speak. I reached out and grabbed her hand, lifting it to my chest and covering it with my own. I hoped that she understood the gesture, that she knew she had my heart, my soul.

I could hear my heartbeat thundering in my mind as Bella heard it – vital, alive, a rhythm with purpose. It seemed to awaken her, to jolt her to action.

"Yes," Bella answered, stepping around me so that everyone could see her. "I'm afraid that while I'm here you're all in danger. Victoria…wants me to return to her. I don't think she'll stop until I give in."

"Bella-" I tried to contradict her, but she interrupted, her hand thrusting out to silence me.

"I'm not going to allow her to manipulate me, but I also can't allow her to threaten you. I won't be far, Edward. I won't leave you and your family unprotected. Tanya and I will wait at my cabin for Victoria. Jacob will help. I'll lead her away from you." She reached out to hold my hand, whispering, "You're my life now."

_I love you so much._

"I have to leave. Your family isn't safe unless I go away. I'm so sorry," she said, facing my mother. "I've been so selfish," she admitted, thoroughly remorseful and then turned away, walking to the door. Tanya followed. I ran after them, grabbing Bella's arm.

"Please, Bella, don't do this. Don't go," I begged, my eyes filling with tears.

"I have to, Edward. As long as I stay here, you and your family are in danger." She lifted her hand, placing it along my cheek, staring at my face as if cataloguing my features in her memory. It felt like a goodbye and I struggled to think of a way to make her stay.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too. That's why I need to lead Victoria away from you. Please understand, Edward! I hate myself for putting you in danger. You are my life. You are everything to me. This is the only way," she said as she leaned in, resting her forehead against mine. I breathed in her scent, intoxicated by her, my body screaming for her, longing to hold onto her and never let go.

Her lips slightly brushed against mine, her breath filling my nostrils before she pulled away and charged through the door. I made a move to follow her, but Tanya blocked me, locking me in her gaze. "Don't worry, I'll protect her," she promised, placing her cold hand on my chest, cautiously urging me a few steps backward. She dropped her hand, took one last look around the room at all the humans watching, and darted through the door after Bella.

The rest of the evening was tense, everyone grouping off into pairs, whispering and touching, their eyes and postures showing just how frightened they all were. I kept trying to sit down and focus my thoughts, but I was restless and found myself pacing a path from the kitchen through the living room and back again.

It was as if we were all waiting, unable to proceed with life with so much uncertainty. Jasper finally picked up his guitar, bringing an end to the painful silence with his version of Jim Croce's _Time in a Bottle. _He mouthed the words softly, hauntingly, as if unable to fully commit to them. The music wasn't soothing as it should've been, the message of the song - capturing memories, and suspending time with the one you love - seemed ominous rather than encouraging.

Jasper looked almost possessed while he was playing, but by the time he was finished he'd become pale and withdrawn. He appeared almost ashamed of himself as he realized that even the soft melody of the song couldn't ease the anxiety that laced the very air. As soon as he'd played the last note, he abandoned the guitar and curled up next to Alice on the couch as if rattled to the very core.

I stormed off to my piano. I just couldn't continue on this way, doing nothing, standing aside and waiting for something – either good or bad - to happen. I pounded on the keys angrily, a jarring cacophony ringing out from the bowels of the piano. I kept slamming my hands against the white sticks of ivory until my fingers began to relax and slide against the keys, crafting a dark tune that reflected my mood, my anxiety, my heartbreak. My fingers played as if having a memory of their own, separate from my mind, finding their own way to manipulate the piano and to communicate my feelings so much more effectively than any words ever could.

When I finally took a deep breath and remembered where I was, I felt a gentle hand on my elbow and turned to see that my mother had slipped onto the piano bench next to me. I could still see that she was plagued with fear and shock, but there was also the hint of something else in her expression – acceptance. She was slowly coming to terms with this new reality and this knowledge gave me a shred of hope to cling onto.

Her hand dropped from my arm to the keys, tentatively reaching out to begin the opening notes of _Schubert's Serenade_, a duet that we'd done many times together when I was younger. I automatically jumped into the song when my part started, weaving my notes around hers, and filling the room with our creation. I never felt so close to my mother as when we were on the piano together. It was an experience uniquely our own. The effect of playing together was both familiar and entirely new, the music pouring from the piano inspired by the overwhelming intensity of the moment.

I couldn't deny that I felt more than a little emotionally exhausted by the time we'd finished the song. I let my head fall forward and my shoulders curl toward the piano.

"I don't know how Edward," my mother said, stretching her arm around my shoulders. "But I know it will be," she declared.

"Why so optimistic all of a sudden?" I looked at her incredulously, wondering at her sudden change of attitude.

"I think I'm just all out of tears. And I just…well, I just have to believe that life isn't so cruel," she explained, yawning. "I'm going to try to get some sleep," she said, sliding off of the piano bench and standing. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to shake off the lulling trance of the music.

She stood in the doorway, hesitating. "We really need to talk some more…about your plans…I mean, with Bella. But we'll talk in the morning," she said in a sterner voice that left no room for argument.

"Yes, al…alright," I stammered, not looking forward to the inevitable conversation.

I made my way back to the living room, feeling the events of the day weighing heavily on my shoulders. Where was Bella now? Was she simply waiting for Victoria to find her…to ambush her with her army of newborn vampires? Was I a coward for keeping my distance from her?

I stalked my way through the house to find it empty; everyone had retreated to their own corners of the house, dealing with things in their own way. I slumped down onto the couch, allowing myself to descend into the darkness of my thoughts, suffering the torment of being torturously alone with no loving arms to comfort me.

I closed my eyes for a moment, burying myself under the throw on the back of the couch and nuzzling back into the oversized pillows. Only one thought lingered in my mind before I fell asleep – Bella. I would go to her tomorrow and beg her to change me. I would no longer be a liability; I would be as strong as her and we'd be equals. And we could be together _forever_.

A sound woke me from my sleep, but when I opened my eyes it was still dark and I could no longer hear anything out of the ordinary. I grasped my pillow tighter to my cheek and rolled over toward the back of the couch, trying to slip back into the bleak nothingness of my dreams.

And then I heard it again. It was just a whisper, like an indistinct word carried along a drifting tendril of wind.

"Bella?" I questioned the darkness, springing up to a sitting position. There was no doubt in my mind that it was her voice calling to me, pulling me to her.

_Edward…Edward…Edward. _My name kept flitting through my brain like an anguished litany.

I jumped to my feet in my rumpled clothes, my shoes still on. I found my way through the darkness to the front door, opening it and peering into the night as if I would see the answers appear before me.

"Bella?" I called, my voice bouncing off the trees and echoing back to me. I stood for several minutes, listening, quieting my mind, hoping against hope for a word or a thought to fill the emptiness. Just when I was about to give up and to accept that my imagination had taken hold of my senses, I heard the thundering rumble of massive paws colliding with the earth in the distance. I stood rooted to the spot, looking blindly into the shadows as the sound got progressively louder and louder.

Before I could prepare myself for the shock of their presence, three werewolves sprang forth from the trees at the edge of the driveway and into the small circle of illumination around the front doorstep. Jacob quickly phased into his human form, while the two other wolves paced restlessly behind him.

"Edward, there are vampires everywhere," Jacob said, breathlessly, his eyes wild and distracted. "They're circling on Bella's cabin. Bella asked me to stay here, but I'm going to take off now and help the others. Seth is going to stay to protect you and your family," he explained, nodding toward the gray wolf behind him that had stopped pacing and dropped abruptly into a sitting position. Jacob didn't even wait for me to respond before he phased back into his wolf form, flying off into the trees with the other wolf close on his heels.

_Edward…Edward…no…no. _

"Bella!" I cried, collapsing on the porch, my head in my hands. Seth whimpered, clambering forward and nuzzling me with his wet nose. "Seth, we've got to help," I said to the wolf, scratching him awkwardly under his ear. He whimpered again in response, his head craned to the side.

"Please, don't you want to help them?" I asked.

He slowly backed away, standing on all fours, his cool blue eyes staring deeply into mine, seemingly considering my question. His head angled up toward the house and then back toward me. He turned away, took a few steps out of the light, and lowered himself to the ground. He crossed one paw over the other, resting his chin on his them and settled in for the night.

"Ugh," I grunted in exasperation, tugging on my hair. "I hate this!" I yelled.

I turned back into the house to grab the keys to my car. I had no plan, no real way of helping the situation, and I was most likely going to put myself in danger, but I had no choice. I couldn't stay here at home and not know what was happening. Bella was calling to me and I had to go to her.

I grabbed my coat and slipped back out of the front door. I looked toward Seth to see if he was going to try and stop me, but he was gone. I squinted into the surrounding darkness, but there was no sign of him.

"Seth?" I called as I walked down the steps. "Seth!" I walked slowly around to the side of the house, my loud footsteps disrupting the eerie silence. The wind fluttered through the trees, and my eyes snapped toward the sound. The needles bristled, a few dropping to the ground and I squeezed the breath I'd been holding out of my lungs.

I swiveled around to look toward the other direction, when I felt an unnatural gust of wind swirl around me. I felt my heart lurch in my chest and my body tensed automatically, all the hairs on the back of my neck tingling uncomfortably. My head shot from side to side in a panicked attempt to make sense of the sensation, my eyes searching the darkness for answers. I stumbled backward toward the house, knowing instinctively that I should run even though it was pointless.

"_Edwarrrd,_" Victoria purred, finally stopping to stand in front of me. I dropped my keys at the sound of her voice. She latched her hand around my arm and dragged me roughly into the light. "Hi, pet," she whispered seductively.

"I don't see why she keeps you around," she said, grabbing onto my hair, wrenching my head to the side and grinding her nose into my skin. She inhaled deeply. "Unless she's just waiting for the perfect time to drain you.

"It doesn't matter," she stated, her fingers digging into my skin. "She wants you. I can sense it…see it in her eyes. And she'll come for you." She giggled, narrowing her red eyes as if in thought. "It's just too easy."

A loud howl cried out in the distance, alarming Victoria. She turned to the sound, crouching, her hand clamping down around my forearm until I lost feeling in my hand and fingers. I tumbled to the ground next to her, looking up into the trees to see that the sun was beginning to rise, casting a golden glow over their top branches.

"Hfff," Victoria sighed, her face revealing her agitation. "Come on," she tugged as I stumbled to keep up with her brisk steps. "I hope you can run fast," she said, finally releasing my arm. I felt the blood begin to flow to my fingers again when her hand snatched out and encased mine as if in concrete. She began to run and I pushed my legs under me to move as fast as they ever had, but they eventually tangled in the effort.

She dragged me for a little while, allowing my legs and arms to scrape against the forest floor, tree trunks and branches slapping against me, bruising my body and tearing my skin. She stopped when she smelled the blood, her eyes darkening, baring her teeth at me. I scrambled to a standing position, pulling my body as far away from her as possible even though she held tightly onto my hand.

"Grrr," she growled at me in frustration. "Run!" she said, tugging even harder on my hand, drawing me farther into the shadows of the forest. She'd slowed her pace so that I could keep up and though I was concentrating on my steps, and on taking deep, even breaths, I stumbled again. She yanked on me ruthlessly and I desperately tried to wrench my hand from her grip as my shoulder strained under the pressure.

The wind gusted up around us as she stopped again, her fury consuming her and her red hair whipping wildly around her head like Medusa's crown of slithering snakes. I found myself paralyzed, staring in awe at Victoria as I was struck with an intense sensation of déjà vu. I'd been here before – trapped in this moment – in one of the most disturbing nightmares I'd ever had.

In it, I'd been running through the forest with Bella and then she'd changed into Victoria. I remembered that I was trying to pull away from her just as we heard the wolves pursuing us.

As if on cue, as in my nightmare, I heard the howls behind us, and the familiar rhythm of heavy paws striking the ground as the wolves got closer. Victoria's eyes flashed at me for a brief instant before she reached over and grabbed me around the torso and threw me over her back so that I was hanging by my arms. She began to run so fast that I could no longer keep my eyes open, my legs dangling and whipping from side to side as she dodged trees and climbed the rocky trails.

She kept pushing, going faster and faster until I could no longer sense the movement, but just the rush of air slapping against my forehead. I vaguely heard the wolves behind us, but I could sense they were dropping farther and farther behind.

After running for what seemed like hours, Victoria finally slowed her pace and I cracked my eyes open to see that we were flanked by a two other vampires. My body was sore, bruised and bleeding, but I could barely feel it. I felt numb, stupid and afraid. I wished that I could close my eyes and I would wake up somewhere different, somewhere better.

I had no plan, no control of the situation, no hope.

When Victoria finally stopped and dropped me unceremoniously to the ground, I allowed myself to sink to the lowest depths of despair. I curled into a ball like a coward and hoped with all my heart that Bella didn't come after me.

**Okay, so how did you guys like it? Please leave me a review. I've set a personal goal of at least a thousand reviews. Will you help me get there? It's entirely up to you. Even if it's just to say hi, I'd really appreciate it!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thank you to my beta, . And thank you especially to all my readers! I really appreciate that you choose to spend your time reading my fic. **

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight. I own my twist on the story.**

Chapter 31

Her voice was soothing, calming. _Edward…Edward…Edward. _With my eyes closed, my mind still, I could hear my Bella's faint call like a soft caress of the wind.

"Bella," I moaned pitifully into the darkness, as if she was here, as if she could hear me.

I listened intently for movement around me, but the forest was eerily silent, as if the pulse of the wilderness had simply stopped beating. I appeared to be alone, but I knew I was not forgotten.

My muscles were wary of movement, my arms so tightly wound around me I wasn't sure they would obey me if I attempted to use them. But as my senses awakened, my adrenaline surged, and with it, a small spike of courage.

I suddenly noticed the scent of the moist earth underneath my body, the forest floor cold and unyielding as I unfurled my limbs, stretching them tentatively. Every part of my body was sore from the rough way I'd been handled. I was bruised and scuffed from my knuckles to my toes.

I propped myself up onto my knees, my fingernails scrabbling in the dirt. I straightened my legs, locking my knees, but instantly staggered backward into a large tree behind me, a stabbing pain in my side causing my already wobbly legs to buckle. I rested against the tree, my heart beating frantically in my chest as I inhaled painful breaths.

My hand flew up to my chest, my palm enfolding my ribs as if it could somehow ease the squeezing, debilitating pain that seized me with even the smallest movement, the shallowest breath. Within seconds, I was drenched in sweat, the aching in my body momentarily overshadowing my fear.

_Edward…love…I'm coming._

My head snapped up, my eyes scanning the trees. I must have wanted Bella to be with me so badly that I was imagining her voice.

"No!" I muttered weakly. "Don't come, Bella."

But where was I anyway? There were massive trees and dense foliage surrounding me on all sides, no discernable trail to follow in the dim light of early dawn.

What hope did I have of escaping this situation? My need to do something – anything – was rapidly escalating, but I knew that stumbling around in the deep forest in the near-darkness with my broken body wasn't the best plan.

I took a weak step forward, my arm clamping down on my throbbing torso, my hand clutching at my skin. I tripped and fell forward, throwing my arms out; before I hit the ground, cold hands caught me around my forearms.

"And where are you off to?" Victoria asked, her lips grazing my ear, her hands clamping down on my arms, cutting off the circulation until they were numb.

"I…I…" I stuttered, as I dangled from her arms, my legs trying to find purchase with the ground. I was physically repelled by her. Everything about her seemed hard-edged, sharp, and dangerous.

The sound of leaves rustling caught my attention and I turned to see the male vampire ripping a small sapling in his path from it roots, tossing it violently to the side as he emerged from the shadows. He slithered to Victoria's side and she instantly dropped me to ground as if disgusted by me and uncomfortable that she'd been caught touching me.

She took a step away, throwing a hateful look my direction before kicking me swiftly in the groin, and launching me into the air. I flew backward and collided violently with the trunk of the huge tree behind me, collapsing in a broken heap at its base.

The impact knocked the air out of my lungs and I suspected broke several of my bones. I instinctively tried to pull my legs to my chest, but they wouldn't move. My fear numbed me, allowing me to subsist in a state of hazy ignorance. I knew my body was damaged – perhaps beyond repair – but somehow I didn't feel anything beyond a general throbbing throughout. I had crossed a threshold of pain, my consciousness slipping. But I struggled to hold on, to retain my senses.

After a hushed conversation with the male vampire, too low for my ears to hear, Victoria moved closer, standing above me with her hands on her hips. For a moment as she looked down on me, I marveled at the perfection of her features, frozen for all time as if captured in a photograph. But her classically beautiful face belied her true nature. There was no humanity left in her cold, stone body. She was a selfish, hateful monster that was so unlike my lovely Bella that I couldn't believe they were the same kind of creature.

My hatred for her gave me a surge of energy and I struggled to push myself up to a sitting position. I may have been her prisoner, but that didn't mean that I was going to give up hope entirely or that I was going to tolerate being treated like an animal. Victoria realized what I was doing and laughed cruelly, flipping her hair over her shoulder almost coquettishly.

"What are you doing, human?" she asked. "Getting comfortable?" She tilted her head to the side as if waiting for my answer. Before I could even begin to form a response, she reached down again, wrenching her fingers into my shoulder, squeezing until I felt tears involuntarily spill from my eyes.

"Come on, we've gotta move," she said as she yanked me up onto her back, brutally wrenching me by my bruised and tender arms, and began to run. I couldn't keep my eyes open as we flew through the trees, waves of nausea and dizziness forcing them closed.

It seemed like only a few minutes later when I felt Victoria's steel grip release me and I dropped onto a hard, concrete floor. My fingers slid across the cold surface, my body adjusting to the new sensation of the interior space. I carefully lifted my head to look around when the male vampire grabbed my shirt and dragged my limp body to a corner.

"There you go. You can watch the action from here," he said in an almost friendly, but condescending voice. He propped me up so that I was leaning against the wall, patting me on the head as if I truly were a pet.

I was startled by the click of Victoria's shoes as she walked around the room, my eyes lifting and seeing my surroundings for the first time. Her footsteps echoed in the wide space, the large mirrors on the wall reflecting her image as she stalked back towards me.

"I don't think those damn wolves will follow us here," she said to the other vampire. "The others should be able to keep them busy in the forest."

She turned down to address me but I tore my eyes away from her, staring instead at the laces on her ridiculously impractical high-heeled boots. She grunted and kicked me in the chest as if to direct my eyes back upward. She grabbed my chin roughly, yanking my head toward her.

"Pay attention! It won't be long now. Bella is on her way and this will all be over. And then she'll be mine again," she said, grinning devilishly.

Though I knew it was futile to reason with her or to talk with her at all, her arrogance made me furious. Before I even realized that I was speaking, the hot, livid words spilled from my mouth.

"She will never be yours…even if you force her, she will always belong to _me,_" I said passionately, knowing intrinsically that my words were heartfelt and honest. 

"You stupid, annoying human!" she spat at me, losing her composure. She breathed deeply as if trying to control her emotions, her nostrils flaring like an angry bull. "You don't know anything! You're just the bait! And she won't belong to you when you're dead!" she yelled, kicking me hard in the side and I felt the snap - the stabbing, excruciating pain of a rib or maybe two breaking.

Victoria threw me a satisfied glance as she whipped around and stalked off, the male vampire following at her heels, leaving me alone in my corner of the vast room. I slid down the wall a little, my damaged body trembling of its own accord. I knew I was close to slipping in a state of shock and that my body could not take much more abuse.

I tried to focus on the sharp angles in the room, but my vision was growing more distorted, blurring around the edges. My determination to stay alert warred in my mind with the very physical need to rest my eyes.

I couldn't give up hope…I wouldn't give up hope. As long as Bella was still alive, I would fight for my life. I would continue to breathe until it was no longer possible. The only thing that kept me vaguely conscious was my need to see her again, to ensure that she was safe.

I wished with all my heart that she'd stay away, that she'd go on to live and forget about me. But I knew – as sure as I knew anything – that she was coming for me. I could feel the pull; I could feel my soul calling for its other half.

I quieted my mind and listened for her, throwing the net out as far as it would go, to catch her thoughts as soon as she was close enough. I kept my eyes trained on a patch of sunlight on the grey floor that beamed down from a small, high window. I was almost hypnotized by the glowing triangle as it stretched and bent with the movement of the sun.

I waited, my thoughts wandering, and I couldn't help reflecting on my situation – the events that had led me to this place - and how vastly my life had been transformed in such a small amount of time. I finally closed my eyes and considered my brief life and prepared to die.

_I don't think that many seventeen year olds think much about death. Just a few months ago I never once gave it a thought – thinking incorrectly, that it was a subject best pushed to the recesses of my mind. Ironically, I now find myself bloody and bruised, huddled against a cold, unforgiving wall, breathing my last few labored breaths. In these last few minutes of life I wonder how to prepare to face what I can easily imagine will be a violent and brutal death. _

_Instead of worrying about the pain of death or how my parents will suffer, how my brother will grieve, or how my sister will spend the next few years crying herself to sleep – I think only of her - Bella. I think of how I have lost the chance to live my life loving her, taking care of her, and reminding her of her humanity. _

_I know the end is close. I can sense that my time is up. I have never been more afraid – I can feel the fear in every inch of my body, in every shaky breath I take. My only hope is that Bella will live on, to find love again. No matter how badly she thinks of herself, she is an angel, and she deserves happiness. I will think of her when my blood is drained from my body. And when the venom begins to kill me, her face will haunt my last breath._

I had slipped into a blissfully empty oblivion. Murky, heavy darkness flooded my brain. I didn't hurt anymore; my body was simply floating, drifting, existing. It felt like my mind had folded inward, leaving no room for any thought, any feeling or emotion.

And then a small light appeared, shimmering intently in the bleak blackness, filling a hole in the emptiness of my mind. My eyes immediately fixed on the glowing ember that beckoned me like a candle's flame. I stared at it until it exploded in a fiery blaze, too bright to contain and I recoiled as if looking directly into the sun.

I was floating on my back in a swimming pool, the lukewarm water supporting me, carrying me. A soft breeze blew across the water, caressing my skin with a feather-like kiss. The pillowy clouds in the turquoise sky were familiar shapes – a car, a hat, a butterfly, a galloping horse.

A lovely song was playing in the distance, its melody carried across the wind. I hummed along with the song. It was familiar, but I didn't know why. It grew louder and I felt a nagging stab of recognition. Why did I know this song? My fingers began to move as if touching keys on a piano, making little splashes in the water.

I searched my mind for a memory while my fingers and arms continued to play an invisible piano. My legs began to sink and I kicked them to keep them from falling, making water fly around the pool. I kicked and kicked desperately, but I kept sinking, falling down below the surface of the water. And then I slipped down through the black, the volume of the song increasing until it was deafening and I was forced to cover my ears with my hands.

But the song was thoroughly embedded in my mind and continued to play. Like a bolt of lightening, I instantly and acutely remembered that this was a song that I wrote – Bella's Song. As I came to this realization, I began to fall faster through the nothingness. I held tight onto the precious memory as I drifted, my love for Bella guiding me to safety.

Bella! Where was she? Bella!

_Edward…I'm coming. I'm coming. Edward, please be alive. Please hear me!_

Bella! I was jolted awake. Victoria had balled my shirt in her fists and was shaking me.

"Wake up! You stupid…stupid!" she was saying as she continued to shake. My head felt so heavy and I couldn't hold it still on my neck. I grunted, hoping it was enough to get her to stop. Her eyes found mine for an instant before she carelessly dropped me back against the wall, my head cracking loudly on the cement.

I groaned, which seemed to be the only response my body was capable of making. In fact, I marveled that I was still alive, that I could physically withstand so much abuse, so much pain.

_Edward, I feel you. I sense that you're still alive. Please stay with me. I'm coming. I know I'm getting closer. I can feel it. Can you hear me? Edward? Please, I know I don't deserve you, but I love you. I love you. Can you hear me?_

"Bella," I muttered unintentionally, her name like a prayer - a prayer to an angel, a goddess - to the unbreakable bond of love that would never die, even when I inevitably passed from this world and into the next.

Victoria's eyes snapped to mine, and for once I saw uncertainty, panic underneath her sheen of confidence. She tangled her fingers in my hair, yanking my head so that it was close to her face. She looked deeply into my eyes with her red ones as if trying to glean some deeper meaning in my expression.

But I hardly felt her mean fingers or saw the ire in her gaze, because I was with Bella as she ran like a bullet through the forest, my scent leading her to me. I could sense her getting closer, her thoughts flashing through my mind quickly and intensely. Her emotions were staggering. I had never experienced such a depth of determination, her anger driving her to an extreme and powerful level of concentration.

I could literally feel our mental connection growing stronger with her imminent arrival, her single-minded pursuit, the strength of her thoughts giving me a boost of energy that I wouldn't be capable of without her.

I somehow pushed myself more upright as I listened fixedly for more of Bella's words or a vision from her mind that would somehow reveal her whereabouts. Victoria was perplexed, noticing the obvious change in my mood and demeanor. She tugged on my hair viciously, snarling.

"Where is she?" she asked without letting go of my hair, her eyes scanning the room nervously.

It felt as if the air around me was all of a sudden electrified. Victoria tugged harder on my hair, banging the back of my head against the concrete. "Riley! Riley!" she yelled shrilly, but there was no response. I didn't have time to wonder where the other vampire had disappeared to, because Bella burst through the doorway on the other side of the room, ripping the door entirely off its hinges so that it skidded loudly across the floor.

She jumped across the room toward us and I felt my cells sing out to her, trying to reconnect. Her hair swirled around her face wildly as her feet landed a short distance away from the corner with a graceful thud. Her knees bent in a crouch, her arms flying outward as if to touch me, her beautiful chestnut hair swishing around her shoulders.

Her eyes flicked back and forth between Victoria and me while she strategized. I knew that she was visually assessing my injuries, calculating the time she had before it was too late to help me. For a brief instant I saw myself through her eyes, broken beyond belief, dried blood and dirt smeared across my face, my legs sitting at an odd, abnormal angle.

Despite the disturbing image from her mind, I was overcome by a feeling of pure joy that warmed my heart at the sight of her. I couldn't deny the way my entire being responded to her, lit up for her. My fear almost thoroughly vanished; and though I'd been terrified for Bella, my worries were replaced with an immense sense of relief and…confidence.

_I will destroy her. She will never touch you again. I will rip her head from her body and crush her skull with my hands. And then she will burn…burn…burn._

I was surprised that I wasn't more frightened, but now that she was in there, in front of me, I truly believed that she could and that she would save me. I didn't doubt her; instead, my damaged body was swelling with pride in the gorgeous, capable woman who'd come to my rescue.

The two vampires measured each other, squaring off for several tense seconds without movement, or even breathing. Victoria was the first to break away in a moment of doubt, her eyes exposing her insecurity.

"It doesn't have to happen like this, Bella. You know I could kill him in a second," she warned, tugging harshly on my hair so that my head stretched to the side.

I tried not to show any sign of pain, but I didn't fool Bella. Her façade of strength wavered for an instant and I saw myself in her mind again – the twisted grimace on my face, the grey pallor of my skin, the glassy sheen of my eyes as the glimmer of life began to fade from my body.

"Let go of him," Bella growled, warningly.

"Why do you even care? He's just a human." She pulled her hand away from me, and held it up as if surrendering, taking a small step closer to Bella. "He's disposable," she claimed, placing her hands on her hips.

".," Bella replied through clenched teeth, her gaze darting away from Victoria to me.

_I will kill her. You are mine. Kill her…kill her…take what is mine…_

"He's practically dead already," Victoria said cloyingly. "Listen, his heart is slowing as we speak."

Her words reverberated in my brain. Was my heart slowing? Would I die there on the concrete floor? Was Bella too late?

"Bella," I groaned, my arm weakly lifting toward her, reaching out. More than anything else, my dying wish was to touch her again, to hold her in my arms, to breath in her sweet scent one last time.

Victoria reacted in an instant, flying back toward me, snagging me under the arm and lifting me so that I was hanging limply, my legs bent and my knees grazing the floor. I struggled to inhale, my broken ribs crushing my lungs as I dangled. I tried to keep my eyes open, my eyelids fluttering with the effort.

"You're really attached to this human," Victoria stated incredulously as if the notion was thoroughly inconceivable.

"Drop him," Bella ordered.

"Not yet," Victoria teased. "How about we make a deal…a trade?" she asked in a sickeningly sweet tone, as if bartering for my life we're nothing out of the ordinary.

"What kind of deal?" Bella asked, her fingers flexing with tension.

"You come with me and I'll let your pet go…simple," she replied, swishing her red hair over her shoulder. "You belong with me, Bella," she said with a smile. "I still have so much to teach you, to show you…to share with you." Her voice faltered slightly, showing a hint of vulnerability.

Bella shook her head from side to side, her eyes fixed on mine. "Never," she seethed, while she calculated all the many possible outcomes of her words. Blurred images zipped through my mind so quickly I couldn't focus on any one.

I grunted, the mental strain more than I could handle in my weakened state. All at once the images slowed and I clearly saw Riley being ripped apart, chunks of flesh and limbs flying. I smelled the heady, dense scent of smoke as flames flickered on the edge of my vision, revealing a large pyre burning in a clearing of the forest.

The sensation of burning was so real that I felt the heat on my skin, and a searing in my nostrils. The flames receded from my mind as quickly as they came. I blinked at Bella who was poised to strike. Victoria seemed confused by Bella's stance as if surprised that she hadn't readily agreed to her terms.

"You're willing to die for this _man_?" Victoria asked, shaking me as if took no effort at all.

"If he dies, I die," Bella said.

"No!" I yelled. "Bella, you have to live. Promise me you'll live!" I mumbled, barely able to produce sound.

Bella shook her head. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could respond, her head snapped to the open doorway. Victoria's eyes too flashed to the door. She released her hold, pushing me behind her, and kicking me to the corner.

Luckily I didn't slam against the wall, but landed on my back several feet behind her, my elbows taking the brunt of my fall. I managed to turn my head so that I could see what was going on, my ear pressed to the concrete. I felt the floor vibrate underneath me, a heavy pounding that built up in intensity until a loud explosion rippled through the cavernous room. Bits of wall crumbled as a giant wolf bounded through the open door, ripping the jamb off in the process.

He stalked forward, positioning himself defensively behind Bella. Two other wolves suddenly appeared through the doorway, their teeth gnashing viciously, their long claws scraping the floor as they uneasily maneuvered into the room.

I felt as though I was hovering between two worlds as my eyes swept across the scene before me. It was like a dream – a misty, surreal illusion that I was observing from the outside. I was drifting, slipping away.

I should have been involved in what was unfolding. I knew that I should have been worried and frightened, but I didn't have any energy left. I was so incredibly tired.

The wolves huffed, their bodies in perpetual motion as they moved in closer to Bella. Jacob was at her side, his teeth exposed, his wolf eyes narrowing menacingly.

Victoria was instantly in front of me, blocking my vision. She grabbed a handful of hair with one hand, the fingers of her other wrapping tightly around my neck.

"Tell your dogs to back off!" she ordered.

"Go!" Bella yelled at Jacob, her eyes panicked, and the three wolves hesitantly retreated.

Victoria's hand slipped away from my neck. Her gaze fell on Bella for a moment before she returned them to me, a decision made. She curled her fingers into a claw-like shape directly in front of my eyes so that I could see her intent as she situated her hand threateningly over my chest like a weapon.

"I can see now that you can't be reasoned with," Victoria growled at Bella. "You're not normal…you're a _useless_ vampire! I don't understand why you'd rather side with these…_dogs _and your human pet.

"You disgust me!" she spat at Bella as she spiraled around to face me, her hair flying out dramatically as she moved. I heard Bella screaming both aloud and in my mind as Victoria's blurred figure moved over me, her arm thrusting out violently to make a broad swath across my chest.

It was piercingly, painfully silent for an instant before chaos broke. I heard snarls, growls, grunts and explosive banging that sounded much like cars crashing or metal crunching. I couldn't physically see anything; the fighting was much too tumultuous and fast to follow.

I closed my eyes, seeing things more clearly in my mind through Bella's eyes than I could with my own vision. I felt strangely detached this way, feeling virtually no emotion other than relief when Bella caught Victoria, biting off a hefty piece of flesh from Victoria's neck while Jacob and the wolves tore both her right and left legs from her body. I heard Bella's angry cry as she tangled her fingers in Victoria's red hair, wrenching her head to the side.

"You will never hurt anyone ever again," she said directly into Victoria's eyes while she sliced her nails across Victoria's neck, yanking her head off in one quick, easy motion.

Despite all the things Victoria had done to me, I wished that I didn't have to see her gruesome end in such fine detail. I just wanted it all to be over. A small grunt slipped through my lips and Bella flew immediately to my side, her cold, gentle hand on my arm. Her touch awakened me and I all at once felt the searing, blazing pain raging like fire through my body.

Through Bella's mind I saw the expanding pool of blood that oozed from the five deep gashes across my chest. I had a very vague sensation of being moved, my body shifting as Bella's arms slipped under me. I looked up at her and recognized that her beautiful lips were moving; she was speaking to me, but her words were hollow, as if she were on the other side of a thick pane of glass.

_Edward…stay with me! Keep your eyes open! _

I tried to speak, to reassure her, but I couldn't.

"Bella!" I screamed to her in my mind, but I made no sound.

Her worried eyes held mine captive until I no longer had the strength to keep them open. Darkness consumed me, surrounding me and cocooning me in heavenly numbness. Just as I felt my last shred of consciousness falling away, I heard a whisper of Bella's plea in my thoughts.

_Hold on, Edward. Stay with me. I'm getting help. _

_Please…Edward…Edward…Edward…Edward…Edward…_

**Thank you so much for reading. Hope you enjoyed the gore! I know it's hard to imagine Edward so broken this way. Trust me, he won't be this way for long! Please leave me a review!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Who knew that they had wireless at the roller rink? I'm having a surreal experience! I'm finishing up this chapter while my girls roller skate, my computer screen is illuminated by black light and disco ball mirrors while Michael Jackson's Thriller is blaring from a speaker behind me.**

**I've been so busy this month – with my birthday, my husband's birthday, and my daughter's birthday all within two weeks of each other and visits from family – it's been a whirlwind of non-stop activity.**

**I've literally been lusting for my fanfiction fix – both reading and writing! Thank you for sticking with me through this. I so wish that I was one of those writers who could put out a chapter each week, or even two a week. **

**Thanks to ms. ambrosia, who helped remind me this week of what does and what does not fall within the confines of canon. Sometimes I just go crazy and make all kinds of shit up that doesn't belong in this story. **

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight. I only own my crazy twist on the story.**

I was no longer in control of my body. I willed my eyes to open, my heart to continue beating, but the connection between my mind and my body was severed. The only way that I knew that I was still alive was my still-thriving link to Bella. I could sense her presence deep down in my bones.

I couldn't distinguish where my mind stopped and hers began. Her thoughts, her visions encased me in a protective bubble where I felt more like an observer than a participant in reality. I had no choice but to succumb to the numb haze of unconsciousness while in some small corner of my brain I continued to experience the last few moments of my life through her eyes.

As my body became an unanimated shell, my brain continued to spin. While I stopped feeling sensations on the outside, I felt an almost continuous physical pull on my mind, as if Bella's thoughts were weaving themselves into mine, keeping me alive. Her constant fixation on my heartbeat, my every labored breath, made me acutely aware of the seriousness of my condition.

Her devastating concern for me was more painful than anything I'd yet experienced. I desperately wanted to comfort her, to reach out to her, to find some way to let her know that I trusted her and to reassure her. But I was trapped inside my broken body.

I sifted through the waves of her emotion to sense that we were in rapid motion. Though I couldn't feel the movement, I knew Bella was pushing herself to run faster than she'd ever run before. I was only aware that she had me clutched tightly to her chest because her eyes kept flickering down to me and I could see my limp form as she did. I was barely recognizable, my lifeless body covered by my own blood, my impassive face already taking on the mask of death.

If I could have recoiled, I would have somehow resisted seeing this view of myself. The amount of blood on my body and staining the pale, alabaster skin on Bella's arms was staggering. Even with my limited mental capacity, I wondered how Bella could face such a temptation, yet I sensed no bloodlust from her, only a steadily increasing, intense fear.

As she shot through the trees, I began to draw other straggling, niggling thoughts from her mind. She seemed to be exerting some effort concentrating on a particular deep and rhythmic sound that kept escalating in volume and then all at once receded. The rumbling noise was causing her anxiety and again I struggled with my inability to offer her any comfort.

I focused my mind, enhancing our connection as much as I could, holding on to my link to her, my only link to life. A thought pierced my mind: wolves. The wolves were following. Bella was wondering why they were pursuing her, and if they were trying to stop her, trying to come between us. She was wondering if Jacob Black was still the friend he had always been or if he was driven by his instinctual need to kill vampires without remorse. She threw the unanswered questions to the side, steadfast in her mission, her swift stride unfaltering.

Had it been hours…minutes…seconds since she'd started running? I had no concept of time. Surely I would have been dead in any other circumstance. Instead, I stubbornly held onto what was left of my life, unable to disentangle myself from my lifeline, from the incredible vampire who clung to my humanity with every ounce of superhuman strength in her undead body.

Bella didn't stop to open the door of my parent's house, making a split second decision to simply kick in the front door, ripping it from its hinges as she tore across the threshold into the living room. She finally came to an abrupt, skidding stop directly in front of my parents, whose faces must have reflected the abject terror of their thoughts.

My mother flung her arms out toward me, but her legs collapsed beneath her and she dropped to her knees, her high-pitched wail penetrating my comatose slumber. My father was so pale, so paralyzed by shock he almost ceased to seem human. Bella's eyes fell to his lips that had slightly parted in a stunned expression, his face slowly morphing, twisting into a grimace of pain.

"Carlisle!" Bella said sternly, but desperately. "Carlisle…save him!" she whispered demandingly. I wondered if they heard her, her words were so faint. "Save him!" she said louder, pleading.

Alice had appeared from somewhere, grasping my mother's arm and pulling her to her side for support. I ached to open my eyes, to respond in some way to them, to tell them how much I loved them, that I would always love them.

The thump thump thump of my heart was slowly fading. I could feel Bella's panic. I could hear her begging me to fight for my life, to fight for her. And I tried. I tried with every last bit of me to hold onto her, to will my heart to keep beating for her. But I was getting so tired and it was getting more and more difficult to breathe. My lungs felt like they were drowning in fluid. There was so little air.

Emmett shifted into Bella's focus. He slapped his big hand onto my father's arm, jolting him from his trance. His head snapped to Emmett's.

"Dad, you gotta fix him!" he bellowed.

"Please…Carlisle," Bella begged. My mother reached out to me again, running her fingers through my blood-soaked hair while violent sobs wracked through her body.

My father leapt forward, his face transformed into one of professional distance. His fingers darted out, running carefully along my neck, across my chest.

"Will you place him gently on the floor?" he asked Bella, but she scowled at him, shaking her head.

"I will not let him go," she said, almost snarling at my father.

"Okay," he replied tentatively. "Can you hold him steady like this for a while so that I can assess his injuries?"

"I can hold him like this forever," she said with certainty.

My father nodded, his fingers continuing to move over me, on my arms, my wrist.

"Emmett!" he called, gesturing him closer. "Tear his shirt off," he ordered.

Emmett reached down, his expression tortured, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. He wadded the sodden scraps of my shirt, ripping them from my torso.

The huddled pair of my mother and Alice whimpered at the enhanced view of my injuries, wincing at the sight of my shredded flesh. Their trembling bodies seemed twisted around each other, as if pooling their strength.

My father's hands seemed everywhere at once, his brow furrowed in concentration. He finally looked up, directly into Bella's eyes and then toward my mother. His shoulders dropped and he seemed hesitant to speak what he'd surmised with his examination.

Thump…Thump…Thump. Bella was counting the seconds between my heartbeats now. I could vaguely hear her desperate, anguished plea to me.

_Please…please…Edward…please…Edward…please…_

"He doesn't have long," Carlisle stated plainly, breaking the silence. "His injuries are too severe," he added, avoiding Esme's gaze.

She reached out for him, tugging on his arm. "What are you saying, Carlisle? What are you saying?" she asked, her voice raw and frantic. "You've got to save him! You've got to save him!" she pleaded.

"I can't Esme! I can't!" he moaned desperately, tugging at his hair, smearing my blood across his face. "He's broken his spinal cord, he's lost too much blood, he's…he's dying," he spat hopelessly, tears slipping down his cheeks.

My father's words washed over me and I felt my hold on my vital force give way a little, slipping me deeper into the calm haze of the innermost recesses of my mind. I began to accept that I was dying, that it was okay to let go. I allowed my virtual eyes to close, blackness dropping over me like a heavy curtain blocking out the sun.

I opened my eyes and I was sitting at my piano. My hands were already moving over the keys, playing Bella's song. The notes were crystal and true and were so utterly perfect that I could feel the music in every part of me. It felt like air, like the sweetest perfume, like the essence of life. I was absolutely content and peaceful.

I kept playing and playing, my fingers never tiring, the music never losing its ability to soothe me, to lull me into a state of complete happiness. After a while I realized that I didn't need the piano to create the music. I was the instrument. As long as I thought of the notes, they awakened in the air around me.

This realization filled me with joy. I was the music. The music was me. It was everything that I'd always wanted.

It was all so effortless. I felt invincible. I could do anything. I could be anyone. I could be anywhere I wanted. But what did I want? Where did I want to be? I didn't know. I looked around me. Is this where I wanted to be? I tried to think, to remember, but my mind was empty.

It was all at once silent. The song that I'd been creating, that had embraced me like a lover's arms, was instantly gone as if virtually erased from my memory.

I looked around me, but there was absolutely nothing to see - no boundaries, no edges, no surfaces, no textures. The world around me was as blank as my thoughts. "I'm alone," I whispered, my voice halting, flat. "This is wrong," I declared into the vast emptiness.

I closed my eyes, but I was faced with the same expanse of nothingness whether my eyes were open or closed. "Help me!" I yelled, my words falling at my feet. "I don't want to be here. I don't want to be alone. It's so quiet," I said, marveling at how small my voice sounded.

Rather than stretching out into the space around me, I craved something real, something tangible, something solid. I wanted nothing more than to curl inward, to hold onto myself. As soon as I had the thought, I was holding my knees to my chest, my chin tucked tightly.

I squeezed with all my strength, trying to feel. I looked into my mind. There had to be something there, some clue to my existence. I concentrated on remembering, on seeing something…anything. My anxiety was building and building and I feared that I might be stuck in this non-place forever when I saw a dark shape in the distance.

I uncoiled my arms and legs, and stood. I eagerly stretched in the direction of the blip in my vision until I stood before her – a girl…a woman…a pale woman…Bella. Bella. I knew her. Bella. She didn't appear solid, but flickered and faded as I puzzled over her presence. Her expressions rapidly changed as I looked at her, as if experiencing every emotion conceivable within a single moment.

Her mouth opened and I leaned in expectantly, hoping her words would offer me some kind of guidance. "Edward!" she screamed, and in that instant, the empty expanse around me snapped like a rubber band, slapping against my skin, sinking into my body until every cell was painfully awakened. My eyes flew open and I gasped for breath.

"Bella!" I tried to speak, my lips vibrating with the effort, but not able to make any coherent sound. "Bella," I tried again and she smiled weakly at me.

"You're awake!" my father blurted, surprised. His expression morphed from shock to resignation as he realized that my consciousness did nothing to change the severity of my condition.

"Shh, don't speak, Edward. Save your strength," Bella murmured lovingly, but her face did not hide her level of desperation.

"Carlisle, this means something doesn't it?" my mother implored hopefully.

"No, I'm afraid not," he replied dejectedly, his apologetic eyes begging me to forgive him.

"Change him, Bella," Emmett said plainly from his position behind my father, voicing the solution that had been looming in the atmosphere, in the back of everyone's minds. "Make him into a vampire. Make him like you."

His suggestion was met with silent, wide, worried faces, except for one. Jacob stepped into my vision next to Emmett, shoving him to the side with his broad shoulder. He looked at all of us wildly, growling under his breath, as if he couldn't believe that we were considering Emmett's suggestion. His nostrils flared as he turned his furious, red face to Bella.

He leaned in closely, almost tortured by the effort of calming himself. "You need to think carefully about this Bella. Do you want to curse him to this kind of life?" he seethed.

"What choice do I have?" she asked him, her glance turning to my mother as if asking her permission.

"Edward!" my mother moaned, Alice sniffling next to her.

"I won't let you do this!" Jacob snarled.

"Cool it," Emmett demanded as he moved to put his hand on Jacob's back. Jacob flinched violently, glaring back at him.

"Emmett, back off!" Jacob ordered.

"Jacob, please! Don't stop this!" Bella begged.

_Is this what you want, Edward? Is this what you want?_

Bella's words in my mind were so loud, so clear that it was like she was shouting. Unable to do anything more, I gurgled a garbled response, "Yes," hoping she would understand.

She nodded perceptively, her worried eyes searching me for any sign of doubt. I wanted to tell her that I trusted her implicitly, that I would put up with anything to be with her forever, that she was all that mattered. But I couldn't.

I knew that we didn't have much time. My father reached forward and put his hands on my neck. "His heart beat is slowing. He doesn't have much time," he said.

"NO!" Jacob yelled, stomping his foot as if his word was final.

"Please Jacob," Bella begged. "He and I…we're meant to be together. He is everything to me. He is my life. I can't exist without him." She looked down at me as if even bloodied and broken, I was the most precious thing in the entire world.

_I love you. I love you. Thump…Thump…Thump…I love you._

She continued to count my heartbeats, constantly monitoring my condition.

Jacob eyes softened slightly as he looked first at Bella and then at me. "Bella?" he questioned uncertainly. "The others won't understand. They might come after him. I can't…protect you both," he lamented.

"Let Bella save my son," my mother said through her tears. "We can deal with everything else later."

Jacob simply stepped back, nodding.

Bella finally relented, placing me on the ground before her. She hovered over my body, unsure of herself.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" my father asked Bella. She shook her head, her hair shielding my neck as she positioned herself at my side.

"You could hold his hand," she suggested as an afterthought.

"Okay," my father said, smiling weakly, clearly feeling helpless but glad to be of some use.

"I've never done this before," Bella explained nervously to my family. They had all taken a few steps closer, sinking to the floor, encircling my prone form. Even though I couldn't turn my head to look at them, I sensed each and every one of them, their love shrouding my body in warmth, calming me.

"I love you, Edward," Bella said as she crouched lower. She put one hand on my chest and the other on my forehead. I didn't feel her through my skin, but I felt her touch through my mind, her fingers electrifying me as if sparking my body back to life.

_I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…_

She continued her litany, her declaration of love, as she placed her lips on my neck. As her tongue darted out to lick the dried blood from my pulsing vein, I felt her hesitation, her trepidation, as if it was my own.

_Thump…thump…thump…_

"Are you sure?" I heard Bella ask dreadfully.

"Do what you must to save him," my father answered faintly but with conviction.

"I think you need to leave us then," I heard Bella say through clenched teeth. "I can't promise anything, Carlisle. I can't promise that I won't lose control. Go now!" Bella whispered urgently, her usually steady voice breaking on the last few words.

"Come on," my father urged as he released my hand. I heard bodies scuffling, the door slamming abruptly, footfalls retreating.

My heartbeat was slowing, and I sensed Bella's panic. My chest constricted painfully under her hand as she finally lurched at me, her teeth ripping into the flesh at my neck. She tugged viciously at my blood, sucking at my torn vein. My eyes fluttered closed, reveling at the sensuality of the experience.

Bella was as lost in the sensation as I was. Her desire, her need was overpowering her. I was willing to give her every bit of myself, my body, my blood, my soul. We were both seduced by the intensity of the physical connection, completely entranced by one another.

Then all at once, Bella's mind instantly cleared and she sprang to action, tearing her body away from mine. The lost of the connection was devastating. I reached out for her with my mind, desperate to re-establish some kind of link to her.

I felt the tremor of electricity that shot through Bella's body as she pulled herself away from me, flying backward across the room. She collided loudly and forcefully against the wall near the fireplace so that several bricks crumbled into piles of rubble at her feet. Her thirst was nearly overwhelming, and I suffered with her. If I could have spoken, I would have begged her to put an end to her torturous restraint, to take everything I had to give – my heart, my soul, my blood, my life. It was hers – all of it – it was all hers.

I'd been so preoccupied at sharing Bella's pain, at seeing things through her eyes, that I'd been oblivious to my own struggle. I'd been so entirely distracted that I hadn't been paying any attention to how Bella's venom was beginning to affect me. Yet, as soon as I allowed myself to slip back into the darkness of my own mind, I felt the effects with surprising clarity.

As the venom traveled down my veins, bit by bit my paralyzed limbs came startlingly back to life, but in the most excruciatingly painful way. I could acutely feel my bones fusing themselves back together, as if the venom itself was weaving and molding new, more perfect bone with the damaged ones. Heat circulated around my broken spinal cord, lashes of fiery pain mending the damaged tissue.

When I tugged at my mind through the pain, I caught a glimpse of myself through Bella's sight, writhing on the floor and howling in pain. Some time must have passed, because I sensed that we were not alone in the room, but my family had returned.

Bella was glaring at Jacob who had pinned himself between her and my body, Emmett close behind. My father's hand was again clenched around mine, his sweat-covered brow furrowed in concern. Alice had moved so that she was holding my other hand, a gesture that filled me with love and gratitude. I was astounded by my family's acceptance, the depth of their compassion.

Even as I suffered through the agonizing transformation that was taking place in my body, I concentrated all my energy on my hand until I could feel my fingers tingling. I thought about how much I loved Alice and how much I longed to reassure her that everything was going to be alright. Though a fire was beginning to blaze inside my chest, I imagined Alice's hand in mine, the tips of my fingers just slightly curling inward.

Alice gasped and rather than hearing it through Bella, I heard it with my own ears.

"It's Edward, he squeezed my hand," she said incredulously, bursting into tears. "He's going to be okay!" she cried. "He's going to be okay!"

Her words echoed around the room just as the venom coiled itself tightly around my heart, strangling it with its acid touch. My chest heaved, arching toward the ceiling. Every part of my body thrashed and trembled, the unquenchable flames burning me from the inside out.

It was more than I could bear, the venom torturing my cells in the cruelest of ways. I had only two choices, to either resist the terrible and relentless attack on my body, fighting like a disheartened soldier to shun the changes that were happening or I could accept my fate and surrender to the process. Once I'd decided to succumb to the pain, I felt my mind separate from my body, my soul drifting through the ether while my body shuddered below.

Except for my constant moaning, it was eerily silent. Seeing my family holding vigil around me, I couldn't help feeling like I was at my own funeral, as if my father was about to recite a eulogy in my honor. I imagined what he might say about me, if he was proud of the life I had led, and how he would come to terms with my future.

I couldn't spare a thought for how this was going to be resolved for all of them. I had to look forward, to hope that my body's torture would soon be over, that I would make it out of the other side of this process. I filled my mind with thoughts of Bella: her sheet of gorgeous chocolate hair, her cat-like amber eyes, her lithe body that moved like a wild panther, her irresistible scent that intoxicated me. I imagined her scent wafting around me, seeping into my pores, calming me, easing my anxiety and making me whole.

It seemed like hours, maybe days later when I realized that I was alone in the room with Bella. My body had stilled. It was not paralyzed as it was before, but it was as if in stasis, waiting. Bella had lain down next to me, her arms and legs curled around my rigid form as if she could shield me from the world.

As soon as I wondered about her thoughts, they filled my mind. She was remembering the first time she realized that I could read her mind and how earth shattering it had seemed. She couldn't understand how a monster like her could be linked so intimately to a human boy. Once she'd given into the enticing pull of our connection, she found herself irrevocably tied to me, so much so that she found she couldn't stay away.

I wanted to tell her that I'd felt the same, that with just one glimpse into her mind, I was completely addicted to her. Once I'd seen the world through her eyes, I never wanted to turn back to the loneliness of my own thoughts. Even before I saw her, I was hers. We'd both been forever changed by meeting one another. The fact that Bella was a vampire and I was a human couldn't keep us from loving one another.

Bella's eyes made a constant sweep of my body, assessing my condition, noting the physical changes in my appearance. I didn't recognize myself. At some point when I was delirious, driven to madness by the poisonous venom slithering along my veins, someone had obviously cleaned the blood from my body and changed my clothes.

Just like when we first encountered one another, Bella was fixated on the vein at my neck, except now there was a small, knitted, crescent-shaped scar there that mirrored the one on her lovely neck. As she listened to the weak and slow thump of my heartbeat, she couldn't stifle her overwhelming guilt for causing me so much pain and for how much she lusted after the luscious taste of my hot, thick blood.

And yet she was excited. She ran her fingers along my jaw, marveling at how our skin was the same color, the temperature of our bodies the same. And I felt her love. She was overflowing with love. I couldn't wait to return the sentiment…to hold her, to kiss her, to make love to her.

I was so lost in my feelings for her that I hadn't even noticed that the flames licking at my insides had smoldered, the pain receding. Bella flinched, untangling herself from me, sitting up.

"Carlisle!" I heard her yell. "It's time. You all need to leave now!"

I felt the floor rumble underneath me as my family prepared to leave the house. I could smell them. I could hear their hearts beating and each individual foot step as the door creaked closed behind them.

_Edward, it's time. It's time. Can you hear me? Your heart…it's almost done. _

_Thump…Thump…_

_Thump…_

…

_Edward! Wake up!_

I listened to my heart's last resounding beat, awed by the utter motionlessness of my body. Was I really alive or had I perished? I almost feared trying to move. What if I couldn't?

I was pondering the strangeness of my body, the unfamiliar level of control over each and every muscle. I hadn't taken a breath in several minutes. I counted the minutes, and the seconds, and then the milliseconds between the seconds. After exactly seven minutes, seven seconds, and seven milliseconds, I allowed my lungs to expand, inhaling until my lungs were full and I opened my eyes to my new reality.

**Thank you so much for reading. I hope that this scene was satisfying to read. It was eerily fun to write. Please leave me a review! I need to hear what you think! Please! Motivate me!**

**Or tell me about the last time you roller skated…**


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created Edward and Bella. I just twisted them around and had fun with them. **

**I hope you are continuing to enjoy my convoluted re-telling of this love story. I love writing it and sharing it with you!**

**Thanks to , the grammar vixen!**

I desperately wanted to nip at his heels, to lunge forward and overpower him. But I resisted, swiping my tongue along the edge of my sharp teeth before swallowing the venom that began to pool under my tongue.

It would have been ridiculously easy to outrun him, but I wouldn't let him know just how fast I was. At any time during the chase, I could, with very little effort, launch myself into the trees and, using only a minimal amount of my boundless strength, spring forward past him. But against all my instincts, I allowed him to maintain his lead, his loping canine gait setting our pace through the forest.

Jacob had no idea of the extent of my newborn strength and stamina. He was used to running and hunting with Bella, who, despite her vampire impulses, retained much of her human uncompetitive nature. She had no desire to challenge her werewolf friend, so I refused to give in to the need to upstage him with my new abilities. I appreciated his company too much to jeopardize our friendship.

Just when I thought he was tiring, Jacob quickened his pace. His meaty paws pounded a thunderous rhythm on the muddy forest floor, while my silent, but rapid steps sinuously skimmed the ground's surface.

As we neared our destination, Jacob slowed his pace and I leapt forward to run next to him. He turned his head toward me, his glistening orbs twinkling delightedly, and howled joyously. I flashed him my teeth as we continued our exercise, running as equals – brothers – regardless of our differences.

I couldn't understand Jacob's easy acceptance of me in my new incarnation. He should have been wary, perhaps he even he should have been fearful, but he wasn't in the least. After only a few weeks of being a vampire, Jacob appeared on our doorstep, curious whether I was dangerous to him and his pack, and volunteering to help test my control.

Bella was extremely protective, growling at Jacob and not wanting me to have any interaction with him. But when I promised her that his smell repelled me and was so unappetizing that I'd never lower myself to drink his blood, she reluctantly relented and allowed me to step out of the cabin with him.

We talked and walked around the perimeter of the cabin, reacquainting ourselves with one another. Though he was open-minded and patient, it took several visits before he drew my undead body in for a hug, declaring me to be "not all that different."

When Jacob suggested that he and I hunt together, Bella adamantly protested, fearful that we were tempting fate and that one of us might end up hurt. So we compromised and tried simply running together. I suspected that Jacob wanted to test my abilities, but it didn't matter to me; I reveled in the fact that I didn't have to hide myself away, and could allow myself to enjoy his company without the fear that I might kill him.

We tore around the corner and came to a skidding stop at the edge of the clearing. I watched with fascination as Jacob phased back into his human form, his long, lanky limbs a harsh contrast to his compact and muscular wolf body.

I waited while Jacob retrieved his pair of cut-off jean shorts that we'd left before our run and pulled them on. I thought that even as a man, with his deep, ruddy skin, his long, obsidian hair, his tough bare feet making imprints in the wet dirt, he looked natural in the wild setting. He seemed part of the forest itself, as if he belonged to it as much as it belonged to him.

I envied him, knowing that I, in contrast, looked alien and unnatural. Neither man nor beast...I was something else, something that didn't belong anywhere.

And yet, as we walked side by side toward the small cabin in the woods where I'd been living for the past several months, I realized that I belonged with Bella. She was my purpose, my reason for being. She was my everything, now more than ever before. Together we were…complete…right.

As the cabin came into view, I opened my mind to Bella's to hear her thoughts anxiously welcoming my return. She stepped through the door onto the front porch, a gust of wind lifting her hair from her shoulders and slapping it across her gorgeous face. She looked so incredibly human as she tried to tuck the errant strands behind her ears, wrestling with the wind as stole the hair from her fingers.

She finally gave in, letting her hair whip around her head as it willed, giggling at the impossibility of keeping it under control. I smiled, charmed, my vampire body falling under the illusion of warming at the sight of her. How was it possible that my feelings for her only seemed to grow stronger – that our connection to one another became deeper, more impenetrable each day?

Though I still hadn't quite come to terms with my new life and how to define my existence, I liked to think of the excruciating pain of the transformation as a rite of passage on my path to Bella. We couldn't fully be together until I'd walked that path. I never for one second doubted that it was all worth it.

Perhaps I should have been remorseful for the loss of my human life, or horrified by my supernatural characteristics, but my first days as a vampire were blissful. I accepted the realities of my new life optimistically, knowing that I could overcome any obstacles with Bella by my side.

And yet, I would never forget how lost I was for a few moments before I'd awoken from the transformation, how bereft I'd felt. And then, it was as if the entire world lit up from the inside out, and as my body healed itself, so did the emptiness in my mind.

I'd felt each of my final heartbeats with an acute sensitivity that was almost overpowering in its intensity. It felt as if every cell was concentrated on the single act of wresting the last bit of human life from my body. And yet even as I was consumed with the heavy reverberations of my heart, I found my mind exploding with new stimuli. Even before I took my last breath, I realized that I was able to compartmentalize my thoughts like never before, to use all my senses and analyze several things at all at once at an alarmingly rapid pace.

Though I was still detached from the outside world, occasionally my mind floated to the surface as if spying on the world I was no longer a part of. I heard snippets of conversation, crying, heavy breaths. Hot fingers touched me, squeezing my hand, wiping my forehead. And through it all I felt Bella's constant presence, her words of love and reassurance repeating over and over like a prayer in her thoughts.

Interrupting my silent fixation on my slowly dying body and my obsessive observation of my surroundings, Bella abruptly severed our physical connection, moving away from my body, announcing to the house that I was about to awaken. Just as Bella was warning my father that they needed to leave, I felt a deep and powerful instinct to protest.

I struggled to open my eyes, to move my limbs, but the heavy blanket of darkness kept me prone. As a surge of icy liquid pumped through my veins, I filled my lungs with air, consciously taking a deep, unneeded breath, and inhaling the lingering imprint of the human bodies of my family.

I was instantly tortured by an intense hunger, the utterly mouthwatering and tempting scent of life around me, rousing such a potent need in me that I could barely hear Bella's faint call, her sweet voice drawing me to her. The instinct to wake was so powerful that I fought with all my strength to tear myself from the cocoon I'd been imprisoned in until my eyes finally shot open and I leapt to my feet all in one smooth motion.

My eyes sought Bella, and before even a second had passed, I had her slight body enfolded in my arms. I wrapped myself around her, breathing in her potent, intoxicating perfume as my fingers ran across the skin of her arms, relearning her body. My lips attacked her neck, her mouth, feverishly kissing and tasting the sweetness of her skin as she offered herself up to me, her lips eagerly meeting mine.

"Bella," I whispered along the delicate curve of her neck. "I can see and touch you and feel you so much more now than ever before. The need…for you…I can't restrain myself," I groaned.

"I know…I know," she moaned, dropping her head to the side, giving my tongue access to the edge of her jaw. She felt warm and perfect, and her delicious smell was inciting me to a frenzied state of animalistic need. I wanted to consume her.

Even though I could hear every thought, sense every emotion and every need inside of her more acutely than I ever did with my human mind, I couldn't get close enough to her. I wanted to open my chest and tuck her inside so that we would never be apart.

With every impassioned touch, I felt my flimsy restraint slip away. I was savage, my hands nearly clawing at her. "Bella…I can't stop myself. I need you so much," I moaned at her, my hands pushing roughly under her shirt and greedily palming the silky skin of her back.

"Don't stop, Edward. I don't want you to stop," Bella replied breathily, her eyes hooded with desire. I took a quick step back to pull the shirt over my back, casting it quickly aside. Bella used the distraction to lunge forward, knocking me off my feet and throwing me against the far wall where I crashed heavily, causing several framed photographs to shatter and fall to the ground.

"Catch me!" she yelled playfully, as she jumped out the back door, instantly disappearing into the woods. I took a brief second to scan the living room of my family's house before I turned away, and giving into my instincts, I pursued my mate.

As I flew through the forest after Bella, I was shocked to find that the feeling of running, though familiar – I'd lived it vicariously through Bella's mind – was so much more exhilarating than anything I'd ever before experienced. No small glimpse into Bella's thoughts could have prepared me for the ease and fluidity of my body, the complete lack of hesitation in all my agile movements. And I was thoroughly overjoyed by how effortless it was to track Bella. I was so attuned to her scent that the path was clear, my legs quickly closing the distance between us.

The trees almost seemed to part for me as I easily pushed through them. The tug within me intensified as I got closer to Bella. As I could hear the faint crunch of leaves under her soft footfalls, the breeze entangling me in her seductive scent, I pushed myself even harder to overcome her.

I saw the wavy tendrils of her hair flying out behind her as I crouched and pounced, tackling her to the forest floor. We tumbled in a heap, rolling through the pine needles until we came to a skidding halt. I inhaled deeply, swallowing the tangy venom in my mouth as I growled at the beautiful temptress in my arms.

"I've got you," I declared, tightening my grip on Bella's arms.

"Now that you've got me, what are you going to do?" Bella asked coyly, masking her enthusiasm.

"Bella," I pleaded, losing my control. "I have to have you…_now_."

"Take me. Take me, Edward," she said, offering herself to me. I looked deep into her eyes, unsure for only a moment before I reached forward and ripped the shirt off of Bella's hard body.

I ravenously ran my lips and tongue over her chest as she tangled her fingers into my hair. I bit into the fabric of her bra, tearing it off with my teeth. I couldn't stop myself from nipping at the flesh of her perfect breasts, sucking my way toward her puckered nipples.

My movements were confident and instinctual. I had never felt so wild with abandon, the animal inside me taking what it wanted. As I ran my tongue around the base of Bella's nipple, I felt her rip my jeans open, the air caressing the naked skin of my legs as she pushed them down and tossed them across the clearing. I wrapped my hands around to her ass, tucking her closer to me, and pressing her breasts into my chest. Her hard nipples sent shivers of arousal through my limbs. I shuddered with pleasure, reveling in the feeling of her skin against mine, the temperature of our bodies finally the same.

I pulled away for a brief second, propping Bella on her feet so that I could slip her jeans and tiny black underwear from her body, removing the last barrier between us. In my haste, I tore them to shreds, the fabric pooling at her feet. Already feeling the loss of her touch, I roughly pulled her back to me, slamming our marble limbs together.

I ran my nose down her torso, inhaling as I went. A nagging voice in the back of my mind kept reminding me to be gentle with Bella, to cherish her. But I couldn't. I was a beast, driven by my need. My nose found its way to Bella's core, where she was wet and dripping with her own need. The scent of her arousal was so much more potent - spicy and complex - than I was able to discern as a human. I was overcome with the desire to taste her, to feast off her juices.

I plunged my tongue into her, sliding it expertly along her swollen lips, flicking it teasingly at her clit, and circling it round again. She grunted with pleasure, her nails digging into my back almost painfully. I couldn't get enough of her, sucking and swirling my tongue until I was so aroused, I felt like I might explode before she'd even touched my erection.

When Bella screamed, her cry echoing through the trees, I slowly trailed my lips up her hip, along her breast to her mouth, my eyes never breaking our gaze. She kissed me passionately as her hand reached down to cup my balls, the venom in our mouths comingling.

I leaned forward on one arm, relishing the fact that I was strong enough for even the most difficult of positions, and grabbed my cock, rubbing the sensitive tip along Bella's opening. She was slick and hot, her skin remarkably supple to the touch. I couldn't wait any longer to have her, to make her mine in the most basic, most primitive way possible.

"I love you, Bella," I said as I eased the head into her.

_I love you so much, Edward. I've never wanted anything more than to be with you…like this._

Bella's thoughts were so sharp in my mind that it took no effort to hear her. There was no longer even the faintest separation between her silent words and mine; they seemed one and the same. Our feelings were so united in my mind and in my soul that every move of my body seemed orchestrated by both of us, perfectly synchronized in all ways. We were equals now - in mind, spirit, and body.

I wanted this moment to last, but my needs were too heated. I tried to go slow, but I couldn't stop myself and in one swift motion, I slammed myself deep inside of her, bursting through the barrier inside.

We both groaned with pleasure at the sensation. We fit together so perfectly that I wanted to stay sheathed within her like this forever. I was reluctant to move, to put any space between our bodies, but my body moved by instinct, craving the friction. As I built a slow rhythm, I looked down at the connection between our two bodies, amazed at the erotic sight of my cock sliding along Bella's folds.

Emotions, intense and beyond anything I'd experienced before, welled up within me. Nothing in my human life had ever felt so right; I'd never felt so powerful, so raw, stripped down to the core of my being.

Bella felt it too. Every bit of her – her body and her mind – was focused on our union, on surrendering to the experience and binding herself irrevocably with me in the most profound way possible.

Without realizing it, I'd increased my pace, relinquishing control over my movements, and allowing myself to give in to the sensation. My lips were drawn back to Bella's full breasts, my tongue greedily ravishing her nipples, sucking until her moans drew me back to her mouth. As I maintained an inhuman, possessed pace, hitching her legs up over my hips to penetrate her even deeper, we explored every inch of each others mouths, sucking and licking each others tongues and lips, devouring, consuming.

I looked deeply into her eyes, smoldering with her desire, and gave into the need to bite her, sinking my teeth into the sensuous curve of her delicate shoulder. She growled at me in response, her thighs tensing as she shifted her upper body and in one swift motion, flipped us over.

With my body trapped between her thighs, she impaled herself deeper onto me, writhing wildly as she rubbed her breasts across my chest. I savored the view of the wild creature finding her own pleasure on top of me, entranced by her luminous skin, sparkling like a prism in a thin beam of sunlight that found its way through the dense foliage.

Her body was sheer perfection, an erotic masterpiece. I could no longer hold back my release. As Bella's hair draped across my chest, I encircled her arms and flipped us back over, pounding my throbbing cock into her uncontrollably. Just as I began to pulse into her, I felt Bella's ecstasy in my mind a second before her body convulsed below me and she screamed my name into the tall trees that surrounded us.

I bent to touch my lips to hers, but she smiled mischievously at me before rolling our naked bodies back over so that she was flanking me. I loved this playful side of her as well as the sight of her dominant above me.

"Ha! I've got you," she declared triumphantly, smirking.

I realized that she could never have been so free with me before and I was filled with happiness that her walls were tumbling down. Our relationship had already evolved into something new.

She dipped down to kiss me this time, but before our lips connected I rolled us again so that I was on top. She giggled when we stopped, but raised her legs and linked them around the back of mine, attempting to roll us back over. But I had already read from her mind what she was planning, and I scooped her torso around me so that we revolved a whole revolution and I was again on top. Bella snarled at me, flinging me against the ground and we wrestled for dominance, rolling around the clearing until we'd knocked down several small trees and were covered in a thin haze of dirt.

I found Bella covered in dirt incredibly arousing, causing us to spend another several hours kissing, licking, biting, and making love. As night fell over the forest and we walked naked, hand-in-hand to Bella's little cabin, I felt more at peace, more complete than seemed possible.

With no reason to hurry, we kept a slow, human pace on our way back to the cabin. Even though I never took my focus off of Bella – her delectable scent, her thoughts, the feeling of her tiny hand in mine – I began to observe and explore my new vampire body and its startling abilities. Though I'd had a hint of how the world was enhanced as a vampire - as I had viewed it in Bella's mind - experiencing it first hand was much much different.

Everything seemed painfully sharp and clear even in the waning light; there were no fuzzy edges in my vision and I could see to an amazing distance. I already knew that I was fast, having touched on my speed when I'd run after Bella. There was no doubt in my mind that I was strong too. Just to test my strength, I bent over and picked up a small boulder - the size of a man's head - with one hand, and crushed it to rubble between my fingers with very little effort.

_I can think of better things for you to do with your fingers, Edward._

Bella's thoughts filtered into my mind so easily. I wondered if I'd imagined them. But one look at her sexy, impish expression, told me that she had indeed invaded my mind. It was a relief to me that we still maintained our mental connection and that it appeared to be stronger and more effortless than ever before.

Yet, the one thing that seemed to be the defining characteristic of my new existence, besides my role as Bella's mate, was the gradually intense and powerful thirst that was beginning to consume my thoughts with each careful step I took. Admittedly, it had been lingering under the surface since I'd awoken, but I'd successfully pushed it to the back of my mind while distracted by Bella. Finally I couldn't ignore the building need within me any longer, and I stopped abruptly.

Bella turned toward me, a knowing look on her face. "It's time to hunt," she declared, anticipating my need. As soon as the words left her mouth, I felt the ache within me ignite, all my senses focused on quenching my fiery thirst.

"Listen," Bella said, craning her head to the side. I turned my head and stilled my body, concentrating. There were many sounds – the wind gusting through the pine needles above, an owl's cry echoing off a mountain to the east, the melodic tinkle of a small stream carving a meandering path through the trees. But my ears honed in on the unique hum of life nearby – the puff of an exhaled breath, the repetitive scratch of ungainly legs lumbering along, leaves squashed under solid hooves, even the faint hint of several heart beats. _Blood._

"Smell," Bella ordered. I inhaled deeply, lifting the scent of something feral, earthy off the slight breeze. _Deer. _

I glanced at Bella uncertainly. "Now?" I asked, but didn't wait for her answer; I couldn't. My body was out of my control, desperate to quell my thirst, my legs already following the scent. I could sense Bella behind me, giving me space to find my own way, pride in my speed and agility dominating her thoughts.

I didn't hesitate, but as soon as the first deer came into view - a particularly large buck - I pounced. Possessed by my thirst and following my instincts, I wrapped my arms around its thick body. With an ease that continued to surprise me, I snapped its neck to the side, sinking my teeth deep into the tough flesh. As soon as the blood hit my tongue, my body cried out in relief and I sucked with all my strength, lapping up the warm, viscous liquid.

Within seconds I'd consumed every last drop of blood in the lifeless carcass. I wiped the blood from my chin, raising my head to search for another animal to hunt, when Bella stepped into view. She had a smaller deer - a doe - that she was dragging behind her by the scruff of its neck. It was very much alive, thrashing to free itself from her clutches.

She released it, smiling at me lovingly. It scrabbled through the undergrowth, trying to flee the scene. I gave it a short head start before flying after it, pinning it to the ground, tearing into its neck and drinking until relatively sated.

If we could have, we would have made love all night, but as soon as we neared the cabin and I caught scent of another vampire, I realized that we would not have the privacy to do so. Crouching instinctually, I had every intention of attacking the creature who dared to intrude on our idyllic reunion, but Bella placed her hand on my shoulder, calming me instantly.

"Edward, it's just Tanya," she explained. "She was badly injured…she's been healing." Her wide, angular eyes pleaded with me to understand. I was instantly contrite for my reaction to her smell, knowing that she'd probably been hurt protecting me and my family.

"What happened, Bella?" I asked, recognizing that I'd been so infatuated by exploring all the facets of my new existence that I hadn't yet thought about the events that had led me to this reality. Truthfully, I'd already begun to forget the details – the struggle with Victoria, the pain, the last moments of my human life.

"We'd only been back at the cabin for a short time when it was surrounded by newborns. But Victoria and Riley weren't there and we realized that you were in danger. Luckily, Jacob was nearby and the wolves attacked, distracting most of the vampires. I caught your scent immediately and called out to you, hoping you would hear my warning." She furrowed her brow, her razor-sharp teeth worrying her bottom lip.

"I was so frightened for you," she confessed, her hand caressing my cheek as if to ensure that I was real.

"And I felt so stupid for not anticipating that Victoria would go after you. I thought that she would come for me," she explained. "But, with the help of the wolves, we killed most of the newborns she'd sent to slow us down. Tanya had been slightly injured in the fight. She's a skilled fighter and she knew that I wasn't. She did her best to protect me, easily blocking attacks, stepping in front of me, and taking on several newborns at once. They scratched and bit at her, but she fought them all off.

"Jacob and the other wolves went off after the few vampires who'd run off, and I took off after your scent, tracking you and Victoria through the forest," she said, turning to face me and squeezing my hand. "There was no way I was going to let that bitch kill you!" she seethed, passionately.

"When I ran off after you, even though she was hurt and limping, Tanya went to check on your family. As she neared your house, she smelled blood…Seth. She found him at the side of your house a little way into the trees…he was…he didn't make it," she whispered, her melodious voice quivering with emotion.

"Tanya was bent over him, sniffing his wounds, trying to determine which vampire had killed him when Sam overtook her. He was so crazed with anger over Seth's death that he didn't realize who she was. He attacked her viciously. Because she was already weakened, he was able to overtake her, tearing off both of her legs before he noticed who she was and that she wasn't fighting back. He paused before killing her, uncertain.

"Luckily, he asked Jacob what to do and he ordered Sam to take Tanya back to my cabin. So he locked his teeth around her collarbone and dragged her through the forest with her legs clutched in her arms. She's been here ever since. She's almost healed," she said, smiling. As the words fell from her lips, the front door cracked open and Tanya emerged, looking so bright and refreshed that it was hard to imagine that only days before her legs had been severed from her body.

When Tanya and Bella weren't giving me instructions on how to best use my new abilities, Bella and I went off alone. We sat in the meadow for hours, holding hands, touching, listening to the sounds of the forest, staring into each other's eyes.

And we made love. I couldn't get enough of her. I was constantly caressing her, entangling my fingers in her hair, and testing the limits of my endurance. We'd yet to find the end of my stamina. We only briefly stopped our lovemaking to hunt, running through the forest with our hands linked, our minds and bodies in absolute synchronization.

After a few weeks had passed, Tanya decided to leave. I knew that Bella and I were starting to make her uncomfortable. It wasn't easy for her to hide the sadness in her eyes, our overt and continual signs of love and attachment wearing on her.

One night she simply stood from her favorite chair in the corner and announced that it was time for her go home. She embraced Bella, and I saw the pain in Bella's eyes and felt her sadness in her thoughts. While Tanya's arms were wrapped around her, Bella relived all the things she'd taught her, all the things she'd done to help and protect us, in her mind. When Tanya reached out to hug me, I felt true remorse that she was leaving. She'd been a good a friend and teacher, selflessly giving us all she had to offer.

I hugged her tightly, pouring all my and Bella's emotion into my arms. I silently thanked her for all she had done for us. As she jumped down our front steps and into the darkness, I fervently wished her the best and hoped we would see her again someday.

Jacob and I had just finished our semi-weekly run. He'd veered off when we were near the border to La Push, heading home. For once, I was by myself. As the cabin just barely came into view, I was feeling confident and proud of my level of control. I couldn't wait to see Bella again, to tell her that I'd run a ways by myself without any mishaps.

I picked up my speed, anxious to get home, when I heard her warning in my mind.

_Edward, no! Don't come closer!_

I skidded to a stop, but it was too late. I'd already inhaled and I smelled it…the most delicious smell I'd yet smelled – so familiar, but what kind of animal was it?

I couldn't stop myself. I sprang forward, salivating, rounding the bend to the front of the house.

There was a car there, but I ignored it, running up the front steps. Thirst was shredding my throat. I was ravenous, and so painfully eager to find the source of the smell that I ripped the door off the front of the house, growling as I leapt into the room.

"Edward! Control yourself. Step outside!" Bella demanded. She stood in front of my dinner, her arms stretched out to the side as if she could stop me.

I gnashed my teeth at her, snapping, grunting like an animal. "Move," I snarled.

"No!" she said.

"Edward?" a quaking, questioning voice asked from behind the shield of Bella's arms.

I smelled human scents – fear, sweat, the heady spice of blood under the surface of papery skin. A beating heart reverberated in my ears…pumping pumping pumping blood through veins filled with luscious blood that I needed…that I had to have.

"Bella. Move. Now," I demanded through clenched teeth.

"No. Edward, she's your mother," she yelled frantically as I jumped forward, grabbing Bella and thrusting her violently to the side.

"You'll never forgive yourself," she screamed, but I barely heard her as I wrapped my fingers around my mother's frail, thin arm and yanked her viciously toward me.

"Edward," she begged. "Please."

**Sorry for the cliffhanger. It is perhaps the very last of this story…What did you think of Edward's awakening? I hope you enjoyed it! Please drop me a line and let me know your thoughts!**


	34. Chapter 34

**The wind is violently lapping at the windows, a steady sheet of rain creating a staccato rhythm on the rooftop as I sit and write the last few bits of this story. I can't think of a better setting for the end of this journey. It is a week before Christmas, the end of the year so close I can taste it. **

**I'm fairly certain that I've never written anything this long before and actually finished it. Though I know I'm my toughest critic, clearly seeing all the faults and holes in my writing, I'm still very proud of what I've done here.**

**So here is the end, the final chapter of this story that has so consumed my mind and heart for this past year. I do hope you like it and that it is a satisfying end to this tale of young Edward and his vampire love.**

**This story would have been total crap without the help of ms. ambrosia. She has been a wonderful beta and a great friend. If you haven't already, you should read her stories!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the creator of the Twilight world. I will be forever thankful for her for giving life to these iconic characters and for allowing me to take them out to play. **

**My life has been utterly altered by this experience. Thank you so much for sharing it with me!**

Chapter 34

If it were not for Bella's constant reminders, her vivid flashes of memories, I might have forgotten what it was like to be human. It was too easy to sever my ties with humanity, to drift away in the seductive embrace of my new immortal life.

In moments of weakness, I found myself swelling with feelings of superiority, taking all my new, enhanced abilities and running wild with them. I longed to succumb to my body's needs, to the bloodlust that was always lingering, stewing, threatening…

But Bella was continually mindful of my limitations, and the conflicting desires of a young vampire. She was always there when I needed her most, ever present in my mind when I doubted my control, when my thoughts invariably slipped into dark and dangerous territory.

If Bella hadn't known exactly what I was thinking, what I was experiencing, I would have killed my mother when she showed up unexpectedly at our house. There was no trace of the human boy left within me when I smelled the deliciously irresistible aroma of her blood, lunging at her like the animal I'd become.

Even as she struggled to hold me back, shielding my mother with her own body, she knew exactly what I needed to find my way back to myself. One moment all my senses were poised to satisfy my hunger, to quench my neverending thirst, and the next I was nearly paralyzed by the intensity of the words and images slamming rapidly through my brain.

I remained in a crouch inches from my mother – my intended prey – but I didn't move any closer. I saw myself as I was only months before, smiling at my mother as I pulled her into my arms, hugging her with warmth and need. Bella's sentimental memory of our scrabble game reawakened my own memory of that night so that it was as clear as if it had just happened moments before.

Miraculously, I felt my tie to my mother rebind itself. Her scent that filled my nose changed its flavor – it was no longer cloyingly sweet and enticing, but familiar and comforting, nurturing. I recognized it.

I stood, stumbling backward at the realization of what I'd almost done. I slapped my hands over my nose and mouth in both fear and horror.

"Don't breathe. I'll get her out of here," Bella demanded as she lifted my mother in her arms and flew out the front door. I listened to my mother's cries, her mumbled apology as she closed the car door behind her. Even as she drove away, increasing her distance between us, her remorse surrounded me in a thick cloud, weighing down heavily on my dead heart.

In that moment, I knew more than ever before how strong, how incredibly courageous my Bella was. I would never understand how she survived the way she had – on her own, denying her very nature, and forging her own path. I doubted that I would have had the same resilience or the fortitude to fight everything my vampire instincts were screaming at me to do.

I would have been a monster without her; I would have devolved into a cold, vicious killer. But instead, Bella filled my days with meaning, skillfully leading me and helping me to understand all the many ways in which my world had altered. To her astonishment, I flourished under her careful guidance, willingly embracing her philosophy of life. All the negative qualities of our vampire world were easily overshadowed by the reality of an everlasting life with my beautiful, sexy, wondrous girl.

After the tense altercation with my mother, I couldn't deny that I was worried about how I could maintain my relationship with my family. Bella was insistent that my level of control far exceeded hers as a newborn vampire, but I doubted her words. Memories of her own experience as a new vampire continually drifted through her mind as we hunted until I intricately understood each step of how she'd developed her unique and methodical methods of surviving.

I was committed to the perhaps idealistic notion that I would someday be able to blend back into the human world, that I could eventually learn how to interact safely with them, and ultimately visit with my family. But after experiencing firsthand how powerful my bloodlust was – to the point that I would kill my own mother – I knew that it would be some time before I could be in their presence without putting them in danger.

I longed to hold my mother in my arms again without causing either of us pain, to clap Emmett on the back without bruising him, and to scoop Alice up and swing her in a circle without breaking her fragile bones. My only consolation was that I had Bella to hold onto when I was feeling the ache of my loss. She was my new family; I never felt alone.

As soon as my mother narrowly skirted death and sped away, I collapsed in a wretched heap on the ground, overcome by the realization of what I'd almost done. Bella sunk to my side and held me for hours while I sat trembling and mute. My mind and body warred with each other, the remnants of my human conscience struggling to surface over the powerful and relentless urge to give in to my body's instinct for human blood.

Hours later, I called my family's home, eager to make amends to my mother. I spoke with my father, who seemed both relieved to hear from me, but also tentative. I sensed the fear in his voice, the uncertainty, as if I were a stranger. Bella reminded me that my voice - my very manner of speaking - had changed and was probably unsettling to hear for the first time.

I hunted directly after the awkward and stilted conversation with my father, weakened by the effort it took to find the trivial details of his human life meaningful to me in some fragmented way. It was as if I'd simply lost the ability to relate to him. This fact frightened me more than ever and helped to convince me that I needed to put some distance between my old life and my new one.

I'd really grown to appreciate the sense of normalcy that Jacob brought to my small, isolated world. Our weekly runs through the woods provided my life with a consistency that I came to depend upon. It was my time with him that I would most miss when Bella and I left Forks for an unknown path and uncertain future.

Before we left, I needed Jacob to know how much we appreciated him, how much _I_, specifically, valued his non-judgmental and unwavering friendship. I would miss him intensely. Besides Bella, he was my only friend, the only other person who knew me in my new incarnation.

I didn't know how to say goodbye. So after our run, I simply placed the keys to both the cabin and to Charlie's house in his hand, knowing he would understand. He looked at the keys in his palm for several seconds before he raised his gaze, nodding in understanding. I turned to go, but before I could run off, he pulled me into a hug. I was thinking how shockingly warm his arms were as he promised to take care of things and to watch over my family. I never doubted that he would.

As we silently pulled apart, Bella appeared in the clearing, slipping in between us and leaning into Jacob. "Despite your smell, you are one of the best people I've ever known, Jacob Black," she said earnestly as he wound his arms around her slim waist. "Goodbye for now."

"Take care of my girl, Edward," Jacob said as he took a step backward.

"I will…I promise. Always," I replied, grasping Bella's little hand in mine as I gazed into her deep, amber eyes.

His body vibrated with energy, bristling and snapping, hazy pinpricks of light dancing on his skin as the molecules rearranged themselves and the wolf inside him sprang forth. Bella tugged lightly on my arm and we began to run alongside our friend through the woods – soon veering away from Forks and away from our old lives.

We ran all the way through Canada, sticking to the deep forest and away from other humans. We lived in only the wildest areas, hunting deer, elk, moose and even the occasional bear we came across. With Bella by my side, I was adapting quickly, perfecting my technique.

We'd come across two small groups of vampires on our trek through the wilderness, the first pair changed their path to avoid engaging us in any kind of altercation. Bella thought that maybe they'd sensed I was a newborn and, knowing how volatile they could be, were giving us a wide berth.

The other solitary vampire we met was much less wary. He tracked us for several days before catching up with us near Whitefish, Montana where we'd been hunting elk. The gaunt vampire noisily approached when we were finally sated, simply marching through the trees until he stood in front of us.

He looked more like a caricature of a vampire than a real creature – with ruby red lips to match his eyes and stringy black hair that clung to his cranium. His skin was rather sunken looking, but stretched taut over his broad forehead. He held a large gnarled branch in his hands like a magical staff and wore a black cape that was dusty and hole-ridden.

He didn't seem at all curious about our animal diet and didn't ask us any questions about our whereabouts or where we were headed. He didn't feel particularly threatening, but I didn't like him nonetheless.

He told us his name was Arnold, but that he preferred Aro. Without invitation or any discussion, he travelled with us for a few days, neither asking anything of us nor offering any more information about himself.

On the third day of our wanderings together, he stopped, raised his staff in the air and nodded a feeble goodbye. Within seconds he was gone and I couldn't help but feel relieved that he'd left.

It was soon after our time with Aro, that Bella felt I was ready to test my control, and we carefully eased our way back into human society. First we trolled the shadowy edges of smaller, more remote towns where I deeply inhaled the scent of the unsuspecting humans who crossed my path, allowing the burn to fill my mouth and scorch a fiery trail down my throat.

I was able to restrain myself, but only with Bella's diligent assistance, her calm and pure mind grounding me, redirecting my need back to her. I worried that I was too dependent on her, but after a time, Bella taught me how she'd learned to manage her thirst and swallow the burn. The more we forced ourselves to interact with humans, the better I learned how to stop breathing, to turn my thoughts away from my hunger for blood and to control the violence within me without Bella's help.

As we ventured through the Northern ridge of America – Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Michigan – I continually experimented with my tolerance for human smells and honing my skills at appearing human. I was surprised at how difficult I found it to slow my movements to mimic the seemingly graceless, languid pace of the people around me.

We spent a particularly long, torturous evening in an all-night diner in Beulah, North Dakota, pretending to eat a greasy plate of biscuits and gravy while practicing other telling human gestures – sighing, slouching, rubbing an itch, making small talk. The last one was the hardest. It was much too tempting to simply sit with Bella in frozen silence, allowing her to fill my head with images of our naked bodies twisted around one another. When alone, we could spend hours, days even, just looking into one another's eyes, reveling in the feeling of our souls communicating and weaving themselves together.

Though we made every attempt to blend into the world around us, sensing the underlying threat we posed, people generally left us alone. But occasionally we'd encounter someone particularly curious who couldn't resist our allure, our otherworldliness, and incited a confrontation.

We encountered one such person in Beulah. I was pushing the gelatinous gravy around my plate when Bella stiffened, flashing into my mind an image of the large truck driver who approached from behind me. His scent was repulsive, almost overshadowing the allure of the hot blood in his veins - stale cigarettes, cheap beer, mixed with a strong undertone of sweat and human filth.

I could tell that he wanted Bella, thinking erroneously that his intimidating six foot five stature would somehow scare me off. His posture, his long strides, showed his confidence. I imagined that despite his unshaven face, his poor hygiene, the crookedness of his teeth, he genuinely thought he had a chance with my beautiful girl. That is, until he reached our table and looked into my eyes.

"Hey pretty lady," he said to Bella who kept her lips closed as she curled them into a lethal smile. As she rested her chin on her hands, the tall man wiped his sweaty hands on his flannel shirt, his cloudy gaze finally landing on me.

I caught a hint of panic in Bella's eyes before she entered my mind with her calming words: _He's not worth it, Edward. Remember who you are…who we are. Please._

As Bella's plea washed over me I placed my palms flat on the table, placing the twisted, crushed fork in my hands on the edge of my plate. I turned my head slowly toward the ignorant truck driver, whose eyes were fixed on the now indistinguishable piece of silverware.

"Is there something we can help you with?" I asked in the most composed voice I could summon. In Bella's mind, my pale skin appeared to shimmer under the florescent lights, as my voice seethed with an unspoken warning. The effect was quite frightening.

With one last furtive look at Bella, the man mumbled something unintelligible and scurried away to the other side of the diner as fast as his long legs could move. I could sense the relief coming from Bella, her thoughts clear. I stood, reaching my hand out to her. I'd passed the test and it was time to head home.

We'd been living as nomads for nearly two years and both Bella and I had begun to tire of our life on the road. We longed to feel rooted somewhere, to see my family and Jacob again. Plus, we'd run out of the little money we'd taken with us when we left, opting not to use the credit card that my parents still paid.

We hadn't been in contact with anyone from my old life more than a few times when we first left, deciding that it would be too painful for both parties. I finally felt like I had something to offer my family again, that I could be a part of their lives without harm.

Once we made the decision to return, we ran the entire way back to Forks, our hands linked. Bella filled my mind with memories of Jacob, her house, her father and mother, and me as the human boy desperately in love with her.

We ran through the night until we arrived at my family's house in the early morning, the familiar heavy cloud cover hiding our inhuman skin from notice. It felt both ridiculously ordinary to knock on the door, as well as an amazingly significant step forward in my new life.

As I held Bella's hand in mine, waiting for the slow, measured footsteps to reach the door, a multitude of worries hit me. How would my family perceive me? Would they still care for me? I was sure that they had changed in the last two years as I had. Would they forgive me for all the pain I'd put them through?

As if she sensed my trepidation, Bella squeezed my hand. _Don't worry. They love you. _

Though I'd made the radical transformation from a young man into a vampire, I still was not prepared for how much things had changed at home while I'd been gone. Though my body felt invincible, my brain able to process so much more than it could before, I still felt powerless. I'd only been home for a few short minutes when I was reminded just how unpredictable, how crazy life could be.

Even before the front door swung open I knew something was different. I was assaulted with a very distinct smell; a scent I'd not expected to discover at my family home and that tested every amount of resolve I'd mustered. Bella shot me a look of shock as Rosalie pushed the door open and we saw clearly before us the source of the unique scent – the baby perched on her hip.

Rosalie's eyes nervously flitted back and forth, her jaw dropping open and her arms instinctually tightening around her smiling, innocent baby. She gasped as she stepped backward, tears welling in her eyes.

"Rosalie, it's okay," Bella reassured, her arms outstretched, palms facing upward as if in surrender. Rosalie squeaked out a reply, stumbling backward and knocking into the side table by the door. The baby wriggled in alarm, shifting in her arms and slipping out of her hold.

Rosalie lurched to catch the baby, but I already had her in my arms. The little thing immediately stopped struggling, her head dropping instantly to my chest, her little chubby fingers tangling themselves in my shirt.

"Who's this?" I asked in my new, velvet voice, startling an already flustered and panicked Rosalie.

"Uh…uh…it's Bug. I mean we call her, Bug. But her name it's…Alice…after your sister," she stammered. I could hear her heart beginning to slow, her fear beginning to dissipate.

I was putting all the pieces together in my mind - this child was clearly Emmett and Rosalie's, but why had they named her after Alice? I was pondering the child's name as Emmett pounded down the stairs, freezing like a statue two-thirds the way down when he took in the unusual scene before him.

His eyes flitted to Rosalie and to the baby in my arms before realization dawned on him and he shot forward. I expected him to remove the child - I was actually hoping that he would. I was truly suffering; the delicious smell of the baby's blood almost too tantalizing. It was taking all my strength to keep from sinking my teeth through little Alice's jugular vein.

But it wasn't Emmett's intent to immediately snatch Alice out of my cold, undead arms. Instead, he pulled Bella and me both into an embrace, with the small child cradled carefully between us.

"You're back," he whispered with meaning, relieved, his fingers squeezing the hard flesh of my bicep. I was overcome with emotion. Bella too, was rendered speechless by his truly overjoyed reaction, thoughts of love and belonging floating through her mind. He didn't seem in the least bit concerned over my level of control. I could feel his complete trust, his faith in me. His behavior made me almost feel for a moment as if I hadn't changed at all; and yet, I knew acutely how different I was.

Emmett pulled back, releasing his hold to look in my eyes. He didn't seem to be too disconcerted by my altered appearance either, the odd color of my eyes. He didn't even seem to notice that I'd not yet taken a breath.

He easily scooped little Alice – "Bug" – from my hands, placing her back in Rosalie's eagerly waiting arms. "She's nine months old," he offered, answering my unspoken question. "We got pregnant and married," he said, holding up his heavy hand to show me the delicate gold band on his finger. "It wasn't long after you…you know changed and then left. It was a hard time and well, knowing and planning for the baby gave us something to look forward to.

"So much has happened…that you missed while you were gone. It hasn't been easy," Emmett said, shaking his head from side to side. "Come on in and we'll talk."

We followed him to the kitchen, sitting down at the familiar table. Bella's thoughts flashed through my mind as she saw me eating cereal here, Alice giggling at my side.

"I'm sorry about what happened with mom, but I'm better now. Is she here? Is Alice?" I asked, but I already knew that besides Rosalie and the baby, the house was empty. He inhaled sharply, as if holding something painful back, but I was too impatient to wait for his answer before continuing. "I know that I messed up everything. I want to make it right. I'm so sorry."

I knew that my actions had hurt them, especially my mother, and that things would never be quite the same, but I hoped that they could see that I'd tried hard not to give into the monster inside of me. I'd do anything to regain their trust. I needed them in my life.

"Edward, it wasn't just you leaving that was messed up. I mean, we missed you and yeah, mom was a little freaked out for a while, but other shit happened too that you need to know about."

"What other things, Emmett?" Bella asked, her mind full of possibilities – other vampires visiting in the area, the wolves getting hurt, she even imagined Rosalie in labor. Luckily, Emmett's voice drew me back to him.

"Um, well, it's Alice," he said succinctly, pausing, rubbing his hand anxiously over his face. All at once, I realized that I wasn't the only one who'd changed physically. Emmett seemed older than I'd ever seen him, as if he'd aged far beyond his years in a very short amount of time.

"Where is she? Mom and Dad?" I asked again.

"She's in the hospital," Rosalie blurted as she rounded the corner into the room. "Your parents are there along with Jasper. He never leaves her side."

"What happened?" I asked anxiously. Bella tightened her grip on my hand, images of Alice streaming through both our minds, her memories intertwined with my hazy recollections.

"She got really sick after you left," Rosalie answered from her distant spot at the edge of the room, Emmett allowing her to explain. She didn't move closer as she continued to recall what happened.

"My pregnancy kind of overshadowed everything and so we didn't notice at first," Rosalie explained, her face twisted in guilt. "Jasper thought she was depressed or just recovering from the shock of…well, _everything_…and just kept trying to give her the space she needed to heal."

"But she just seemed to get worse and worse. Your father really started to worry when she stopped wanting to eat and then she lost so much weight. When she starting staying in bed all day, your father stepped in and took her to the hospital." Rosalie paused, inhaling deeply, her eyes glazing with tears.

Emmett stood and went to her side to comfort her, holding her hand as he turned to face us. "She looked so tiny and sick when we got her to the hospital. She couldn't even stand up, Edward!" Emmett cried, his brow furrowed in anguish.

"They did a whole slew of evil tests on her. Turns out she's had a lot of symptoms for a long time that she didn't let us know about – cramps, constipation, other weird girly shit - and the stress, you know, just made it all worse."

While Emmett spoke I took a deep breath, analyzing the scents in the house. There were several strong odors that I associated with the baby – soiled diapers, breast milk, and powder. But underneath all these smells, was a lingering smell of illness.

"Tell us, Emmett. What's wrong with Alice?" I implored.

"Leukemia. She has leukemia…Acute lymphoblastic leukemia."

"How…how…" I spluttered, shocked beyond words.

We had to wait for the clouds to make their lazy way across the sky, obscuring an errant burst of sunlight, before we could leave for the hospital. We spent the time cleaning up, changing out of our dirty traveling clothes. Instead of running as we were used to, Emmett drove us to the hospital.

I hadn't been in a hospital since before I'd been changed and I prepared myself to be accosted by an intense lust for human blood. I stopped my habitual breathing, but not before venom filled my mouth, my body completely aware of its proximity to the thick red nectar that I so craved. And yet, I couldn't avoid a quick deep sniff of the barrage of unfamiliar, but equally potent hospital smells – chemical cleansers mixed with bitter medicinal odors that only slightly masked the more natural, rank odor of decaying flesh and…_blood._

Bella sensed my discomfort as we walked stiffly down the hallway behind Emmett to my sister's room. We were at the end of the hall when I caught sight of my father. He sat in a chair propped against the wall in the hallway, his usually composed body slumped forward with his head in his hands.

Startled by Emmett's heavy footfalls, he straightened as we approached. He snapped to attention as soon as he recognized my form, his eyes widening as he we got closer. He stood on uneasy legs, his hand slapping his heart as if willing it to continue beating.

"Son," he mouthed, tears falling unashamedly from his eyes as he placed his hands on my upper arms, his eyes taking in all the differences in my appearance. Unlike Emmett, he was obviously stunned by my pale skin, the refinement of my features, the unique color of my eyes. But he too, accepted me; the love in his gaze was palpable.

"Carlisle, how is Alice?" Bella asked.

He dazedly glanced in her direction as though noticing her for the first time. He shifted back and forth on his feat, uncharacteristically anxious and hesitant. I barely recognized this man; he was not the self-assured doctor nor was he the strong, levelheaded father I remembered him to be. He'd clearly been beaten down by circumstance; his expression colored by fear and despondency.

"She's…she's…," he opened and closed his mouth and then swallowed audibly, looking down. When he raised his gaze, he looked wild, desperate. "What is the point of being a doctor when I can't even save my own child?" he asked hopelessly.

"Dad, please, tell me," I implored, placing my cool hand on his back. My inhuman touch seemed to distract him and he nodded.

"Edward, she's had it all…radiation, chemotherapy. The cancer is spreading quickly and her oncologist says it may be too late for a bone marrow transplant. We've all been tested regardless, but none of us are a match." He shook his head slowly.

"Can we see her, Carlisle?" Bella asked gently.

"Yes, Esme and Jasper are inside. Your mother…she…she'll be happy to see you," he replied.

"Are you sure?" I asked selfishly.

"Yes. Yes of course. She knew that it was her fault that you attacked her, Edward. She feels incredibly guilty for visiting you when Bella warned that you wouldn't be ready. She just wanted to see you so badly. I think she needed confirmation that you were really still with us," he explained, his hand resting on my shoulder.

I smiled at him, nodding. It hurt me to know that my mother had been feeling guilty all this time for something I was entirely responsible for. I had been completely out of control at that time, but I wasn't a newborn anymore.

I glanced down at the gorgeous girl next to me, remembering how her solid, calm presence in my mind had stopped what could have potentially been the biggest mistake I'd ever make. I'd almost killed my own mother. But Bella somehow made me feel human when all signs clearly proved that I wasn't. My dead heart swelled with love for her. With this compassionate, amazing creature by my side, I could face anything.

I opened the door to Alice's hospital room, alerting our presence to the three people inside. My mother gasped, her hand dramatically slamming over her mouth. Jasper reluctantly pulled his haggard gaze away from Alice to take measure of the visitors who interrupted the sullen quiet of the room. His expression quickly morphed, from alarm to relief. He stood abruptly, dropping Alice's hand and awakening her.

Jasper and I both glanced at the tiny figure tucked into the hospital bed before meeting eyes again. What I saw in his face was ultimately surprising. He was clearly worried, but I got a sense from him that somehow Bella and I gave him hope. He actually smiled and moved to come closer when Alice moaned, and he quickly returned to her side.

He bent to hear her, but couldn't understand. However, Bella and I could easily hear the meaning of her mumbled entreaty. "Edward," she called through her dry lips. "Edward."

When someone you love is chronically ill in the hospital, it helps to be a vampire who has no need to sleep and can easily evade the hospital staff. Either Bella or I could comfortably sit with Alice all through the night, relieved by other members of my family during the day. In this way, Alice was never alone.

I held my sister's hand all through the night on my first shift in her room. I talked to her, whether she was awake or asleep, telling her of all the things I'd seen, and experienced in the past few years. I told her of all the many revelations I'd had about myself and the purpose of my existence as a vampire. I talked about Bella too, and how I'd found a perfect partner in her, and the other half of my soul.

Alice was so frail, her skin grey. It was as if the light inside of her had been extinguished.

Sometimes, she'd sit so still that she almost seemed trapped between two worlds. Her reality was constantly numbed by the drugs flowing through her veins, leaving her drifting in a state of semi-consciousness. With her mind so muddled and her mouth constantly dry, she hardly spoke.

I suffered through three days of watching and waiting alongside the rest of my family before I sensed a shift in the air around me. Bella was out hunting when my mother, who had said very little to me since we'd arrived, entered Alice's room to take my place at her side. As I stood to leave and join Bella in the forest, my mother stopped me, reaching out to me with her outstretched arm.

I turned back to find her eyes clenched shut in pain. I dropped to my knees before her, pulling her warm hands into my cold, dead ones. I was wondering how I could ease her suffering when she lifted her watery eyes to me and murmured softly that Jasper, Emmett, and my father were expecting me at the house.

I cast a questioning glance at her before I fled from the room and made my way quickly home. If I had known what I was about to face, I would have hunted first.

Though I was filled with trepidation by their suggestion, I'd agreed with little hesitation. They were a united front as they approached me, knowing that I'd be shocked by their suggestion and perhaps resistant. But surprising everyone involved, included Bella who caught the tale end of our impromptu meeting, I embraced their idea.

Jasper was the one to broach the subject first, explaining how he came to the decision and how he'd been mulling over his plan for the past several months. My father and Emmett supported the idea. My mother and Rosalie were both unwilling to either endorse or oppose the plan; they were terrified of what could happen, frightened of what they could lose.

But Jasper was adamant. He was nearly trembling with anticipation when he asked me to change Alice before it was too late. He paced the room, building his case, trying to convince me, his hands balled into fists at his side.

It wasn't until my father broke down in tears, his fingers tugging on his hair frantically, that I realized the full impact that this family discussion would have on everyone's lives. Alice could be saved from the cancer that had maliciously spread to her organs and was slowly wrenching the life out of her, but she would never be the same. If I bit her, she wouldn't be gone from this world, but she wouldn't be the daughter, the sister, or the girlfriend that they'd all come to love. _She would be one of us._

There was an urgency to our exchange of words that night. We all knew that there was no time to spare. Alice had to be changed before she was too weak to survive the transformation. Bella's acceptance of the plan, her loving words streaming into my thoughts, was all I needed to jump to action. She would be bitten before the next sunrise. And then we would have to leave Forks again.

Ten years had passed since I'd plunged my teeth into my sister's pale neck while at the very same moment, Bella tore into the thin skin of Jasper's wrist. They transformed together; Jasper unwilling to allow Alice to become a vampire without him by her side. I felt a hint of remorse for the life of isolation we'd cursed them to, but _just a hint_.

We'd set out to save Alice, but ended up saving ourselves. The four of us became the strong family unit that I'd been missing. We travelled, hunted, and survived together, bonded by not only the blood we shared, but by love.

We eventually tired of the wilds of the United States and found ourselves bound to Europe. We hadn't been there long when we ran low on money. At Alice's suggestion, we tried our hand at gambling, hitting a string of both the glitzy and underworld casinos across Western Europe.

With Bella's sharp vampire eyesight cataloguing the cards of my opponents, and my ability to read her mind, Blackjack was almost ridiculously easy to win. Jasper too, learned quickly how to count cards, and we won large enough sums of money to buy the things we needed.

We had to move often though, our gambling wins drawing much attention our way. Quite by accident, we discovered that Alice had an intuitive knack for playing the stock market and investing. In Amsterdam, she chose numbers for a local lottery and won, getting all five numbers correct. We couldn't collect the money, because we weren't citizens, but we took the win as a sign and began to give Alice all our money to invest. Our faith in her wasn't misplaced; she quadrupled our money within the year.

Though we had a few arguments about where to go and how to pass the time, we were mostly a harmonious foursome. Occasionally, we ran into other vampires – the European version – who were often living much more primitive lives than we were - staying in the shadows, preying on unsuspecting humans and not integrating in human society at all. Though many of these vampires were much older than we were, they were all wary of our large group, and left us mostly to ourselves.

Jasper was the only one of us that struggled with his thirst, oftentimes disappearing into the forest for days at a time to detach himself from what his body demanded that he take – human blood. Ironically, it was this internal struggle that led him back to music. Playing his guitar became his main distraction, and eventually his saving grace.

He dedicated himself to playing, singing and composing. I started playing the piano again and we spent days writing music together while Bella and Alice listened. Alice was often moved to dance to the music, swaying for hours, while Bella wrote passionate lyrics in her mind until I handed her a notepad and she put them down on paper.

We'd been settled in Dublin for a short time when Jasper decided to put together a new band with human musicians. He put his thirst behind him to pursue his dream of heading a rock band. After several months, he found a group of bandmates who could fulfill the role he needed them to play. They in turn, were completely devoted to him, recognizing that Jasper was not only a musical genius, but he was inhumanly beautiful with boundless energy and charisma. It was clear to all those around him that he was bound for fame.

We followed Jasper on his tour through Europe as he and his band expanded their following. We were his vampire groupies, his family, and his ultimate support system. Alice became the manager for the band, booking shows and making sure that the music was getting exposure. Like all things she touched, under her guidance, the band's reputation skyrocketed, until record deals were struck and stadiums were filled.

It had been a good day. I'd talked to my mother on the phone earlier, confirming our travel plans. After Jasper's tour we all four were headed back to Forks for our annual trip. We hadn't been there for Christmas for some years and we were all looking forward to celebrating the holidays with Mom and Dad. Alice and Bella were particularly anxious this time around because Rose was due to deliver their fourth child – their fourth girl – while we were visiting.

For obvious reasons, we couldn't be there at the hospital with them, but Alice and Bella still wanted to be there to hold the newborn and to help Rose with anything she needed. Though my parents may not have gotten any grandchildren from Alice or me, Emmett and Rose were doing their best to make up for it, busily expanding their family. Emmett had admitted to me that they weren't stopping until they had at least one boy. I wondered if Rosalie was as committed to that plan as he was.

Still, I liked the idea of my parent's house full of grandchildren, making their lives rich and meaningful in a way that I would never be able to do. Being a grandmother had certainly given my mother a new lease on life; even when complaining about the noise and chaos to me over the phone, I could tell that she'd never been happier.

I went over all of our travel arrangements in my head as we wriggled our way to the front of the stage. Alice was already there, planted in the spot below the microphone where Jasper would soon be standing.

We always stood in front for Jasper's last show of the tour. This was a smaller venue than normal, but Jasper liked to play a more intimate setting every now and then so that he could really connect with the audience.

I wrapped Bella tightly in my arms, inhaling deeply her sweet scent – my last breath until the show was over and the bodies thinned out. It was challenging to be in a room full of excited, sweaty humans, their hearts beating quickly in their chests, the surge of adrenaline making their blood even sweeter smelling.

But Bella could always ground me, remind me of who I am. All I had to do was to run my hand down her tight body, pulling her closer to me to forget that I was in a room packed full of humans.

She was especially sexy tonight, in black leather pants that hugged her long legs, dangerously seductive high-heeled boots and a sapphire tank trimmed in lace. I couldn't tear my eyes from her, imagining the milky skin underneath her clothes. The heated look she returned proved she was just as affected by me as I was by her.

I was surprised when the music began, a sultry beat filling the room; I'd been so consumed by Bella that I hadn't noticed the musicians entering the stage. My eyes caught Jasper's for an instant before I turned back to Bella, grinding my erection against her, my fingers squeezing her hips.

Jasper leaned into the microphone, his fingers deftly plucking his guitar, his voice caressing the room as he bewitched the audience into a magical stupor. I slid my fingers under Bella's shirt, swaying to music as I savored the feeling of her bare stomach. I couldn't resist dipping under the waist of her pants as I she leaned back into me, moaning against my chest.

_Oh, Edward. You feel so good. You make me feel so good._

She still had the ability to drive me to the cusp of arousal with just a look, a breathless word, intoxicating me with her pervasive sensual thoughts. I tangled my fingers in her hair, tugging her head to the side until the thick strands tumbled down her back and her long neck was exposed to me. I stopped thinking, allowing my body just to feel what she did to me. My tongue darted out of my mouth. I was desperate to taste her skin.

I licked from her collarbone to her jaw, lavishing her skin with soft kisses. I nibbled on the fleshy part of her ear while her hands moved torturously slowly up the back of my thighs, cupping my backside.

I whispered the words to her that I said everyday, the words that defined my existence. "I love you, my Bella. I love you."

She turned in my arms, her soulful eyes searching. I could see everything I wanted to know in her gaze – all her love and devotion for me simmering there, an eternal flame. "Forever," she said, crushing her lips against mine.

_Forever._

**Thank you so much for reading! I have loved this experience so much!**


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